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cordovanessa's avatar

How do i get my parents to trust me alone with my boyfriend?

Asked by cordovanessa (83 points ) January 21st, 2009

my boyfriend and i have been together for a while and he used to come over all the time and we used to hang out just us two, but all of the sudden, my mom has been staying in the same room and following close behind or just checking up on us and i feel like she doesnt trust me although she says she does… what should i do?

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36 Answers

phoenixero's avatar

nothin you really can do

my parents have done that with everyone ive dated =/

parents kinda suck like that

tho i guess try a sit down and chat about it, cant hurt ey?

willbrawn's avatar

As long as you live at home. Don’t complain. They’ll watch you. They are just paranoid.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

Your mom loves you and is doing everything in her power to keep you from making mistakes that many many young women have made that dramatically affect their lives. It’s just mom paranoia.. which equates to love.

tennesseejac's avatar

Are you doing something that you cannot do in front of your parents? If you are still living with your parents there is not much you can do….. so get creative and go somewhere else

omghannahyay's avatar

Talk to her about it[: Tell her that you dont plan on doing anything with your boyfriend. and she should trust you enough to know that you wont[:

laureth's avatar

Parents have some idea of what young people might do with their significant others when they’re alone together. In many cases they’re right, because parents were once young, too, and they know.

Perhaps the easiest way to get your mom to leave you and your boyfriend alone is to get your own place, married or not. Failing that, well, she’s just trying to keep you safe. She’s worried. If you have a kid someday and they’re your (current) age and want to be alone with their boyfriend or girlfriend, you’ll understand what I mean.

Bluefreedom's avatar

A good idea would be to never give your a parents a reason to distrust you with your boyfriend. And sitting down and talking to your parents about privacy and other concerns you might have would probably be beneficial also. They’re your parents and they care about you and that is a major factor here.

scamp's avatar

Be happy that your parents love you enough to keep a close eye on you, and understand that they do this because they have your best interest in mind. I don’t know how old you are, or what your track record is with your parents, but you might want to explain your feelings about this to them. Have an open, honest converstaion with them. If you are having sex, make sure you are using contraceptives, and assure your parents of this.

There are many kids whose parents don’t care like yours do, so at least be thankfull for that.

phoenixero's avatar

they dont want you making the same mistake theyre parents let them make

thus explaining… well…. you

lol no im just kidding. They just dont want you cutting your dreams short by making mistakes.

fireside's avatar

You could move out…

dlm812's avatar

There is some really great advice above (laureth, BlueFreedom, scamp, etc.) sooooo I’m just going to give you some other advice, thanks to Mean Girls… “Don’t have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don’t have sex in the missionary position, don’t have sex standing up, just don’t do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers.”

TheBox193's avatar

That’s really depends on your relation with your parents. If they don’t trust you in general then there is an issue. If they do trust you, tell them that they can trust you again in this situation to be smart and not do anything stupid.

Tell them that you trust there judgment and concern, and that you understand. If anything happens you will let them know. Be concerned about there concern.

Be open about your relationship, they are concerned. If you tell them what’s going on and how things are, they will trust you more. Tell them what you are doing and where you are going. Tell them how it was. You don’t have to tell them every little detail, but just enough to be open with them.

Well that’s my suggestions, I hope all goes well with that.

DrBill's avatar

As father to girls, there are two things that will work,

1. move out & have your 30th birthday

2. get married & move out.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

This may have something to do with it?

wundayatta's avatar

I dunno. Does anyone know what parents are concerned about? Does anyone know whether religion or shame or embarrassment affect how parents and children communicate? What portion of parents have open and honest communication with their kids about sex and relationships?

We don’t know enough about the backgound here. We don’t know anything about the parents’ views or religion. We don’t know the history. I don’t think there can be any meaningful advice.

Cordovanessa—do you want to make love to your boyfriend? Maybe your parents sense this, and it makes them nervous. Is your boyfriend trustworthy? Does he have a reputation that worries your parents? Oh, there are so many possibilities that lead them to behave this way, and until we understand their motivations, we can’t really tell you how to work with them.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

lawl parents trusting their daughters with boy friends. come on. you pretty much have to get yourself a chastity belt like from that movie Robin Hood Men in Tights

augustlan's avatar

As a mother of 3 girls, I understand your mother’s concern. However, it does seem like she’s taking it a little too far. Does she really think you’re going to have sex on the living room couch while she’s in the kitchen? My advice is to talk to her about compromises you can both feel comfortable with. For instance: she could always be within hearing distance, but not in the same room with you; you and your boyfriend will never be in a room with the door shut; you will not sit on your bed together, you will not be under a blanket together, etc. Allay her fears, respect her conditions.

