General Question

MrAnonymous's avatar

Women: Do you verify the claims of your ex's?

Asked by MrAnonymous (20 points ) June 4th, 2009

This ones for the fluther-chicks. Do you actually care enough to verify claims that your ex makes. Verify as in ask around, or search on facebook.

Claims of a new girl for example.
Claims of things the person has been up to as another.
Just claims in general.

Assume that you still care about the ex. Assume the relationship sucked and you don’t care about the ex.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

20 Answers

dynamicduo's avatar

No, I don’t give my ex one thought. Why would I waste my time stalking them like this? It doesn’t make any sense. I pissed away enough time being with them, don’t need to make that number go up.

casheroo's avatar

Wait, what? Verify what claims? I’m confused and have read the word “claims” too many times for it to have meaning.

Okay, so “claims of a new girl for example” are you asking if I verify to people that my ex is indeed dating someone?? Why would anyone ask me that?

MrAnonymous's avatar

@casheroo

For example, you hear your ex is with a new girl, just heard around the block. Now do you actually go on facebook to see who this person is? To see what you “lost to”

I don’t know. Just in todays world it seems like no one has any privacy. I’de think its just a staandard thing to do. Facebook is the ultimate “People rechearch tool” and that is one reason I do not have one (not necessarally the ex’s, because I don’t care about any of mine :)). Just something I wondered because I damn know people rechearch their friends. (“Ohh X posted this on facebook”, “How gay X put hes in a relationship with that fat girl” – actual quotes)

I do NOT like to be rechearched

Deepness's avatar

Stay in school.

hug_of_war's avatar

That’s too petty for my tastes.

casheroo's avatar

@MrAnonymous Oh, well I don’t need Facebook to do that. I can call up my ex and ask him how he’s doing, and how his new girlfriend is. And I know who another one of my exes is dating, not a big deal to me.
I didn’t get a Myspace until 2005, and I think sometime in 2006 is when I got a Facebook, I met my husband at the end of 2005, so if you wanted to stalk exes, internet wasn’t the place to go ;) ~
If you keep checking up on them, then I guess that means you aren’t over them. Or you’re just curious. I don’t know.

cak's avatar

Only in regards to things that may affect my daughter. Otherwise, I really don’t care what he’s up to – it’s none of my business. I don’t snoop, though. I ask. I’m very direct and he has a very hard time evading my questions.

aprilsimnel's avatar

I cut off all contact with each ex upon breaking up. Keeping up with an ex is a foreign concept to me. They all now live far away, so I have no idea what any of them are doing these days, bless ‘em.

casheroo's avatar

@aprilsimnel I find that to be such bizarre behavior. I understand cutting off from them for a period of time, until the person can come to terms with the break up, and know it’s for the best…but after that, I see no reason exes can’t remain friends or at least on friendly terms. Of course there are exceptions, like nasty breaks up involving infidelity or the like. I just think denying a part of your life is just plain strange, and I cannot understand it.

westy81585's avatar

I mean sometimes curiosity will hit me and I’ll take a peak at x’s profiles or what not (like on facebook). Or if they post some big photo album full of pictures of them and their new S/O, sure I’ll look at them. Curiosity is only normal.

BUT, I don’t really go terribly out of my way all the time to see everything the X is up too. Curiosity is normal….. stalking/obsession, is not.

westy81585's avatar

@casheroo I hear you 100% on that. My current S/O was all worried that I’d be offended that she hangs out with/talks with her X b/f. But like I told her, he was a major part of her life and probably knows her better than even I do right now… I could never ask her to cut such an important person out of her life.

And I’ve never understood how people could do that on their own.

elijah's avatar

I don’t try to be friends with my exes. There’s no need. I move forwrd, they move forward. If I run into them of course I say hi and ask how they are, small talk. There’s no need to be buddies. If I’m with someone new I would rather spend my energy being with them. I’m not going to lie though. If I honestly loved the person I am curious what the “new girl” looks like. I don’t use facebook or myspace (it’s dorky) so it’s not like I try and stalk them on the internet, but if one of my good friends happened to run into him and the new girl of course I ask what she looks like, is she friendly, etc.

Clair's avatar

i’m going to admit it- if i’m curious, i’m curious.
so sue me.
but that’s with a select few. with all the other ridiculous ones-don’t waste my precious time.

aprilsimnel's avatar

@casheroo – Unfortunately, not one of the relationships I had broke off on good or even amicable terms, and in each instance, the man and I didn’t truly open up to each other or care enough about each other to be friends to begin with, so we weren’t friends after things ended. The men treated me like a sex object and I treated the men like romance objects. There wasn’t any love involved in these situations at all, ergo, no post-relationship friendliness. I wish them no ill will, though.

noelasun's avatar

If my SO dumped me, and it was rumored there was someone else- Would I waste my time by searching on his facebook and every other person we both knew to find out who she was??? Absolutely. I’m a little bit ashamed

casheroo's avatar

@aprilsimnel totally makes sense. I find that if I wasn’t friends with them to begin with, then we won’t be friends afterwards either.

Darwin's avatar

I haven’t had an ex for more than twenty years. I don’t know where most of them are, and for all I know they are dead now, so no, I don’t verify any of their claims.

Sariperana's avatar

Haha if im not over them, then yes i probably would, speed-drive past their house cause im in the neighbourhood, regulate their local haunts“Oh fancy seeing you here!!” all that kind of pathetic stuff… not at a stalker level of course – we’d have just gone through the breakup and were probably still on talking terms etc.

I guess people do that stuff because they still want to be involved in the life though, checking out an ex on FB is not always because you havent gotten over them, sometimes its just good for a laugh or a moment.

If i am over them though, they dont even cross my mind…!

cwilbur's avatar

I’m not sure why this is limited to “fluther chicks,” so I’m answering anyway.

My exes are my exes. I don’t really care what they get up to.

jonsblond's avatar

I agree with @aprilsimnel and @cwilbur. The past is the past. Like @Darwin, I haven’t had an ex for almost 20 years now.

I’m so glad my dating years were before Facebook!

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther