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science_girl89's avatar

Is my boyfriend still interested in me?

Asked by science_girl89 (231 points ) April 9th, 2009

Recently, I have been worrying that my boyfriend (who is currently also one of my best friends) is losing interest in being with me. I would appreciate any and all insight into what might be going on in this relationship as I have little experience in the matter.

We have been in a steady relationship since december. We have very good friends since Thanksgiving but didn’t give dating a whirl until the week before Christmas.

Basically, we went to see his family last weekend. Alot of things are occuring this week in my both with my family and with my job. I wanted to share my day with him and asked him to call me when he got a chance because I thought he was still at work. I texted him later on Wednesday evening and he said he had been off for hours. So I decided to give him some space. This morning and this evening he texted me ‘hi’ which I assume was a half-hearted attempt to initiate a conversation.

I haven’t talked to him for 72 hours now the longest we have ever gone without communicating. Thus, I’m somewhat concerned. Is holding out until he decides to call the best course of action? Are there more beneficial alternatives that don’t involve not talking. I’m extremely lonely and in a new place and have very few people to talk to besides him.

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30 Answers

Zaku's avatar

I don’t know about him, but you seem to be looking in your own thinking and to Fluther for answers about him, when he’s the only one who knows the answers. So I’d suggest talking to him about what you have been thinking, preferably in person.

augustlan's avatar

Definitely time for a talk.

Zen's avatar

If you have to ask, in a word, no.

timeand_distance's avatar

Yeah, I agree with @augustlan. He might just be going through a short phase of wanting some space or he could be losing interest, so it’s probably best to just talk to him about it (if he’s willing) and sort it out asap so neither of you are wasting your time.

elijah's avatar

It sounds like you expect a lot of attention from someone you’ve only been dating a few months. It’s not bad to want attention, but he may be feeling overwhelmed. Don’t get mad because he didn’t call the moment he got home. Being too clingy pushes people away. You are lonely and in a new place, so I understand it’s hard. Have a talk with him. It’s better to know before you drive yourself crazy trying to guess.

Zen's avatar

Guys are like pigs, only less complicated. I haven’t called my s/o in 72 hours. I love her, but she ticked me off. She should call me, right?

See what I mean.

Don’t waste your time, dear. Call, ask, get him a beer, don’t block the t.v.

It’s that simple. We’re dogs.

TitsMcGhee's avatar

Since there is no definite issue that you are fighting about, give him a call and ask if he has any grievances he’d like to air. Calmly explain what you’re worried about, without becoming hysterical or anything. Let him know that you’re invested in him having his own space and opinions and that you’d like to communicate about what will make both of you happiest. Don’t read too much into things without having a good conversation first. Texting is so hard to interpret – don’t base all of your assumptions on it.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

I am lonely all the time…. be careful how you approach this. I think you should I just don’t know how. good luck.

Zen's avatar

@LKidKyle1985 Why are you lonely all the time? And you haven’t really answered the question or someone’s comment: Is my boyfriend still interested in me? You wrote:I am lonely all the time…. be careful how you approach this. I think you should I just don’t know how. good luck.

Please answer. Or comment me. I am worried about you saying that you are lonely all the time and would love to talk with you.

:-)

funky_princess's avatar

i would personally leave him to get in contact with you. He may just need some space and if you keep texting/calling him might get him annoyed. He may havr a perfectly good excuse as to why he is qiuet you just need to let him tell you in his own time, everyone needs space sometimes, id respect his wishes xx

Zen's avatar

@funky_princess Haven’t texted him, nor PMed him, I don’t know him.

:-)

WifeOfBath's avatar

Carry on with your life don’t depend on others to make you happy, if he loves you, he will be in contact, but don’t wait and make yourself miserable, go live and make many friends enjoy your freedom..:)

Rickomg's avatar

If someone does not want to communicate with out you should pull the string and find out why. “What are you withholding from me that I should know about? or what didn’t you tell me? If you can do this without making him wrong. Then when you do get that pulled out and handled. Remember don’t jump on him for communicating this to you. not if you want to have him trust you enough do so in the future. Just say
“Thank you for telling me that!” and make him right about it no matter what it is. The communication level will then shoot back up where you want it! Good luck!

ShauneP82's avatar

Sounds like a simple case of clingy paranoia. If he won’t call you then call him.

Zen's avatar

@ShauneP82 Nailed it.

ShauneP82's avatar

@Zen You the man Zen.

Zen's avatar

@ShauneP82 No, you da man.

westy81585's avatar

Guys guys guys calm down…. Clearly I’M the man.

RedPowerLady's avatar

Is holding out until he decides to call the best course of action?

