General Question

girlofscience's avatar

How long does it take you to poop?

Asked by girlofscience (7477 points ) February 12th, 2009

Reading on the toilet is a phenomenon I will never understand. Any time that a person takes a long time in the bathroom, comments are made about the next person not wanting to go in there…

I honestly cannot understand why people take long to poop.

Unless something is seriously wrong with me, I have never taken longer than 15 seconds to poop. I sit down, I poop immediately, and I’m done. It is faster than peeing!

Are you a long pooper? If so, what is it that takes long?!

Does the poop start coming out as soon as you sit down and continues to come out, very slowly, for the entire time you are on the toilet?

Or, do you sit on the toilet for awhile before the poop comes out? If so, why even go to the bathroom that early? Why not just wait until you actually have to go?

Does anyone else have very fast pooping like I do, or am I an anomaly?

Please discuss your pooping.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

235 Answers

Bluefreedom's avatar

I like a quick pit stop myself. The reading thing never really was a catalyst for me to stay longer or enjoy my bowel movement any better. I’m probably in and out of the restroom in about 30 seconds to 1 minute. Seriously.

I’d like to enhance my answer even further but I’m about to go out to dinner with my wife and I need to try and maintain my appetite. :o)

Baloo72's avatar

HAHAHAHAHAHA! This is definitely the funniest and probably most awkward question that I have seen on fluther so far.

I am quite a fast pooper myself. I have often wondered the same thing – how can someone read something while they are in the bathroom. Perhaps I will find out soon enough. . .

girlofscience's avatar

@Bluefreedom, @Baloo72: Yay for fast poopers! High five.

eponymoushipster's avatar

i’m gonna be honest here – i eat AT LEAST a 1/4 cup of flax seed every morning on my oatmeal, along with whatever fruit i have to put in it (usually bananas and some berries). And i drink several strong cups of coffee.

also, i love chipotle.

i have books in there, but i never get more than 1/2 a page done and it’s TP time.

cak's avatar

GOS – First, my husband thinks mud bunny tops dropping the kids off at the pool. Second – fast for me, I don’t want to linger in the bathroom. I don’t care how clean it is – get the job done.

Bluefreedom's avatar

@girlofscience. Right back at ya! :o)

kevbo's avatar

For me it’s become a multi-tasking activity, and the length of time is dictated by my tolerance for sitting and my interest in whatever I’ve brought into the bathroom with me. It’s something I prefer not to be rushed.

I will flush early on though, if I feel obligated to save the olfactories of those in the vicinity.

Here’s a funny: my gf poops with her legs crossed.

gooch's avatar

Yes I take my time. It is a chance to take a break in private without being disturbed. I enjoy pooping. It’s not constant pooping one break then another.

babiturtle36's avatar

Wow, I can’t stop laughing.

Vinifera7's avatar

I don’t get the reading thing either. I’d rather just get in and get out.

Sakata's avatar

I’m in and out as quickly as possible. Don’t wanna be in there in the 1st place.

critter1982's avatar

I squat and surf, so my poops can take awhile but simply because I am sitting there, not because poop comes out of my butt slowly.

girlofscience's avatar

@kevbo, @gooch: Ok, so it seems to be something that you are purposely stretching out, but you don’t necessarily need for it to take long?

My boyfriend is a long pooper, and it often creates problems because we’ll be getting ready to go out somewhere, and then he has to poop! And it will take him seriously 15–20 minutes…making us late. And I constantly ask him what is taking so long, but he just says that’s how long it takes!

kevbo's avatar

@girlofscience, he needs to eat better.

loser's avatar

Oh, wait until you get older…

tinyfaery's avatar

I’ve always wanted to ask a poop related, but I never had the nerve.

I take about 20–30 seconds tops. In my experience men take way longer than women. Am I wrong? Or is that another question?

Vinifera7's avatar

Can I get three cheers for healthy bowels? Huzzah!

AstroChuck's avatar

I must say I laughed at “black banana.”

kevbo's avatar

@tinyfaery, I think it’s the manly thing to do.

babiturtle36's avatar

My bf has to take off all his damn clothes to go potty too, so it takes even longer. I don’t get it.

babiturtle36's avatar

I know! It’s weird.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@babirurtle36 who is he, George Costansa?

Bluefreedom's avatar

Real men don’t eat quiche but instead take seriously long bowel movements? Hmmm….not me.

kevbo's avatar

@babirurtle36, I do that, too. You can’t be constricted.

babiturtle36's avatar

LOL he says it makes him more comfortable

eponymoushipster's avatar

@kevbo y @babirurtle36 so are we determining here that men take longer to drop a duece because they are disrobing and reapplying attire?

kevbo's avatar

That’s a small part of it. The clothes come off and on pretty quick. If I’m in a “hurry,” I’ll settle for freeing one leg.

Bluefreedom's avatar

Just for the record, I don’t have to be in my birthday suit to defecate.

babiturtle36's avatar

Possibly! But he brings his phone in too to play games. So both ?

eponymoushipster's avatar

@Bluefreedom me either. What do you do if you have to drop nuggets in a public restroom?

@babirurtle36 if he clicks the wrong thing, he’s snapping a pic of his weiner, fyi.

elchoopanebre's avatar

I take a long time. My average is probably 6 or 7 minutes. My poop duration is not a choice, however, but a necessity. It just takes a long time… (I do notice that when I drink a lot of water that day, it comes out in record time).

