General Question

aneedleinthehayy's avatar

I turn into a crazy bitch during PMS, help?

Asked by aneedleinthehayy (1186 points ) March 8th, 2009

I am going through PMS right now and I am in a relationship. And I think I am destroying it. I get mad or upset over the stupidest things every 5 freakin minutes and then have to talk about it so we end up fighting and I never feel any better. I realize I am doing it and I hate myself for it, but I don’t know how to control myself! I take pride in being a level-headed, understanding girlfriend but then this happens and I become exactly what I hate. I’m trying hard as it is, but is there anything I can do to calm myself during these few weeks that I am a raving lunatic? Girls, do you have a similar problem, is it just me, is it the relationship maybe?

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31 Answers

Lothloriengaladriel's avatar

just explain its “that time of the month” he’ll understand.

mangeons's avatar

@Lothloriengaladriel said it all. :)

Haven’t seen you in awhile. Where ya been? :)

DrBill's avatar

This is caused by a hormone imbalance, see your doctor, there is medicine that can help control it.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

How long does it last? It’s probably best to talk to your SO about it when you’re not in the middle of it. You may want to have your hormone levels checked. There are things that you can get from a compounding pharmacy that mitigate the symptoms.

jonsblond's avatar

@aneedleinthehayy You are not alone. I’ve been a crazy bitch myself the last two days.

tinyfaery's avatar

Many times a low-dose birth control pill can help with PMDD/PMS. See your doctor.
And always remember, just because you are feeling a certain way does not mean that you have leave to treat people poorly. You have a choice about how react. I’m only saying this because I do not feel like reading another sexist thread about women and menstruation. There are two women in my household and we have no such problems.

googlybear's avatar

I didn’t even realize my wife was on fluther now…:-)

and Lothloriengaladriel gets the prize with her answer…

ubersiren's avatar

I have the same problem. I just happened to be really lucky and married a guy who somewhat understands. I still have pms issues and it’s gotten worse since the birth of my son 2 years ago. The worst is when my hubby asks, “Are you okay?” I don’t know why, but that grates on my nerves.

I try to do a few things. Drinking calming herbal teas helps me de-stress any time. If you feel extra irritable, fix a cup and go somewhere quiet and read a book or fluther- whatever takes your mind off the situation. Don’t forget to reflect on why you love your man so much, and be sure to thank him for putting up with your shenanigans.

elijah's avatar

Sometimes all the little things he does to upset you stick in your brain and even though you think you are mad about something new, you are actually just bringing up feelings from previous problems that were stuck inside you.

Dr_C's avatar

Just tell him to run and/or hide for a couple of days… he’ll understand

galileogirl's avatar

Take responsibility for yourself and your behavior. That’s what it means to be an adult. If you are having serious medical issues, see a doctor. If you are having minor symptoms take an OTC pain reliever or diuretic or take a nap. Look into dietary issues that might make your problem better or worse.

Just get used to the fact that this ‘inconvenience’ is dealt with by over a billion women every month. We have no right to visit our feelings on others. Deal with it.

theladebug's avatar

Before I was on bc my hormones would rage like that. Now I dont have problems with it anymore, but back then, a midol really helped. Very much.

Likeradar's avatar

Are you on any kind of hormonal birth control? I had the opposite experience as theladebug. When I was on hormonal BC I would get really emotional and get terrible migraines. Going off the BC was one of the best things I ever did for myself. Talk to your doctor. It might take a while, but there’s a solution out there.

hearkat's avatar

My experience was more like @Likeradar—I wase so much worse while on than pill than off. Contact your Doctor to discuss this issue, and assess your situation with him/her. If you are on the pill, you may want to try a different formula or a completely different birth control method (I hear good things about the NuvaRing). If you aren’t on the pill, then maybe one could help you, as others have suggested. Good Luck!

bigbanana's avatar

PMS very real and you can deal with it. I have found that exercise can help a lot if you are consistant. Also evening primrose oil capsules. Go off the pill if you are on it. And dont let anyone give you any grief for being “emotional”!

zephyr826's avatar

It happens to all of us. Just make sure to make an effort to be a rational adult the rest of the time – trust me, the “nature’s special time” excuse doesn’t work all month – I’ve tried. :)

jackfright's avatar

my sister tells me fruits and vegies help, and it my girlfriend’s given me the permission to not see her when she’s PMSing. try the first, and then the second if it doesn’t help.

adreamofautumn's avatar

Exercise helps a lot. I don’t know why it helps, but it helps.

lovelace's avatar

Been there! I soooo sympathize with you. I know I ruined some relationshps because of PMS (friendships too). I did a couple things. 1. I started realizing that I was tripping and I forced myself not to. It’s like an internal civil war sometimes. I know it sounds strange, but I don’t want to put the “bitch” off on anybody and then regret it. 2. I started taking birth control pills. Lo-Ovral to be exact. That helped alot. Of course a more balanced diet, exercise and lifestyle factor in to it greatly too. Try it! Just force yourself to SHUT UP!

