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ronski's avatar

Is it fair to not like someone because they slept with someone you liked?

Asked by ronski (722 points ) February 4th, 2009

My bestfriend doesn’t like my other friend anymore because she slept with her good friend drunkenly on her birthday. Apparently they talked about it, and my bestfriend said that it didn’t matter to her. Subsequently, she has brought it up multiple times to me, saying that my friend shouldn’t sleep around.

Just out of curiosity, what are your thoughts on this? Why do women often blame the other woman instead of the person they like?

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15 Answers

DrBill's avatar

That depend on weather they cared about them at the time, and if the sleeper knew the sleepee was involved with someone at the time.

If they did know and did it anyway, they’re justified.

If they did not know, there is no reason to be mad about it.

Women are very territorial and jealousy is ramped, especially when it comes to sexual partners. It’s not good or bad, just the way women are made.

scamp's avatar

Why is it any of your best friend’s business who the other person sleeps with?? Tell her to speak directly to the other person if she has opinions about who she sleeps with and keep you out of the middle.

elijah's avatar

Your friend should expect controversy when she sleeps around and blames it on “I was drunk”. No, it’s not your other friends buisness, but the truth of the matter is if you do controversial things you will be talked about. They both made the choice to sleep together, but women usually find it easier to blame the other woman. The point is, if that guy liked your friend, he would of been fucking her and not the other girl. Now the other girl feels rejected and needs someone to blame.

dynamicduo's avatar

Well, why would she blame the guy if she still wanted to be with him? By blaming the woman, the man is still left ripe for the picking.

Is the same friend who said it didn’t matter, the one who’s bringing it up all the time? Cause if she is, she certainly does care about it and it matters greatly. If it starts burdening you, tell her to go talk to the woman herself. This is how adults act.

scamp's avatar

There may be more to this story than what shows on the surface, but going by the way the question is worded, a one time thing is hardly “sleeping around”, and still not the best friend’s business. Controversy does not give her the right to gossip or judge.

jessturtle23's avatar

You mind your own business and you friends should mind theirs. It’s simple advice but good advice.

Grisson's avatar

If the someone I liked was my wife, then yeah it would be fair not to like them.

scamp's avatar

I just want to add one tinsy thing here. Sleeping with the object of your best friend’s affection does not make her an instant slut. Your best friend sounds like she needs to grow up a little.

jellyfish's avatar

get real best friend – yr other friend is not married so she can sleep with who ever when ever. Best friend is just cross it wasn’t her! And u need to change the subject when bf brings it up again -which she will!

cak's avatar

@scamp – I agree. That was my exact thought.

wundayatta's avatar

Can anyone explain this to me? I’m really confused.

I also wonder what fairness has to do with it? People do what they do, and whether we say it is fair or not, it won’t help you one bit in resolving any coolness between you.

tiffyandthewall's avatar

i don’t know if it’s fair or not, but i can kind of see why she’d be upset. it may not be logical, but if she’s protective over the friend that the other friend slept with – or likes them herself – then i guess logic has nothing to do with her feeling that way. it seems like she wants to get over it, but it’s still stuck in her mind. a little immature, but hey, we all make judgments on people, even based on things we know are stupid to judge on. it happens.

nephrons's avatar

I may feel a little envy but definitely i wont feel bad towards someboby who had the chance to sleep with somebody i like.. She is just one step ahead of me, and i admire her guts..

amandala's avatar

I was in a situation very similar to this. I approached my friend and let her know that the boy in question had said that he had feelings for me, and she told me that it was fine by her. In my opinion, if the person doesn’t voice any issue when asked, he or she has no right to complain afterwards. If she had the opportunity to say she wasn’t OK with it, she should’ve done so.

If your friend realized after the fact that she wasn’t OK with the situation, she should be approaching the other girl directly, not telling you about it. That’s unfair both to your mutual friend AND to you.

upholstry's avatar

I think it’s perfectly natural for your friend to be angry.

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