General Question

Narl's avatar

I'm curious as to why it is viewed weird to not sleep in the same bed as your spouse.

Asked by Narl (1792 points ) August 22nd, 2009

Don’t most people sleep better if they are sleeping alone? Why do we torture ourselves to sleep with our spouses night after night if we aren’t getting good sleep?

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26 Answers

quasi's avatar

torture? maybe you should get a larger bed. i hate sleeping alone now, it is great to have someone next to you.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

I don’t know, I think sleeping in the same bed as your spouse has something to do with togetherness. One of my friends who is on oxygen 24/7 hasn’t slept in the same bed as his wife for years because of his Sleep machine and because she can’t hardly hold still due to frequent bouts of pain. She is in pain most of the time, but she is so happy when you see her that you’d never guess she has anything wrong with her.

I think it seems weird because people might think you don’t love the person you are married to if you aren’t sleeping in the same bed.

jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities's avatar

I agree. Girls are generally too cold, need way too many blankets, and can’t have any fans running (all opposite of what I need to sleep well).

I needy my comfy sleep!

marinelife's avatar

I think some people (including me) love sleeping with their spouse. Neither of us gets much sleep when one of us is out of town.

I also think it is fin if people don’t sleep together.

Facade's avatar

Sharing a bed is an important and symbolic part of marriage. It represents unity. But that’s not everyone’s belief, so if you want to sleep in separate beds, go for it.

sjmc1989's avatar

I don’t view that weird at all. My parents never slept in the same room when I was growing up. I think they do sometimes now but usually my mom gets up in the middle of the night and moves to her own room. I don’t think it’s strange but personally I love having company in the bed with me. (For sleeping purposes only of course!)

wildpotato's avatar

I don’t think it’s viewed as weird when the reason is comfort – me and my guy use separate sheets and a California King because he’s motion-sensitive and I’m temperature-sensitive, so I totally get that. But I think people see it as weird when it seems to indicate tension in the relationship.

YARNLADY's avatar

It is probably only considered weird because it is less common than sleeping together. Some people think any way that is different from their way is “weird”.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

Why not separate rooms entirely? Or even separate houses? What the heck.

avvooooooo's avatar

My mother snores. My dad can’t stand it (plus she picked a mattress that he doesn’t like for his back… or at least that’s the politic reason) so he sleeps on the couch down the hall. Works for him because there’s no snoring, he likes the couch, and he has his own TV to watch all the sports and war movies and hunting that he wants.

People do it for various reasons and if it works for them, there’s nothing weird about it.

photographcrash's avatar

I would prefer if this were the norm. I can’t stand sharing a bed. I have serious personal space issues when I am sleeping.. can’t stand someone touching me or breathing on me. ugh.

YARNLADY's avatar

@NaturalMineralWater You were probably being sarcastic, but my cousin and her husband discovered that separate houses works for them. Their 25 year marriage is intact, and it was made possible when they realized they are much happier with their current living arrangements.

tinyfaery's avatar

I have a hard time sleeping without my wife. Now that we have a big bed, I have to reach out with my foot or hand to keep her close.

kyanblue's avatar

The movie way of showing tension between couples is when one person (usually the guy) gets kicked out to the couch. American culture (I can’t speak for other parts of the world) jokes about being banished to the couch if you’re at odds with your spouse.

The idea is that sleeping together = closeness = togetherness = commitment to spending all your days and nights together. Sleeping apart = independence = fractured/distant relationship in public perception.

That said, sleeping preferences are a sacred thing, and torturing yourself into sleeplessness and subsequent tiredness during the day is never a good idea. I’m sure tons of couples need their space—a larger bed, separate beds, separate rooms…to me it seems unusual for a couple to do that, but it’s not a good way to judge a relationship.

Likeradar's avatar

Falling asleep and waking up together, and the little snuggles and touches in between, are very intimate. I would be sad if I didn’t experience it, and I think it would detract from the closeness I feel with my partner.

Sleeping apart is not something I would choose or want, but hey, whatever works for you.

galileogirl's avatar

It was once common,and I hear it is coming back, to have a family bed. It became a sign of wealth to give family members their own rooms. Also when women were referred as the weaker sex the wife had a separate bed so as not to be “bothered” excessively. My grandparents had separate rooms throughout their lives, My parents had separate beds. I never heard anybody of my generation who slept apart except for the occasional night on the couch.

Judi's avatar

Seperate beds can be kind of romantic. A sort of “Your place or mine” kind of thing.
As long as you both agree it should be nobody elses business.

YARNLADY's avatar

@NaturalMineralWater They were fighting all the time, and decided on a trial separation. He bought a new house, and she stayed in their old place. They have been getting along very well this way for the past few years. (no children involved)

quasi's avatar

@YARNLADY so to “get along” they basically have to live separate lives?
or do they spend a lot of time together?

YARNLADY's avatar

@quasi They are partners in a race car team, and spend most week-ends and road trips together. They apparently “visit” frequently during the week, at least when I stay at her place.

Edit: I saw one time when they strongly disagreed about something, he simply walked out the door, and she went on about the day as if nothing happened.

loser's avatar

I don’t think it’s weird. To each his/her own.

ubersiren's avatar

I heard recently on the radio that there is a new trend a brewin’ where couples want their own bedrooms when building new houses. I don’t think it’s weird at all. In fact, it could be kind of sexy. “Wanna come over to my room tonight?” And that doesn’t mean you always have to sleep separately. Sometimes I wish I could have a bed all to myself- though, I attribute that more to our small, crappy, uncomfortable bed. For the most part I love sleeping in the same bed as my husband. But occasionally I think it would be cool to have my own space.

YARNLADY's avatar

@ubersiren—We solve the “each has their own room” by each have our own hobby room, but sleep in the same bedroom.

cyndyh's avatar

I understand wanting your own room or your own space for some things we each have our own workshop space, our own desks in the office, our own nightstands but I like sharing the bed with my husband.

MissA's avatar

My husband snores an obnoxious snore that would wake the dead. It happens when he sleeps on his back. When I wake him, he turns on his side, but I’m fully awake by then. We’ve tried snoring product after product. Nothing works. I’m really about to consider different beds…rooms. I don’t do well with little sleep night after night.

Besides, who wants to stay up and fluther the night away!

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