General Question

Canada's avatar

Why do people like to slap/ be slapped during sex?

Asked by Canada (53 points ) January 19th, 2009

My partner likes to slap my ass during sex and I like it too, but we don’t know why we like it so much. It’s just nice. Why do you or don’t you like to slap/ be slapped during sex?

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98 Answers

AstroChuck's avatar

I think you’ve been watching someone else. Not my thing.

asmonet's avatar

You mean spanking? Cause it feels good, at least to you. Personal motivations can only be answered by the individuals involved. Ask yourself.

augustlan's avatar

There is a very fine line between pain and pleasure.

Jeruba's avatar

Some people do like a little rough play. Some people like a lot of it. And some don’t care for it one bit. It’s great for you that you and your partner have compatible tastes.

AstroChuck's avatar

I prefer eating non-dairy topping off silicone implanted breasts.

Canada's avatar

That’s all good and fine, but my question was why do YOU like or dislike being spanked during sex?

asmonet's avatar

I’ve never seen the appeal.
Why would anyone want to be reminded of their parents during sex? Or to be treated as a child? That’s the purpose of spanking. Seems a bit fucked.

shadling21's avatar

Personally, I’ve always thought of it as animalistic. But not always in a good way. Rather like a cowboy slapping the arse of a cow. Do cowboys do that?

nocountry2's avatar

‘cause I’ve been a bad girl, that’s why ;)

jonsblond's avatar

If you both like it, that’s all that matters. Who cares what anyone else thinks. Maybe it’s the instant shock that you feel when spanked, kinda like an orgasm.

Allie's avatar

I’ll pass on the spanking during sex. I’ve been spanked the next morning when I was putting my pants back on and I didn’t mind that. Kind of liked it in fact… Anyway, my point, was umm, I don’t like to be spanked during sex.

Vinifera7's avatar

I believe that it’s the contrast between pain and pleasure. Being spanked makes the pleasure all the more enjoyable. Spanking only becomes uncomfortable when the pain dealt is greater than the pleasure of the recipient.

amanderveen's avatar

I read that in at least some people, the physiological response to pain is very similar to the physiological response during sexual arousal. Therefore, under the right conditions, pain (in varying degrees) can actually be interpreted as pleasure. That could be one reason why some people enjoy spanking or even S&M. I found this book to be very enlightening.

Jeruba's avatar

It’s got more to to with the power exchange than with normal understandings of pain and pleasure. Or so I understand from a friend of mine who does like to play hard.

tennesseejac's avatar

Have you ever ridin a horse? I think its kind of like that…. at least for me.

amanderveen's avatar

The book I linked to talked about the very same thing Jeruba mentioned, as well.

Allie's avatar

@tennesseejac lol4rl…. what!??!

psyla's avatar

People like to slap each other during sex because stabbing each other gets far too bloody.

prince's avatar

It’s the “nnngggg, feels so good! zap! yeow! i want to eat your face off!” Like pushing in on a hangnail, or ripping off a bandaid. Plus the pschological subversion of the parent/child spanking thing.

Who knows, ultimately. Kinks are kinks.

tennesseejac's avatar

@Allie you know when you’re going D-style and the guy is slapping the side ass like hes trying to get the horse to go up a mountain or he is on the home stretch of a big race and hes about to finish strong….

Jeruba's avatar

Also, for the one who delivers the pain, the adrenalin rush, and for the recipient, the endorphins.

Allie's avatar

@tennesseejac LMAO! Ok.. that just got you in my Fluther. Ha! =]

tennesseejac's avatar

@Allie sometimes my slaps come with a lasso motion with my other hand. it might be a southern thing, i guess its something i picked up from going to the rodeo??

Allie's avatar

@tennesseejac I have absolutely no idea where you got that, but hey, do your thing dude. I can’t judge. I like nibbling on lips (and having my lips nibbled on).

nocountry2's avatar

@jac – do you also have a lot “Yaw!“s and “Gitalongthar!“s with your lasso motion? ;)

…that’s hot.

psyla's avatar

My friend said he’d haul off & slap his girlfriends right as he climaxed so they’d jump around a bit. I guess that’s kind of like a rodeo too.

tennesseejac's avatar

@Allie : what kind of lips are we talking about?

@nocountry2 : its usually alot of “Woo Haas”

Allie's avatar

@tennesseejac The kind on my FACE!!! Right below my nose. Those.
I guess I walked right into that one. Shit.

psyla's avatar

As long as there’s no “HoooAhs” like they do in the Marines.

asmonet's avatar

@tennesseejac: I knew someone was gonna say that.

tennesseejac's avatar

@Allie : Ohhh, yeah, i like the lips when they are below my nose too…

@asmonet : so you know? did you win the race?

psyla's avatar

tennesseejac, I’m having a shot of JD for ya after reading that one.

asmonet's avatar

Dirty, dirty boy.

jonsblond's avatar

Dirty? I’d say attentive.

