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SherlockPoems's avatar

Have you been fortunate to find the 'love of your life'? What of your 'soulmate'? Are they one in the same?

Asked by SherlockPoems (696 points ) February 12th, 2009

It seems different people have different ideas of what a ‘soulmate’ is. I am wondering if one person can fulfill both rather intense roles of ‘love of your life’ and ‘soulmate’.

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63 Answers

dynamicduo's avatar

Different people have different ideas about a lot of things :)

Yes, one person can be both love of your life as well as a soulmate.

Then again, you may find your love of your life and be with them, and then five years later meet your soulmate one day randomly.

Then again, you may be in a relationship with your soulmate, and then five years later meet your love of your life one day randomly, too.

Another outcome, your soulmate may not necessarily be someone you want to have an intimate sexual relationship with.

What it really boils down to is what’s behind the labels of “soulmate” and “love of your life”. This is something you’ll need to do by yourself. Sit down one day with two pieces of paper out. On one sheet, write SOULMATE, and on the other, write LOVE OF MY LIFE. Then, start listing attributes that you would like to see displayed by each group. You will likely see that many of them overlap. But you may also be able to see where they don’t overlap, and thus refine your personal definitions of the words as well as your mindset towards what a soulmate and a love of your life really mean to you.

dlm812's avatar

I feel that my fiance is both the love of my life and my soulmate, but I also feel that you can have more than one soulmate out there and only one love of your life… if that makes sense.

I am lucky to have found another of my “soulmates” in my life as well.. my horse. She is my “once in a lifetime horse”. Soulmates come in all sizes, colors, and species :)

GAMBIT's avatar

Yes.
Things aren’t always perfect, no relationship is but I did marry my soulmate and the girl of my dreams who became mother of my children.

mzgator's avatar

Yes! Yes!

I am lucky enough that I found my soul mate, love of my life and best friend all in one man.
He is my one and only hearts
desire and the wonderful father
of my daughter. There is not
a day that goes by that I am
not grateful and honored to
have him in my life. We have
been together for over sixteen
years, and it hasn’t faded.
The great part is that I know
he feels the exact same way
about me. There is no bridge
that we wouldn’t cross for each
other. Life has not always
been easy for us at times, but we have weathered the storms together always with faith and devotion and undying love for each other and our family.

jonsblond's avatar

My soulmate is the love of my life, I’m one lucky gal.

Love ya blondesjon!

eponymoushipster's avatar

nope.

To quote Jeff Magnum, “My dreamgirl don’t exist.”

Glow's avatar

Im not sure I fully comprehend the idea of a soul mate, or even if believing in such an idea is even a good idea in and of itself. In my opinion, we can learn to love any one and become caring towards them. Their is no ONE person, who are suppose to find so as to live happily ever after. We as people are constantly trying to live in these fairy tale worlds, but soon we find ourselves disappointed. I believe true happiness is attainable, but not with out some difficulties… if not MANY. I think believing that if we are with any one else besides the one whom we are connected with via “soul”, is a dream like romantic fantasy. Instead, I want to be realistic. Any one, can be your so called “soul mate”. Any one can love you, and one can genuinely care about you, any one can live happily with you. Don’t constantly strive to find the ONE because your expectations of this person will always be high, and no one can meet those expectations (been there, done that ):)

The person I am with now… I love deeply. I loved him first, and he learned to love me as our relationship went by. Sometimes, I say I could never see myself with anyone else, but that is because I have become so attached to him and him to me. We do squabble and whine to one another. We have problems with communication and we are just not perfect! :) But, we do love one another, and sometimes, we feel that is merely enough. Its such a simple love… its just the way we like it.

DrBill's avatar

I found both in one person, we were married over 30 years. GRHS

aprilsimnel's avatar

No, that hasn’t happened for me yet, with either “love of my life” or “soulmate”.

adreamofautumn's avatar

I’m pretty sure I have. Too bad i’m only 22 and being married to her isn’t an option right now, but I believe so strongly that she is the love of my life AND my soulmate that i’m willing to test fate and believe we’ll work out in the future.

