How can I help my depressed friend?

You don’t say how old your friend is, or if there is any “obvious” reason for the depression (did something happen? is she on drugs that are making her more depressed?) I am not a professional, and I would assume that if she needs professional help, you will get it. However, understanding that this is a site of people just answering other’s questions—not necessarily professionally, I will give you my take on depression.

The way I think of depression, as opposed to sadness for example, is that it is a kind of anger that, instead of being expressed outwardly toward the person she is angry with, is bottled up and is turned towards oneself. Anger turned inward becomes depression. Perhaps what you might be able to do while waiting for the professionals would be to talk with her about what she might be angry about—what might be making her so mad and also possilby so fearful of her anger, that she can’t express it, and it is making her depressed. Sometimes it is hard to even know what she is angry with—but if you go back to when she began to get depressed, you might be able to help her figure it out. Once she identifies what started it, and she can remember how angry whatever it was made her, then hopefully she can stay in touch with that anger, and point it to the source and not to herself.

Get her into counseling.

May I suggest that you borrow a copy of The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns from your local library, and skim through the pages on Chapter One that identify Ten Types of Negative Thinking that typically lead to depression.

If your friend routinely falls victim to the ten types of negative thinking that the book enumerates, then the Cognitive Therapy techniques and exercises in the book may be helpful.

For quick reference, the 10 negative forms of thinking are (in brief):

1) All-or-nothing-thinking. If a situation falls short of perfect, then it’s a total failure

2) Overgeneralization. A single negative event is perceived as a never-ending pattern of defeat by using words like “always” or “never

3) Mental Filter. Picking on a single negative detail and dwelling on it exclusively.

4) Discounting the Positive. Rejecting positive experiences by saying that they don’t count.

5) Jumping to Conclusions. Interpreting things negatively when there are no facts to support that conclusion

6) Magnification. Exaggerating the importance of the problem or shortcoming, or minimize the importance of desirable qualities.

7) Emotional reasoning. Assuming that negative emotions directly reflect the way things really are (e.g., I’m terrified of flying, therefore it must be dangerous to fly)

8) Should Statements. Telling oneself that things should be the way one expects or hopes them to be. When things don’t match expectations, there’s a lot of guilt and frustration.

9) Labeling. An extreme form of all-or-nothing where the person attaches negative labels to themselves (e.g., instead of “I made a mistake” the person concludes: “I must be a loser / fool / failure”)

10) Personalization and Blame. Holding oneself personally accountable for things beyond one’s control (e.g., if a child is having difficulties at school, the parent doesn’t focus on solving the problem but instead says “this shows what a bad parent I am”)

If her depression is caused by something other than negative thinking (e.g., chemical imbalance), then obviously this suggestion isn’t applicable.

Good luck to you and your friend.

I have a friend, former coworker who had told me that she had been experiencing feelings of depression. A few weeks later she told me that her doctor had prescribed some medication and that it was very effective. She’s about 25, my mom also talks about some medication she was prescribed for depression and how she wishes it was around a long time ago.

So have her check with her doctor for her options. Help her realize that it’s a normal thing for people to feel depressed and that it’s completely acceptable to ask your doctor for advice.

If she’s really feeling suicidal, you should talk to someone else who knows the situation in real life and figure out what to do.

If she’s depressed, but not a danger to herself, then there are lots of ways that you can help her. Here’s a dense list:

Call her often. Let her know how much you value her friendship. Ask her why she’s depressed and try to help her understand that she will feel better at some point. Be open with her about your own problems; if she can help you, then she won’t feel so isolated and maybe not so sad. Do something nice for her. You can’t fix her problems, but you might be able to help her work through them; all of these things are ways for you to stay in contact with her and let her know that she’s not alone. Your role probably isn’t to solve the problem, but you can comfort her, and that helps.

Contact her family soonest and have them (or you) get her to a psychiatrist or hospital. You can be the best, most well-informed and most caring friend in the world, but if she is truly suicidal, there is no time to waste. Anti-depression drugs are wonderful but take several weeks or longer to kick in – and they are not miracle workers for the truly depressed.