Allie's avatar

I have to watch my words with tennesseejac.

PupnTaco's avatar

Ride ‘em, cowgirl.

andrew's avatar

Ahem. Put your derails in whispers, people. Now let’s get back to the spanking.

Allie's avatar

Oh no, were we bad jellies? (puts on serious face..ahem) Sorry.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

lol ah hilarious responses. I think people like it because its “wild” or “dirty” and it really spices it up assuming the mood is right for it.

richardhenry's avatar

I like to have nails dug into my back, being scratched pretty bad, having my lip pulled on and being nipped pretty hard, but never really with the spanking. It’s distracting and the noise sort of makes me laugh.

tennesseejac's avatar

@richardhenry : what exactly is “being nipped”? I like where you’re coming with and just thought the “nipping” sounded like something cool to add to my repertoire.

and we call the lip pulls “hooking”, or “catch of the day”

richardhenry's avatar

@tennesseejac Just nipping with her fingers in a normal nipping manner, or soft biting. Nipping hard enough to be able to tug on the skin. It sometimes bruises a little but not often.

psyla's avatar

We keep alot of knives at the bedside for when slapping doesn’t cut it. We can always do a little bit of stabbing.

tennesseejac's avatar

@richardhenry : Is that where “nip in the bud” came from?

Allie's avatar

@psyla Creepy. Dangerous. And potentially illegal and punishable by death… or at least jail time. And who knows what kind of slapping goes on in prisonnnnnn!!!

tennesseejac's avatar

So does “nip in the bud” mean fingers in the ass? Because that has never treated me too well

richardhenry's avatar

@tennesseejac Eww no. I don’t want my buds nipped.

tennesseejac's avatar

@richardhenry Good to know, thanks.

asmonet's avatar

lawls ‘in a normal nipping manner’
so english.

psyla's avatar

We always keep a few rocket launchers at the bedside for when the guns and knives get boring. It’s getting to be too many holes in the wall to patch, & the neighbor’s houses walls, after having sex. It’s just not worth having sex for all the damage.

richardhenry's avatar

Grenades and anti-personnel mines really turn me on. Makes such a mess of the bedroom though.

psyla's avatar

Great idea! A couple of grenades under the sheets! We also tried having sex in the bed after dousing it with kerosene & using candles to melt hot wax on each other. It wouldn’t have been too bad, but we couldn’t slap each other on account of the handcuffs and the burning flesh and all.

tennesseejac's avatar

I stick to my Grenade Launcher. I can fire it up to 6 feet.

psyla's avatar

6 feet? You must have a California King size bed.

asmonet's avatar

I blame TV for all of this.

psyla's avatar

Blame? Don’t you mean Thank? We’d never know the joys of sex with grenade launchers if not for TV and movies. Wait a minute. tennesseejac, where exactly are you aiming the grenade launcher that it only goes 6 feet…

tennesseejac's avatar

@psyla Where do you think I would aim? Have you ever heard of the Houdini ??

asmonet's avatar

lawls, Houdini is win.

asmonet's avatar

uhh, not for the girl. obviously. it’s just. i mean, that’s hilarious.

Jack79's avatar

I don’t know if anyone else has mentioned this, but there is a medical reason for this: spanking (just like clapping or rubbing your hands when it’s cold) increases blood circulation in that part of the body, which of course makes you feel more. I personally don’t like it myself, but I know many girls who do.

psyla's avatar

I’d think you’d feel the slap more than the increased circulation of the slap. If you don’t feel the slap, you can always try a rocket launcher, a gunshot, or at least a few stabs with a knife.

Jack79's avatar

lol no, of course you feel the slap. But then the circulation increases and you feel the other thing more. It works for women, not that much for men. Apparently. I wouldn’t really know myself.

psyla's avatar

I think I would need to set up an experiment to test this theory.

wundayatta's avatar

I apologize if someone has said this already. I only skimmed the comments.

The reason why spanking is pleasurable has to do with physiological phenomena.

One article describes it as follows:

“Spanking the buttocks causes blood to flow to the bottom; the delightful pink blush that freshly spanked skin takes on is a sign that the area is receiving fresh blood. The genitals, conveniently located in the same vicinity, are also benefiting from the increased blood flow. This arousal, combined with the prickly, stinging sensation of being slapped is for many the ultimate in foreplay.”

There are many other articles on the web that say the same thing. I didn’t find any from reputable health sites, so this might be a myth, but it sounds reasonable.

shadling21's avatar

Wow, @daloon. Way to break up the party with science.
KIDDING.
Lurve.
Jack79 said it too.
Lurve.

mea05key's avatar

you slap the butt to open the vigina? if not it will get too tight for the dick to enter. It’s my theory anyway.

shadling21's avatar

@mea05key – Lovely. The wording of it made me giggle.

