General Question

tigran's avatar

Why do some girls that are "taken" flirt with guys?

Asked by tigran (700 points ) January 5th, 2009

The other night I met a girl that has been in a relationship for a while, I totally felt a connection and she was very flirty. She was even dancing with some other guy before we started to talk, and my buddy tells me she is like that all the time. I can’t help remembering her eyes though, and want to follow up with her.. is this a BAD situation or a GOOD one?

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30 Answers

LostInParadise's avatar

What are you after? A quick lay with someone who cheats on her boyfriend, which is probably the most that you could expect. And even if you could establish a relationship, how loyal do you think she would be to you? My advice is to stay away from her.

And to answer your original question with a question, Why do some guys who are taken flirt with girls?

jessturtle23's avatar

Guys always think that a girl who is nice to them is “flirting”. If you aren’t friends with her bf then tell her what you just wrote and see what happens. I have found over the years that there is a certain kind of guy that always likes chicks with boyfriends. I think it is because the girls talk to them as a friend instead of as a potential hook-up and these guys see it as something more when it isn’t.

tigran's avatar

She was definitely not just being “nice” and if I hadn’t been restrained it would have lead to other things.
What I can’t understand is does she want me to break her relationship or does she just want to cheat for the excitement of it.

jlm11f's avatar

I don’t think her reason for doing it matters. The real question is, would you want to be associated with either of those two types of girls?

Though if you are still looking for an opinion, it’s hard to judge without being there, but my bet is on the latter (cheating for excitement).

tigran's avatar

@PnL: To answer your question, I crave to be associated with her. But another question for you, does cheating for excitement suggest that she wants to keep her bf?

pathfinder's avatar

For good looking.I guess or it my it be the sparkle with among them.I like to write about.This goes ass a actors does.it may be the feaver of the night and the good mode to have fun.The boody language make it works.

Trustinglife's avatar

Dude, ask her. That’s my straight advice. What can we really tell you? By the way, what are both of your ages?

laureth's avatar

Why do attached girls flirt? Same reason attached guys flirt – because flirting is fun, pretty natural, and the attention feels good.

However, if this was a situation that could have easily led to something more, than it wasn’t just flirting. There are lots of reasons why people cheat, and it’s hard to tell in this circumstance why she would. If it feels wrong, just stay away.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

She does it because she wants to feel pretty and attractive. Some women are conditioned from childhood that being pretty is what it’s all about, and she needs constant reinforcement of that.

blondie411's avatar

I think flirting either indicates problems in the relationship such as not enough attention is paid in either direction or the person that is flirting that is still in a relationship wants to know that they are attractive and can still “get it” if they want to but have that safety net of a relationship to back them up.

wundayatta's avatar

She might not be that attached to her boyfriend. Maybe it’s just a for a while thing, and she’s really interested in you. Or maybe she has an open relationship, or believes in open relationships. Or maybe she’s mad at the bf, because he also has other women on the side. Or maybe she is a hedonist and just goes with what feels good at the moment.

There could be one hundred explanations. You won’t know until she tells you. If she tells you.

krose1223's avatar

ehhhhh I have had people think I was flirting before… (Single and taken) and I had no idea why!! I am just really bubbly and I like eye contact when I talk to a person. Apparently when you look in someone’s eyes it means you want in their pants now. I hate it. Now I come off as a b*tch when I first meet a guy so they don’t think I am flirting. I don’t ever do anything I wouldn’t do with my boyfriend right there but yet people still get the wrong impression. The guys I have been friends with for years now know how I am, and sometimes I wonder what people think. I don’t care either way though because my boyfriend knows how I am too and knows I am not a cheater. I think sometimes guys ego’s can get in the way because I know I only have eyes for one but apparently I used to send off a different vibe.

squirbel's avatar

I flirt with guys when I’m in a relationship.

It has absolutely nothing to do with me liking that person, I’ve flirted with butt-oogly guys as well. It’s about… well… playing and having fun, knowing that none of them can touch me.

I think that’s it. I know I am untouchable, and so I feel somewhat invincible.

I love my boyfriend and I will never cheat. I have never cheated with any of my boyfriends. I never lead guys on with the flirting – it’s just playful banter, dancing, engrossed chatter… that type of thing.

Flirting is exciting – and if that girl is like me, don’t insult her by coming on to her. I’m thinking it was nothing serious.

