General Question

TitsMcGhee's avatar

How do I ask a guy to hang out in a roundabout way?

Asked by TitsMcGhee (8214 points ) April 9th, 2009

So I like this guy who I saw last Thursday. I spent the night with him, and he tried to get me to stay, but I had obligations to attend to. We did exchange numbers though, and on Tuesday, I sent him a message, letting him know that I’d be getting drinks tonight with two friends at the bar where he works, asking if he’d be around. Turns out that he’s not working tonight, and has a birthday party to attend. He did say, however, that he’d try to stop by the bar when he left the party. Now, the two girls have things to do tonight, so I have no reason to be all the way up at his bar. I want to text him to let him know that I’d still like to see him, but in a casual kind of manner. What would be the best way to phrase that? All I have thus far is “So it turns out that Sophie and Shelby have things to do tonight…”

Suggestions? I really like this guy, but I’m not sure if he likes me or was just using his bartender personality to his advantage. Thanks in advance!

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24 Answers

essieness's avatar

Hmmm… yeah he could totally be using his bartender personality to his advantage. I’ve bartended before and some men have taken my “flirting to get your money” as actual flirting.

However, if it were me, I would start with your first phrase, “So it turns out…” and I’d say something like, ”...but I’m free if you want to meet up for a drink or something.” I think that sounds pretty open ended, like you’re not expecting anything, but it lets him know you’re interested. If he declines, then you’ll know.

Let us know how it turns out!

elijah's avatar

I agree with @essieness. Just say “My friends changed their minds about going out tonight, so I won’t be going to the bar. I was looking forward to seeing you. Maybe we could still meet up later”. If he’s interested, he will make it happen.

Wildman's avatar

Just don’t forget his penis is helping him think!

TitsMcGhee's avatar

@Wildman That’s not such a terrible thing!

Zen's avatar

That’s how we all think.

Kiev749's avatar

@TitsMcGhee but to some degree… its true…

Jack79's avatar

Look, with your “personality” I don’t think you need to try that hard ;)

But since he has something else to do, forget it for tonight. You can just send him a message saying something like
“turns out I won’t be going to your bar after all tonight, but how about we meet tomorrow?”

or, if you really want to see him tonight and know where you’ll be, just tell him.
“No point in waiting at the bar, but I’ll be at home with no clothes on waiting for you”

or you could just tell him you’re not going and ask him to call you instead if he’s free.
“won’t be going to the bar after all, but I’d still like to meet you after the birthday party. Just give me a call when you’re done”

If he likes you enough, whatever you say is irrelevant. He’ll find a way to meet you :)

funky_princess's avatar

just say u couldnt make it but hope to see him soon

westy81585's avatar

Um, honestly, just say “Hey my friends backed out, do you wanna just do something?”

Us guys appreciate forwardness…. honestly the whole beating around the bush shit a lot of girls do pisses me off :) . If he’s into you(and it sounds like he is) he will be pleasantly surprised.

qashqai's avatar

Leave him waiting.
You have nothing to lose. If he’s using his bartender personality you just save your time. If not, he will get curious and you will get all the attention you are looking for.

funky_princess's avatar

@gashgai i agree with u

ru2bz46's avatar

“Hey, I was going to have drinks with my friends tonight, but they flaked. I could still come out there if you want to see me…better yet, let’s meet up for coffee and dessert, or somewhere else a bit quieter than the bar.”

westy81585's avatar

@qashqai While I understand the approach you’re trying to take here, but I don’t think this will work (at least yet). If you’ve only met the guy one or two times and there’s no real base yet, playing hard to get simply comes off as un-interested. Which very quickly makes us move on. (I’ve been told months/years in the future by girls who ended up just being friends that they had a huge thing for me when we first met and they were trying this “hard to get” method… and it obviously blew up in their faces as I had no idea).

Jack79's avatar

“hard to get” is actually a turn-off if anything. At least after you’re 13 anyway. But if the guy is not that crazy about Tits yet (which means he must be gay or something) then perhaps a more subtle approach meaning “I’m available, let’s meet” is better than “so, when do you get off work? What time exactly? Where are you? Where will you be? When will we meet?” which just gets annoying after a while.

And I’m sure all this is academic, since she is probably in his arms as we speak.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

“Try to stop by” is not the same thing as “will stop by”.

TitsMcGhee's avatar

@Jack79: Sadly, I’m not. I sent a text at least letting him know that I wouldn’t be at the bar, so if he was planning on stopping by, he wouldn’t go and expect me to be there when I wasn’t. I also said that he should let me know what he’s up to later, which he said he would do. I have yet to hear from him again though, but, especially in bartender time, the night is still young. I hate waiting though, especially because I’m still not entirely sure what he’s thinking in regards to me. I guess we’ll see.

qashqai's avatar

@westy81585
I understand the ‘no real base yet’ thing. That’s why this kind of approach may work: if you see there’s no real interest, better cut it off soon than start something you already know it will make you suffer (or whatever word you may find appropriate here) later.

But I am truly emotive these days, so I may be blatantly wrong as well.

Jack79's avatar

Don’t worry about it Tits. He’ll come round in due time ;)

essieness's avatar

So what happened?

alossforwords's avatar

$1 says you never date another bartender after this week or the week to come depending on how smooth he is or long his attention span is…

He does have your number. You’re making it too easy. That’s the number one sign for a man to hit and run. I know from experience. A good woman knows her worth and makes a man prove his.

shipwrecks's avatar

@essieness I’m a waitress and I have done the same thing – I think we all have haha.

I think the best way to go about this is honestly. “Hey my friends aren’t coming around, but if you still want to meet for drinks I know this great place close to where I live…” Honesty is always the best policy. Especially when dealing with men.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. Depending on the motivation for meeting him; just get hammered and boinked for the night, or something longer I would phrase it like this (entertainment 1st, log term second):

“So it turns out that Sophie and Shelby have things to do tonight, so I may not be there alone, don’t want to get pawed over, unless you are doing the pawing. However, if you have time and stop by so and so you might see a very stunning (blonde/brunette) in a short red dress ad some killer heels that would love to buy you a (drink/dinner/coffee), then if you like, desert at (my/your) place. I will bring the whipped cream……”

“So it turns out that Sophie and Shelby have things to do tonight. I really don’t want to sit around at that bar alone. I was thinking if you have the evening free I could get you a steak, some food, you know? I know an awesome place to (shoot darts/play pool/use a batting cage) which I can demonstrate pretty good in a pair of killer heels. It would be my pleasure if you were my arm candy for the evening, what do you say?”

plethora's avatar

Ok, I recently was exchanging emails with a woman and she said, “I’m stopping by Bonefish Grille this evening for a drink…wanna join me? Ummm…..I was there. Didn’t turn me off. Of course, I’m a man who knows a good deal when he sees it. You may be dealing with a boy who wants to play games. And, of course, I was attracted to her. If I hadn’t been attracted, I would have said No. If he doesn’t rise to the bait (regardless of what you say) forget him. You just dodged a bullet.

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