General Question

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Why do you have any enemies?

Asked by RealEyesRealizeRealLies (29394 points ) June 12th, 2009

What makes a person your enemy? Can a force or a civil movement be your enemy? Have you ever made amends with an enemy and how?

Are you the enemy?

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50 Answers

willbrawn's avatar

Yes, it started in High School. He didnt like me and dispised everything I did. For a long time without me even knowing it. Then I decided one day I didnt like him either. From that point on we never talked and even had mutual friends. They all laughed because we couldnt stand each other and in High School talked crap about each other.

But now I just think its fun.

Phobia's avatar

Yeah, I have one. It all started over basically nothing. I didn’t really get into it until he hit younger brother in the face for smirking at him. The guy’s in jail right now for burning cars, so I have no worries about him.

casheroo's avatar

You edited your question, so my response didn’t make sense.

I don’t know why people have enemies. People just like to piss other people off it seems.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

As far as I know, I’m not considered anyone’s enemy. I consider only one person to be mine since they’re a dangerous psychopath even though they’d like to think they act out of love. Anyone else is a friend, acquaintance or peripheral.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@hungryhungryhortence

Ooou that is tough when an enemy “acts out of love”. How do you deal with that?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I don’t have any enemies – just Voldemort

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies: I don’t deal with it anymore, I changed my life a decade ago in order to drop off that person’s radar. It’s the only person I’ve genuinely wished harm to come to, I still feel that way

robmandu's avatar

I don’t have enemies—just vanquished foes.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@hungryhungryhortence

I understand and I’m sorry that you had to deal with that. Do you feel stronger or wiser because of your experience?

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir

If you did have an enemy, what would qualify them for that title?

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@casheroo

My kids piss me off at times, and I’m sure I return the favor. But we are not enemies because of it. There must be something more to an enemy than that.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies
they’d have to deliberately and without punishement have caused harm to myself or my family

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir

Yes. Would they be an enemy forever, assuming they genuinely recognized the harm they had done and asked your forgiveness?

I guess what I’m saying is… Once an enemy, always an enemy?

sap82's avatar

I don’t think I have any enemies right now, but I do know how to make them.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@sap82

We make them? By our own hands?

sap82's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Yes, it is very easy to make enemies.

RedPowerLady's avatar

I’ve had a few “Arch Enemy’s” as I like to call them. Mostly it stems from a difference of opinion and being forced to remain in contact with one another, ex: working in the same organization. Of course someone isn’t my enemy for having a different opinion but for being a total arse about it and showing no respect at all. I would also say a few people have become my “enemy’s” by treating other’s poorly. And I would also say that a civil institution can certainly be one’s “enemy”. Don’t let me start on those.. :P

I do not believe that I am the enemy, no :) Have I even made amends with an enemy? I certainly have because I am a reasonable and forgiving person and well frankly having people you are constantly “at odds” with is draining. Most of this was in my younger days. I don’t know if I would say I have an “enemy” now. It’s questionable..

ADRIlostherMIND's avatar

Why? Because she’s a diiirty little whore. I have one enemy and I’d like to beat her senseless for ruining my marriage. Although it wasn’t entirely her fault. She still deserves it.

atlantis's avatar

When they shove themselves in your face and show you disrespect. That’s your enemy. And yes I do have them. They are usually jealous and I even have ‘frenemys’. Those friends/enemies. Thank you fluther for educating me about those.

Actually, recently, that’s all I seem to get.

I gotta go figure my life out…

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies: I feel both wiser and stronger in that I was really tested on many different levels.

Darwin's avatar

I have had a few enemies, largely because we disagreed on certain basic opinions, but the other person was too immature to be able to agree to disagree, or suffered from jealousy, or was angry because they had been caught cheating in some way.

The worst one died by falling downstairs when drunk and lying there for a week before anyone found her. While they say “what goes around comes around” I don’t wish this sort of death on anyone, even someone as vindictive as she was.

Siren's avatar

I define an enemy as someone who intentionally and knowingly seeks to do me harm or wrong or cause me real (not perceived) grief on a regular basis.