phoenixero's avatar

@judochop im a fan of the one with the spikes

LKidKyle1985's avatar

@augustlan I wouldn’t put it pass some kids, i did some questionable things with my gf when I was younger.

phoenixero's avatar

i had sex with my last gf on the couch while my mom and dad were in the next room lol

cak's avatar

Something has changed, according to what you wrote. You used to be able to hang out together, alone; however, now Mom is following you, room-to-room. Mom is picking up on something and she may not know just what it is, yet. OR, we’re not hearing the full story, here – which is fine, share what you want to share, but as a Mom – I know that if she has made a sudden adjustment in how she behaves when your boyfriend is over, there is something going on.

You do need to sit down and talk to both of your parents and don’t get defensive. Listen to what they have to say and point out that there is a difference in how you used to be able to hang out with him, with a bit more privacy – ask what has changed, because now you are being watched, closely. However, your parents have the right to say that nothing has changed, we just feel you are getting closer and yes, we have concerns.

We have very clear rules in our house, no bedrooms – even with door open. It’s just not up for discussion. Family room, fine. Kitchen, fine. Deck…that’s fine, too. We don’t sit right with them – but we do make appearances.

Granted, right now, she’s only allowed to date for special occasions – school dance, things like that – she’s still 14. We do allow “group” dating, but they all usually wind up at our house for video games and movies. In the summer it’s for the pool.

You live in their house, they get to set the rules, like them or not, it’s their decision. Whether you believe it or not, they are there (the rules) because they love you. It’s far easier to be permissive and give free reign and assume your child will not do “dumb” things, than it is to set boundaries and follow them.

Jack79's avatar

btw how old are you cordovanessa? And why do YOU think your mum’s following you around all of a sudden?

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

Some parents have strong communication networks; moms hear things from other moms, who hear/overhear things from their kids, and pass it along. Perhaps your mom, or another mom, saw your boyfriend purchasing condoms, and passed that news along? I knew which kids were having sex in middle school, and what happened at one particular movie theater, whose older sibling purchased liquor for kids, etc.

cak's avatar

@AlfredaPrufrock…oh know! You just gave away one of our secret weapons! ;)

phoenixero's avatar

the key to that one is easy for kids to get

you just have to not care

my mom pulled something like that on me and i yelled at her for spying on me. then every time i saw someone my mom knew id ask them about it. soon her friends stopped telling her stuff because they thought she really was using them to spy on me lol

Judi's avatar

I used to throw a fit because My son would go over to his girlfriends house when her parents were not home. Everyone thought I was the bad guy, even her parents, but I put my foot down.
Years later my son has thanked me for this. He said that I came the closest to becoming a premature grand mother during those times when her Mom wasn’t home.
Cak amd alfreda nailed it.

phoenixero's avatar

sorry for the interruption in conversation

but i believe this entire discussion deserves a:

GIGGITY!

cak's avatar

@Judi – very scary!

punkrockworld's avatar

Basically, you have to let her know that you’re a responsible teenager and that you can look after yourself. Don’t forget to tell her that you know that she’s doing this for your best interest but that you are old enough to just hang out with your boyfriend. Tell her it’s either this or hang out with him behind her back, somewhere else.

CMaz's avatar

Sounds like your mother wizened up.
” How do i get my parents to trust me alone with my boyfriend?”
Grow up, get a job and your own place. When you are accountable, and alone, can bear the responsibilities that come with the decisions you make. Then it will not be an issue.

justus2's avatar

talk to her, if that doesn’t work then sorry, that is what most parents do unfortunately

MerMaidBlu's avatar

Has your mom caught you in a “suggestive” position? Meaning, did you guys have a door closed to a room where the two of you were alone? It also could depend on your age. If you’re not old enough to live on your own you may have to deal with her rules because she may have good reasons for keeping a close eye on you. I would talk to her using good examples that illustrate why she should grant you more trust

mowens's avatar

You don’t.

Clair's avatar

Wear a chastity belt and sew your mouth shut.

belakyre's avatar

I think you have to sit with your mother and talk about it. I mean, honestly, if you think of it, your mother is not only ruining the time you are spending with your boyfriend, but they also are invading and disrespecting your privacy. I’m not saying that you should rebel against them, but I think that you should have a talk with them and try to see what is going on and “stuff”. (Stuff meaning everything else that you might want to talk about, this might be your only chance).

Whatever you do, you have my best wishes.
Good Luck

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