Bluefreedom's avatar

@eponymoushipster. If I’m going to put on that kind of show in a public restroom, I at least want to be paid for it. :o)

As far as the nuggets, I have no current method to disguise the unwelcome noise they make. I’m open to suggestions though.

girlofscience's avatar

@eponymoushipster: If I really have to in a public bathroom, I hold toilet paper a few inches below my butt to catch it so it doesn’t make a PLOP noise in the toilet.

kevbo's avatar

@girlofscience, now that is out of the ordinary. Ew.

tennesseejac's avatar

@girlofscience wow, you really are a “girl of science”

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I generally crap pretty fast, too. There are rare occasions it’ll take me longer, simply because it feels like I have to poop, but when I get in there it’s apparently not ready to come out, so I wait.

Taking off clothes to crap is one of the weirdest things I have ever heard. Haha! :)

girlofscience's avatar

??? What’s wrong with that? It’s kind of offensive for other people to hear your poop drop into the toilet, so I spare them…

tinyfaery's avatar

lol4rl GOS.

No you didn’t.

babiturtle36's avatar

He doesn’t take off his clothes if he’s in a public bathroom though.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@girlofscience Nah… Everyone craps. There’s nothing offensive about a little plopping noise. ;)

kevbo's avatar

@girlofscience, you should make a little shit hammock across the toilet seat before you sit down.

tennesseejac's avatar

i dont take all my clothes off, but i do take my time just to make sure everything that is in there made its way out

eponymoushipster's avatar

@girlofscience that is the single oddest pooping habit i have ever heard of. Grabbing gobs of your own goo for the sake of someone else, that’s being a patriot.

in some countries, you’d be killed for such things.

@babirurtle36 ..so he says. <wink>

@kevbo SHIT HAMMOCK! that’s gonna be the name of my band.

tinyfaery's avatar

GQ for making me laugh soo much.

elchoopanebre's avatar

@eponymoushipster

haha!

that would be an epic band name

o0's avatar

This is true inspiration right here. I have never read anything this amazing.

cak's avatar

@GOS – guys call it a courtesy flush – flush away the smell – women call it a distraction. Flush——wrap the handle w/ TP – then flush to distract people from the plop!

eponymoushipster's avatar

@elchoopanebre the truly rocking sounds of Shit Hammock and their single Grab your Crap!!!

babiturtle36's avatar

Haha this is the oddest question :) the answers are amazing .

babiturtle36's avatar

Only on fluther, could you imagine us sitting at a bar having this discussion LOL

eponymoushipster's avatar

why are women worried about the plop?!?

you will walk down an aisle of products that get stuffed up your snizz, carrying them in your purse, and damn near insist on traveling to the rest room in packs, but don’t want another lady to hear the plop plop plop of your cocoa thunder?! WTF is that?!

eponymoushipster's avatar

@babirurtle36 i may have had this conversation at a bar once…

girlofscience's avatar

@eponymoushipster: Period isn’t “gross” to us in the same way that poop is.

cak's avatar

@eponymoushipster – I never want anyone to hear the Plop! That implies I am pooing! EEEWWW! I have faked a loud coughing fit before, when I forgot to wrap the handle. I will never touch the handle!

gooch's avatar

GOS you call your BF weired for taking long? Grabing poop trumps that. Try spendind time in the pooper it is enjoyable. For me it’s like the second most fun I have with my pants down.

eponymoushipster's avatar

this is the weirdest thing ever

aprilsimnel's avatar

Not very long. It takes longer usually to wash my hands.

plop plop, whiz whiz; oh, what a relief it is…

eponymoushipster's avatar

@gooch preach it brother!

girlofscience's avatar

@eponymoushipster: Are you a boy or a girl?

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Periods are in no way worse than shit. Haha! That said, I don’t really care either way. I bleed out of my crotch and I take noisy shits sometimes. I’m human… so whatever.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@girlofscience last i checked, male.

girlofscience's avatar

(Ok everybody, I am going to be MIA for about an hour or so. I have to go do some TNR. Hoping for 5. Wish me luck! I’ll be back in a bit to continue the discussion!)

SuperMouse's avatar

I really didn’t click on this thread with the intention of posting, but now that I have the whole thing, I feel obligated.

While I do not strip in the bathroom the act moving my bowels does take awhile. I am in there for at least ten minutes, sometimes up to a half hour – and I am working that whole time. I do not sit there to read or be alone, it just takes me awhile to get it done. It has been that way all my life, it doesn’t matter how much fiber or fruit or pears I eat, it still takes some time.

A couple of other things I learned from this thread: 1) my middle son is not the only guy who must be naked to defecate and 2) people actually catch their poop in order to avoid the plopping sound. Because of my disdain for the plopping sound, I do my best to avoid pooping in public restrooms, but when I do, while I am an advocate of the courtesy flush, I do note play catch. Although it sounds like an efficient way of avoiding the dreaded plop.

mrswho's avatar

It has nothing to do with the actual time it takes, its an excuse to get away and have a little time with no one bugging you for a while. It might depend upon the number/annoyiness of siblings. Fast poopers have no one to hide from but those of us who like to take their time probably have grown up with more kids in the family or a few irritating ones. A study should be done.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I think this is one of my favorite questions ever… Lurve to everyone for being so honest! :D

aprilsimnel's avatar

@eponymoushipsterSnizz? That’s a new one! Lurve for snizz! It’s almost Seussical!

