General Question

BBSDTfamily's avatar

When A Friend Gossips To You, Does It Make You Wonder What They Are Also Saying About You?

Asked by BBSDTfamily (6737 points ) April 10th, 2009

I have a couple friends who “confide” in me all the details of their other friend’s lives- big, small, meaningless, juicy, everything. Instead of making me feel “closer” to them because they confide in me, I feel more distant and assume that they don’t respect my privacy either.

Does the Fluther community think differently?

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23 Answers

asmonet's avatar

I used to, then I got friends who didn’t feel the need gossip.
And I realized, I didn’t care. I couldn’t control others, what’s the point of trying to or imagining and obsessing over something that quite possibly never happened?

live_rose's avatar

I think that but then I think its human nature to share with others info you get. It makes me worry occasionally but I worry about everything so its no big deal. But yeah it makes you wonder what they say behind your back

Zen's avatar

Know what you mean. I don’t like gossip, coming or going.

But I’m a guy, so pass the beer, and don’t block the TV.

qashqai's avatar

I don’t really care. I already know people is talking bad about me, but I assume is just jealousy and I move on without much worries. Life’s too short.

augustlan's avatar

It’s never really bothered me to think that others might be talking about me or my life. I’m pretty much an open book, so I have very little concern about what anyone knows or says about me.

Turtle's avatar

It depends on the person and how close you are and the type of relationship you have too I think.
As the saying goes…There is no point to worrying about what you can’t control

funky_princess's avatar

people who talk about you behind your back are just too cowardly to say it too your face so they are just not worth worrying about. But yeah i do know what u mean, people who gossip tend to gossip about anyone and everyone, believe me i was one of those people.

Mr_M's avatar

Do yourself a favor…if a friend gossips to you, don’t WONDER if they’re gossiping about you, too. KNOW!

aprilsimnel's avatar

Of course they’re talking about you, too. Does it matter?

casheroo's avatar

I don’t think I’d want to be friends with someone, that felt the need to divulge every single thing about another person to me.
My friends and I may gossip a little, but it’s nothing we wouldn’t say to people’s faces.
I don’t worry about what any of my friends are saying about me. Because I know the good and bad that they think about me..

desiree333's avatar

I definetly agree wuth you. I had a friend just like this, turns out she was spreading rumors, gossiping, and manipulating other people through me (saying I dont like other people to turn them against me) etc. none the less she was a complete bitch. I basically told her to get lost. She made a pathetic (and un-genuine) attempt to mend our friendship. I fell for it, but we’re still not friends. Yesterday her friends brother came up to me and started saying shit to me and I just know she is behind this. If anyone has friends like this, please run away as fast as you can!

kevinhardy's avatar

most times, seems you dont know who to trust these days

wundayatta's avatar

Information wants to be free. You can’t corral it.

RedPowerLady's avatar

I have lived in small towns or small cities my entire life. They are notorious for gossip. I also live in a cultural community known for it’s gossip. It is something I’ve learned to accept and deal with. I just don’t put my business out there without expecting others to hear it. In fact often times it can be useful. Say you are hard on money and five cards show up in your mailbox with cash in them. Also even when “secrets” get out it can be beneficial because you learn that everyone has them and when yours get out you learn it’s not the end of the world. I guess I have found reasons to appreciate gossip. So no I don’t think less of my friends who do so and I am not worried they will spread my business about, I assume they will, lol. And that’s okay with me because I rarely expect anything be kept personal anyhow even the hard times. I know this isn’t true for everybody but it is true for me.

RedPowerLady's avatar

@desiree333 Hey, I have the eyeball! We must fight for eyeball rights now…~

ronski's avatar

I think you would start to get the picture if someone was talking mad shit about you! Like causing disruption and acting all sweet to your face.
@desiree333 I had the same thing happen to me with a friend, but I think she does this to everyone and her friends know this, and this is just how they are. It’s a messed up way of being, but perhaps some people bathe in drama!? we’re not friends at all anymore. She would say things that weren’t true about me to other people.

My point being, there’s a difference between normal gossip and vicious gossip. The difference is between cruelty and just talking it out. I usually talk about a friend if I am having issues with them, but I would never talk about a friend viciously. If your friends are vicious smack talkers, stay away, for sure, but either way I would assume they are saying something about you. People are imperfect. I am. You are. So we’re bound to have conflicts. It’s all good. That’s just life.

RedPowerLady's avatar

@ronski “My point being, there‚Äôs a difference between normal gossip and vicious gossip.”

I would agree with that!

May2689's avatar

Yes, I do wonder. No one is off the hook when it comes to gossip.

tiffyandthewall's avatar

absolutely. i have a friend (a) – who i never really confide in anyhow – but during a time when a former friend (b) and i were on bad terms, friend A would tell me things that friend B said, and i was always sure to never say anything i didn’t want going back to friend B. if she had no problem telling me what friend B said, and betraying her trust, what makes me any different?

desiree333's avatar

@RedPowerLady haha, yours looks like a drawing.

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