Based on that definition, I would say I have come across a few people in work or social environments who have fit the bill. I actually know one person who is an enemy to his employees and his organization (ie a big liability), and ultimately an enemy to himself. He was once my enemy when I worked for him, as he made efforts to create a chaotic environment for me and my coworkers so that it was difficult to please him or follow any of his rules, thus constantly putting us on the defensive and creating a hostile work environment. Now I am being asked to testify to his work-related behavior (and other legal issues, which he has created for himself). I no longer work for him, but feel obligated to testify because this person is such a threat to those around him, as well as his institution. I don’t feel any vengeance, just a sense of doing the right thing, which can be tiring sometimes emotionally and physically.

I believe an organization or institution which goes against your morals and ethics can also be viewed as your “spiritual” enemy. Sometimes they could become real enemies if you have to deal with them in a legal sense.

I tend to not make amends with people I define as enemies in my life, because ultimately I do not trust them to not continue with their chaotic and harmful behavior. I just move on and hope to never see them again.

To me, enemy is not a casual word. Frenemy, that’s another story :)

filmfann's avatar

I am 53 years old, and I take pride in thinking I only have 1 enemy; an ex-boss of mine who raped a co-worker, tried to kill another, tried to fire me out of meanness, and used to brag about pedophilia.
I know a lot of people who don’t like me, but they don’t rise to the level of enemy.
Oddly, these same people are the ones that say the nicest things about me. They say: “He is a gifted tech, a good family man, and a very considerate person. He is also a pain in the ass.”
I value their praise.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@sap82

I think you’re really on to something here. Why would we want to “make” enemies? I think you are correct in stating that we do indeed “make” them… just like cookies.

Can we unmake them? Can we really “make” a person be a certain way?

This notion intrigues me.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@hungryhungryhortence

Yes I can see that in my world as well. But the hook comes when we have to ultimately attribute our new wisdom and strength to the very thing that we abhor.

How can this be resolved?

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@atlantis

What’s the difference when a child “shove themselves in your face and show you disrespect”... and when an adult does the same thing?

My children do that all the time and they are not my enemy. Is there something more to what makes an enemy?

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@filmfann

Praise is good and we all need to get some. How much do you value their criticism?

lazydaisy's avatar

I think I am the enemy.

Blondesjon's avatar

To have an enemy, you have to care about how that person feels.

I don’t.

lazydaisy's avatar

@Blondesjon

Great answer. the opposite of love is not hate. It is apathy.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@lazydaisy

Who’s enemy? Were you made to be this way by someone else, or do you make yourself this way by yourself?

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@Blondesjon

What determines if you care about someone or not?

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@Blondesjon

You are a who, not a what. What is the what behind the ways of the who?

Blondesjon's avatar

Your Dr. Seuss semantics games are tiring and accomplish nothing.

I am the what, the who, the how, and the why of my experience.

Period.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@Blondesjon

I have no games to play with you Blondesjon. I’m seriously avoiding the notion of objectifying you. If I considered you a “what” instead of a “who”, then I must objectify you. I also don’t personify a “what” into a “who” either.

There is a “who” behind everything you do. There is a “what” behind every reason you do it. I have no problem separating the medium from the message.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@Blondesjon

I’m going to play pool with my son. We’ll talk later.

atlantis's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies
True, if it’s just routine child tantrums then that’s not your enemy. But grown up adults know what they’re doing unless they have chemical imbalances causing schizoprenia or alzheimers.

I think my expression hasn’t evolved enough to describe it in words properly, but you know your enemy when you know your enemy.
Go Greenday

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

Tony Danza….

lazydaisy's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies

I would never intentionally make myself an enemy of anyone.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@lazydaisy

I know that about you. So how do you think it happens?

I’m intrigued with @sap82 premise that we “make” enemies, as if it is our choice… like making cookies. This intrigues me to no end because I cannot recall a time that I’ve ever once had an enemy.