MindErrantry's avatar

I agree with everyone, this is hilarious. And somehow, quite interesting!

@DrasticDreamer, good call.

Reading can really slow things down; I tend to do this if I’m in the middle of a book I’m very interested in, or if I have a lot of homework. As with @SuperMouse, I need a while, and it doesn’t usually matter what I eat. Call it 10–15 minutes. On the plus side, I usually don’t have to again for the rest of the day. I don’t think I always used to be like that; I remember it switching at some point. Go figure.

Incidentally, I have never heard of needing to be naked for this before. How odd. But hey, I guess reading there is odd too!

asmonet's avatar

Yeah, I’m a fast pooper. My brother can take twenty minutes – feel free to make jokes at KingMalefic’s expense. I have never understood it.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@eponymoushipster I think I love you for saying you love a chick that talks about shitting and bleeding. Boo for prissy stereotypes. :)

asmonet's avatar

lol, mud bunny in th topics.

eponymoushipster's avatar

I know someone who would only use a specific type of TP. Anyone like that?
what’s the best paper for ‘catching’?

tennesseejac's avatar

i gotta use the good stuff (preferrably with Aloe)

i once had a girlfriend say she never pooped or farted and she was serious , but i knew she was just embarrassed. We broke up around Christmas and for her present i bought her the book “Everyone Poops”

cak's avatar

@tennesseejac – sooooo….you’re a sensitive man, huh? No Scott single-ply for you!

MindErrantry's avatar

I am amused at how this shows up as new activity just about every time I go to a new fluther thread. Exciting!

eponymoushipster's avatar

@tennesseejac if she never pooped, i wouldn’t want to be around her very long. she had to be sickly.

that’s a great gift though.

kevbo's avatar

@eponymoushipster, an ex-girlfriend of mine insisted on single ply. I assume it had to do with frayed paper getting caught in the coochie.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@kevbo nice. i assume she was a paperballer, as opposed to a square wiper?

cak's avatar

@DrasticDreamer—see I can talk and deal with a lot of things, but you go too far with poo for me and I don’t know, it’s my breaking point. I can’t tell you how many diapers I’ve changed, I have two kids. One would think I wouldn’t care. Poo is not my thing. I always laugh at a great fart joke, though!

kevbo's avatar

@eponymoushipster, I vaguely remember that was the case and that she used a ton.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@kevbo yeah, i mean, with single ply, there’s a pretty good chance for fingerpokage there, in which case, well, yikes.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@cak I don’t think I have a breaking point. Then again, I haven’t changed many diapers in my lifetime. If I had, I might be in the same boat as you. ;)

kevbo's avatar

Actually, this reminds me of another current gf factoid. She seriously used to have 1.5”-2” long nails, and that was a fascinating subject of speculation for her lady coworkers.

cak's avatar

@kevbo – yeah, that’s been an issue for me. I’ve always wondered how do women with super long nails manage?

eponymoushipster's avatar

@kevbo 2” long? zoinks.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@kevbo Holy shit. Those are some long ass nails. Pun slightly intended due to the nature of the thread.

gimmedat's avatar

Just like my big sister, I feel obligated to answer because I feel like reading this thread gave me a little something of all you honest jellies. And, just like my big sister, I am a marathon pooper. I have horribly irregular bowel movements that take awhile to work out. It sucks.

kevbo's avatar

Yeah, it was pretty sexy. Great for back scratching as well. I kind of miss them. (They’re down to about .5” or .75”.)

She said she just did it like normal. I guess it wasn’t a big deal for her.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@gimmedat more fiber, son. here’s a mixture to get the motor running: have some flax seed on scottish oatmeal with fruit for breakfast. Follow that up 3 hours later with whole wheat pasta with a spicy sauce.

wait 4 hours.

run.

Blondesjon's avatar

i have a poop fetish…lurve to you all

tennesseejac's avatar

funny poop story
I was in the airport last week and had to “take the Browns to the Super Bowl” so I go in there and start doing my biz. I bend down a little to get my cell phone out of my pocket and automatic flush goes off because of my movement. It turns out that the toilet I selected was stopped up so the water begins to rise (with my turd floating on the top). Thank God there was no one else in there so with a little bit of maneuvering with my pants at my ankles I wiped and got out of there.

I feel bad for who had to clean that up, maybe I should have used the GOS trick and caught my poop?

eponymoushipster's avatar

@tennesseejac at least your foot didn’t tap the foot of the guy next to you.

steve6's avatar

I have a card catalog and bookshelves in my bathroom.

Blondesjon's avatar

@steve6…A “Dookie” Decimal system?

gimmedat's avatar

@eponymoushipster, I know. Just been an issue since I was a kid. Actually, an inherited trait, come upon as honestly as my sister SuperMouse.

By the way, kinda weird that you’re calling a woman in her thirties “son,” but I won’t take any offense.

steve6's avatar

I just read this thread, just be glad your poop is dead.

steve6's avatar

Who asked this shit anyway?

Grisson's avatar

“How long does it take you to poop? ”
asked 2 hours ago | 101 responses | “Great Question” (12)

Ooookay, I think that about says it all!
Is this some kind of record?
I mean for responses, not for pooping.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@Grisson It was 85 responses in 45 minutes, if _that give you an idea.

aprilsimnel's avatar

@Grisson – I think a discussion about EBT policy a fortnight ago had 185 responses. It got pretty heated. But this thread’s more fun.

