Does it bug you when you ask a yes-no question and get an essay for an answer?

yes.

yes.

Yes

I had to edit my complete response because I broke the rules, apparently.

yes.

@Bluefreedom the first rule of yes-no question questions is to answer yes or no.
the second rule of yes-no question questions is to answer yes or no.

Yes, and the opposite holds true, too.

Yes.

(our husband’s must be related. Mine does the same thing)

@eponymoushipster. And the third rule is not to be critical of people for giving good answers even though they don’t fit the exact specifications of what the question originally asked for? Just wondering.

No. . . this is ironic

It does bother me. Sometimes I preface my question by explicitly saying “I just want a yes or no.” I find it helps reduce essay style questions. Some people like telling stories though. As long as you find some time to entertain them, I feel it’s fair for them to find some times to not entertain you with a story for an answer.

@Bluefreedom it was a joke, dude. chill.

Depends, the world isn’t always so black or white.

For what it’s worth, non Yes-No answers here are just fine. ;)

<laughs>

I’m very guilty of enacting that torture on those who’ve come to me for answers.

So… Not really.

Not really.

@eponymoushipster. I couldn’t tell when I first read it. I’m sorry about that.

@Bluefreedom no probs

@eponymoushipster: The third rule of fight club can’t really be adapted here…

@KatawaGrey i suppose not

yes

I had a boss like that. Drove me nuts.

yes

No.

Yes and No.

No, because you’re the one who gives the essay questions, @laureth! ;-)

Yep. I frequently want to say “Get to the point, already!”

Seriously, if there aren’t any people justifying their yeas or nays then you are wasting your time asking a question. If all you get are are yeses and nos then you will have just taken a poll without the reasoning behind any of it.

@Baloo72 I think she means in real life, face to face conversation. I know I do. Here, I lurve the essays!

I do mean in real life. Like “hey, hon, are you ready to leave yet?” All I need is a yes or a no, not a detailed description of what he’s done so far to get ready.

@augustlan ah, I assumed because she said “essay” for an answer that she meant written responses. In that case I prefer a simple yes or no when that’s what I’m asking for, but I usually say that after my question.

Depends:

For quick info, yes.
If the answer is not so cut-and-dry, no.
For fluther, well I thought that was against the guidelines.

Yah.

You promise not to bore me with pointless stories, and I’ll promise not to bore you with pointless justifications of my yes… or no…. well, maybe.

Yes!

Oh I’m horrible about going off on a tangent. My kids give me a hard time because they’d ask me a simple question about math homework in high school and pretty soon I’d be expounding on some calculus concept that could help them if they were in college, but they can’t use it because they are in highschool. And when they’d ask if a sentence was gramatically correct, I’d read the entire paper and give them all sorts of suggetions about how the paper ought to be structured in three points. I mean if it’s good enough for Julius Caesar, it should be good enough for them, right? My wife, though, she asks me a question and I answer yes, or no, and it’s not good enough. I have to explain what I mean and how I feel about it. Actually that’s not really true, my wife is really good about that. .

.. . .
Um…
...

What was the question?

Next morning tangent found, abandoned, on side of road… No sign of Grisson

Nup. If I was having a convo with someone in real-life I wouldn’t ask the question and then add “I will only accept yes/no responses. Proceed now.” You can ask but just ignore the longer answers. Like you will undoubtedly mine. I don’t know why I bother.

@artificialard – Not ignoring! It’s different on Fluther than in real life. Plus, you answered with a negative, and then explained. That’s cool.

Some people really enjoy hearing themselves talk on and on. And before you know it, one thought leads to another, and you’re completely off topic, or you assume they know your answer already. It reminds me of a public speaking course I took a few years back and how I could continue to talk. It was all in the details for that class, and keeping everyone captivated in what I had to say.

Sometimes it bothers me, if I’m in a hurry or need a fast answer and the person I ask just keeps talking and talking, and I’ve only asked a close ended question which should result in a yes, or no. At that point I’d interrupt them and just say, is that a yes, or a no? I feel like I almost offend them sometimes.

Though, sometimes I’m not in a hurry at all, and I find it comical that someone can take a close ended question and just keep talking and talking about nothing and still not give a direct answer to what I had just asked.

