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jamielynn2328's avatar

Is it worse if a woman leaves a man for another man or for a woman?

Asked by jamielynn2328 (4710 points ) July 14th, 2009

Or if a man leaves a woman for another man? Is it easier to deal with since they wanted something you didn’t have? Or does the reality that they no longer want to be with someone of your gender anymore make it even harder to bear?

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21 Answers

Bri_L's avatar

Another Man in my opinion. I can at least live with the fact there were certain things I know I could not compete with.

Supacase's avatar

I had a boyfriend whose wife left him for a woman. I think he was more embarrassed than if it had been a man and he did tell me once that it made him feel like he had personally turned her off of men altogether.

ryanpowell's avatar

I have been in both situations.

I was bothered when she left for another man. The other time when a different girl left for another woman didn’t bother me. I’m still really good friends with her.

Blondesjon's avatar

It sucks that the person you loved left you for another person. Male or female they aren’t with you anymore and that hurts.

marinelife's avatar

For me, it would be worse if my SO left for another woman. If he left for another man, he would clearly have come to terms with his sexuality in a non-heterosexual way.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

This whole business about turning someone gay or straight is only urban legend.
If a partner leaves for the opposite gender, that was a pre-existing condition.

Sueanne_Tremendous's avatar

It would be worse for me if my partner Jenn left me for another woman. If she left me for a man, well, her loss. I mean you know what they say about us lesbos and oral sex….

Supacase's avatar

@The_Compassionate_Heretic I know it is nonsense, just passing along his feelings. He knew better, too, but I guess a lot of things run through your mind when someone leaves you.

marinelife's avatar

@The_Compassionate_Heretic You are so right. Sadly, though, it does not preclude many gay folk from marrying straights for all sorts of reasons.

hug_of_war's avatar

If someone you thought was straight left for someone of the same gender, well that would hurt me more because not only did they leave me, but it would also make me feel like this person I loved and thought I knew, well I didn’t really know at all, and that would make me feel like the whole relationship was a sham.

casheroo's avatar

If my husband came to me and left me for another man, I think I’d be more shocked and hurt only because it would feel like our relationship had been a sham. I wouldn’t say it’s worse, but I think the lying about being gay would be pretty painful.

marinelife's avatar

@hug_of_war Good point. I guess in either case, it is more about relative pain, isn’t it?

SuperMouse's avatar

According to a (former) friend of mine, the absolute worst is a woman leaving a man for a women, with a woman leaving an able-bodied man for a disabled man ranking a very close second.

tinyfaery's avatar

Absolutely no difference. Betrayal and heartbreak doesn’t really come in a gender.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

Ask my second oldest brother, his wife left him for another woman.

Thammuz's avatar

What @Bri_L Said. Furthermore that’d be an indication that she probably wasn’t attracted to me in the first place so i wouldn’t really be as mad as if she dumped me for someone because she was trading up…

CMaz's avatar

If for another woman, she would not have to leave. I am cool with that. ;-)

fundevogel's avatar

It shouldn’t make a difference, being left is being left.

How the breakup pans out probably has a greater significance than the gender of the new partner. Those I suppose knowing you were the wrong gender altogether might make it easier to let go of any fantasies of reuniting.

Hambayuti's avatar

I wouldn’t mind if my spouse left me for another man. By that, I’d know that it’s something I can’t compete with. Plus, I think I’d find it easier to accept if he left me because he realized he was gay. We’d probably even end us as good friends. Just me.

However, if he left me for another woman…he better make me proud. She should be someone who’s waaay more than what I am and what I can offer. You know, someone prettier, smarter, more loving, etc., etc. Otherwise, I’d probably end up laughing at him for leaving me. Good riddance. Ta-ta!

chell's avatar

When i was younger i knew a guy that his wife left him for another woman. I really messed with him. He felt the wasn’t a man or there was something wrong with him. He even had a hard time getting aroused after that. So i would say if they left for another woman. But then agian i guess it would depend on the person and there perspective of things.

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