What do you believe is the minimum age (in general) a person is ready to have a child?

42

I think 21 is early, but that’s based on the 21-year-olds I know and how I was at 21. I’m 28 and my guy is 34— we both think we’re a smidge to young to breed.
Totally depends on the person.

Today it seems a bit young, but when I was a little girl in the 1970s, someone in their early 20s was expected to be settling into a job and looking for a spouse. You ever see Saturday Night Fever? And Tony Manero’s parents harangue him for not being married with kids at ~24? That’s how it was and that was in 1977.

By the time I was a teen was when that started seeming too young to many people in the US and it’s stayed that way for the last 20-odd years, I’d say. Also in the 80s was when it started becoming expected for young people to go off to college, which is almost an automatic adolescence extender, and I think the mindset that 18–25 year olds aren’t quite adults became the norm. I know I would’ve been looked at a bit askance had I married at 21.

@Likeradar too young.

It totally depends. My exboyfriends dad was a father at 21 and is a great (and now single) dad. My dad was a father at 42. Also great…

Really depends on the person and where they are in their life. I would not be ready to have a child in a year. I could tell you that much.

I don’t know that there is an age that makes one ready to have a child. No matter what you do to prepare, you are never really ready! That said, I think it’s about the level of maturity and selflessness present in the individual rather than a chronological age.

I was 21 when I had my first son. He is now 16 with a 4.0 and has his choice of colleges to attend. I don’t think that 21 is too young. My parents and grandparents had children at that age and we turned out just fine.

I don’t think age is the issue as much as are you in a good relationship with your spouse.
My parents had 4 kids by the time they were 23, and they did great. People who had them at that same age, but without the commitment to their S/O didn’t fair as well.
I remember my dad saying “If you wait till you can afford kids, you’ll never have any”.

When you are able to take care of yourself, your spouse, and the baby.without begging money from your parents or society. That should be a legal requirement.
But then, what would Maury do for a living?

Just off hand, I would say after you have been married a year or two and have a steady income.

I think the real issue isn’t age… it’s whenever you are financially stable enough to provide for th child’s every need. The point of having a child is not to eek out an existence.. it’s to give it abetter life than you had.

@YARNLADY just curious if you mean marriage, or a secure partnership, or…?

I super totally hate that economics trumps biology with this issue. It’s dehumanizing.

and I’m 35 and still not ready.

I would not have the three children that I have if I had waited until I could “afford” them.

just sayin’

@Likeradar A secure partnership is generally includes a marriage certificate, of course, that is no automatic guarantee.
@jonsblond It worked out for you, but I believe there are too many variables and more stress than necessary to have children before you are ready. Who paid for yours?

@YARNLADY was that really necessary to ask jonsblond “who paid for yours?” Seems a bit uncalled for…in my opinion.

@cak He said they didn’t wait until they could afford children, so I just wondered who paid for them. I wasn’t being mean. I always wonder who pays for children people can’t afford

@cak for a little more background, Hubby and I are paying for my son’s decision to have two children they can’t afford. We bought them a house, and we pay most of their expenses.

Woman 17, 18 or whenever she feels ready and has the support system. Men: 75.

Mentally, I don’t think there is an age where you are ready. I think often, children are not planned and you become ready during the nine months. Hopefully.

Physically, of course, we are ready to have children when we are very much still children ourselves. In the old times a woman was a woman, with the first period.

Socially and culturally, where I am from, I don’t think it’s well accepted that you have children before you are 20, and frowned upon before you are 25.

I think it’s more important with the sum of a social situation, if it works for everyone, rather than the age. It varies from person to person I think. I know 18 yo’s that would make great parents, and I know some that shouldn’t be allowed to care for children, whatever age.

30000 years ago, couples were a lot younger than today. Life expectancy was low. Then came further cultural evolution. More and more learning was required to handle the modernizing world. Medicine improved. Risks for a 30-year-old pregnant woman is low today. 30000 years ago this was very different. 30 years was a risky age to have a baby. People were weaker because of deficiency diseases.

Here’s my very person view on the issue today: Non-married couples should live together for at least 3 years before they consider getting married. If they can handle arguments and peculiar individualities, their chances of staying married are higher. They should at least live together for 5 years before having the first baby. Maybe my views are a bit extreme. It’s just an opinion. Nothing more. Others will disagree.

You are probably more “ahead of the times” than behind the times. Not that many years ago a woman who was 16 and unmarried was considered an old maid. People (in middle and upper economic brackets) are waiting longer and longer to have children. I had my first at 19and my third at 23 and I was always the youngest mom among my kids friends. (They are now 24, 26, and 28.)