I know of three young people who killed themselves (carbon monoxide poisoning in a sealed car, hanging and a gunshot wound to head.) No one paid enough attention. Horrible.

try logotherapy, it’s a new form of pyschology from the 50’s
read ” Man’s search for meaning ” by Victor Frankl
it’ll help your friend maybe in finding meaning in life and suffering

from wiki—
Developed by neurologist and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, Logotherapy is considered the “third Viennese school of psychotherapy”[1] after Freud’s psychoanalysis and Adler’s individual psychology. It is a type of existentialist analysis that focuses on a will to meaning as opposed to Adler’s Nietzschian doctrine of “will to power” or Freud’s “will to pleasure.”
* Life has meaning under all circumstances, even the most miserable ones.
* Our main motivation for living is our will to find meaning in life.
* We have freedom to find meaning in what we do, and what we experience, or at least in the stand we take when faced with a situation of unchangeable suffering.

Thanks to everyone who has commented on my question. I’m going to try to take everything you’ve all said and try my hardest to help her.

The great thing is now there are TONS of resources online to learn more. Depression, or any mood disorder, is extremely cruel in that other people CANNOT SEE IT so some do not even believe it is real. It is not something you “just snap out of”. Most people have no clue what it is like. It is not just being sad or unhappy. Its as if someone has stolen your soul, your very existence, even though you look the same on the outside.

10 Things You Can Do to Overcome Depression
By Paul T. P. Wong, Ph.D., C. Psych.

Founder, The International Network on Personal Meaning
http://www.meaning.ca

This morning, I met with a client suffering from depression. Nothing seems going well in his work or marriage. His health is also deteriorating. With so much negativity in his life, it is not difficult to understand why he feels depressed. He has been seeing a psychiatrist who prescribes medication. Anti-depressant drugs make him feel calmer but fail to inject any sense of joy or energy into his daily life.

At the end of the session, I suggested that he needed to do something positive and meaningful each day in order to facilitate recovery. Here is a list of 10 things most people can do.

Express gratitude to someone or to God for one good thing in you life.
Recall something good or meaningful you have done in the past.
Say or do something kind to someone.
Talk to someone you like, a friend or a family member.
Appreciate something beautiful in nature.
Enjoy something from the arts and entertainment.
Complete a task well, no matter how small.
Go for a walk or do some exercise.
Say something positive to yourself.
Daydream or visualize what a happy life looks like.

These ten steps are not intended to replace drug therapy or talk therapy; they are simply baby steps that facilitate recovery. Practicing any combination of the above 10 things can help create positive feelings, because they add positive meanings to your existence.

Research has shown that meaningful moments or activities are the most effective antidotes to negative thoughts and feelings. More importantly, the above simple exercise can initiate the process of an inner transformation that enables you to face the problems of human existence with a more positive frame of mind.

The diagnosis and treatment of depression and other psychiatric disorders requires trained medical professionals. The information provided below is to be used for educational purposes only. It should NOT be used as a substitute for seeking professional care for the diagnosis and treatment of any medical/psychiatric disorder. The potential risks associated with improper diagnosis or treatment can only be minimized by consultations with mental health professionals. Physicians should check standard medical texts, for dosages, indications and contraindications, prior to prescribing any drug.

via http://depressionsupport.ca/wong-depressionhelp.html

Percentage of mental illness in a lifetime per country:

Brazil 36.3%
Canada 37.5%
Netherlands 40.9%
USA 48.6%
Mexico 22.2%
Turkey 12.2%

The year it is predicted that depression will become the second leading cause of disability in the world (next to heart disease): 2020

Source: Gender and women’s health, A WHO publication available at: http://www.who.int/mental_health/prevention/genderwomen/en/
via http://www.mooddisorderscanada.ca/quickfacts/facts_from_canada.htm#UNITED_STATES

About Mood Disorders
Learn more about mood disorders:
Visit DBSA’s Screening Center to take a free and confidential mood disorder screener.

