What do you feel like when you leave a therapy session?

It’s been a long time, but I used to feel wrung out, and I often came home not wanting to talk to anyone about anything for any reason. Rarely did I feel better right away, but I usually felt that the session had been good for me, in the same way that diet and exercise are good for you. I was losing emotional weight.

I hope you are getting something you need, Daloon. It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy load. It’s good to know you felt you made gains today.

I was court ordered to go when I was younger and when I would leave the session I would feel relieved that is was over and I could go back to being myself.

In the beginning, I felt all used up by a session. I usually spent a good deal of my appointment crying. Like Jeruba, I didn’t want to talk afterwards. It was also frustating to see no progress for a while, or to be cut short (those damn 50 minute ‘hours’). Over time, as I improved, I felt better and better afterwards. Eventually, I felt so good, for so many appointments in a row, that I finally realized I didn’t need to go anymore! I still take my meds, and still do the things I’m supposed to do, but only rarely make an appointment…usually to gear up for a rough time ahead.

I’m glad you felt a little better today : )

I’m with jessturtle, I was court ordered to go as a teenager and I was anxious leading up to it and relieved when it was over.

I never felt like myself in therapy, I felt more logical and analytical, and while that’s a big part of who I am normally I felt like I shut down emotionally in order to fend off the ‘intruder’, the therapist. Now that I’m older and would be making the choice for myself to go to therapy I would probably behave differently. I think therapy does wonders for a lot of people but when it’s court ordered it isn’t by choice. A big part of therapy is choosing to make yourself something better. You can’t do that when it’s forced on you.

I lean on my friends nowadays when I need to work through something. I have a wonderful circle of friends and we’re all very supportive. When I leave our ‘sessions’ I feel relieved emotionally, calmed and happy. More importantly, I feel loved.

Somethign a therapist could never give me. At least not legally.;)

I don’t know if anyone could answer this with a personal story, but maybe someone could answer in general.

Why do courts order teens into therapy?

And behind that, what is the real reason that kids did whatever it was that courts decided they should be ordered into therapy?

after therapy, I always feel tired/drained confused,a little off, I feel better the next day, and of course $215.00 lighter.

I was ordered to go to therapy when I was a teenager because I got arrested many times, I was reckless, and I over-indulged in drugs and alcohol. The thing that set me apart was I was an excellent student and my family was not poor. They would have sent me to jail otherwise. I was on probation in a couple counties for years and on house arrest for 1 1/2. I started acting out because my mom was told she didn’t have long to live and I couldn’t handle it and instead of being there for her I drank every night. I regret how I acted, not because my mom died because they eventually found out what was wrong and she received a liver transplant, but because I didn’t tell a soul what was going on so they could help me. I think I would be in a much different place now if I had acted different but hindsight is 20/20. My best friend committed suicide less than a year after I cleaned my act up. She was suffering from bi-polar disorder for years. We never talked about what was going on with us to each other and I really regret that as well. I think talking is good. I went to three sessions of a court ordered ten because the therapist released me because she thought I really had my shit together. She was obviously not a good therapist or I was just a really good liar.

Therapy did absolutely nothing for me. I had to go through years of it and my therapists would always talk about dogs and golf or play board games. It was stupid.

Of course, this might be because they asked me how things were going and I’d say “all right,” and that’s about it.

I used to go to therapy but not anymore. I find that being in denial is a lot cheaper.

@daloon: Maybe a separate question is in order so as not to hijack this one. :)

I’ve been in therapy at three different times in my life; broadly speaking for depression and low self-esteem issues.

The last therapist I had – to whom I still go for “tune-ups” occasionally – has been wonderful. I do feel that she loves me. When I was still dealing with the hardest stuff, I would feel pretty wrung out after a session, but in the last few years when I go to ponder out some current issue and we have done the background work together, I usually leave feeling much lighter and more at peace.

So maybe it’s a sign for you that your making progress, Daloon?

I remember when I started intense therapy for the first time my therapist told me that I would not always leave happy. She told me that more often than not, at least in the beginning I would leave upset. That turned out to be true, but eventually it started to get easier and I mostly felt better afterward.

Ooh -edit “you’re” not “your” in my last sentence.

@janbb, it’s interesting that you feel your current therapist loves you. It’s hard for me to get beyond the fact that my therapist is my employee. She might like me, but then that’s what I pay her to do. So does she really like me?

It’s so weird. I’m paying her so I can tell her stories that entertain her. So I end up trying to please her even though it should be the other way around.