@YARNLADY My husband has supported our family our entire marriage. I also went to school and worked for a few years. We sacrifice quite a bit to get by, but we are happy. We didn’t need a new car or designer clothes like many young couples think they need.

It’s definitely a personal thing; certain people will do well, certain people should probably wait, and some people should just never have children at all.

I think its more the mental age that matters rather then the physical age
As long as the person feels mature and responsible enough to have children then why not
It shouldnt be about age.

Physical
Male = 14
Female=13

Mental
A maturity level of 25

I had my son at 20, I turned 21 four days later.

It has everything to do with what @augustlan said. You have to be selfless to be a good parent. I do everything for my son.
It makes me sick when people say you have to be financially stable. I’m sorry, but I don’t feel that is a requirement for being a parent. We’re not financially stable, but we make it work, and we give everything we can to our son.

Becoming a parent, by choice, then the person can plan their life out. Not all pregnancies are planned, they can rock your entire world. I’m glad my pregnancy came when it did, it got my life on track and I’m a better person than I’ve ever been.

I’m also glad that my kids were all grown when I was in my mid 40’s and I can now play while I still have some spunk in my step! I can also still roll on the floor with my grandbabies! :-)

@jonsblond sorry, I misunderstood. You said you didn’t wait until you could afford children, so I thought you meant someone else paid for them. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time. Being frugal so you can have kids is not the same thing. Many of us have done that.

@casheroo You don’t have to be financially stable, but I bet you had a place to live and most likely a car to drive, and clothes to wear, and you could afford your babies diapers and milk. The kind of person most of us mean when we say “afford” it is like that single mom of 14 that’s in the news. Welcome to paying for her brood with your hardearned tax dollars.

@YARNLADY I don’t mind my tax dollars supporting people. I’m a minority, I suppose. And actually, when I was unable to continue breastfeeding, we couldn’t afford the thousands of dollars it cost, so we got WIC, and still use WIC. It’s a fantastic program.

12–13, though I heard of this girl in Brazil once who got pregnant at 9. She was around my age then, so now she’s got a kid almost her own age. Must be cool.

Not sure you are really mature enough to take care of a child before you’re 25–30 though. And in most cases you need to be even older to be realistically able to support it (and offer everything else it needs too).

@YARNLADY – To be honest, I was put off by your question, but to be fair to you it’s because I have some issues with one of my husband’s family members, well two of them. I see your side of it, but remember it’s not always like that. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I was in my early twenties. I had a part-time job and was finishing grad school, my husband had an okay job – with benefits and quit – just quit. Here I was, 4 months pregnant, a grad student, lazy husband and a part-time job. Blah! I had money I had been saving since I was 12 – every card that I ever got birthday money in, babysitting money and eventually after school job money. Gift money, too. I had banked somewhere around 20,000, before I was 19. After I exhausted that money, paying for doctors, I had severe complications in my pregnancy, I cashed stocks, that were gifts from my uncle. That was it, we ran out of money. I needed to go on bed rest and he still wasn’t working. He finally got off his rear and got a job. I did something I never thought I would have to do, I filed for assistance, but since he brought in a certain amount and I was still able to pay bills, we were denied. I eventually took out a loan to pay for the delivery – which got very expensive, very fast. (major complications) We had the money, going in, but things went bad, fast. (should have know where that was going, we divorced 2 years later!)

On the flip side of things, my sister and brother in-law, are the people abusing – yes, abusing the system. He is self-employed and under reports his income. (way under reports.) They had their 4th child, not too long ago and went on welfare. Now, these two live in a house valued at over 200,000, drive new cars and trade them, often. Were the best clothes and vacation frequently. They never go without gadgets and the kids want for nothing. They just think health insurance is a waste of money – I mean if they had to pay that, then how could they possibly pay for their boat and jet skis? They abuse the system. That disgusts me.

Like @casheroo, I have no problem when someone truly needs help, that is why those programs are in place. I just can’t stand when people lie and abuse the system.

@cak thanks for sharing. My main intention is in pointing out that when people have children they can’t afford, somebody has to pay. The age is not important, but the ability to pay your own way should be. Too many of these other fluthers are saying you don’t have to worry about can we afford it, just go right ahead and have them. I am very much against having children you can’t afford. I’m not against helping someone out, but way too many people see nothing wrong with letting someone else pay their way.