POOP!

DrBill's avatar

8.2 seconds, if there is a lot.

There is a guy in the office, and I can 2 faster than he can 1.

ciripet's avatar

best laugh i had for today ,let the world poop ,then there is no war

eponymoushipster's avatar

the related questions for this question on the right hand column really send it home:

What are some High Fiber Foods?

How often do you change your sheets? (!!!)

What is the best way to clean grounded-in cat feces? (from what i read here tonight, catch em before they fall)

How do you decide which toilet stall to use in a public restroom? (trick question – just bring a muffler)

skfinkel's avatar

Does anyone else mind talking on the phone to a person who is on the toilet? You hear what sounds like a toilet flushing, and you ask, and it is. Does anyone else mind that?

BONZO's avatar

poop :)

Grisson's avatar

Whenever I’m in a public restroom and I hear some guy on the phone, I try to flush at the most opportune moments.

asmonet's avatar

@skfinkel: Doesn’t bother me at all.

warpling's avatar

Doesn’t it say something about fluther when the question with ONE HUNDRED AND TEN COMMENTS is about the speed at which you excrete shit?

DrBill's avatar

@warpling

I guess it might mean we’re NOT full of it!

btko's avatar

This question wins!

I like to enjoy the afterglow of the whole experience, sometimes just sit and think, read a page in a magazine, or eat a bowl of cereal.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@warpling yeah, you have to time your turds and fluthering. timing is everything.

Standswithacane's avatar

Age & jalapenos to everyone!

Also… nakedness and the “one leg out” method are not simple preferences. It’s about egress and maximization of elasticity. It’s physics Baby!

asmonet's avatar

I love today.

augustlan's avatar

I have never taken a quick poop in my life! I read and smoke in there…otherwise I’d be bored shitless?

elchoopanebre's avatar

http://www.roflcat.com/images/cats/270913946_efa38ec3d8.jpg

(Even though this technically isn’t a thread, bear with me).

Standswithacane's avatar

at the foot of my crapper sits a small bronze replica of Rodin’s “the Thinker.”. No shit!

asmonet's avatar

@Standswithacane: How does being naked aid anything?

eponymoushipster's avatar

@asmonet
1) the statue gets quite a view.
2) when does being naked not help?

Vinifera7's avatar

When it’s cold. When in public. When running. When wading through thick brush.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@Vinifera7 I prefer to be naked when wading through thick bush. rimshot

Vinifera7's avatar

@eponymoushipster
Be my guest. I prefer not to have a ripped scrotum.

Standswithacane's avatar

@vinifera7… Well I’m not going under any of those circumstances. As for being naked… It’s just easier!

Vinifera7's avatar

. . . . . . . . . . .

@eponymoushipster
You said “bush”, not “brush”.. you clever bastard, you!

eponymoushipster's avatar

@Vinifera7 if you ever get a ripped scrotum from thick bush, you might need to throttle back a little bit.

Nimis's avatar

It varies. Usually quick. The long sits are usually false alarms.

I’m not a pooper pusher because I like having clean wipes. (Wipe and there’s nothing there.)

In public restrooms, I’ll throw down a few sheets of toilet paper into the water. Not to avoid the plop sound, but to avoid the possible splash on the tush. (I feel like the toilet bowls and water are dirtier than at home.)

I thought I was the only one who did this, but I found out that my friend Kevin does it too!

eponymoushipster's avatar

Has anyone ever used a bidet? It is most…unusual.

Standswithacane's avatar

if you’re worried about the “plop” a bidet is not for you.

Standswithacane's avatar

because no. 1 there’s water involved, and

No. 2… well…

Nimis's avatar

@Standswithacane Actually bidets use a different water source. At least that’s what the dude at the Toto showroom said. Yes. I went to a toilet showroom.

The ones we saw in Japan had different angles. Some of the angles were errr…a bit intrusive.

Also had fake flushing sounds and music to drown out unsavory sounds. Oh. Those Japanese!

asmonet's avatar

@Nimis: Your nerd is showing.

Nimis's avatar

@asmonet Was going to say that it was more like my dork was showing. Then thought it best not to perpetuate any already-existing gender confusion. Ha.

asmonet's avatar

@Nimis: Probably for the best. :)

Toilet dork.

tyrantxseries's avatar

It takes 5–10 minutes to pooopopopopopoopop
I’m a naked pooper too
in public bathrooms I make the most noise I can, “3,2,1 plop”, “corn!?! when did I eat corn?” also in public bathrooms it takes longer 10–15 minutes, usually because I’m reading what’s on the stall walls..funny stuff.

Nimis's avatar

@tyrantxseries You take longer in public restrooms?
I would have guessed most people do the opposite.

augustlan's avatar

I don’t do it in public restrooms at all, unless I’m in danger of dying! I avoid it like the plague.

madcapper's avatar

I think this question has the most posts I have ever seen… keep it classy fluther! haha

dynamicduo's avatar

Holy moses. Grabbing your poop to avoid the sploosh sound is something I’ve never ever heard anyone do before this day. Sounds in bathrooms are to be expected! As a girl, I’m not offended by the sounds I make nor the sounds others make, and a period is much worse than a poop, cause a poop doesn’t last a few days.

If you want to stifle the splash, put a few squares of toilet paper in the bowl before you start. This method also helps avoid splashback when a mighty missile comes flying out.

