General Question

susanlazarus's avatar

How to let go of someone who strings you along?

Asked by susanlazarus (3 points ) June 16th, 2009

Have been close, dating someone for 6 years then I moved out of town. We kept in touch, he called everyday, but never has made effort to visit. When I go back where he lives for an important event, he wants to see me, treats me like I am a queen, tells me he wants to know everything that happens to me, I go back home and there is nothing. Great charmer of a guy, seems like kind of guy who would be faithful, acts that way -but is not in reality. He is a player. And I was clueless. I feel stupid. Heart hurts a bit – not as much as if I still lived there – but if Ilived there, we would probably be together. He is middle-aged, lives with his mother – they are kind of like one unit. Yet that is his free choice – not a crime. Like his mom. He has told me he loves me many times. Find myself wanting to protect my heart from ever getting hurt again. How can I ever or will I ever have someone that truly loves me and is not a schmuck? Feel kind of frozen and scared to meet anyone. Have stayed within family and very few friends to heal. And am often alone. It is okay to be alone, right?

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4 Answers

MrsNash's avatar

It depends… If you value him more than you value yourself, continue to be strung along. If you value yourself more let him go. As hard as it is to believe, you WILL feel better!

DrasticDreamer's avatar

It’s perfectly fine and healthy to be alone. Everyone needs to be, otherwise we never learn who we are or what we want out of life.

I’m not saying you’re wrong or that you’re lying or anything like that, but do you have proof that he’s a player? If not, as stupid as it may seem, he may be afraid of committing since you live away from him. Either way, he could handle the situation better and be completely honest with his feelings… But yeah.

If you know for sure that he’s a player, definitely let him go. Six years is long enough and no one deserves to be treated poorly. As MrsNash says, if you value yourself, don’t let it continue to happen.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

I would be hard pressed to classify an adult male who lives with his mother as a “player.”
He has no reason to be into you; he has his mother. And that’s a contest that you will never win; he has to make that choice himself and it doesn’t look like he’s inclined to do so. Run, Toto, Run.

Spend some time getting to know yourself and enjoying your own company. Learn something new, do things only to please yourself. Volunteer. Create new social habits. You never know who’s around the next corner.

Sariperana's avatar

Oh wow, i had this problem a few months back – joined fluther and they helped!
Best thing to do is cut all contact – it hurts, and its hard, god only knows its hard – but its worth it in the long run…
eventually they stop haunting your thoughts, the heart stops aching and you learn how to smile again! Give it long enough and you will be able to look back at the distant memory and chuckle at the person you once were. it took me 6 months after being strung along for 3 years!
Your life, your love and your heart is too precious to let it waste away!

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