@cak Wow, that’s quite a story you’ve been through. I’m so sorry. I think it’s so crappy that the system doesn’t help people who really need it.
I personally think the limits on who should get assistance need to be changed. They are far too low, forcing people who DO need it, to lie about their income. I know a lot of people who do this, but otherwise, they wouldn’t have insurance for their children :( It’s sad that people have to do it, but it’s real life.
Also, I didn’t mean to say that I’m fine with abusers, but I do view some “abuse” to be less severe than others. In your sister’s situation….that is definitely not right, nor do what I think what that Octomom is doing was right. I don’t feel we should punish the children though.

@YARNLADY I see where you are coming from. I view my family being on assistance as just a leg up in life. Once I’m done school, we’ll fully be able to pay for the health insurance for our child. Lucky for us, we live in PA where no child goes without insurance, so no matter how much you make, you can go on state insurance (CHIP), which is low cost according to your income. So we can use that until I get a nursing job that has benefits (no benefits in my husbands field) You may argue that we’re young and that’s the reason we have to use assistance…but this could happen to a 40year old as well..doesn’t matter the age of the person.

@casheroo that’s is what public assistance should be for, not for people to just wantonly have children because someone else will pay for it. My question is what ever happened to personal responsibility? Getting pregnant is a choice, and should not be taken as lightly as many of these other answers seem to imply.

@casheroo you always get free medical with me ;)

@cak ; Healthcare should be a basic human right. You shouldn’t have to go broke because you had a dificult pregnancy. That just sucks.

@Judi – I agree. I learned a lot about how things work, it sucked – big time. She was worth every single penny, but it was a long haul in paying off that debt. The system really stinks.

@YARNLADY My husband and I don’t abuse the system, but I still think that we can’t afford our children. We live paycheck to paycheck. My daughter’s bed fell apart a month ago and she has been sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Our second car broke down and I am stuck at home during the day without a vehicle (no money to fix it and I need to rely on my parents to get to doctor’s appointments). My sons will need a scholarship in order to attend college (luckily they both have a 4.0). My children rely on the government for health care (even though my husband works 40+ hours a week). In an ideal world, we would have waited until we could afford all of these things. If we would have waited, our community would have missed out on three wonderful, intelligent, kind children.

@jonsblond – I think your family is the perfect example of a family trying really hard and not abusing the system!

@cak Thanks!

I agree that people can find themselves not ready for a child at any age. I have two sisters, and my mom didn’t have me until she was 33. When my parents divorced, my mom made a lot of sacrifices to keep us at our same school and to get us whatever we needed. She worked 3 jobs, and yes sometimes my sisters and I would have to help out with the bills or rent. I remember my mom was around when ever she could be but I sometimes wouldn’t see her until 11:45pm. But in the end she raised three responsible, caring, smart daughters. I’m extremely close with my mother to this day. I think what I am trying to say is that I think anyone can be in a finical bind with children, it’s really about how you deal with it. So my age question wasn’t necessarily about whether a person is ready financially or even emotionally, it was whether today’s norms of the average parenting age had changed. Although the discussion has become enlightening to me still.

Late 20’s.

@YARNLADY I see what you’re saying about being able to afford the kids. My aunt and uncle went through something similar to what you’re going through. My cousin started having kids at 19, got married to the guy, and then they both got hooked on meth. Ten years later, they have 3 kids, neither has a job, and my aunt and uncle’s life savings is gone from paying for everything just to keep the family afloat. They paid for her car, their houses, food, for the family… everything. Of course most people aren’t that bad, but I can totally see where you’re coming from in your viewpoint.

Many people who have kids really young and plan to depend on their family for help don’t think about the impact it has on the family. I’m watching this happen with someone I know right now. The girl that just had her baby has no job, no car, and had nothing to take care of the baby (diapers, crib, carseat…). Granted, she was planning to give the child up for adoption, but then she changed her mind. She is living with her parents now and completely dependent upon them. I’m sure right now they are happy and enjoying a new baby in the house, but I can only imagine that they wouldn’t want to raise yet another child at their age!

@jonsblond I am primarily directing my remarks at people who have not yet made the choice to bring children they cannot afford into the world. Just by way of background, I am currently supporting my son, his wife, their two babies, her mother and grandmother, and my adult grandson lives with me. He pays $250 a month toward expenses.

I bought Sonny and family a house on the promise they would make the mortgage payments, in the year since they moved in, they have paid an average of $400 a month toward expenses of $1200.00, yet they felt free to have a new baby, in addition to the two year old. Yes, I love my grandsons and take great delight in having them around, but it is just not fair that I have to do without so they can live foot loose and fancy free.

@YARNLADY I agree. You are a great mom! :)

i personally wouldn’t want kids before 30. your 20s is usually about a high level of self discovery and making a name for yourself in the field you choose. but these days 13–15 year olds are popping out babies left and right so i guess 21 is no big deal