When you end a relationship, what has happened to you?>?

I broke down mentally after breaking up with my ex (of over a year).
I didn’t speak to anyone or anything and what was worse was that it was the summer holidays, so I wasn’t with my friends like I would be if it was in school time.
I didn’t get much interaction and so a lot of last summer was dreadful for me.
You do have to just work with time sadly :(

I am friends with her though, and I’m sure we’ll have a good friendship to come.

Well it depends on the relationship, all of mine have been different, so it’s not an easy question to answer.

I’ve never ended a relationship with someone who lived near me. We usually broke up after I moved about a thousand miles away. So I tended not to see them ever, but still call sometimes. I keep in very regular touch with an ex-girlfriend and have even gone out to visit her. She’s still a very close friend. I got a visit from an ex-boyfriend last year. It was part of a bigger visit to one of his best friends, but nice just the same.

The only ex I ever had to, you know, see immediately I basically just avoided for like a week. We never really got to talking again—we weren’t terribly close to begin with and dated for a week.

With my, it’s always happened that if I end the relationship for a reason that’s made me angry, I don’t want to see or hear from that guy again. When I get dumped, I usually want to talk to him again, but keep myself from doing so. Every relationship is different, and nearly every breakup is hard, but you have to deal with it as it comes.

it seems easier to just cut all contact and stop completely
i’ve done that.
but a lot of my friends try to stay friends with their exes, and i always see that it never works. and i don’t understand why they even try.
it didn’t work, let it go. yeah?

Each one has been different. I kept seeing my first on an irregular basis—maybe two or three times a year, and we would often get intimate on those occasions. I still loved her, and she said she still loved me, although she didn’t want to be with me. It was a confusing time.

My second broke up with me while we were living in the same house. We thought we could return to being friends, but she invited a surrogate into the house, who made life miserable for the rest of us, and finally we had to throw him out, and she decided to go with him.

My third broke up when I met my wife. We kept in touch for maybe a year, and then just stopped.

I have seen the second once or twice in the last fifteen years. I have not seen the first, although I have tracked down her email. I contacted her, but we don’t write.

Personally, I think it’s best to make a clear, strong break. Hanging around just gets really confusing, and can be hurtful if one thinks you might get back together, and the other is dating. Maybe a few years later you can get back in touch, and try to find out how things are going.

Of course, if you have kids with the person, you kinda have to stay in touch, unless, of course, one of you is a jerk, and just disappears. But if the ex is involved with the kids, then you have to deal with exchanges and parenting issues. All the trouble of marriage, with none of the benefits.

Since it was a marriage, it took a while to end. I had not been happy for a while but since I am not very introspective I didn’t quite know why. One day during an argument, he said something shocking to me, something that had never entered my mind. I realized after thinking about it for a couple of weeks that he had to know how much he had hurt me but didn’t care and had been doing it for some time.

Financially and personally we had a lot of loose ends so over the next year I worked to get things in order. I refused to disagree with him and that reduced the nasty things he said to me. Just about the time it became feasible to seperate he was planning to go on a golfing weekend and demanded I give him some money I was saving for school clothes for the kids. I gave it to him and when he came home his possessions were packed and I told him he had to go.

The 1st year was a little iffy because he didn’t believe I would go through with the divorce. He even told the judge that since he disn’t want the divorce, he shouldn’t pay child support. When he flaked on visitation, returned the kids hours late or got behind on support, I never knew if he was just being thoughtless or was trying to punish me. Eventually he got into other relationships and about 5 years later he remarried. After the divorce we talked regularly,

He was a charming guy I still liked him but just didn’t want to live with him. He introduced me to his second wife and I guess she didn’t see me as a threat because he still called me after they married. I had always gotten along with his family and he was a golfing buddy with some of my extended family so we saw each other in social situations. When he passed away 20 years after our divorce, his wife asked me to sit with the family at the funeral

There are only two relationships that ended really badly: one we never talk (and have lost contact) and the other got so out of control that even Interpol had to intervene. It’s all out war and keeps getting worse all the time.

I have a great relationship with all my other ex girlfriends, even those where we broke up badly. 4 of them are some of my best friends and we see each other all the time (nothing sexual though) and all of the others would be really happy to see me again if we ever met. Just because you don’t want to date someone doesn’t mean you shouldn’t care for them as a human being.

I have learned the hard way to just cut all ties (at least for a couple of years). It has been tough (and sucks) in some situations because we started off as friends, but its usually best for all parties involved to just stop all contact unless there are kids involved

I believe I’m about to find out first hand about this question, after 29 years of marriage. Will let you know.

@AlfredaPrufrock Strength, courage and wisdom.

Thank you. I had the last straw this weekend.

@AlfredaPrufrock You will make it through to the other side.

every relationship goes its own way after a break up, I have seen people do both options and in between.

@AlfredaPrufrock, that’s a hard, hard corner to turn. My heart goes out to you. Everything you need is there inside you.

Thank you, all for your kind words. I’m quite touched by everyone’s kindness.