As for me, I’m a quick pooper and a clothed pooper. I’ll poop almost anywhere, I don’t avoid public restrooms, in fact I like using them cause it saves my own toilet paper at home. I chuckle at those who use toilet seat covers, or worse, who make a little nest around the seat with toilet paper and then leave the nest right there once they’re done.

wundayatta's avatar

We have a plopless toilet in a sound proofed bathroom with a personalized combination lock on the door (don’t ask). There is also a time on the wall, so we know exactly how long we’ve been in there. Automatic air refresher nozzles mist the air at regular intervals. The entire thing sanitizes itself with hospital strength anti-bacterial the moment a person leaves the room. There are also automatic stomach massagers for people who have difficulties with elimination.

There is a magazine rack, but after a certain amount of time, it dissapears into the wall, and takes your reading material with it. The same thing happens with the radio. There is a phone mounted on the wall behind waterproof shielding. No TV, though. You can also select from a number of musical selections designed to aid in the process.

This is because, in my family, the average time until cleaning is 34.6 minutes. One person actually spent 3.5 hours in the loo, doing his business. Actually, this was the event that precipitated the remodelling effort, since there were some unfortunate events outside the bathroom during that time, and we only have one bathroom.

We don’t have many visitors who visit more than once. I’m sure you can imagine why this is. It has, in the past, proven difficult for members of my family to find matrimonial partners. The only ones willing to consider nuptuals with a young man or women in the family are people from other families like ours. As a result, over the generations, the problem has grown worse. It’s not for nothing that the family motto is “we are quirky.”

kevbo's avatar

Now, I’m reminded of my time in Russia in ‘93 (just a week). The toilet bowl in the hotel was sort of backwards, if that makes sense. So your dump didn’t fall into water. It fell onto a mid-tier shelf inside the bowl and then when you flushed, the water swept your dump off the shelf and down into and through the water reservoir in the bottom of the bowl (which was toward the front). Weird.

SuperMouse's avatar

@kevbo what an ingenious way to avoid the dreaded plopping sound.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

I wake up to fine that fluther has sent me THIS question???? Ooookkay!

btko's avatar

@kevbo, yeah those toilets are all over Russia. It is interesting, I spent a few months there and still never really understood it, but I game up with a coupe ideas:

It uses a lot less water than “conventional” toilets.
Easier to examine/sample your poop for medical reasons

robmandu's avatar

Well, seems like this thread is the best place to post this sanitary technique for your consideration. (so very NSFW)

@Kevbo, we had those shelf toilets in (West) Germany back when I was there.

kevbo's avatar

@btko, very true. @robmandu, I didn’t remember them in Germany, but I don’t doubt you. Yeah, it certainly gave a different perspective on your specimen. Of course, mine was out of the ordinary to start on account of the wonderful food we had. ;-)

kevbo's avatar

@robmandu, will you hand me my assbrush before you leave?

Ha! That’s funny.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@kevbo yeah, it conserves water. but those toilets are also part of the reason you don’t put your used paper down the toilet, but rather, in a basket next to it. possibly one of the grossest things ever.

wundayatta's avatar

Anyone want to discuss the standard toilet in Asia? Two footprints and a hole in the floor?

kevbo's avatar

@daloon, I hear that’s actually better because it’s a more natural shitting position. I did have a friend who accidentally stepped in one in Italy, though.

@eponymoushipster, those do suck. I had to deal with that on my recent trip to Costa Rica. Makes you a little more conscious of your wiping efficiency.

jca's avatar

I’m quick, don’t go in until i have to go. Am usually in and out within two minutes.

Also, I can’t shit in public unless I absolutely am feeling sick or something.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@daloon the list of “pros” for squat toilets on wikipedia is quite awesome:

a sampling

- Squatting might help to build the required exhaust pressure more comfortably and quickly

-Squatting makes elimination faster, easier and more complete take note, 30 minute shitters.

The lack of water in the bowl avoids the problem of splashing. (problem solved, turd grabbers)

i believe what @kevbo is pointing out is that these are not as likely to cause ‘roids, since there’s less pushing.

(the “cons” list is almost as great – squat toliet + the squirts = notsogreat).

Judi's avatar

I haven’t read the responses yet, but I can’t believe there are 158 of them already! Who’d a thunk it?

Judi's avatar

@Nimis ; I HAVE one of those toto toilets with the Washlet. It’s great! (I spend more time in the bathroom now!)

Nimis's avatar

@Judi I’m about to get one myself. Very excited!

augustlan's avatar

If I had one of those, I might never leave the bathroom!

steve6's avatar

I’ve stayed in hotels with phones and TVs in the bathrooms. Porcelain heaven. Oh, and the toilet scene from Trainspotting takes the cake.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@steve6 the best bathroom scene ever.

dynamicduo's avatar

Nah uh. Pulp Fiction has the best bathroom scenes ever. In fact, bathrooms play an interesting part in that movie.

eponymoushipster's avatar

eh. Trainspotting is way more fun than Pulp Fiction.

PrancingUrchin's avatar

What kind of person am I that this came up in my ‘Questions for You’ section of my Fluther?

edit: I think I’ve answered my own question, I’m on the toilet right now.

Trustinglife's avatar

I was thinking about this lovely question as I was doing my business in the bathroom today. And I came up with a joke to honor this great thread. Ready? (It’s off-color.)

Q: What does a prostitute call it when she rides on top, cowboy-style?
A: Sitting on the john.