I just read alfreda’s response – she is so right. I must do it just to make sure all guys think I’m still pretty even though I’m taken.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

Hmm Here is my take on this. If she wants to cheat on her boyfriend shes going to cheat on him one way or another. It mine as well be with you. If you are okay with this then go for it. However I have always seen that sort of dishonesty as kind of a turn off for anything that would be serious.
And to answer your main question, they do it for attention.

squirbel's avatar

Don’t go for it.

KatawaGrey's avatar

Men often seem to think that there are women who flirt all the time and that they only do it for attention. Well, I’m like krose. Everyone thinks I am a huge flirt. What they call flirting, I call being friendly. Most of my friends are male but I don’t treat my female friends any differently. Sometimes, yeah, I do flirt because it is fun, but nothing ever happens. Maybe this girl was looking for a little action. Maybe she was just acting the way she usually acts. Were you paying a lot of attention to her? Maybe she was simply returning the attention.

TitsMcGhee's avatar

I flirt naturally, regardless of my relationship status at the moment. I think it’s a product of working in the food service industry for awhile (flirting = tips), but it’s also just a natural, easy confidence booster. Girls flirt when they feel like they look good and they feel like they’ve got something to show off. Every time I find myself flirting, I certainly am not looking to end up in bed with any and everyone I’m flirting with.

Here’s what Sex With Your Ex and 69 Other Things You Should Never Do by Yvonne K. Fullbright says about going after someone who is attached…

“Every now and then, you come across [someone] who is absolutely fabulous, and who is – no surprise – taken. Whether married, cohabiting, or in a relationship, it is best not to go after [them], no matter how much you find yourself lusting after, fantasizing about, or falling in love with [them]. Heed such warning even more if [they] are happy with [their] partner. Chasing after [them] or forcing yourself on [them] is only going to cause distress for you, for [them] and for [their] partner. No good comes out of it. Ever.

If you go after [them], you will be a certified home wrecker, and while you may have won the prize ([them]) temporarily, you won’t look like much of a prize when all the dust settles. Even if you don’t see it (or hear about it), others will fault you for being selfish and deliberately hurtful. So as tempted as you may be, just leave it alone. Distance yourself from [them] as much as possible, especially if you feel you’re falling in love with [them]. If you’re meant to be together, let [them] come to you – and only when [they are] a free agent. Tell [them] you’re not playing unless you’re the only two in the sandbox. Otherwise, go out and find a [partner] of your own. An eligible, unattached one.”

Nimis's avatar

There’s flirting for fun.
And then there’s flirting with possibility.

The problem is figuring out where the line is between the two.
Sometimes when someone is taken, they assume the line is obvious.

Either way though, I’d keep it in my pants.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@nimis: That is a great answer. When I am “flirting” with someone and I tell him/her that I have a boyfriend, I assume that they know that means nothing can happen. aooarently, some people still don’t get that though…

tigran's avatar

Thanks for the answers everyone.

@TitsMcGhee: I’ve been thinking to go along your advice, “let them come to you.” But I still have a gut feeling that if I don’t do something then I pretty much null my chances.

TitsMcGhee's avatar

@tigran: I definitely agree with your approach – if the girl is SINGLE. If they’re not, you’re just asking for more trouble than it’s worth, trust me.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

@tigran, What I can’t understand is does she want me to break her relationship or does she just want to cheat for the excitement of it.

The correct answer is C, neither of these. She just wants to flirt with you. You’re going to either get your feelings hurt and end up pissed off, or get your lights punched out by her boyfriend and his friends.

But if you want to be a real douche, go right ahead and think with your lower extremities. Check your brain at the door.

Mizuki's avatar

It seems to me, as an American transplant, that women in general in the USA have taken on the roles that men used to play.

Alpha Men were highly flirtatious, and now women have assumed men’s role.

Now men play video games. What next.

Breanna93's avatar

It’s just something natural. Sometimes women flirt without knowing their flirting.

Nichole's avatar

flirting is fun.. i do it sometimes and i don’t even realize it.
sometimes when girls are in relationship, we get bored. And want something new.