VS's avatar

First of all, do NOT buy a handgun – PMS and handguns are not good!
I sympathize with your plight. I used to PMS something terrible. I’m an old lady now and have had no PMS issues for probably fifteen years, but this past week, if I was still having a period, I would have been having it this past week!! Something is going on in the Universe—not sure what, but we are not the only ones noticing this. I used to get a burst of energy and a nesting instinct during my period, and it was very strong this past week for some reason. Thank all that’s holy, I don’t still have the bitching thing happening.
Like others have suggested, I would say speak to your doctor and if you are not already, maybe some kind of hormone therapy, i.e. birth control, etc can be helpful. Balanced diet is sooo important and so hard to do when riding that PMS train. Nothing balanced about chips, cookies, and Pepsi for breakfast if you get my drift. Positive internal dialogue may help some and also sitting down with your boyfriend when you are not PMSing and telling him about your feelings, and what you are up against can only help, too.
Good luck!

sakura's avatar

I agree with VS when I went to the doctor with the same problem he recommended a pill and I really didn’t fancy tricking my body with drugs. So I changed my diet started eating more healthily, fruit veggies etc… and LOTS of water, it seems to have helped a little bit, I don;t get cramps as bad which really helps cut down on my crabbiness, coz I am not in as much pain. I also keep a note in my diary when my dates are that way I can recognise when I am due on and try to make a concious effort to keep calm around that time!

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

I experience the same type of thing right before my period. Simply telling your boyfriend that it’s “that time of the month” won’t help for long. He might excuse your crazy behavior the first couple times but eventually he’ll get fed up. You have to find a way to deal that works best for you. You can try asking your doctor for some meds that might help. Just depends on if you want to go that route or not. Personally I would try fixing it on your own first before resorting to drugs. Maybe when you feel that anger and those psychotic feelings creeping up (and I know you can tell when they’re coming) try going for a walk by yourself. Maybe read a good book. Get out a pen and paper and write down your emotions. But do your man a favor and stay away for the time being. Just until you feel confident that you can be around him without lashing out. I know it’s hard to stop yourself once you’re in the moment so you have to learn to prevent it from happening in the first place.

nimarka1's avatar

i have a hormonal imbalance which i am currently taking medication to fix. its been about a year now but for about the first 6 months it was as if i was pmsing every single day!!! and then when i did pms right before and during my period i couldnt even go out with friends because the smallest thing would piss me off so much it felt like it was the end of the world. and i would cry and i was just always so angry at everything for no reason. now im not like that at all. the biggest thing that helped me is that you need to always remember that its not anyone but you. no one is trying to piss you of, no one has changed but you. you have to try and control yourself. and when you are at that very instant really angry and freaking out and fighting or arguing about something, that same moment you have to repeat in your head its you, not them who changed. they are not doing this on purpose, they probably really dont even want to upset you, but its you who will get pissed off at any little thing. when this happens you just have to shut your mouth and get yourself out of that situation. just leave and think by yourself for a bit, its important to take deep breathes and think, actually analyze the situation when you are thinking clearly. what would happen with me is that in would lash out at any little or stupid thing, no matter how small and i would turn into a monster, to the point where i wouldnt even think before i said or did something. then after i gathered my thought and calmed down i realized how stupid it was, and i was so embarrassed i would go apologize. besides that, going to the gym really helped me a lot. it was the best therapy i had. just focus all your anger and frustration and drain yourself on running just a little longer than before, push yourself to finish off strong or whatever your interested in doing. with some good music and its the best

nimarka1's avatar

and its not the relationship…its you..trust me i know
just think do you ever get into fights or feel like this when your not pmsing?

gooberzzz's avatar

Having PMS does not give you the right to bash, or demean your significant other. You may want to look at the possibility of having Borderline Personality Disorder (BDP). Chances are, when you’re not PMSing, you do these things on a more covert level than you realize, and yes your significant other feels it, but you probably guilt him into staying with you because of your ‘pain’. If you can’t get a handle on your mood swings, I would strongly hope that your significant other has the foresight to leave. These people rarely change. I was friends with someone for over 10-years…and she would always use her PMS as an excuse to emotionally abuse people. I thought I was going crazy, so I kept a mental note of when she would have her periods. They would occur every 3-weeks and last for two. Not exaggerating.

A common symptom of BPD women is they use their PMS as an excuse to shit all over their men. This has become excusable in our culture, because women get a pass on emotionally abusive behavior. If this is just PMS, than fine, I hope you find the relief you need, but this may be a far larger problem and you may need to check up from the neck up.

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

@gooberzzz Not everyone that experiences symptoms of pms has bi polar…Many women actually have mood swings, irritability, etc before their period. It’s not a free pass to flip out on your s/o but it is a real issue in some women’s lives. They can learn how to manage this. If every man left his girlfriend/wife everytime they had a mood swing, a lot of girls would be single! I know I would be.

Just_Justine's avatar

I know how you feel. I turn from a nice calm person to a mental vicious mad woman. I have stopped having relationships because of it. I just don’t want to put anyone through it. I was told later in life after many years of PMS that it was part of my bipolar disorder.

There was once a study in the U.K on female criminals and it was found most committed their deadly acts during PMS. Of course there are variations of PMS, there is PMT and also PMDD. Perhaps research them. A combination of therapies might be best, diet, tablets, exercise etc.,

orla's avatar

Hey, Don’t be so worried… I’ve a BF and I have bad bac periods but I got myself a punch bad and you should try it because it makes you exercise and relieve frustrations :)

faye's avatar

Start taking evening primrose oil capsules- changed that behavior forever.

silenceiswar's avatar

TRANQUILIZER GUN.
runs and hides

Hibernate's avatar

I gotta love your man.
He must be really patient.

You can always explain this situation to him. It won’t hurt.

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