Jack79's avatar

Anywhere from 1 to 5 minutes, but lately I have started taking something to read with me, on the basis that I’m sitting down there anyway, and I might as well use the waiting time, and usually I’ll get into whatever it is I’m reading and end up spending 10 or 20 mins in there just reading.

Which I assume is what happens to most people that end up spending an hour locked up in a little room smelling their own feces.

punkrockworld's avatar

hahaha this is a funny question. But what is even funnier is that some people just sit and shit there for about 45 minutes in that little stinky place
how do you not faint?

Trustinglife's avatar

The smell goes away after awhile.
But it comes back if you have to go back into the bathroom for something soon after.

critter1982's avatar

I always use the courtesy flush. As soon as you plop one in, just flush the toilet. We also have a can of Lysol very close by, for those that just kind of linger around even though you’ve flushed.

90s_kid's avatar

Awkward…
Well I hate automatic toilets because they courtesy flush when I am trying to do my buisness. It scares the sh*t out of me, but not the way I want it to come out!
My brother always clogs p the downstairs [lower level] toilet. But it is all broken. I hate toilet!!! conspiracy on toilets Who’s with me?

babiturtle36's avatar

LOL, the smell hasn’t just gone away , you have gotten use to it.

kevbo's avatar

My ex-girlfriend’s cat used to shit in the bathtub every morning (which I had to deal with since I was first up to take a shower). I could still smell cat shit an hour or two later after I had already arrived at work.

90s_kid's avatar

I know potty-trained cats. Not mine though, but she had no trouble learning to use the litterbox.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@90s_kid you know them? personally?

eponymoushipster's avatar

@90s_kid you said: I know potty-trained cats. Not mine though, but she had no trouble learning to use the litterbox.

do you know them personally?

90s_kid's avatar

Oh. Yeah I should have mentioned that more specifically.
No, not in person, but by way of youtube. :)

eponymoushipster's avatar

damn. i wanted to meet those cats.

90s_kid's avatar

Well, either way I wouldn’t have happened. Kidding I am mean.
I am still looking.
Not that I have an obsession about toilet….going….cats…......................

mrswho's avatar

My cat could pee in the human toilet, we walked in the bathroom and just caught her one day. She doesn’t do that anymore though.

augustlan's avatar

I had a male cat that did that. He learned from watching my ex-husband! He didn’t ever learn how to flush, though. :(

90s_kid's avatar

AWW!
That’s still awesome.

augustlan's avatar

Took me a second… the cat, silly :)

eponymoushipster's avatar

OH well, you never know…

lynzeut's avatar

My husband calls me “Slippery Colon” if that answers the question.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@lynzeut that answers a lot of questions.

essieness's avatar

So I know this was asked 4 weeks ago, but I so almost asked this question today!!

delirium's avatar

Oh god. It’s taking all of my willpower combined to answer this. I am an extremely proper person. Human waste is, in my world, an absolutely horrifying topic. I’m aware it’s just human but I become terribly Victorian about it. Even though I understand the logical sides, its still horrifying to mention and vile to hear mention of.

However, I think, from a medical standpoint, this thread would be benefited by http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Bristol_Stool_Chart.png.

augustlan's avatar

@delirium Ewww. Thanks for the visual! ;-)

delirium's avatar

Haha, well… when I first came across it it helped me realize that having type 1 all the time was not normal, and was being caused by my antidepressants. It helps to know these things, sometimes.

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

If I feel like there is enough time to sit and read a magazine I’ll leave and come back when my body is more ready to get it done and over with quickly.

tiffyandthewall's avatar

this is the funniest question i’ve ever seen. even better than my personal favourite, ‘how long is your dock?’.

anyway, it doesn’t take me very long. haha.

timothykinney's avatar

Re: poop time – eating a lot of fiber can actually increase your poop time because you are removing gunk from the walls of the colon which increases the size. I think there is more at work here than just how healthy the bowels are. A large diameter poop can be difficult to allow through the anus. I wonder if people who receive anal sex may have more experience with relaxing their bowel muscles. This might be interesting to analyze in terms of the male/female poop times. It was explained to me once by a woman who has had anal sex that there are two sets of muscles to relax: the outer muscles is voluntary and is the one we normally associate with pooping, but the inner muscles are involuntary and required being relaxed. Perhaps this latter set can be relaxed more easily with practice.

Also, if you are “squeezing out” your load in an effort to be quick, be aware that you can give yourself hemorrhoids this way. It’s safer and easier to just let the bowel movement happen at its own pace. The worst thing you can do is try to rush your boyfriend who clearly prefers to take his time. Do you really want to apply Preparation H to his anus several times a day? If not, let him relax.

Re: being naked – I prefer to be naked on the throne, but it’s not necessary. Not the shirt as much as the pants though. The reason is because if you wear underwear with an elastic band it will stretch out against your legs while you sit on the toilet. When I sit, I spread my legs to about a 30–40 degree angle to avoid skidmarks. Not wearing pants/underwear makes this happen without stretching the elastic band. The other option is to pull the underwear down to your ankles, but it seems icky to let then touch the floor right in front of the toilet, so I don’t.

Re: catching poop – I’m honestly not surprised that a hot girl does this. Beautiful women can have some of the weirdest (and close to disgusting) personal habits. I think that catching poop is going too far to avoid being heard, but that’s their prerogative.