Canada's avatar

@daloon and @Jack79 thanks for the scientific info. Everyone else, I enjoyed reading your responses. It was a very entertaining first thread. Thanks.

psyla's avatar

Why not slap the vagina directly? Slapping the buttocks to open bloodflow to the vagina is like adding a retail franchise when you can buy direct from the factory. Also turnabout is fair play & the penis should be slapped as well.

maybe_KB's avatar

whats up the whole ‘Donkey-Punch’ fettish?

Knotmyday's avatar

No spanks, thanks. Memories of my elementary school principal and the “board of education.” shudder

TheNakedHippie's avatar

These comments are hilarious! But yeah, I’m into it. ;)

amanderveen's avatar

@psyla – Some people do slap the vagina directly. Some even get clitoral or vaginal “pumps” which, like penis pumps, draw more blood to the targeted area.

psyla's avatar

Is there any penile damage from pump use, like a penis hemorrhage for example? Vagina slapping? The hardest part has got to be keeping ones legs apart.

amanderveen's avatar

There can be damage from penile pumps if not used correctly. A simple rule – if you experience any pain or discomfort, stop. Same with vagina slapping. Just listen to your body and to your partner. If you want to try it out but are worried, experiment and take it slowly. You’ll find what works for you and what doesn’t (and neither is what I would consider a high risk activity if you use a little common sense).

wundayatta's avatar

What’s the penile pump for in this case? To make sex feel better? Doesn’t it feel too good, already?

unused_bagels's avatar

spanking, or slapping, as you’re putting it, is just to enhance one’s pleasure. what, you don’t like to slap her ass?

stevenb's avatar

Some people are just slap-happy.

amanderveen's avatar

@daloon – Many guys will use it because it temporarily enlarges the penis by drawing more blood to the area and thereby engorging it. Other guys simply like the feel of it. It can be as much a psychological appeal as a physical one. After all, the brain is arguably a person’s most sensitive erogenous zone. ;o)

wundayatta's avatar

@amanderveen: um, is the enlarged penis thing for pleasure purposes, or for ego purposes? If pleasure, how does it work?

amanderveen's avatar

@daloon – I think it entirely depends on the person. For many who use it strictly to increase size, I suspect it’s an ego or self-confidence thing (which is not to imply that either isn’t a valid reason for using one). I’m not entirely sure I understand what you’re asking when you said, “if pleasure, how does it work” since it works the same way in either case. Others just enjoy the sensation though. Just like how one person might enjoy having an ear lobe nibbled at or a nipple sucked when another person doesn’t really get much out of either. I’ve even heard of guys using vacuum cleaners on themselves because they like the feel of it. Different strokes for different folks.

I had the impression that most of the men I personally sold them to were concerned about their size and seemed to be buying them to address self-confidence issues. Then again, that may only have been because I live in a bit of a redneck town where the populace isn’t as sexually liberated as those in more metropolitan areas perhaps are.

augustlan's avatar

@amanderveen I am loving the image of you selling penile pumps to insecure rednecks ;)

amanderveen's avatar

Hahhaha, I have to admit, it was a very entertaining job. :o)

wundayatta's avatar

@amanderveen: oh please. You have to be more descriptive of the cutomers, and how they behaved. Were they furtive? Embarrassed? Did they bluster it out? It looks like you are female, but one can never tell for sure with names here. However, if you are female, how do you think that affected your customers?

amanderveen's avatar

We had female and male clerks, but in general, customers seemed to be more comfortable approaching the female clerks (of which I was indeed one).

As for how they behaved, it really varied. Many looked embarrassed and would skirt around whatever issue they wanted to ask about (and also glance around to see if anyone else was in the store). A great many would buy products and claim that they were gag gifts (which sometimes they were, but someone doesn’t buy a $100 dildo as a gag gift when you can get one for $20). Quite a few customers would slip gay porn in amongst a bunch of hetero porn. (It always makes me sad to see people who feel they need to hide their sexual orientation, whatever it is.) Others were regulars who just went straight for their favourites (many of these were film renters). Yet others would come in groups and check things out, often giggling nervously and asking each other questions. We sometimes had to have a few words about the laughing and kidding around, since it occasionally got to a point that could make other customers feel self-conscious. Occasionally someone would be wildly inappropriate – these were usually people who had had a bit too much to drink that night or who thought that we employees were promiscuous just because of where we worked.