Progress? I don’t know. I don’t know what counts as progress in therapy. Maybe if I feel better about myself. Maybe if I like myself. Maybe if I’m not dependent on others to prop up my self-esteem (which doesn’t work).

I’m I moving towards any of that? Maybe. The progress, however, seems minimal, and it’s hard to believe I will ever achieve any of those goals. Still, it’s better leaving feeling a little bounce in my step, than leaving feeling like I’m so fucked up I’ll never get anywhere.

@Daloon – do you (I don’t mean this snarky) your progress is hindered by the fact that you are trying to please her, instead of using the time to work on you?

Yes – if you take it to the very technical sense of the relationship, she is your employee; however, it’s not a “boss/employee” relationship- complete different.

Oh and you don’t pay her to like you. You pay her to listen, help guide you and suggest things, not to like you.

Daloon – I do truly feel she loves me and I am not someone who has felt that about that many people in my life. (I have more now.) I don’t think it’s because I’ve amused her but because over the years I’ve shown a growing ability to look at myself honestly and work on issues. When I go in for an appointment now (which is only about twice a year), we usually start and end by hugging each other.

It is amazing when you start to like yourself more and feel good most of the time. I’ve had some down periods in recent years but nothing like the depressions and angst I used to feel.

@cak, To your first point – absolutely! It is another demonstration of my sense that I don’t count. Again, point number two, while technically true, obviously isn’t true, or I wouldn’t have issue number one.

As to point number three, I have to disagree. I have a number of friends who are therapists. I have spoken to one of them extensively (before I got sick, not after) and she has told me stories about how she gets rid of clients she doesn’t like, and has explicitly stated that she will not work with someone she doesn’t like.

I once made the comment to my therapist that I gathered that she liked me because I was still her patient. She agreed, although, again, that could be the money, but I tend to believe therapists won’t work with someone they don’t like. In any case, I believe her, because I wouldn’t be able to do a good job for someone I didn’t like.

So, technically, she is the patient’s employee, and since she can’t do her job if she doesn’t like the patient, I think it is fair to say that she is being paid to like me. Again, she can not do the listening, guidance and suggesting if she doesn’t like me.

Of course, whether we agree or not, it’s obvious that these are some of my issues. In my heart, I believe that people are faking it when they say they like me. They just want something. Just because I believe it, doesn’t make it so. I think this because, in my heart, I don’t think I’m a person who is likeable or loveable. This could be because I never was told I was loved as a child.

I didn’t believe my wife really loved me (which is why we grew apart), and I always assumed the fault was mine. In fact, everything is my fault. I may sound like I believe things strongly in the public sector, but when it comes to personal relationships, I believe all the problems come because of my failings. This makes it hard for me to stand up for myself in relationships.

I went online seeking love in order to fill a very empty space inside me. The instant I thought I found it, it seemed to slip away, and I thought it was my fault.

So I learned, over and over, that I was no good at being a loveable person. It’s not just my personality, too, but I have a number of mildly rude personal habits that make me difficult to tolerate.

There are rare occasions when I might catch myself in the mirror and think I’m handsome, or think,for a brief moment, that, hey, I’m actually good at this or that, and hey, people appreciate me, but those moments disappear rapidly as my brain moves in to conduct some kind of internal mopping up action in the war against self-esteem and self-worth.

Well, I was at war with that war, and that made things worse. So now, whenever the army comes out to wipe me out, I just go along with it as best I can. This seems to shorten the duration of the army’s occupation of my psyche.

But it’s not like I ever get to a point where I am confident of my worth; where I truly believe that what I’m doing is good enough that other people will agree with me that it’s good. Or where my confidence is strong enough that I don’t care what anyone else thinks.

So, in a weird kind of paradox, while I totally believe everything I say, and I always think I am doing the best thing I can do for the others I can influence, I always think I’ve screwed it up. It kind of comes back to love, and I mean love, not necessarily romantic love. Sometimes, I’ll think that a person really loves me, and I feel like I love them, and then they disappear, or I make them disappear. Then I question myself: was I self-deluded? I must have been. And then I don’t trust my sense of relationship any more. I decide these things are all fantasies in my mind, with no reality to them.

Still, I am uncertain about this conclusion. Sometimes I think it was real, but then I think I must be manic to believe that.

Sometimes I think everything is a fantasy, and I’m skipping between various universes in Monty’s multiverse. Then I come here and write about it. Huge long, tortured posts that no one reads, because really, they are the way I work things through.