I’d say 95% of the time I don’t mind, where as that 5% of the time I’m probably in a hurry and it drives me crazy.

So….No, it doesn’t bug me.

@laureth. Nah I’m just jokes, it’s all good. Good thing this is on the interwebs or we would’ve thrown down by now.

not always.
i feel like if i explain my answer i’m being too wordy now! haha
i’d prefer to get a wordy response for a yes or no question than a yes or no answer to a deeper question.

Yes. Now…<insert essay here…>

At first I thought this was a trick question, and we would be in trouble if we said more than “yes” or “No”.

I wish I had that problem. My Hubby is all UhHuh, or Nope, when I want a whole lot more information. How was work today? OK (Never mind his office just had a meeting where they were told they would be moving across town).

@Yarnlady: I had the same problem, and was frustrated when my partner would reply with single word answers to “How was your day?” style questions, until I realized that a lot of it stems from how differently men and women view communication. Women view communicating as becoming closer – I tell you about my bad day, you sympathize and tell me about this one time you had a bad day, we grow closer as a result. Men see communication as having purpose, a defined goal, something should come of it, otherwise why bother talking? So if I tell my man about my bad day, he thinks I’m talking because I have a problem and he starts to “solve” my bad day, whereas I just want to become closer with him by chatting and don’t intent to solve anything I discuss. Generalizing, of course, but it’s very worthwhile to note.

@dynamicduo: as the differences between men and women, and their differing communications styles become ever more well publicized, don’t these things become truisms that perhaps will divide us further?

I know what the popular literature says women want. I can explain men to women. I love to make my wife feel good, even if it is tedious to listen to something without solving a problem. On the other hand, sometimes I’m glad I don’t have to solve her problems. Her family is a mess!

Maybe I’m asking whether this knowledge helps us? Because it sounds like women can patronize men, knowing how they act, and men can do the same. Is this an advance in relations?

Edit: @laureth, I’m sorry I have given an essay answer in your question about essay answers! I totally did not mean to do it, my deepest apologies if you are offended :)

@daloon said: don’t these things become truisms that perhaps will divide us further?

As with all knowledge, there will be some that use it to divide, some that use it to unite, some who learn from it and use it to better their interactions, and some who choose to ignore or deny it.

I shall illustrate with a personal example. Prior to discovering the differences, I would feel frustrated when I asked my partner how their day was and got back an answer of “OK, I guess.” and nothing more. I would have interpreted this as my partner not wanting to share their day with me, purposely being distant or having their mind preoccupied with something else, and I would be hurt. But with my knowledge in my comment above, I understand that the answer of “OK, I guess” really means that his day was fine and nothing of importance happened that necessitates further talking, and that his brevity is not an insult or judgment about me. I have also learned to rephrase my question and ask it in precise way that gets the sharing and interaction I desire: “What progress did you make in shop class?” “Share with me one interesting thing you learned today.” “Did you meet up with your friends?”

I have chosen to use the knowledge to benefit myself and make my interactions with my partner, if not many other men, much more efficient and effective. The simple fact of understanding why women like to share long pointless stories, and the man compliment of why they don’t enjoy such things, is worth its weight in gold. I can definitely say the knowledge helped me.

Sure, some people may choose to use it as an excuse to patronize each other. But women and men patronize each other now with all sorts of other excuses, so I’m not really seeing how the existence of one more bullet would make any real difference. Beyond that, I am simply not responsible, nor care, about what others choose to do. I know I would never do such a thing, and that’s all that matters to me. I think it says much more about the person who is using this as a way to patronize their partner, than it does about the knowledge itself.

Even as we get into understanding the true differences between our sexes, there will never be a time where the knowledge will not help us. It may be uncomfortable to encounter it, coming from an angle of equality between the sexes, but it is only when we learn about the differences that we can take steps to equalizing them, or at least becoming aware of them. The alternative is to simply avoid the knowledge or ignore it (bury one’s head in sand), and as a logic and fact based person I simply cannot support such actions.

@dynamicduo Well said! You’ve convinced me!

@daloon I didn’t set out to do so, but I appreciate your kind words :)

No offense. Essays are welcome! :) Lurve.

