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dazedandconfused's avatar

Have you ever feared that you will never be content/happy?

Asked by dazedandconfused (542 points ) July 4th, 2009

The last few months of my life have been pretty much one big emotional rollercoaster. I can’t make up my mind who I want to be with, or whether I want to be with anyone at all. It seems like every time I make a decision that I think I’ll be happy with; I change my mind after a short time. I wonder if I’ll ever just be happy and content with my life or if I’ll always want what I can’t have. Anyone else feel this way? Any advice?

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19 Answers

Ivan's avatar

Not really a fear, per se.

Tink's avatar

All the time :(

augustlan's avatar

Oh my goodness, yes. I think it’s perfectly normal to go through periods of time like that! For the bigger picture though, you might want to rethink your expectations. Change is inevitable, so any one decision is unlikely to be the last decision you’ll have to make on the matter. It’s important to be able to adapt to changing circumstances, while staying true to yourself. Lastly, if you’re having a lot of difficulty deciding who you want a relationship with, I suggest cultivating a relationship with yourself first. Good luck!

AstroChuck's avatar

Yes. Every time Fluther goes down.

Deepness's avatar

Every time I lose a wi-fi signal.

JLeslie's avatar

I have had those fears, but really only when I was younger. How old are you?

Relationships can be very difficult, you seemed to dwell on a love relationship in your original statement, and all I can say is from my perspective it is way better to be alone then to be in a bad relationship. Having said that, even if you know being alone might be better it can still be extremely difficult to leave someone. My experience is that when a relationship is right it is like the most natural thing in the world, no real second thoughts.

For me I have been much happier as I got older. I think joy and happiness comes in moments and the trick is to fully recognize the moment when it is happening.

tabbycat's avatar

I used to worry about that when I was younger. Now I’m too busy living my life.

I often think of what Lincoln said: “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” A lot of truth there! On the other hand, it’s worth remembering that as great as Lincoln was, he suffered from depression.

peyton_farquhar's avatar

It is very easy (and very tempting, when you are depressed) to find only reasons to be unhappy with your life. Every day there are a thousand reasons to be happy that we overlook, and that we only remember in their absence.

Remember that no one has total control over their lives; that as much as you plan, prepare, and save for the future, things will happen that you could never have expected or prepared yourself for. No one plans to total their car, or have their brother die, or be a witness to a crime, or get divorced after six months of marriage. You can’t predict your future with any real accuracy, so it’s pointless to worry about it.

Certainly worrying whether you will ever be happy will never help you be happy. Find and do the things you enjoy, and take it one day at a time. Be the kind of person that you can look back on and be proud of along the way.

rooeytoo's avatar

My partner calls me a malcontent and it is a pretty accurate description. I have chronic wanderlust. I have never lived in one place for more than a couple of years. I hope it changes but I am 64 now and so far it hasn’t.

And I always want what I don’t have until I get it then I am bored with it.

I am a pretty happy person though, just always want to know what it would be like to live somewhere else.

arnbev959's avatar

When I start feeling that way, I like to isolate myself from other people for a while. Not just a walk around the block either. If possible a retreat of a few days, with no phone, no computer, no outside contact. It’s really helpful in that I’m able to see what I want, and hear myself think, without all those outside forces pulling at me.

whatthefluther's avatar

When I was younger and single, for several years, I poured every bit of my energy into my work. I was making a ton of money, bought a house, my first new car and new motorcycle but was generally not happy with my life. I was dating a few women but none I felt a good fit for a long-term relationship. It didn’t seem I had any quality time to enjoy my new toys and coming home to empty house was wearing on me. I made a conscious decision to take better care of myself and refocus my attentions. I backed off on the work (which my boss supported and had been suggesting), spent more time with friends and became very selective in my dating. I quickly felt better about my situation and managed to keep my priorities in order from that point on. It’s very easy to get caught up in a grind and lose focus. Time is well spent reflecting on one’s priorities and paths and maintaining the proper focus to achieve the ultimate goal of happiness.

krose1223's avatar

If you are feeling this then it probably means you should just stay single. Go on dates, have fun, just don’t get serious. I am assuming you are a young adult and I think it is normal to feel this way in most circumstances at that age. (Which is my age too…for the record.) If I didn’t have my son I don’t think I would have ever settled down. Enjoy change while you can, embrace every emotion you feel and just go with it. Right now I think you probably just need to take care of you and forget about the rest of the world. If you have to ask this question you are probably not ready to be worrying about anyone else but yourself. That is perfectly fine, so don’t feel guilty or confused for any of it. I think you will want to settle down someday, but today is not that day.

Supacase's avatar

Every day. I like to do the same thing @petethepothead does when it gets overwhelming, but I no longer have that luxury. In fact, I need it this weekend and my husband is seriously annoyed with me.

Milladyret's avatar

Every day.
Relax, and be content that you are able to deside if you want to stay where you are, or not.
And don’t be afraid to deside to not stay, your only obligation is to make yourself happy!

Blondesjon's avatar

Fear is the only thing that will assure you are never happy or content.

CMaz's avatar

Every day.

dazedandconfused's avatar

I’m kind of sad to hear that I’m not really alone in this… but glad to know that it passes..

I’d prefer to skip this phase in life all together. Thanks for all the input.

stedman15's avatar

Without fear, there can be no success.

I’m in the same boat as you, and I’m trying to figure what it is that will actually make me happy.

Leanne1986's avatar

I know this feeling, I feel it a lot :(

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