Yetanotheruser's avatar

The love of my life is my soul mate. We’ve been together for 21 years, married for 20. We were friends first. Then the romantic feelings started happening. We agreed that no matter what happened to our romance, we would still remain friends, and we are to this day.

Allie's avatar

@eponymoushipster Woot! Neutral Milk Hotel. I just listened to that song yesterday.

To answer the question, no I haven’t found the love of my life. Or maybe I have and I just don’t know it yet.

zephyr826's avatar

@dynamicduo I agree that we can have more than one soulmate, but only one love of your life. My husband is both, but I have also connected with a few “soulmates”, or “kindred spirits”, as I like to call them.

wundayatta's avatar

I married the love of my life, who was also my soulmate. After a while, we slowly withdrew, and were not life loves or soulmates. Now we are working very hard to get back, if not to that place, then to some place like it.

I intended for her to be my love for life, and she is, even though we grew apart. Still, I don’t really believe there’s only one person for anyone. I think we fall in love with almost anyone we want to. Certainly with more than one person. Before I met my wife, I’d been in love with at least three women, perhaps more, if you count relationships that are very short, or are unrequited.

I have been fortunate to love many women who I would have been happy spending my life with, at least for a while. Perhaps I’ve been more fortunate that they loved me. At least, they said so. I believed them at the time.

I am kind of an intensity junkie. I need to feel powerfully, or I feel kind of limp. Creating problems is one way of upping the intensity, but it’s not a way I recommend. Sometimes life, itself, thrusts that intensity on you. I don’t recommend this, either. To remain intensely in love requires things that we haven’t been doing. I think we will figure out what they are, and start doing them. I believe we are both committed to that.

SuperMouse's avatar

Yes, the love of your life and your soul mate can be one in the same. I have found the love of my life who is also my soul mate. I am not sure I agree that a person has more than one soul mate. I literally feel as though my man completes me and vice versa. I believe that when he was created God (the gods, or the universe if you would rather) held back part of his soul then gave it to me. That is honestly the way I feel. He is my best friend, my soul mate, and the love of my life. We are two wings of one bird.

For all you youngsters out there convinced it can never happen to you, hold on, be patient, be positive, and eventually it will happen. It took me nearly 42 years…

jonsblond's avatar

@SuperMouse I feel the same as you. My husband and I have definitely had some moments in our marriage, but those moments just made our relationship stronger. I may have thought that I had loved others in the past, but I now know that that was not true love. True love is what I have with my soulmate, and I’m going to hold on to that as long as I can.

Jack79's avatar

I was fortunate enough to think I found her, which at the time felt exactly the same as having really found her.

I was unfortunate enough to later discover that she was a fake.

laureth's avatar

Not really believing in souls, I don’t really believe in soulmates. And even if I did believe that there was just one very special person out there for each of us, I’d be taking a long hard look at the math. There are more than 6.5 billion people out there – what if your “soulmate” was born in a body across the globe? Yet most people seem to marry someone who lives relatively close by. What are the chances that a “soulmate” would live in a 50-mile radius from someone? Wow.

That said, I think there are several “right” people for any of us. Sometimes someone is “right” at a certain time (but not sooner or later). Culture plays a large part in someone’s “rightness,” in how you get along, and sub-culture as well (are you both from affluent familes, read science fiction, like to garden, lean Libertarian, and want three kids?). People from similar paths are more often “right” for each other, which is where that 50-mile radius comes in. “Soulmates” and “life loves” are made – not just found. And they take work.

I thought I lost the “love of my life” back in college, due to some young stupidity on my part, and I was pretty sure that I’d never have someone as good as he was for me. However, it’s pretty lonely to doom oneself to a single life by the time one is 19. So I kept looking anyway. And while he might have been “right” for me at that time and place, I’m not sure he’d be as right for me now as the man I married. (And my husband took a long time to get “right” for me, seeing as he was married to “wrong” for 18 years.)