Absolutely not. This sounds almost like a game. He has texted you and therefor has initiated contact. You are saying that if he doesn’t contact you at the exact time you want, in the exact way you want you will refuse to talk to him. That is almost what is called “playing games”. Although I am sure this is not your intention. Don’t overanalyze things this early in a relationship. It’s been three days. Give him a call and ask if he’s up to doing something together. If he isn’t then tell him, alrighty then give me a call if you get some extra time and wanna go out. You certainly want to let him know you are open to going out but you don’t want to be to needy. After all this is a fairly new relationship.

I’m extremely lonely and in a new place and have very few people to talk to besides him.

New relationships are always so difficult. I suggest you find a friend or two to go have fun with so you won’t be lonely. That’ll make your relationship stronger as well because you won’t have so much time to analyze every action or inaction on his part. He will see you as happy and well-rounded. And you can chat with your friends about your b/f which will be a huge relief.

Good luck to you, I hope it works out.

lrhar487's avatar

Well to me it seems your overeacting. Just because he didnt txt you right away doesnt mean anything. A lot of guys dont remember to call there girls because they have stupid guy stuff on there mind. If he attempted to txt u even if it was just hi it still means it was an attempt and he does care and want to talk to you. If you didnt reply to it he probably figures you dont want to talk to him and hes probably now waiting for you to make the first move because he doesnt want to seem like a girly guy by keep txting you tell you answer.

Tobotron's avatar

I love phones and technology but sometimes it pisses me off, it brought with it a whole new set of dating rules! I’ve learnt not everyone has the same etiquette in how they use sms and all that so if I think think ‘god damn reply it only takes 1 minute’ they might think ‘oh yay a message il reply back later’...don’t form an emotional attachment to the technology if at all possible and then these things won’t bother you.

darkwolf8476's avatar

Tobotron-
I totally feel your pain! lol

Anyway, to answer, yeah, I pretty much agree with damn near everyone else was saying. The best thing you can do is to simply ask him outright if something’s wrong. Lack of communication is one of the biggest causes of downward spiral in relationships from what I’ve experienced.

MerMaidBlu's avatar

There could be a lot of reasons why he hasn’t called you so I wouldn’t jump to any conclusions or get too upset about the situation just yet. I think you should give it a couple more days and if he still hasn’t tried talking to you (via text, call, or email, etc) I would make some attempt to try talking. If you guys were good friends before you started dating he may feel more comfortable letting you in on everything. Before you try talking make sure you’re calm and collected, any situation is easier to handle if you’re not clogged with worry or frustration.

mikkicmark's avatar

i would say its a phase and give some time…but its always good to talk to him…you need to know his perspective on the relationship

canyoudnc2mabeat's avatar

72 hours? He’s bored.

sapphirebeauty7's avatar

To be honest it’s a “no no”. No offense and please don’t get mad but your boyfriend treating you this way already says something. He might be using this time he is not spending with you for someone else. It’s harsh but can be a reall and hurtful reality. This whole thing with him maybe being over whelmed or what ever is bull. He is your boyfriend? He needs to communicate with you. A day pass by with out him calling ok not a big deal. 2 days? um maybe something is wrong but still hanging in there but 3 days? Honey you need to talk to him and if he is seeing someone else he most likely wont tell you the truth and I am saying that is if he is seeing someone else. I am sorry but being straight up like this but it’s reality take from me I know men like that back of my own hand by now. First find out what is going on before jumping to conclusions or freaking out and you being stressed won’t help; either. Just be careful. Catch him at the time where he deffenietly does not assume you will be there. Show up and you might be surprised. Sometimes that is what you have to do to find out for sure cause when men care about a woman they are with but still having an affair or whatever with someone else they wont tell you the truth straight to your face. They will lie cause they care for you and don’t want to loose you. So please be carefull.

Good luck!

Avatarian's avatar

Open the line of communication. You need to ask him. However, be gentle in your tone, non-accusatory, and calm. There’s nothing wrong with asking as long as you do it in a way which is conducive to cooperation and isn’t likely to produce conflict.

Good luck.

noraasnave's avatar

Is he pursuing you? When a guy desires a meaningful relationship he pursues the woman he loves. It doesn’t sound like he is pursuing you. He could be off in his own world.

We, men, seem blessed with the ability to get distracted and thereby send mixed signals, if you can’t ask him that might mean that you don’t think he will take your thoughts and feeling seriously, which is a very dangerous fear to have in a new relationship.

GrumpyGram's avatar

No, do not call him. He might need space now, some breathing room, and you are Very vulnerable since you appear lonely.
If you give in to your emotions and call him anyway, don’t do much talking. It may annoy him. He could be playing “head games” with you. I clearly remember when we were dating my ex husband not calling me on time, I was in a total panic and he later said, “oh, I was just trying to make you squirm” or some such lovng remark.
Notice I said, “ex.”

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