Really, my favourite part of the job was helping people who were really shy and embarrassed feel more comfortable asking the questions they wanted to ask and to not feel like they were weird for being curious. I grew up not being able to talk to my parents when I had questions about sex and so I like people to have somewhere that they’re allowed to ask questions without feeling judged. I also loved the fact that you could have conversations there that were perfectly work-relevant – most of which would have been wildly inappropriate anywhere else. Heck, squirting came up one day, and a co-worker who had done a little research on the subject explained it to a few of us and even drew diagrams! :o)

wundayatta's avatar

@amanderveen: oh what a fabulous answer! It actually brought tears to my eyes. I was going to say because it was so honest, but that isn’t right. I think maybe because it is so heartfelt?

It’s a part of American culture that I’ve never heard of before, and damn, girl, I wish you’d write about it for publication.

amanderveen's avatar

@daloon – I’m flattered. I do enjoy talking about it with people who are curious, but I’d never considered writing a book, lol. I doubt I’d have enough material for that. :o)

wundayatta's avatar

I was thinking more of an article or essay or short story.

amanderveen's avatar

Hmmm… that’s a thought. I could probably do a speech for Toastmasters, too, come to think of it. :o)

wundayatta's avatar

There ya go!

z28proximo's avatar

I’m surprised no one brought up riding crops or whips in this discussion. Most of the girls I know that like the extreme side of being rough, including breathplay and biting, all started out slowly just liking a little spank here and there. It’s hard to really know what we like if we’re asked the full extremes right away.

My last g/f said that if when we first met I had asked to do some of the things she loved to do then, she would have ran away lol. But experimenting little by little we found that she liked really rough sex as well as sweet/easy sex.

The reason she did was not because it stimulated the skin to make sex better, but simply because she liked being dominated and controlled in the bed. And when she would fight against me and try to get free and I would force her(this all being a game, but the struggle real, she wanted me to win yet at the same time to have to fight me) and that “being forced” and feeling of being dominated really got her off.

The origin for that? Probably psychological no doubt. But anything we would try, as long as it was me dominating her, she loved it.

wundayatta's avatar

I dunno if it has to be psychological. I think if people know things are safe and trust their partners, they can engage in things as play without it being considered a weird perversion. Anyway, if it’s psychological, then what’s the deal with your desire to dominate? Where does the role-playing come from? Maybe you’re just a creative guy?

z28proximo's avatar

To be honest, I didn’t like being rough at first cause it was hard for me to do. I didn’t want to do anything to hurt or anything she didn’t like. But once I understood that she liked it I slowly was able to do more and more with confidence and not just half-heartedly.

wundayatta's avatar

@z28proximo: While I have never done this in person, I have done it over the phone, and I felt like you. I was really was uncomfortable doing it, and only continued after the other person persuaded me that she liked it. Isn’t that kind of weird? We were on the phone, so we couldn’t have hurt each other, no matter what we did, and still, it was hard for me to believe she would like it, even purely as a fantasy.

suture86's avatar

Any sort of physical contact (touch) during sex stimulates nerve endings, so essentially the more nerve endings stimulated, the more touch centers in the brain are stimulated, causing arousal. “Spanking” the ass stimulates nerve endings of the pudendal and perineal nerves, which are also the major nerve supply of the clitoris(in females) and penis(in males), as well as the lower portions of the scrotum(in males), and the lower labia (in females) – so this is extra stimulation that just creates further arousal, and can help lead to threshold (orgasm).

in other words: more touch and more variable the touching = more nerve ending stimulation and more arousal (ultimately orgasm)

However, the brain also incorporates various other stimuli, including sight, and sound as well, and for each person all of this is processed differently by the brain.

towelly's avatar

I don’t really want to join this site just to say this, but maybe I will. I used to have a boyfriend who I guess considered himself very open-minded and liked some kinds of sex-play that I thought was a little strange because I’m very emotional and lovey-dovey. As our relationship got worse and worse through the years and we stopped communicating with each other, finally it ended when I basically cheated on him and told him about it (although he was also cheating on me at the time). He broke up with me and I felt so bad about myself that I wanted him to have anal sex with me as punishment and I started crying as he started to. So he stopped, which is good, because I realize now that I’m quite a bit more psychologically stable that I really didn’t want that, I just felt like I deserved it because I hated myself and was extremely depressed. So because of that experience, and how different sex is with someone I love who I know would never even consider hurting me like that for any reason, I don’t think I will ever understand the whole dominance thing in a way where it seems O.K. to me. Just thinking about it makes me angry—I guess because I associate it with people who want to feel like they’re better than you and who expect you to just accept being anything less than the wonderful person you really are inside. People don’t deserve to be dominated by the ones they love—they deserve to be cherished. And holding somebody down or calling them names, while it may be exiting to them, could never be considered to be an expression of love. Maybe an expression of wanting to give someone sexual pleasure, but never love. If someone wants that, it seems to me to be indicative of psychological problems including but not limited to low self-esteem and/or depression, and if you really care about the person maybe you should encourage them to explore why they enjoy being treated as if they have less worth than they really do.

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