Has anything happened in your life that you feel truly traumatized you?

Birth Trauma. I never got over it.

My cousin’s death. Although I didn’t experience it firsthand I play it over and over again in my head. I imagine how it happened (totally fucked up) and then replay the entire night of events (us, on the west coast, hearing the news). I think about him every day.

When I was around 1 or 2 years old I was caught in a burning trailer and to this day I don`t remember it but I wake up in a cold sweat and crying just having a night-mare about being caught in that trailer. I am scared to death of fire, even in candles.

Having to take care of my Mom while she was dying of cancer and feeling like I failed her miserably. Even though I know “intellectually” that I did the best I could do, it is almost impossible for me to think of her last days without feeling like a failure.

@suzyq2463 I`m so sorry to hear about that

My mom always yelling at my dad. I didn’t know it at the time, but my dad had a girlfriend and would often “work late”. My mom would pace the living room with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of wine in the other. The only real memories that I have from childhood are our vacations that we took every year. I blocked a lot of it out too.

Being raped. I still hate thinking about it, but when I talk about it, I can distance myself a lot. I pretend like it’s no big deal, but it really affected more than I ever could have imagined.

@MrKnowItAll Birth trauma? From you giving birth? (I’m just confused because of the “Mr” in your screenname.

@casheroo May I ask how old you were? I can’t believe that I’m going here, but I was raped by a “friend” when I was 15. I try not to think about it, but it really had a lasting impact on me. I’m so sorry that you went through something so terrible.

@jonsblond I’m so sorry. I know how hard it is to talk about it. I was 14. I went into a severe depression soon after, and tried to commit suicide. I was a mess. But, never told anyone, so no one knew why I was so depressed…I was 19 when I finally told my parents.

@casheroo I’m glad that you were able to tell your parents finally. It’s difficult not having anyone to talk to. None of my friends believed me and I never told my parents. I think it would have broken my mom’s heart.

hug

There were quite a number of traumas I experienced, most before age 13, but the physical abuse didn’t totally stop until I was 19. The emotional abuse continued until I was 31 and finally realized that as an adult, I didn’t have to talk to people who’d hurt me, family or not.

I was assaulted a lot. A LOT: burnt, scratched, beaten with hands, fists, sticks, belts, extension cords; slapped, choked, sat upon, bodily thrown, and pushed into walls. All the other sorts of abuse happened as well. The worst part was never knowing when something was going to happen; it was constant low-grade terror. There would be peace and quiet for some days and then BAM! I’d wake up to being socked in the head in the middle of the night for leaving a dirty cup in the kitchen sink.

I look at photos of myself as a child and almost can’t believe any of it happened, but it did. I felt guilty for decades for not loving the people who did this to me. ???

It would’ve been extremely dangerous for me to strike back or express my angry at the time, but repressing the terror, panic and anger showed itself to being more harmful in the long run.

I was verbally and emotionally abused as a kid. And I remember seeing my parents hold my older sister’s arms so my brother could hit her. Years later, they did the same with me. That’ll do it.

Like @april above, I too was awakened many times in my bed by a slap right in the face.

@casheroo and @jonsblond – I was raped when I was in my first year of college. It was someone I knew. I had nightmares for years, my mother couldn’t cope with it, so she pretended it never happened and suggested I do the same. Trust, well…that was a difficult one for me to do – even with people I knew. I found out I wasn’t his only victim, when never made me feel better – a police officer actually made it sound like I should be comforted by the fact that he did this to other women. I told him I found zero comfort in that fact – it just meant there were others in this same private hell.

@cak The trust issue was very hard for me to deal with. I felt like guys only wanted one thing from me. I never felt like they loved me. Luckily I met blondesjon and I finally met someone that really cared.

Big hug

@jonsblond – I found the same in my husband. He was the first person that I knew I could completely open up to – something that I struggled with for many years.

For the better part, I don’t have the nightmares anymore – but there are times when it just hits me again. It saddens me that three women on the is thread all went through this, but am thankful that we found (or are finding) our way to the other side.

hugs to you and casheroo!

I’d like to give a big lurvely hug to everyone on this thread.

aw, hugs to you two @jonsblond and @cak I was so young when it happened. I wish I would have told my parents the truth, I thing the guilt of never telling and the thought of him doing it to someone else is something I’ll never get over. I don’t think he considers what happened to be rape, as he bragged about it to everyone at school the next day :(
It took a lot of therapy to realize how much of an effect it had on me. The whole realizing men don’t want just sex thing, was definitely hard to overcome. Thankfully my husband helped with that too.

The big dog that attacked me when I was three years old, and the one that chewed a hole in my leg when I was nine.

The sexual abuse by a family member was probably the worst thing that traumatized me, though.

Being abused by my mother at a young age, witnessing my first step father hurt her.. then being abused all through highschool. Being put in a mental outpatient program because she just didn’t want to deal with me anymore, and then her being worse to me when they told her there was no need for me to be there.
Not graduating with my HS class because of her, then getting my diploma on my own and her saying to me ” I always knew you could do it”. Going though a bad relationship with a boy for 4 years and getting pregnant, getting rid of the child and then my mom giving me shit about it.
Realizing out of 4 children I was the only one that my mother hurt; verbally, mentally, and physically.

And her never apologizing for it.

Hugs and happy thoughts to all you jellies. I was touched reading your answers because it’s nice to know we have a place to share this sort of stuff and feel loved and understood. Lurve.

Many of you already know my story:

I was sexually abused by an uncle (my mother’s brother) until I was 13 years old (and I put a stop to it myself). My mother knew about it, and never called the police, kicked him out, or even stopped being friends with him. The abuse really did a number on me, but my mother’s inaction was far worse.

Watching my dad try to recover from his asthma attacks.

Watching sept 11 on my roof in downtown manhattan.

@everyone! Wow, so much hurt. I’m especially disturbed by the inaction of so many parents to intervene on behalf of their children. As a mother, I hope I never fail to act when my children are hurt. Lurve to all of you.

@ckinyc – I saw the north tower fall from 18th and 6th (I was working in an office nearby at the time). I never saw a building come down so fast. I just froze. The moan that rose from the street… Some people were falling to their knees and keening. Other people were walking north from the area, and some were covered in blood and dust. Awful. Just awful.

And just a few days before, I’d gone to visit Windows on the World to plan an Executive Weekend for one of my company’s Fortune 500 clients. We knew the the event managers there, Jackie and Jay. They didn’t make it.

@aprilsimnel: I am near Houston and 6ave. I can smell the ground zero for weeks. And my asthma got really bad the few years after.