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wundayatta's avatar

Have you ever had a critic you trusted? How did you find that person?

Asked by wundayatta (58367 points ) March 3rd, 2009

I think some people trust their spouse to tell them the truth, good or bad. Others have editors or coaches or teachers they trust. Still others have friends.

If you have had one, how did you find them, and what made you able to trust their opinion? Did they reflect the public in some way? Were they hard on you? Easy? Did they give good advice? Or just point at problems or things that worked?

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13 Answers

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

I have a friend that I call Santa (long story, but easy answer is he has a white beard and looks like the jolly old elf) and I usually go to him for advice. He advised me on something awhile back that I ignored, much to my dismay. While you can’t trust ALL your elders for good advice, those you can trust are worth their weight in gold. Santa is about 20 years older than I am.

I met him at a job I held about ten years ago; he was a repairman for the machine I was using, and we just hit it off. We struck up a friendship, and have been pals ever since. I just seem to get along better with people older than I am, and I recognize the value of the wisdom that comes from those types of folks.

While he is not infallible with advice, he does have a unique perspective on things, and he has shown me time and again that with age comes wisdom. I have serious trust isssues due to past experiences with folks I refer to as ‘little shits’ and Santa has reaffirmed my faith in the fact that not all people are LS.

Jack79's avatar

My manager, who also happens to be my best friend. Or rather the other way around: he is my best friend, which is why I trusted him enough to make him my manager.

I know everything he says is only meant to help me and that I can trust him 100%.

Trustinglife's avatar

A very close friend of mine I trust as a critic. What helps me trust her is that she is an 8 on the Enneagram. Let me explain. (Here‘s a great explanation of what the 8 is about if you want to read about it.) In general, 8’s love big energy, a big experience of life. They’re not afraid of conflict. And they are drawn to the truth like a boxer to the ring.

So when my friend who’s an 8 gives me advice, feedback, or criticism, I completely trust that it’s coming from a place of truth. And since she loves me, I trust that it is coming from that place, not just the cold hard truth.

How to find such a person? Look for someone who is drawn to the truth, and is loyal to it. And someone who loves you while telling you the truth, and values the relationship as much if not more than the truth.

Grisson's avatar

<== Not Santa.

scamp's avatar

I am fortunate enough to have 3 people that I trust to tell me the truth. They tell me good or bad in a loving way, and the reason I trust them is because of their intelligence and prove track record.

I don’t trust or respect easily, so having as many as 3 people who I feel I can both trust and respect makes me feel like a very fortunate person indeed.

Blondesjon's avatar

For me to trust another’s criticism, I must hold a higher opinion of that person than I do for myself.

so far the list is pretty short and all four of them live in my house

Knotmyday's avatar

Met him at work. He’s right; sometimes I’m an ass. Sometimes he’s pompous, though.

onesecondregrets's avatar

Anyone who is disgustingly real and truthful with me becomes a critic I trust. Whether they stay one, or stay that way is a different story. I’ve found them on Fluther. I’ve found them at work. I’ve found them in school and social situations. Y’know.

VzzBzz's avatar

I met my longest time best friend in college, he later became my husband then ex husband and we are still best friends. He can tell me the truth even when it’s not pretty, he’s rarely wrong if he can observe a situation and is blessed with constructive criticism.

eaglei20200's avatar

Yes. A wonderful coincidence put us side by side at a very odd writing job for a one-time publication. He was an excellent writer and a generous but rigorous critic. I was his editor for a while later on. He has since won a National Book Award, and I’m typing answers on Fluther. But they’re better answers because of his influence.

wundayatta's avatar

@eaglei20200: would it be possible for you to say anything about that publication, and what made it one-time only?

eaglei20200's avatar

It was a magazine parody project back in the early 80s when such things were all the rage. One furiously busy summer, and over.

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