Re: avoiding poop sounds – This is not nearly as important as avoiding poop splashes. I think the most disgusting thing in the world is if some toilet water splashes back up into your asshole when you’re trying to take a dump. To avoid this, I place a layer or two of toilet paper on the surface of the toilet water to break the surface tension.

Re: western toilets – Not my favorite. In Taiwan I got really used to using the “slot in the ground” style toilet. Instead of sitting on a seat, you squat over a porcelain slot in the ground by straddling it with your feet. This has multiple benefits. 1) No splashing or plopping sounds because there is not standing water in the slot. 2) No need to remove pants/underwear because the opening of the orifice is accomplished by the squatting position. 3) No need to physically touch the toilet that other people have touched or possibly shat upon. 4) Stepping on the flush button seems more sanitary than touching a handle with your hand (and easier than wrapping it with toilet paper). 5) The satisfaction of watching the water rush your creation down the pipes.

There are two downsides to Taiwanese toilets, by the way. 1) The smell is completely uninhibited, and fiber is not very common in Taiwanese cooking. 2) Most Taiwanese bathrooms have sub-standard plumbing (by U.S. standards) and you cannot put toilet paper down the pipes. Instead, there is a garbage can in every stall. You are supposed to wipe, wrap the toilet paper in more toilet paper, and then place it in the garbage can. I couldn’t help but wonder how many people had accidentally gotten their poop on the garbage can.

re: bidets – They sound fruity, but in Japan I used one for about 3 days. It is far superior to toilet paper with regard to 1) ease of cleaning the rear 2) comfort of cleaning the rear 3) efficiency of cleaning the rear. I wish that bidets were more common in the U.S. The water is warm and refreshing.

re: courtesy flush – I won’t do it for two reasons. 1) I read somewhere that the flushing of a toilet produces a fine spray up to 6 feet from the toilet that has measurable levels of feces in it. NO THANKS. 2) I get creeped out hearing the sound of cold, rushing water and feeling the small splashes and cold air on my bum.

Judi's avatar

@timothykinney ; I never heard of a poop scholar before, but you sir, deserve an award! Although the thought of someone putting so much effort into this discussion is a little creepy too.

timothykinney's avatar

@Judi Why, thank you! I do fancy myself a sort of scholar, and I admit I have given much thought to the subject of pooh. I think I’ll modify my profile now…

:)

erichw1504's avatar

Seriously, like 1 minute. I’m in and out faster than you can say “chimichanga”.

jazmina88's avatar

i’m infor flushable wipes….cleans your hinie…finey….makes your ass like glass

alterego2531's avatar

So, I googled this question and this popped up. Been laughing ever since. My friggin roommate is getting on me because I take long shits. I’ve never known a fast shitter. It boggles my mind. It’s like an event for me. I wait until it’s ready, grab a good book or magazine, and go do business for at least 20–30 minutes, sometimes more. I used to not like to do it in public- however, I’m over that. I’m on the road a lot for work, so when I have to go, I go. Go in, sit down, get a game of Tetris going on the cell, and do business. I don’t care how loud it is. We used to have competitions in college. After a night of debauchery, we’d go get breakfast and come back to the dorm and have conversations and competitions in the bathroom. My friend and I have shit ESP: I’ll call him up, “Hey man, what’s up?” “Nothin, takin a shit.” “Yeah, me too.” Lol, some of you need to take some time and enjoy your bathroom time. I can’t wait until I buy my house, I’m getting a flat screen and an ottoman in my bathroom.

echotech10's avatar

I always spend anywhere from 15–30 minutes on the toilet when I am having a bowel movement. This is because, I am an IBS sufferer, so I never know what is going to come out, and how much is going to come out in a sitting. I do not use courtesy flushes…what is the point. I do not give a shit,(pun intended) if someone else hears my plops in the toilet. I have also pooped in multi-stall unisex bathrooms, while women were in there doing the same thing. I have, on several occasions, have had to use a womens’ restroom to poop when the men’s restroom was out of order, while there were women in the restroom. I frequently poop in front of my wife, in the mornings, when we are both getting ready for the day; in addition I will also pee and poop in front of my daughter, who is in the potty-training process. Everyone poops. I have no inhibitions and nothing to hide. At home, I will disrobe to poop, because I use a stool to put my feet on while pooping, to simulate the squatting position, which is more effective for me. I do not read on the toilet, but will sometimes talk on the phone, depending who is on the other end.

MissAnthrope's avatar

Wow, this thread was seriously entertaining. And I’m tickled that it’s still going.

megan_h's avatar

On average about 5 minutes for me. It usually is about ready to come out as soon as I sit down (although sometimes I have to relax a minute for it to start). But it is slow coming out, and I usually have to push often during a bowel movement in order to get rid of it. The time it takes also is likely dependent on how frequently you go and how solid your poop is; I go every other day and it is almost always hard so it just takes awhile coming out. I am amazed someone can poop in just 15 seconds.

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echotech10's avatar

@girlofscience I experience both of the questions that you ask: most of the time as soon as I sit down, the poop starts to come out, and continues to do so in volume, and with a multitude of what I call “poop waves”. Other times, I feel the need to poop and I will be seated on the toilet for a minute or two before things start to move. It all depends on what is going on with my body. IBS, by definition, is very unpredictable. With that said when I have to poop, I have to poop NOW. So far, so good, there thave been no accidents as of yet.