I guess this is a long way of saying that times change, people change, and who is “right” can change. If we’re lucky, we get to connect to someone who is “right” – and that person can become the love of our life.

wundayatta's avatar

@laureth: very well said! GA for that. So practical, too. I don’t know why it never occurs to me to deal with this question the way you did. Well done!

SuperMouse's avatar

@laureth, I traveled 1500 miles to find my soul mate. I was married to wrong for 21 years, so I guess it took us both a while to get “right” for each other. I never, ever felt like I found the love of my life or my soul mate before I met him.

Blondesjon's avatar

@jonsblond…I knew you had found your soulmate when you met me too. ;)

i’ll huff and i’ll puff and i’ll blow you house in

ronski's avatar

According to the dictionary: soul mate: a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.

Is my boyfriend a soul mate? yes. Is he the love of my life? As far as I know. I love him and would like to be with him forever, but it is hard work. @laureth and yes we practically grew up as neighbors that never met until we are older. So, a lot of it has to do with who you are and who you want to be and who will represent that the best. I wonder if dating is a lot like getting a job? Being in the right place at the right time with the right person? What if you had met one month before? Ya know, ya never really know.

Anyway, I have a few soul mates I suppose. I would hate to only have one close friend. I have a couple of best friends outside of my relationship that are of equal importance to me. Don’t get me wrong, my relationship is more important in some respects, but not in all respects because I don’t believe on depending on one person alone. That seems to me like a downward spiral. In fact, drunkenly the other night, me and my friends decided that your significant other can’t be your best friend! I mean, they can, but I think it’s good to have someone to talk to outside of your relationship.

arg!

Johnny_Rambo's avatar

I am my own soul-mate, no one else can meet my standards and I will always be dissapointed in those who try.WE come into this world alone and we exit it just the same. I’ll leave the soul-mate business up to the avid and adventurous soul searchers.Good luck with that one !

eponymoushipster's avatar

i don’t know if that’s depressing or egotistical.

Blondesjon's avatar

@eponymoushipstersounds a tad bitter to me. wonder who she was that put the bad taste in poor rambo’s mouth?

eponymoushipster's avatar

@Blondesjon true. well put my man. “the lady doth protest too much, methinks.”

Blondesjon's avatar

@eponymoushipstercareful…your, uh, shakespeare is showing…

eponymoushipster's avatar

@Blondesjon why are looking if i’m shaking my spear? perv.

Blondesjon's avatar

@eponymoushipster,...Dude we’re in a restaurant…everybody is looking…

eponymoushipster's avatar

@Blondesjon i can’t fight this feeling anymore!!!

Johnny_Rambo's avatar

Ive seen too many ” soul-mates ” in court fighting over child custody and the dog…....just keepin it real boys.

Blondesjon's avatar

@Johnny_Rambothe big ‘ol shitty world is pretty good at keepin’ it real all by itself. give in and crack wise with us JB, it’s cathartic…

YARNLADY's avatar

I don’t believe in a soulmate, as in a one and only, but I have been married to one man for 34 years, and probably will be for the rest of my (or his)life. I was happily married twice before, but lost both.

xenializ's avatar

yes. We had not seen each other for years. Before he arrived, I told my girlfriend, “my friend is coming to town. He’s my soulmate,” in the most serious way.

What I mean by soulmate is one who matches me in many ways so that we “get” each other—where you don’t have to go through life feeling like you have to explain everything you feel and he/she still doesn’t get it. Someone who understands.

I think the desire to have someone understand you is different for different personalities. Some need that innate kind of understanding from a partner more than others do.

I also believe a soulmate is one who can make you better (and you him/her) through the fact that you are together.

Someone whom you would feel an emptiness for the rest of your life if they were not with you.

And, yes, I am fortunate to have this experience, to know this. Although for many years I was more in the category of feeling the emptiness I described above.

