General Question

live_rose's avatar

Does anyone else have the feeling that they dont like to be touched?

Asked by live_rose (1223 points ) April 19th, 2009

In a previous question I kind of admitted that I just don’t like to be touched. Not only in a intimate sense . . .though that’s lumped in there. I just don’t like to be touched at all. I know it’s not normal and I know it has to do with my SA but Id like to know if anyone else feels that way and what they do about it?

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35 Answers

YARNLADY's avatar

I am a touchy/feely kind of person.

Facade's avatar

I don’t mind being touched, but it always feels sexual (for some reason).

warpling's avatar

I hug people I meet for the first time. I don’t like excessive touching, but I do like to be affectionate and close. That said I don’t like talking a foot away from someone’s face which some people seem to.

asmonet's avatar

Acquaintances may touch my upper back and arms. Only hug areas. And they may not linger.
My friends and I are all pretty close, so… all bets are off.
And of course, with a pretty boy, well it depends on the pretty boy. :)

arnbev959's avatar

I have a problem being touched out of the blue. Intimate contact with someone I want to be intimate with is cool, handshakes are cool, hugs that I can see coming are cool, but random unexpected touches are not cool. Like people patting me on the back. Wtf?

cheebdragon's avatar

does not like to cuddle, I’m a strange girl, I know.

classyfied's avatar

Hugs and anything more affectionate than that make me uncomfortable. I’m OK with hugs from certain family members (not all), but feel awkward with hugs or more from anyone else. I don’t even like it when either of my parents hug me/touch me affectionately, not that my dad really does that anyway. And of course, being touched by someone I’m dating does not bother me :].

trumi's avatar

I’ve had several girlfriends with this issue. In a relationship, what has always worked is to let her touch me and then slowly and patiently work on touching her back. I don’t just mean this in the sexual application, I mean for anything as small as holding her hand or resting her head on my shoulder.

As far as regular day-to-day stuff, I see them get very good at avoiding contact. If you learn to lean away from people and show discomfort with your body language, it’s pretty easy to keep people off. Saying no to a hug from a friend/relative is the only really awkward part, but people generally understand.

If you want to get over this fear, find an SO and/or friends you can trust and work on slowly becoming more comfortable with it. You’ll find that it’s not as scary as it seems, and it can be overcome.

Despite the SA, I’m confident you can change your ways if you wish to. On that note, I offer whatever help we can provide as you heal. Welcome to the collective, we’re glad to have you.

tulsane's avatar

I am uncomfortable with it to a certain degree too. I dont hug and i feel REALLY awkward if someone is crying and needs to be hugged. I learn or force myself to be more “touchy feely” with people who are like that who I like. But in general I only “touch” the one I love. My boy has the same problem…he actually walks away when someone stands to close to him and invades his “space” the only person he will let “touch” him is me, his brother, his dad and his mom. He loosens up (obviously) with a few beers though:) I suggest just starting to try to touch people…maybe brishing hands, hugging, standing closer to people than you normally would and just try to get more comfortable with people.

asmonet's avatar

@petethepothead: I’m with you on that one, particularly with those I don’t know well, but I can tolerate it if it stays in the hug zone. :P

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

I’m very particular on who I let touch me. I don’t like casual acquaintances touching me at all.

kevbo's avatar

PFC William Santiago, USMC

Deathcabforhottie's avatar

I never really have that feeling. People hug me all the time and it’s fine with me… Even sorta random people. Although the time a random girl Hugged me and grabbed my ass I didn’t like particually

chaz2b's avatar

I hate being touched, I prefer to keep a three foot barrier between me and everyone, and I attribute this to my time in the hospital, where i woke up from a coma tied to a bed with med-people doing med-things to me :O

MadParty's avatar

i guess it depends on who is touching me,and why

Shuttle128's avatar

Sounds freakishly familiar. My girlfriend is the same way. It makes things awkward sometimes.

live_rose's avatar

@Shuttle128 thats my main problem

knitfroggy's avatar

I’m a touchy feely person. My aunt is not, she doesn’t like anyone in her personal space or touching her. I sometimes will just go up behind her and hug her neck when she isn’t expecting it because she won’t let you hug her often otherwise. It freaks her out, but I don’t care. I love her and want to hug her! I work in a retail store and I notice myself touching complete strangers when I am talking to them. I’ll touch their arm or shoulder not even realizing it. I’m not sure why, I guess it makes me feel like I’ve made some sort of connection with them.

AKA's avatar

Most the time I don’t have any particular feelings on being touched, and I love a good cuddle from a significant other.

But sometimes I recoil, literally. Sometimes I intensely don’t want to be touched. I know it hurts other peoples feeling when I back away, but I can’t help it. When I’m like that it feels like I don’t have skin, just bare nerves. It’s too much exposure, too much potential for hurt.

Fortunately it doesn’t happen very often. It actually happened to me for the first time in years this month. Hopefully it will be years before it happens again.

SeventhSense's avatar

Well I just love lots of skin on skin contact and am very open about expressing my affection with everyone. But some people can be so uptight. Sometimes the looks I get. It’s like God just don’t ride the subway.

aviona's avatar

Depends on who’s touching me and how.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

I like physical closeness with people, but have been without it for so long that having people touch me usually makes me skittish and awkward.

casheroo's avatar

I’m not huge on the touchy feeliness. I kiss and cuddle my son 24/7, but random people touching me?Really freaks me out. I have this things about strangers germs…I just don’t want to get my son sick. I can’t stand when people touch me when they are sick.
And people who give high fives? So annoying.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

Our whole family is huggy. I love to touch & be touched. It’s hugs & kisses all around when you’re with me.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

I don’t mind it among folks I know. Complete strangers? Not really big on it. I never had a real problem with it until my wife got a nasty infection when someone brought a toddler over, and that little ‘Petri dish with legs’ spread his germs around. I know that’s where the infection came from; kids are so germ-laden as to require a Haz Mat suit while being anywhere near them.

From now on, someone shows up at my house with a kid; I’m getting out the garden hose and a can of Lysol. Sounds like overkill, but that infection was life-threatening. Nothing to scoff at.

SeventhSense's avatar

@casheroo
You totally need a HUG

SeventhSense's avatar

@casheroo
OK my bad, just shake my hand

YARNLADY's avatar

@SeventhSense very funny, I feel sorry for people who think fluther has no sense of humor.

asmonet's avatar

@casheroo: High-five embargo.

I am a huge supporter of the high-five.

irocktheworld's avatar

I really like hugs :)

YARNLADY's avatar

When my little grandson puts his hand on my cheek and says “Mumma, I love you”, it’s the best feeling in the world.

WhenAllLightDies's avatar

Hope that this site can help.

www.asexuality.org/home/

You might not identify with the AVEN group, but just in case you do, I would encourage you to have a browse anyway. Who knows, you might just be a demi…

Good luck – WhenAllLightDies

emeraldisles's avatar

i feel uncomfortable with it to like when someone hits me in the back or runs their fingers through my hair out of the blue.

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