Just the facts please.

yes.

It doesn’t bother me at all. There is sometimes more information to be forwarded than just yes or no. If you aren’t willing to hear the rest of the info it could result in faulty decision making. And I find people who are all stuck on yes and no and dismissive of people who would like to deliver the rest of the info invalidating of the very people attempting to connect and support them. Living totally in rational mind at the expense of emotional minds is not balance. It is another form of being out of control only a lesser focused on extreme. It’s cold, unfeeling, uncaring, uncooperative, and unharmonious.

I’m willing to hear the rest of the answer, but I like when they start with a “Yes, but…” or a “No, but…” to let me know in which direction they plan to head. Very often, they’re answering a question I haven’t asked.

@Laureth In conversation and in P&A there are times when a question is asked and it reveals a dynamic wherein other information might be useful to the inquiry. It happens in education settings and it happens in therapeutic treatment. It happens when we talk to our kids and significant others. It happens on sites like these because people feel somewhat compelled to assist in broadening understanding. It usually doesn’t happen in superficial conversations because people are not as willing to demonstrate the caring of a social intimate. If you don’t feel your question was answered by the return volley however than it’s fair game to say, “Yes but that doesn’t answer my original question.” Usually people will then return to the original question and using direct or Socratic method get you to the answer. It may not be the answer you were looking for however. And that brings up another point. Sometimes people are asking the wrong question. If you are asking questions about the ass end of an Elephant in the room it might just be better to have someone turn the elephant around so you can see what the animal is. Hope you get that analogy. It’s an important understanding regarding answers you may get in life. If you keep turning the elephant back to the ass end sometimes you are missing the beast in the room.

I understand all that, I really do. But here’s an example from last night. I wanted to do some writing, and I hate to be interrupted when the thought juices are flowing, so I asked my husband when he thought he might be headed up to bed. That’s all the information I needed: whether it would be sooner, or later. I would decide, based on that information, whether to start my writing right then, or wait until morning.

So I asked, “Do you think you will be headed up to bed sooner, or later, hon?”

And Mr. Laureth, he went right to the place in his head where he hears nagging, and he assumes that (1) I want him to go to bed right now, because I’m tired and we always go to bed together, and possibly also (2), that he plays too much of his favorite video game and that he ought to turn it off. And he started to power down the computer and get all grumpy, “Fine! I’ll turn off the computer. I was right in the middle of the turn, can’t you wait?”

But if he had only answered the question I asked, free of judgement, he might have said, “I’m busy playing Game, I’ll head up later,” that would have given me the information I needed to decide whether to stay up and write, or go to bed. Or, he could have said, “I hadn’t noticed the time! I’m tired, and I’m heading up.” But he went somewhere else entirely with the answer, nowhere near what I was thinking about.

Perhaps I needed to provide more information, like telling him I was considering staying up to write, but very often that also backfires. “Well, I’m very tired,” he might answer, “But since you want to stay up and write, I guess I’ll stay up.” I don’t want him to feel so obliged, because I can also write in the morning. That’s why I ask questions as free of judgement as possible, so I might get an honest answer of when the guy really feels like going up to bed, no matter on what I plan to do.

You could say that his video game addiction is the face end of the elephant that I need to see, or that I should decide first if I want to write or not and then issue an ultimatum, but I didn’t really want to go in either of those directions. I just wanted to know when he was headed to bed. That’s all.

This is an example of different styles of conveying information and asking for information. A better question for someone like him is, “Are you going up to bed after you are finished with this run through of the game or are you going to play for awhile, because I’m would like to go up with you and am wondering how much longer I can work.” It’s you giving HIM More information which is just as important as asking him not to give so much. You need to GIVE more in order for him to better understand what kind of feedback you are looking for and why.

Uh huh!

Yes, when it’s in real life. I think that comes from people who are afraid to commit. They can always say, “I didn’t say yes!” and “I didn’t say no!”

Here, no. Here I’m thrilled that we’re allowed to ask Y N answers now. A couple of years ago your question would have been pulled for that reason. : )

Only when it’s being too overly-criticized for being uninteresting. Even if it’s not my own yes or no question.