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tennesseejac's avatar

How do you deal with impossible love?

Asked by tennesseejac (3766 points ) February 8th, 2009

I have fallen for a woman that I cannot pursue and even if I could I don’t know that she would give me the time of day. We have so much in common and to me she is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. I only met her about a month ago, but I cant stop thinking about her. Think about Ben Aflecks character in Chasing Amy We shared a moment…

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28 Answers

whackyrusty's avatar

You cannot pursue her because you’re scared she’ll reject you? Just go for it, give it a shot. What do you have to lose?

Jeruba's avatar

Go read Cyrano de Bergerac, Wuthering Heights, Romeo and Juliet, Cinderella…impossible love makes the world go ‘round.

If she really is utterly beyond your reach—the wife of the president of your company, for example, or a TV news anchor—well, savor the absolute desperate deliciousness of the feeling and congratulate yourself on your good taste.

In time you will look elsewhere.

Jack79's avatar

I usually just try to forget about her

Having said that, what may sometimes seem “impossible” could in fact happen. How do you know she doesn’t feel the same way? I’m not saying she does, because I don’t know the details of the case, but she could theoretically be on some other site right now telling people about her impossible love towards you.

Ok dreams are nice anyway :)

BONZO's avatar

well you know how Chasing Amy turned out, and Romeo & Juliet. maybe you should just accept the fact that its impossible

BONZO's avatar

save yourself some time and heart ache…...JUST GIVE UP and move on

RandomMrdan's avatar

nothing is impossible to a willing heart.

I got this fortune about 3 years ago. Never give up, you’ll always ask yourself what could have been… Do yourself a favor and see this out.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

Small steps.

Unless she’s married, it’s not impossible.

Bagardbilla's avatar

I’m with @randomMrDan
Pursue her, and if impossible, as in if she’s married, profess your admiration for her, and walk away!
This will give her the gift of confidence and you a memory to relish when you are old. I say Love such that restraint hides it’s face in shame!

aprilsimnel's avatar

Is she on the other team? Then, if possible, stay away from her for a while and stop torturing yourself with your thoughts about her. That’s what’s upsetting you, your thoughts. You can choose how to deal with your thoughts.

SuperMouse's avatar

Is she married? In a committed relationship? If the answer to both of those questions is no, then it isn’t impossible. Slow and steady wins the race my friend. Talk to her, get to know her, eventually ask her out.

I have personal experience with love that looked impossible at the start, guess what, not only was it possible, it is happening and I have found my other half.

Still not seeing anyone Gimmedat.

marinelife's avatar

I’m a romantic so I am all for those saying that perhaps you are ruling something impossible that is possible. If so, then go down that path.

I am also a realist. The feelings that you are describing can only exist in that state while you are not in relationship with her.

What you have done is fallen in love with a fantasy. She may be as beautiful and worthy of love as you think she is, but you, having only “shared a moment” with her don’t really know that.

She is human. She can be crabby. She has her unreasonable moments. She farts and sometimes they stink (to be crude).

If you need to get over your obsession with her in order to go on with your own life, then every time you drift off into that hazy daydream, hit yourself with a dose of reality.

Also, look around you at real women in a real way and see the beauty and strength and other characteristics they possess. Dreams don’t keep you warm at night.

laureth's avatar

And if she’s married, it’s still not totally impossible. It’s probably not a good idea, though.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

Wouldn’t impossible love be more of having a desire to date, say Catherine the Great or Helen of Troy? both of whom have been dead for quite a long time.

hearkat's avatar

Lurve to @Marina, from a real woman.

Jack79's avatar

Why would anyone want to date Catherine the Great? Have you seen her picture? Yuk! And I bet Helen wasn’t that pretty either, she probably had a big nose and never washed.

But yes, what zebra said is right. Only women who are dead (or whom you have only seen on TV) are completely impossible. Ok, and members of your immediate family. Your boss’s wife, your sister’s lesbian girlfriend, a nun at the local monastery that has never even noticed you, all those are pretty hard and highly improbable, but still not impossible. Not good ideas of course. But you never know.

jamzzy's avatar

“be her friend, make her tell you secrets. Then when she is most vulnerable stick your tounge down her throat”

Zaku's avatar

tennesseejac, why do you say you can’t pursue her?

You wrote, “I don’t know that she would give me the time of day” – so find out.

I say be yourself, express yourself, and find out. Take your best stand, and win or lose – either way, you can get complete with it and move on.

russellsouza's avatar

“Moments” are great but they rarely predict compatibility. Try to strike up a genuine friendship with this woman, even if you have to start with small talk or casual conversation. If she’s with someone don’t overtly express romantic interest. Becoming a good friend of the object of your affection will give you a better idea of how well you mesh. You may find, as I have on several occasions, that you won’t be romantically attracted to her once you become good friends. The need for closeness with her will be fulfilled by the friendship, and you may grow to look at her as a sister-figure. Or, if you really are meant to be in a relationship, this gives her a chance to discover how good you are for her as opposed to you scaring her away by pouring your heart out randomly.

nebule's avatar

nothing is impossible

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

@lynneblundell obviously you’ve never tried to get snow skis through a revolving door. :-)

RandomMrdan's avatar

@evelyns_pet_zebra I’d imagine it’d be impossible to wear them through revolving doors right?

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

@RandomMrdan even carrying them on your shoulder is impossible. I used to have a whole list of impossible things, to refute the people who say otherwise. I need to find that list.

nebule's avatar

@evelyns_pet_zebra I’m sure that will make us all a lot happier ;-)

Zaku's avatar

@evelyns_pet_zebraWhy can’t you hold the snow skis together nearly vertically, assuming the revolving door is at least about as tall as the skis are long?

nebule's avatar

@Zaku lol… like your thinking!

cyndyh's avatar

@Zaku: The revolving door usually isn’t as tall as the skis are loing. lol!

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

back to the topic of dealing with impossible love…quick, someone distract the farmer while I sneak this goat over the fence.

cyndyh's avatar

First, you have to prove to me that the goat is willing. Then I won’t make a ruckus when you take the goat over the fence. You bad boy you.

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