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TAB67's avatar

I take my time, sometime 10 minutes, sometimes 15 or 20. I do it in the morning, once and I completely empty, if you will. I think it’s because I have a busy schedule and I’m always on the go and I don’t like using public toilets to handle my business so I make sure it’s a done deal before I leave the house. I find it hard to believe you fast poopers are completely emptying your tanks and I think it’s kinda gross to be walking around with torpedoes at the ready :)

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usernamepassword's avatar

If I’m in a rush, i will take maybe 5–10 minutes, but that’s if I’m really trying to hurry (like in a porta potty or public restroom). Typically, I will spend 15–20 minutes, however.

jackbrown's avatar

Great question from GirlOfScience, i think the answer has to do with many people being chronically constipated without realizing it, because they have never known any different.

I am ready to bet the above poster “TAB67” that i can crap more in 15 seconds than you can crap in 15 minutes. It’s a total myth that people who sit a long time on the toilet are actually shitting more volume than those who are in & out of the bathroom. People who stay a long time in the bathroom are just constipated.

Luu's avatar

I used to have normal poops like most of ya’ll, but after I got a colon disease it’s been either extreme constipation or extreme diarrhea. Now it takes me about an hour and a half to get a bit of it out, and that’s only when I’m in a comfortable situation. Public Restrooms are out of the question, that shit does not happen, literally. I’ve been trying to get over my new social anxiety of pooping, talking about poop, and doing my business, so I’m really hear to talk about that. When people don’t “understand” how people can take a long time on the crapper, it’s kind of offensive and it indeed makes me less comfortable and more constipated and the like. It’s not all about food and fiber and much, (I only eat fruit and take daily laxatives) but it’s just how our bodies (bowels, muscles, diet and social fears/comforts) “go.”
All I ask is that people be more open to talking about feces and don’t give weird glances to people that take a longer time on the toilet.
Also: the things I would do for a normal poop. Rejoice for that 30 – 1min poop and that satisfying feel feces being expelled from your body, it’s too much taken for granted.

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raymen's avatar

Truth: read this entire thread while pooping lol i laughed was grossed out then popped the gross away now its just funny. Haha quick question: my brother claims to have real bad diharea and won’t go to school. I tell him to just go to prove to the staff that he is in fact sick (he has truancy problems) but he says he too occupied on the toilet to go… He’s been there for the last 4 hrs.. Is that possible.

Cha_Cha_Tengo's avatar

I do not take long in the bathroom. MY BROTHER TAKES FOREVER IN THERE!!! It’s like, take a dump Then leave!!!!!!!!!! I really need to go! And he’s just in there playing stupid games on his idiotic new phone. I NEED TO F*ING GO YOU F*ER!!!!! play your stupid games in your bed!! There are 3 bathrooms in my home. One that is horrible, doesn’t flush, one that my sister claims to be hers, AND ONE THAT MY BROTHER ALWAYS TAKES FOREVER IN!!!!!!!!!!!

DWW25921's avatar

That really depends if I have a “pusher” or a “slider”. Sometimes I’m done in just a few minutes. Other times I swear I could read “War and Peace” and still not be done. I should take a fiber supplement after dairy. Maybe that would help?

Longpoops's avatar

This is great! Hahaha if you can beleve it, I stumbled across this post while taking a nice Long poop and created an account just to comment. I always take 10–30 min poops. I enjoy the time to myself and occasionally when I think I’ve been done for a little while I get surprised by another poo or two. BUT I only poop once a day, maybe you fast poopers should try sitting for 10 mins one day, I’d be willing to bet that you have more poop than u can squeeze out in 30 seconds. All your life you walk around carrying extra poop with you, take your time, let it out, lighten your load. I think long poopers are probably generally happier people. And not as full of shit (pun intended)

wilma's avatar

Thanks for your insight @Longpoops . Welcome to fluther.

extremepooper's avatar

I take 20–30 minutes to poop. I don’t read or play games or anything it just takes me that long to do the deed. I fart like crazy when I poop too.

brockjms1's avatar

Not shy here.. it actually takes some time to get rid of all of it.. I am quick in the beginning buy like to wait a few before o rise, just to be sure. A good book or smart phone helps..

tech_poo's avatar

it takes about 5 minutes. normally most of the poop itself will come out in about 30–40 seconds. the consistancy varies from small turds till big 4-fingers wide large turds (penis-sized). i have to push a little bit on the large turds. On the small turds, i only have to relax my butthole.

sjbk2014's avatar

I poop with my legs up to my chest and im in and out within 2 mins..my husband takes atleast half an hour and watches porn the whole time..I think its gross but what ever keeps him happy I guess

AmusedCT's avatar

I am hysterical – this is so funny! I love it!! Cannot believe how open people are about their poophabits! What I would like to know is why some people have to be reading something when they poop! I was googling that and came across this post! I have a friend who will grab anything – even the shampoo or air freshner bottle but she has to be reading when the poop happens! Anyone else experience this and why?

Thatguymojo905's avatar

This is soooo funny lol. I joined to talk about poop. I poop fast, usually around 1 min. I drink coffee and I also smoke tobacco and pot. I find when I smoke a bowl with pot and tobacco mixed I’m pooping immediately. Or sometimes when I have a smoke and a coffee I have to poop or it helps. I don’t poop often only usually once a day but most people I know poo like. Twice a day and take a lot longer than I do so that’s why I googled fast pooing and found this. Poop is cool

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