I’ve been attacked by gangs, and back stabbed by women and friends. I am also guilty of robbery and assault on others. Most of those situations were eventually resolved because I ultimately set upon myself to make peace with those involved, even if it cost me money or meant going to jail. The situations that weren’t resolved are due to me not being able to find or contact the person.

I don’t feel myself to be the enemy any longer, but just because I moved past those who abused me doesn’t necessarily mean that we are now friends. It certainly doesn’t justify “making” an enemy either. I accept their mistakes as much as I accept my own. I want them to evolve and grow just as much as I want it for myself. Where is the enemy in that?

It is of course very uncomfortable to approach someone that I have hurt and tell them how sorry I am. It’s just as uncomfortable (and scary) to approach someone who has hurt me and tell them that I don’t hold it against them.

But aside from those discomforts, it is nothing compared with the unbearable load of forever carrying anger and revenge for so called enemies. I won’t make them any longer. I won’t allow myself to be one either.

I’ve also had those feelings that “they deserve it”. But I am no judge, and only a fool would look at troublesome situations from their own perspective alone without considering the bigger picture.

Yes I’m capable of anger towards one who would harm me or my children. Yes I’m angry at those who lie about me. But they are not my enemy. They are fellow human beings who are trying to make it in this world the best they know how. They are just like me. If I have to stop or kill them to bring peace and safety, then so be it. But I will feel sorrow for everyone involved for doing so. We’re just fearful people.

Darwin's avatar

I don’t think of myself as anyone’s enemy, nor do I set out to make enemies. But a few people have chosen to be my enemy and to actively do things to injure me and mine. Why they chose that path I really don’t know, except that in each case that person was cheating, or lying, or otherwise doing wrong, and I happened to be the instrument that brought their problem to light. It wasn’t even deliberate on my part, but it set them off somehow.

Attacking me verbally in front of witnesses, telling others that I was gay (I’m not but then my sex life never affected my work in any way), slashing my tires at work, making voiceless calls in the middle of the night, and attempting to undermine joint work projects were some of the things they did. No one was helped by their actions, and they, in fact, were harmed by their efforts, not I (although for a while I had to have extra spare tires and several cans of fix a flat).

I mostly feel sadness that they need to live that way, irritation at having to pick up the pieces, and puzzlement over what their motives could possibly be. I never wished them harm, I simply wished them to be away from me. However, in many cases they did indeed have greater and greater problems and sometimes have come to a bad end.

@ABoyNamedBoobs03 – Tony Danza?

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

@Darwin

If I had one wish it’d be to kick tony Danza in the crotch and yell “Who’s the boss now bitch?!”

Bluefreedom's avatar

Nope, I’m not the enemy. I’m in the military so I’m one of the good guys. My enemies are the ones that try to stomp out democracy and committ terrorist acts that would hurt you and yours and me and mine. I’m willing to die for my country and my beliefs along with protecting everything sacred to Americans everywhere. I don’t always support every single decision the U.S. government makes but I do love my country and I think it is certainly worth defending against all enemies, foreign and domestic.

Darwin's avatar

@ABoyNamedBoobs03 – But why? I don’t get it.

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

I blame him for terrorism.

Darwin's avatar

Huh. Who knew.

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

Well I tried blaming osama bin laden, didn’t really get anywhere as you could tell… then blamed Bush, nothing, then blamed westernism, them blamed extremism, still I was disappointed…

So I figured if it’s pretty much pointless no matter what we all do or say, I might as well combine an actor I’ve never liked with a political problem. you know, two birds, one stone…

TabernakAttack's avatar

I think we’ve all got someone we know that, if we could kill them and get away with it clean, we’d do it. People say it’s up to god to judge, but when humanity gets smart enough to pull their head out of the ground and stop relying on false profits to do their bidding, we realize that as humans we have the right and the power to judge what’s right and what’s wrong.

As for my story for whoever’s interested, a few years ago in high school a somewhat friend at the time mugged a special needs student on school property at knife point. I got blamed for it as that “friend” told the authorities I had put him up to it. I was expelled because of a complete fabrication that ended up only getting that student a 1-month suspension.

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