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Dansedescygnes's avatar

Do you ever find it difficult to dislike people?

Asked by Dansedescygnes (2876 points ) April 24th, 2009

Sometimes I find it difficult to dislike people. For example, there’s this teacher at my school that everyone hates. All people do is talk bad about her. I know she isn’t a good teacher, but I kind of feel bad for her. Like, I find it hard to join in on the hating. (Keep in mind I don’t actually have a class with her, but I know many people who do). It’s not like she’s an evil person, she’s just not a good teacher.

Also, there was this guy I knew whom a lot of people seemed to dislike for no apparent reason (they hated him behind his back). And I didn’t. I just thought he was nice and harmless. I remember one time my friend ditched him and I was like “Why? Why do you have to ditch him? You don’t even know why you don’t like him.” Luckily that was last year and their opinions have since changed.

Sometimes when a person is hated by a lot of people, I just feel bad for them rather than hate them too.

And I’m up so late because I was helping my adorable friend study for the calculus final. If he doesn’t get a C in the class, he could get rescinded from Cal Poly.

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23 Answers

augustlan's avatar

It takes a lot to make me actively dislike someone. I think if you remain open to liking all types of people and rooting for the underdog, you’ll be better off for it in the long run.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Way to go in not joining in on the hate.
Sometimes, finding good in people isn’t popular but it’s the right thing to do.

Facade's avatar

You just sound like someone who isn’t an asshole lol. And I like to think I give people a fair chance by not disliking them for no reason. But if I do dislike you, there’s a reason, and it wasn’t difficult at all.

lisaj89's avatar

I don’t think it’s the same thing but it’s so hard to dislike my dad. I have every reason to be mad at him but for some reason I always end up talking to him again, even if he did something that really upset me. I believe this is just his personality though.
Like you, I tend to get along with most people. I don’t understand why so many people automatically single out the not so good qualities in a person before even getting to know them.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

It depends. In general, I tend to dislike most people I meet, but that’s only because they’re so shallow and close-minded that I can’t stand to be around them. That said, if most people dislike someone, I find that it’s for… Well, shallow and close-minded reasons. I always give everyone a chance, regardless of what I’m told about them by other people.

cheebdragon's avatar

I hate everyone equally.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Unsubstantiated hate is so emo.

qashqai's avatar

In these days I find quite easy to dislike people.

It will soon pass, hopefully.

Myndecho's avatar

Not particularly, I’m not sure if I make my emotions clear.
I’ll be friends with you no matter how much of a geek you are, it a quality I’ve found in myself, I know if you’re a geek it doesn’t mean you’re also unlikeable but people will tend to stay away, I constantly go up to them hug them, chat to them for ages, etc.

TaoSan's avatar

Yeah I don’t really know, dislike is such a strong word. If there are people that I don’t like to be around I simply make the choice not to be around them.

Now granted, my lifestyle permits me to do so, and maybe if you’re in a school or different workplace environment it’s different. I just think “disliking” is such a negative emotion, and thus a total waste of time. So indifference yes, dislike no.

Live and let live I say, no?

GAMBIT's avatar

I may dislike what a person does but I am willing to forgive.

eponymoushipster's avatar

nope, i find it quite easy to dislike people.

“What’s with people?”

“I know. They’re the worst.”

Bagardbilla's avatar

@Dansedescygnes
”...tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manafistations of strength and resolution”. Khalil Gibran
When one is at peace with oneself, he often finds ( even a morsel of an excuse) to not dislike others.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@Dansedescygnes kudos to you for seeing the good side of this teacher. Hopefully your compassion & understanding will spread to your friends. You sound like a good friend to have.

This is an interesting & timely question to me. I’m going through something right now that relates directly to this. I have a very close friend on another site who I’ll call A. It’s really been beyond a friendship for over a year, it’s a relationship. That’s how close we’ve been. Now A HATES B & C. They get into flame wars in that site. B & C also happen to be friends of mine. They’re good to me & I stay out of their fights. When A found out that I’m friends with them, he blew up. He’s wanting me to terminate my friendship with B & C. I won’t do it. I’m not going to let him dictate who my friends are. I email with all of them & have exchanged pictures with them. My friendship with B & C has nothing to do with A. He’s livid with me at the present & won’t talk to me. I find this to be very childish. This is junior high crap. The bottom line is…I won’t dislike these two just because HE does. Calgon, take me away!

Dansedescygnes's avatar

Thanks for all the answers, guys.

And thanks @jbfletcherfan @Bagardbilla, I’ve never thought of this trait of mine as being negative. And I just don’t like disliking people because I don’t think it does much. I tend to dislike things people do rather than dislike people. Some people are saying they dislike people by default; that’s not me. I like people by default until they give me something to dislike.

And @jbfletcherfan I know what you mean. In the case of that second example I gave, a couple of my friends seemed a little annoyed with me because I didn’t find this other guy hopelessly annoying like they did. And there was no way in hell I was going to avoid him or stop being friends with him just because they didn’t like him. It is very childish.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@Dansedescygnes So how has this all played out for you? Are these friends still with you? How have you handled it?

“I like people by default until they give me something to dislike.” See, that’s what I’m trying to get through to A. Until these 2 do something negative to ME, I’m not going to turn my back on them just because he wants me to. And he can’t see that if he’d keep quiet & stop arguing with them, all of this would go away. He keeps the fighting going on.

You have a very compassionate outlook on life. Good for you. Others could take a lesson, I think.

wundayatta's avatar

That Sam-I-Am is a wily dude.
He thinks that I am not too crude.

For when I say I can’t dislike
he acts as if I crashed his bike.

“Try it, try it, you will see,”
“Dislike will make you feel so free!”

“I really don’t much like to hate,”
says I responding to the bait.

“Would you try it with George Bush?”
“Would you try it on your tush?”

“I would not, could not with George Bush.”
“I would not, could not on my tush.”

“How ‘bout with your adored ex-wife,”
“who filled your life with so much strife?”

“I will not hate my factious ex,”
“although she made my life so vexed.”

“Oh try it, try it, you will see,”
“Dislike feels good when you’re angry.”

And so I tried it, to silence Sam,
and now I think that I’ve been damned!

casheroo's avatar

I think you recognize the difference between knowing a person is a bad teacher but not a bad person…
It’s easy for me to dislike someone, if they give me a reason to. But, other than that, I do try to give the benefit of the doubt.

KalWest's avatar

I’m more or less the same way. I used to intensely dislike crazy ass homophobes – i’m talking about the ones from that church in Kansas – Westboro Baptist Church – the ones who parade around with the “fags burn in hell” signs… but i’ve gotten over it. I just pity them now – so hate filled – what pathetic lives.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

To a fault, often at work.

tiffyandthewall's avatar

even after i dislike someone, i find it hard to be consistent. there are rarely people i really dislike, but even when there are, i eventually end up being okay with them. i think it’s about being able to see that they’re not all bad. like, you don’t know about their situations – what’s going on at home or whatever. and they have other aspects of personality, you just don’t see all of them.

mattbrowne's avatar

Disliking people should be the exception. Otherwise people turn bitter.

Adagio's avatar

Dislike and intolerance are close siblings I think. I am aware that I can be hugely intolerant towards others. If I examine the intolerance carefully I often find (too often) that what really irks me about someone is generally some trait that I find in myself. Or sometimes it is a trait I have managed to overcome in myself and now find quite intolerable in others. Intolerance definitely leads on to dislike. Although I have a say that I do not simply dislike a person because other people do. They have to earn my dislike for themselves.

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