I am a believer in the idea that what you think becomes who you are, what you do, and that to a large extent your thoughts can steer you toward your soulmate if you are true to yourself and your desires.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I love this question – I’ve never thought about it…I suppose I believe that one can have more than one soulmates but maybe just one love of their life…I have been in love with two people at a time once and in a relationship with both of them…and considered them both my soulmates but I suppose only one of them I considered the love of my life…I also think my best friend is my soulmate and that the love of my life is also a best friend of mine…anyway, at this point I am with the love of my life, my soulmate and my best friend all in one person

CMaz's avatar

Sweet life; bitter, always a challenge. We breath,
we exist we die.
The course of the universe, swirling, spreads out
before us.
Sweet love.
The breath of life you feed me, makes my being justifiable.
Spinning; expanding together, and when time departs us.
Great satisfaction, our lives worth lived.

The love of my life, my soulmate inspired me to write that. It is said, “better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all.” It is a whole other ball game when you have that one.

rwiedeman's avatar

Any two mature, complete people can be each other’s “soulmates.” There’s no mystery to it, and certainly not just one person for each of us. The real issue is you—if you’re broken, you’ll only find other broken people are interested in you. Work on yourself, then go with anyone who suits your fancy. Love doesn’t have to be complicated.

SherlockPoems's avatar

@rwiedeman Great Answer! I think you may have found the answer… thank you.

noraasnave's avatar

In my line a work (USMC) you don’t run into a lot of mature complete people. So finding a soul mate and a love of my life hasn’t been easy. It has been a rough road. Another problem was that I wasn’t mature and complete.

@rwiedeman to your point that any two mature, complete people can be soul mates. A soul mate is that person that goes beyond being able to live with a person, or be their partner, or their mate. It speaks of a pairing of souls. I have talked to many mature, complete women in my life and I guess I could have been in a relationship with them but it would have been a business relationship. Sure, we would have worked through misunderstanding maturely, we would have respected each other’s boundaries, life would be peaceful, but it wouldn’t be a soul mate relationship.

I have a relationship with someone I consider to be my soul mate and she matches me and complements me in every area. It is crazy and weird, and magical at the same time. Her rough road and mine both lead the the same beautiful place somehow. Whether the topic is relationship roles, sexual fantasies, parental roles, family goals, financial goals, temperature setting in the house, and the list goes on and on.

One of the key differences is that we are miles inside each other’s boundaries and moving closer to the core person the other person is every day.

Don’t get me wrong we are not identical, but complimentary in every area that we can find, before we met each other.

Before I met Madsmom1030 I would have told you that soul mate was a myth, a thing of legends and folklore. Now, I am a believer, because through no choice of my own, I found my soul mate.

CMaz's avatar

I take it all back.

The love of my life. My Soulmate. Was nothing but a sham.

Fortunate to find? I guess that will not truly be understood until you are looking them in the eyes on your death bed.

CMaz's avatar

SherlockPoems said… “Oh Chaz… don’t take it back. Love and soulmate are different as are love and lust. Remember it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. (And lust ain’t all that bad either!)”

So even if you were lied to, duped hustled and used. Since I felt love for this person, it is still good love? :-)

hearkat's avatar

@ChazMaz: You are a better person for having given love. Sadly, some people are just not ready, willing or able to receive it, and thus are incapable of truly giving or sharing it as well. Ultimately, we have to choose to let them go to preserve our own sanity and dignity.

Your experiences will make you stronger; and in that strength, your love for yourself will grow… thereby increasing your odds of success the next time a chance at love comes your way. Keep your chin up!

SherlockPoems's avatar

@hearkat I could not agree with you more! Love is an awesome feeling… if you are fortunated enough to feel it… you are a winner. Remember if someone doesn’t want to be with you… LET THEM GO! Hang up the phone… get outta there. Move on with your life…

Scooby's avatar

Nah!! I gave up looking a long time ago!! :-/ Such is life!!!

CMaz's avatar

@SherlockPoems & @hearkat – TY.

Two wise and passionate individuals. :-)

philosopher's avatar

Yes he is my Husband. He is also my best friend .