Anyway, this is what I work on, in one way or another, and some of the things I learned, or thought I learned in therapy. Working through something like this makes me feel tense and drained. I hope it’s good. I hope it’s progress. But there is so far to go, and honestly, I can’t believe that I’ll ever feel confident about my worth in that instinctive kind of way that many other people have.

I read every word, Daloon well I did skip some of the multiverse stuff in that other thread so you just keep on writing. The road you’re traveling is long, but so worth the journey. Keep doing the things you are doing, and you will get there!

geez A, skip the multiverse and you might not be able to find your way jome, LOL

Maybe you should read that to your therapist daloon. The relatively concise summation of your progress might be beneficial to your therapy and to your therapists understanding of you. Anyway, I’m glad you’re getting help. I took the medication route through my doctor because I’m a pretty good judge of myself (I think) and felt I should treat my moods, I already knew the causes.

Good luck, you’ll feel better and better if you stick with it. Promise!

@daloon – This may be a possibility – she may, in fact, like you; however, she may not be able to show it in a way that you comprehend, yet. She could be a little more standoffish (is that a word??) until she feels that you could really accept the fact that she does like you. Or (and this is coming from the multiple posts from Askville and what you’ve said here – again, not snarky, just what I’m thinking!) could you be reading this wrong? There are people that you haven’t been able to believe because you fight with yourself in the ability to believe that people can like you or do like you. My sister does this and I know it’s got to be so difficult.

Again, I agree she’s your employee – but do try to look at it as something a little different. That also might help your ability to relax. If you have that somewhere in your mind, subconsciously, you could be “evaluating” her, like you would an employee and thinking she may not be up to par – allowing the doubt to come flooding in.

If you aren’t comfortable with her, or if you feel that she’s not accepting of you or likes you – can you start the search for another one? I know it’s terrible to change, I had to do it several time, but I had to change, to be able to move forward. Do you have that ability?

Ultimately, you need to do what is best for you. I hope that the relationship between you and your therapist does grow to a point where you feel more than that employer/employee relationship, because it’s got to hinder what you are working towards.

best wishes!

Sometimes I feel like a nut; sometimes I don’t.

I used to feel like it was a waste of time. I have been dismissed by every therapist I have ever been to. They all tell me that I am perfectly fine and do not need their services.. Maybe sometime I will go to one and actually reveal how much I need the help.

@swfpdx It is the greatest gift you could give yourself. I hope one day you are able to open up, and find what you are seeking.

Also, welcome to Fluther :)

Thank you. How kind you are!

If you stick around, you’ll get lots of free therapy from us. Many of us have issues!

It’s weird not to have issues here!

I haven’t really, truly needed therapy until this last year. Before I ever went, everyone advised me to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, and so I did. I think sometimes I practiced it here, because I swear that having told my story here, I am much better equipped to tell it to a therapist. Also, all the bad shit I had already told my wife, so I didn’t have to reveal any secrets in therapy.

I guess I figured that if I was paying for it, I shouldn’t hide anything. I just wanted (want) to get done as fast as I can. Sometimes, it’s a struggle to find things to say. Sometimes I’d rather listen to my therapist than be listened to. Unfortunately, it’s not supposed to go that way. At least here, it’s give and take.

I initially started going to therapy because my dermatologist recommended it. (Not as crazy as it sounds: she thought I had issues that were being exposed because of her prescribed Accutane.)

I felt, like @Jeruba and a few others have said, wrung out. I would feel emotionally numb for a little while, then I would feel horrible for the next few days. I don’t think I felt better afterwards, either. I’m not really a ‘cryer’ (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but seeing her/the sessions really made me lose it more often than I’m used to.

Part of my problem is that I am heavily in denial, and my therapist started tearing my walls down…although denial isn’t healthy, it’s become my ‘brick and mortar’ of my ‘tower of solitude’...and she was pulling out (what felt like) random bricks. It made me ‘structurally unsound’, with all the implied psych issues. (Now that I think about it, it might have been the ‘foundation’ she was getting at…I have self-worth issues, and I don’t really ‘love’ myself. I also don’t allow myself to ‘feel’ emotions.)

I would probably need to go into intense therapy for a long time (rehab?) to really get at all of my issues…and it would be immensely difficult.

However, I’m coping, I’m surviving, ‘this’. I don’t need that kind of emotional upheaval in my life right now.

Denial? Check. Still going strong.