5lisadianne's avatar

i’ve got to agree. flirting is great & makes you feel alive…especially if you’re in a long-term relationship…but, unless you’re looking for pain & trouble, you’ve got to be sure everyone involved knows what’s going on & is ok with it…otherwise the pain will trump the pleasure

MacMan007's avatar

Dude…if you’re concerned about what she’s going to do with her bf you’re setting yourself up for pain and sorrow, because you’re trying to see how you’ll fit in as a “boyfriend.” Most people have already put out the real info, either you don’t fit in as a boyfriend at all and you’ll get embarrassed in front of a bunch of people while you’re trying to push it further when she stops you to let you know what the score is (“everybody knows I’m not single”), or you get a quick lay or get stopped just short of that, or you end up as the boyfriend hearing about your girl flirting with a bunch of guys on the regular down the line. Either way outside of the second scenario it’s pretty much a total waste of time, even with the second scenario 98% of it is a waste of time.

As far as the women on here talking about how natural it is to flirt even when they’re with someone: That’s pretty screwed up. I have yet to be with a woman that’s ok with me flirting with other women they don’t know because “It makes me feel alive.” The problem with this is that you’re only supposed to be having romantic feelings for the person you’re romantically involved with, hence the similarity in terminology. The other issue is that if the other person knows you’re saying naughty things just to be saying them it’s not flirting anymore. Flirting helps to gauge how much romantic interest someone may have in you and that’s what creates the “Emotioanl Explosion” or “Rush.” Unfortuantely, people can’t get that rush spontaneously if other person knows you’re not being serious thus it would get stale. There’s actually a term for flirting while you’re already with someone…it’s called being a TEASE. Nobody likes a TEASE.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
lostinlife72's avatar

I just got out of a four year long affair with a girl that flirted like that with me. She wanted the best of both worlds but it backfired on her along with all the other hell she put me through. My advice to any guy out there is to stay away from a “taken” girl. No matter how great she makes you feel and no matter how much she tells you that her current relationship is bad, stay away from her. These are those hot women that seem to be too good to be true but are poison and they will hurt you, trust me.

scorvin's avatar

I know the situation well. There are currently three girls I am around that just changed their behavior towards me to super flirty. Later I found out on my own it was right around the exact time they became serious with their boyfriends or became engaged. I partially agree with some of the women on here who have spoken, especially the one who said “I am untouchable now and feel invincible”. Yep, a lot of pretty girls think that when they are single that as a default they need to be pointedly UNFRIENDLY towards every guy who might think they have a chance with her. The reason for this is she doesn’t want to have to turn guys down. Why? Because she’s turning a guy down when she is perfectly available, and it causes a little bit of a guilt trip but it’s also because she feels vulnerable, there’s no guy in her life to protect her from the other assuming boyfriends. Now when she is commited to another guy, it’s a different story, the flirt filter comes off. She no longer needs to excercise restraint as she now has a legit excuse to say “sorry, but thanks”. And if the guy gets pissed off at her for the false signals she knowingly put out she doesn’t need to worry—she now has the guy she wants and that’s all that matters to her. If worse came to worse she now has a guy to protect her from the now pissed off dudes.

I heavily disagree with the said people about doing “natural” things. Yes, it may be “natural” but there are many “natural” things like cheating, being dishonest, dumping her when she puts on weight, etc. Doing “natural” things is not usually ever an excuse.

All in all in comes down to this: if she really is going beyond “being nice” to you and she doesn’t make sure you know she is in a commited exclusive relationship then what she is doing is entirely selfish. Despite what others have said on here she is definitely leading you on, but only for the reason of a selfish ego trip. Basically the attitude is they couldn’t care less about your feelings. When they have their serious boyfriend they have what they want but yet they still want more. What I mean is they got the boyfriend they were looking for and now its all about enhancing their ego or esteem…but only at your expense. I have a lot of experience having this happen to me. I don’t fall for it anymore. I know they are only doing it for their own selfish reasons, and so it is up to me if I will let them get their pride booster. What I do is not give them the thing they crave. I let them work to try to get it out of me that I’m attracted to them but I don’t give in. I know their motives and that I’m not going to get anything out of the deal. I let them go hungry and doubt their own prettiness. They got their boyfriend to lavish attention on them and make them feel better about themselves. Me, I don’t have anyone to do that for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not rude or non-friendly towards them, but also I never ever return their flirts or look like I’m attracted to them, even if I’m dying inside. I don’t see a reason for indulging them, unless I actually feel sorry for them because they are ugly or something like that. If they are pretty then I make sure they know I’ve had every opportunity to get attracted to them but that I never was. A little slice of humility do I serve them up. It’s actually good for them and their character.

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