General Question

anonymousforareason's avatar

I just ate a lot of extremely spicy food and drank a lot of beer. This is not going to, uh, come out very well...what can I do to alleviate the pain?

Asked by anonymousforareason (4 points ) April 24th, 2009

I’ll keep this as full of euphemisms as possible. This is a serious inquiry.

I’ve stupidly done this twice before and experienced and immense amount of burning fiery pain when the food…uh…exited me…

I’m already prepared for a lot of pain to be felt. Anything I can do to immediately find relief from the pain?

PLEASE NO JOKES. This is an honest to god serious question, despite being gross. If you want to say something snarky or make a joke, save it for your blog. I hope for this question to actually help me and others who seek relief from this sort of thing.

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25 Answers

Judi's avatar

If you just ate it,(and drank it) take some tums now. It may make things come out a bit smoother.

anonymousforareason's avatar

It’s too late for tums, i can ensure you of this. I meant to say relief for afterward. After the inevitable horror has happened and I am writhing in pain on my bathroom floor.

casheroo's avatar

pepto bismal.

Judi's avatar

diaper rash medicine?

oratio's avatar

Man, what the hell did you eat?

El_Cadejo's avatar

Buy the ticket, take the ride.

Amoebic's avatar

It’s all part of the territory. Wear your pain with pride.

All I can say is…wipe well. Very, very well. Wet naps if you have to.

TaoSan's avatar

Pepto Bismol enema?

andrew's avatar

Drink some milk now. Eat some yoghurt.

Dog's avatar

I feel for you dude. It is like when you get thrown off your bike and as you are flying through the air you are thinking “Shit- this is going to hurt”

May the landing be merciful.

Blondesjon's avatar

Baby Wipes. Dab, Dab, Dab.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I second the advice to drink some milk or eat some yogurt. I will help at least a little.

creativejuices's avatar

For the love of God do not dry wipe! Use baby wipes, the flush-able kind, no one wants that evidence left around. Be sure that you are clean after each visit!! I would also get some cooling type of ointment that is normally used for hemorrhoids (with out the meds) I hope everything “comes out” all right in the end!

Blondesjon's avatar

If I am not mistaken the use of the phrase Awww Shit!, to describe unpleasantness, originated with an individual who had suffered a time or three from the burnin’ poops.

cookieman's avatar

The diaper rash cream and the baby wipes are a good idea.

Also, drink a ton of water.

I’ve experienced this. It’s like getting anal sex from the devil himself.

Jeruba's avatar

No advice to add that’s better than the good advice above, so I’ll just add my sympathy. <pat pat pat> I hope you recover quickly. And meanwhile I hope you don’t have to go anywhere very far from home. This would be a bad time, for example, to be in a friend’s wedding.

cookieman's avatar

or hosting a child’s birthday party

Blondesjon's avatar

or taking the oath of office

asmonet's avatar

Pray to whatever god you believe in.

augustlan's avatar

This is why every bathroom should be equipped with flushable wipes. Be kind to your behind.

Judi's avatar

So…... did everything come out alright?

ahankes's avatar

Definitely use flushable wipes or baby wipes, but make sure they are unscented. Don’t rub hard!

You need to give us an update.. was it as bad as you thought it was going to be?

Futomara's avatar

“C’mon ice cream” – Cheech & Chong

Ron_C's avatar

Maybe there is a god. Whether there is or not, I expect you will be saying “oh God!” for the next day or two. Milk and yougart may help but it is probably too late.
Since this question is almost a year old, I expect that you are a lot wiser and possible a little lighter now.

Hope it wasn’t too bad.

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