CaptainHarley's avatar

@rwiedeman

We are all “broken,” to one degree or another. It’s just that some of us know it.

liliesndaisies's avatar

I cannot say i have met him just yet. And i can’t say i am searching either. Maybe the best is yet to come. :)

kysutherncomfrt's avatar

just when i was about to give up…poof! i found my true love,soul mate,best friend all in one special person. i NEVER EVER thought that person actually existed for me or anyone else for that matter. But i was as wrong as i could be.

tranquilsea's avatar

This may be strange but it is true. I don’t think my husband was the love of my life when we got married. We have been through quite of few traumatic things through our marriage and, thankfully, our marriage has become stronger because of them. He has grown and supported me in ways that have surprised and amazed me. I can’t imagine my life without him in it.

If you would have asked me when we were first married if he was capable of the level support he has given, I wold have said no.

He may not be perfect, but he is perfect for me.

CMaz's avatar

Soulmate’s are not found. They are made.

laureth's avatar

Such strenuous living
I just don’t understand
When in just seven days
Oh, baby
I can make you a soulmate….

Aster's avatar

Yes, I found him. It was Wonderful !! Heaven on earth!
Then I divorced the rat.

john65pennington's avatar

44 years married to the same woman. soulmate? yes. best friend? yes. an absolute love? yes.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I believe I have. He’s not perfect and so can accept my imperfections. We understand each other as far as what our strengths and weaknesses have been and are at present. The most important ideals to us are ones we share and want to take action on rather than jaw about. He respects my family and I respect his. We both want to give to one another the things we’ve not been able to give others or things we’ve wanted for ourselves but always put aside for some reason or another. He respects my desire to work in order to want security and stability. I feel fortunate every time he smiles at me and reaches for my hand.

zen_'s avatar

Maybe, but nope.

Allie's avatar

I’m pretty sure mine died.

Loried2008's avatar

I’m thinking my “soulmate” BECAME the “love of my life” when I chose to love him and marry him :)

Smashley's avatar

“Soulmate” is a bizarre concept to me, and not strictly because souls don’t exist. I find the idea that a single person, somewhere in the world, is perfectly matched to me, to be laughable. I’m sure there are millions of people out there that I could have a wonderful and happy life with, that I could love for the rest of my life and would love me back. No one is perfect, but there are many people I’m compatible enough with to be willing to put in the work to forge “love.”

However, if I am to end up in a forever relationship, there is someone floating out there who is “the one.” Not the only “one” that was ever possible, but the one whom it will be.

So have I met him/her yet? Well… we’ll see (but I’ve got a good feeling too, k.)

CMaz's avatar

“Soulmate” = law of averages

gm_pansa's avatar

Whenever these two words come up, it’s rather difficult to answer due to other people’s ideas as to what they are about. Me, yes I have found both in the same person. However, it has absolutely nothing to do with dating or being with someone though.

john65pennington's avatar

I have told this story at least twice on Fluther. I will tell it again, since it fits your question to a T.

When I was about 7 years old, I would visit my grandmother, while my parents would go to a movie or whatever. I remember on one occasion, while staying with my grandmother, of playing in the dirt with a girl that lived across the street. She was about 5 years old. We loved playing together. This ended, when she moved away. I never saw or heard from her for at least 13 years.

One day, while visiting a male friend at his work and going out for lunch, I saw this beautiful red headed girl. She worked in the same department store as my friend. Something about this girl, just blew me away. We were going down the escalator at the time. I grabbed my friends arm and we went back to see her again, by riding the up elevator. I was introduced to her and we were married 6 months later.

One day, as we were rambling through some old family photographs, I saw a picture of my wife playing in the dirt, in front of her house, some 15 years ago. I was shocked. I recognized this house and this pile of dirt! This is when my wife told me that she use to play in the dirt with a boy, whose grandmother use to live across the street from her. That boy was ME!!!

It just goes to show you, that you never know what the Lord has planned for you. For someone that will be your soulmate for a lifetime filled with love.

46 years together and still going strong,

DESTINY…... I believe in it.

JenniferP's avatar

No, I have never been in love. When I married I did it for the wrong reasons. I settled and I have regretted it ever since and am now divorcing. I would never get married again unless he was the one. I would never settle.

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