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kayysamm's avatar

How can I show I don't need him in my life ?

Asked by kayysamm (435 points ) April 6th, 2009

Some people may know already. I have a ex boyfriend is a captial dick, treats me like crap and I let him. After one post I had, I asked what i should do about him and just about every answer was to kick him to the curb.

I now plan on doing so, but the question is how can I show that I don’t need him in my life ?

guys- what would a girl do to you see they don’t need you ?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

27 Answers

allen_o's avatar

Look happier than when you were with him, even if you don’t feel it, that will really get to him

Mr_M's avatar

Why do you have to show him anything? Make a clean cut. That’s all you have to do. Don’t focus on what you can do to make life bad for him; focus on what you can do to make life better for YOU.

And don’t expect to see him “suffer”. He won’t. Nobody does. Even if he was suffering, he certainly is NOT gonna show YOU he is. Besides, he won’t truly appreciate your loss until he sees the garbage he gets next!

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

Indifference. Act like he doesn’t exist.

Why are you so obsessed with the jerk? You can do much better. But you have to learn to appreciate yourself more first.

kayysamm's avatar

Happy is definititly what I need right about now.
+ Don’t get me wrong I am happy, but sometimes the fact that we are not togetehr eats me away inside.

@Mr_M: Your right the next piece of trash he gets will most likely be some girl addicted to pain killers or some suicide type girl like he has dated in the past. Everyone told him I was the best girl he has ever been with and from now on he will keep going downhill.

TitsMcGhee's avatar

Tell him, straight up. Don’t hold back, just tell him exactly what you told us, and let him deal with that. You don’t owe him any sugar coating.

dynamicduo's avatar

You don’t need to do anything beyond telling him, “It’s over. I don’t want to see you anymore. Leave me alone.”

Don’t bother trying to “show” him. He obviously doesn’t care about you, he won’t care about what you try to express to him.

kayysamm's avatar

@dynamicduo: I’ve told him, look you treat me like crap. I’ve done nothing to deserve that. I’ve never lied to you, hid a single thing, or gave you a reason to disrespect me and you still do. I’m sorry but I won’t allow you to do that anymore because it’s not right to me.” He told me I was right that he does treat me like crap and he would stop. But he doesn’t.

The thing that makes it worse is I see him everyday because we go to school together. It’s hard to get around him or avoid him, but I do try my damn hardest.

dynamicduo's avatar

Then pretend he does not exist. “Dead to me” I believe is the term. Do not look at him, don’t acknowledge him, don’t talk to him. I know it can be hard when stuck in confines such as school, but you can do it, if anything you can use your (willing) friends as a filter to help you with this :)

kayysamm's avatar

Indeed. Avoiding him at all cost is the hardest part, when he makes the effort to talk. When I let him talk it’s like I’m lettign him take control of my life again and forget that I don’t want that.

I just want him to get the message that I don’t need him and that he isn’t all as great to me as he thinks he is.

dynamicduo's avatar

I’m not sure what you would gain from telling him such a message. From what you’ve said already, he knows how you feel about this.

Not to mention, actions speak much louder than words :)

Lupin's avatar

I hope you told him you two were through. Mean it! How else is he going to learn?
Stand tall and be smiling so you look great. Try to be talking with someone else and do not let him barge in when he tries. If you have to talk with him it should be in public and only to say “We’re through!” No arguments, no other discussion. “We’re through.”
Unless you really are the worthless piece he thinks you are. And for God’s sake Don’t have sex with him!!!
Did that get you mad enough to tell him “We’re through!”?

basp's avatar

Leave the drama behind and just get on with your life. If you are so wrapped up in “showing him” anything, then you haven’t accomplished much.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

You do seem like you are enjoying the drama of him treating you like crap… Otherwise, avoid him, avoid his friends, delete his number from your phone, don’t take his calls, delete e-mails without reading them.

He really doesn’t sound interesting enough to spend all this time talking about

Mr_M's avatar

Shoot him. That’ll get your point across.

Poser's avatar

Stop needing to show him. Then you won’t have to lie.

How to do this? Develop some self-reliance.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Seriously, don’t “show him” anything. Just get on with your life: study, hang out with your gf’s and family, see a movie, go skating, whatever. To make a mental and emotional effort to “show him,” you’re applying perfectly good energy to exactly what needs no more energy, get me? Is he worth all that effort?

You said: is a captial (sic) dick, treats me like crap

Phhhfft! Doesn’t sound like it.

Go forth and be free, @kayysamm!

kayysamm's avatar

You guys are right. I should just get the point acrozss that we are through and there is no need for any more talking.

@aprilsimnel: Having soem tiem out with my friends and doing things for me does sound like a good plan. I haven’t done too much for me lately. It’s about time i start. :D

HarmonyAlexandria's avatar

@kayysamm The thing that makes it worse is I see him everyday because we go to school together. It’s hard to get around him or avoid him, but I do try my damn hardest.

It sounds like you are in HS, which makes many of the responses annoying as it’s not like you can just walk away(as in out the door to somewhere else), your teachers/administrators would get all upset.

If you insists on talking to you(wa wa wa I’m sorry, I’ll be better, I promise puke), you have to be mean. So <name> how is <some really sad girl he use to date or is interested in>? Or <all contemplative/annoyed looking> sigh I don’t know why I ever went out with you, you weren’t even a good lay.

The little digs will get to him after awhile and he’ll leave you alone.

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

gr um, stop talking to him? lol that usually drops the hint…

KatawaGrey's avatar

This may seem like an odd suggestion, but it has always helped me in the past. Change something drastic about the way you look. You said in a previous thread that you like to change the way you look. If you do, it lets him know that you are a different person and that you are taking the initiative with yourself. It’s also kind of a cleansing for you. It’s as if you’re shedding the old you, the girl who used to like that guy and now you’re brand new, fresh kaysamm! When I broke up with my serious high school boyfriend, I cut off my hair and dyed it pink and I felt fresh and new. It was a great feeling coming from so little a thing.

And remember, you’re part of the collective now. You have us to talk to!

cwilbur's avatar

If you really don’t need him in your life, then there’s nothing more that needs showing.

If you do need him in your life, then you need to work on that, not on showing him anything.

It seems like you’re more concerned about what other people think than about what you think. This is a common problem in high school, but there’s no time like right now to outgrow it.

Judi's avatar

You just have to communicate that you don’t WANT him in your life. It is no longer his business what you need
If he’s a manipulative SOB he will probably come back with , “Baby, you need me, No one else will ever love you,” BS, and your answer can be, “Honey, if what you have been giving me is love I don’t want anything to do with it.” Move out and move on. Once you break it off, don’t look back. Period.

Judi's avatar

I just realized you are in HS, Can you get a HS counselor involved by telling them he’s stalking you? You have communicated to him you want him to leave you alone and he’s not respecting that. Threat of arrest for stalking might do the trick.

kayysamm's avatar

@judi: I dont need school involved because I’m never one to really open myself up to people like that. Nor do i need him arrested for stalking its not that serious. It’s just I see him all the time and I want to cave in just walk up and talk to him. It takes every ounce in my body not to talk to himm.

Judi's avatar

Sounds like you really need advice on how to break old habits.

kayysamm's avatar

Yeah, I got a few old habits that wouldn’t mind being broken.

ericaa's avatar

i have the exact same problem as you. for instance we hangout and everything is good and then the next day hes a dick and is like dont talk to me im done. if i had a loonie for every time he has said that i would be rich. i want to let go but i just cant. im so good to him and all he wants from me is sex and stuff that i will buy for him. i need to move on but it just seems impossible because i too see him everday and he is in one of my classes :(

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