Request a Letter of Hope
from General Hospital actor Maurice Bernard.

Depression and bipolar disorder (also known as manic depression) are both highly treatable medical illnesses. Unfortunately many people do not get the help they need because of the misunderstanding surrounding the illnesses or the fear associated with stigma. The following are brief descriptions of depression and bipolar disorder. For more in-depth information be sure to see our pages on depression and bipolar disorder.

Depression: It’s Not Just In Your Head
Everyone, at various times in life, feels sad or blue. It’s normal to feel sad on occasion. Sometimes this sadness comes from things that happen in your life: you move to a different city and leave friends behind, you lose your job or a loved one dies. But what’s the difference between “normal” feelings of sadness and the feelings caused by clinical depression?

How intense the mood is: depression is more intense than a simple bad mood.
How long the mood lasts: a bad mood is usually gone in a few days, but depression lasts for two weeks or longer.
How much it interferes with your life: a bad mood does not keep you from going to work or school or spending time with friends. Depression can keep you from doing these things and may even make it difficult to get out of bed.
While it’s normal for people to experience ups and downs during their lives, those who have depression experience specific symptoms daily for two weeks or more, making it difficult to function at work, at school or in relationships.

Depression is a treatable illness marked by changes in mood, thought and behavior. That’s why it’s called a mood disorder.

People of all ages, races, ethnic groups and social classes have depression. Although it can occur at any age, the illness often develops between the ages of 25 and 44. The lifetime prevalence of depression is 24 percent for women and 15 percent for men.

via http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=about_MDOverview

Depression

Depression is a treatable illness involving an imbalance of brain chemicals called neurotransmitters. It is not a character flaw or a sign of personal weakness. You can’t make yourself well by trying to “snap out of it.” Although it can run in families, you can’t catch it from someone else. The direct causes of the illness are unclear, however it is known that body chemistry can bring on a depressive disorder, due to experiencing a traumatic event, hormonal changes, altered health habits, the presence of another illness or substance abuse.

Symptoms

Prolonged sadness or unexplained crying spells
Significant changes in appetite and sleep patterns
Irritability, anger, worry, agitation, anxiety
Pessimism, indifference
Loss of energy, persistent lethargy
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness
Inability to concentrate, indecisiveness
Inability to take pleasure in former interests, social withdrawal
Unexplained aches and pains
Recurring thoughts of death or suicide

If you or someone you know has thoughts of death or suicide, contact a medical professional, clergy member, loved one, friend or hospital emergency room. Or call 1–800-273–8255 (TALK) or call 911 immediately to get help.

via http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=about_depression_overview

Dr. Ivan’s Depression Central
http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.html

Canadian Depression Support Network
http://www.depressionsupport.ca/

The Mood Disorders Society of Canada (MDSC)
http://www.mooddisorderscanada.ca/

Healing Well – Depression
http://www.healingwell.com/pages/Depression/

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home

Daniel: This, from artemisdivine, is where you start, right this minute! The other excellent advice comes later.

“If you or someone you know has thoughts of death or suicide, contact a medical professional, clergy member, loved one, friend or hospital emergency room. Or call 1–800–273–8255 (TALK) or call 911 immediately to get help.”

all of the above

daniel89x it’s been two months is there an update on your friend?

Sorry for the lack of updates. I guess I’ve kind of took everything that everyone said on here and tried to just show her that I care a whole lot about her. Things seem to be getting better slowly which makes me feel wonderful. Although she still is depressed, it seems to be going away every once in awhile, which is amazing. She’s had a bad past and she’s been able to open up to me and help me understand more about her problems that she is having.

Thanks a ton for all of the help everyone has tried to give on this topic. It’s a wonderful caring community here.

Let’s hope for the best with her.

daniel89x you are a good friend, I had no one to help me. After contemplting suicide I had to help myself. I found a great girl after my wife left me and she helps me with this disease.