Does your past have any bearing on your present or future friendships?
I say friendship because I do believe it would come up during a relationship if it’s serious
I was discussing something with my husband, about my past with depression and when we were talking I told him how awkward it is when I bring it up with new friends.
This seemed to confuse him. In his own words he said “It has no bearing on if they are your friend. They like you for who you are not who you were. Being a friend doesn’t hinge on knowing everything about your past.”
Just some minor back story, I suffered from depression starting at age 14. I did a lot of terrible things, and was never myself. I finally was diagnosed with PTSD (after suffering agoraphobic episodes and what appeared to be bipolar episodes of mania and depression) because I was raped at 14 and never told anyone. At 14 I had tried to kill myself, and it was an even larger downward spiral from there.
By the time I met my husband, I had broken a lot of friendships and relationships because of my inability to cope with anything life dealt me, without having a complete breakdown. I could appear functioning for quite some time though.
Anyway, this occured from 14–20. I met my husband when I was 19, and he was the only man that tried to pull me out of the spiral and was there for me and looked past the flaws of my illness. He didn’t take my nastiness personally and fought against it for me.
I eventually just broke free of it, got the appropriate therapy and haven’t taken any medication for almost 3 years now!
For me, it was a major part of my life consisting of pretty much my entire adolescence, so it’s hard for me not to bring it up with new friends. But, my husband says I just need “justification or acceptance” of my past.
I don’t know how to feel about this. I feel when being friends with someone, that they should know it about me…my closest friends who were actually there for me during those times and even aquaintances that I have that know about it (friends since elementary school, don’t hang out with consistently) It was such a major event in my life, that I feel it has shaped who I am…and my husband does agree with that. He knows it has changed my view on a lot of aspects in life. It has also changed his since he was there for me through many doctor visits and therapy with me.
Is this something that doesn’t need to be brought up ever? Is the past just the past and insignificant? Am I being a “bleeding heart”, as my husband calls me, about the situation?
This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.