Social Question

le_inferno's avatar

How do you get someone to back off without being too rude or blunt?

Asked by le_inferno (6154 points ) August 23rd, 2009

Some guy lately has been pissing me off. I’ve been (what I think is) very obvious in sending signals that I’m not interested. I ignore him a lot, I don’t reciprocate his flirty comments, and I’m generally pretty stand-offish. However, he’s not taking the hint and is practically smothering me. (I just got a text consisting of a picture of him and the words “Lol i have forgotten how fluffy and golden my hair is when i wash it haha :P Look how fluffy it is! :D” ....HELP ME, FLUTHER.
I don’t want to hurt his feelings but I want him to leave me aloneee.

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54 Answers

gggritso's avatar

To quote The Simpsons: “Two words: ‘I’m gay’”.

Tink's avatar

You gently tell him, ”Fucker, don’t you understand to leave me the fuck alone?” (works for me)
OR, if that doesn’t work, just tell him you don’t appreciate him doing that and you would like him to stop.

rebbel's avatar

I think it’s time for a hard job for you.
Send him one clear signal.
“I am (not) sorry, but i am really not interested in you”

MissAusten's avatar

The only way to spare your own feelings is to sacrifice his. He might be telling himself that you are shy, that he needs to be more persistent, that you’ll come around, or that you don’t “get” that he’s into you. Some guys just don’t take hints, or can’t read them.

I just saw @Tink1113 ‘s answer pop up and am cracking up! She’s right, though. If you can’t be that harsh, that’s fine. But you need to flat-out tell him that you are not interested in him and do not want any attention from him. Trying to be subtle about it is too indirect and will only give him hope that things will change.

Ansible1's avatar

Tell him ur a dude

TheCreative's avatar

I hope you’re talking about the hair on his head.

PerryDolia's avatar

Call your cell company and have his number blocked.

If he sees you in person and asks you about it, simply reply, “Why do YOU think I had your number blocked?”

teh_kvlt_liberal's avatar

If you only know this guy only from the internet, then I just suggest you delete him from your contacts, block, avoid, etc.
If you know him IRL, then I need help too from this girl….
whew! I’m glad it’s not me you’re talking about

jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities's avatar

@ABoyNamedBoobs03 Wins this one hands down! You can’t not get that message.

Sanyore's avatar

“I thought you were gay.”

I mean, he talks about how fluffy his hair is, for fuck’s sake. it works.

Sanyore's avatar

Alternatively, just tell him you met a really cute guy he’d like. Or talk about hot guys in front of him. I mean, confrontation is really the only option. It will hone his cajones, it will end the situation.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Some mules you have to smack between the eyes with a 2×4 to get your point across. Have you told him explicitly “I am not interested in you”? Lots of guys interpret “hints” as coyness. What you think you’re sending is not what’s being received.

Sarcasm's avatar

Take a picture of yourself with me and/or Lib, send it to this guy, say “Hey look at me and my boyfriend(s) lol :D”

teh_kvlt_liberal's avatar

How about no sarcasm
It’s not I don’t like you disco, I’m just got back from montreal and I am soo tired

le_inferno's avatar

@Sanyore Yeahhh I was thinking about telling him I’m involved with someone. He’ll see I’m still single on facebook, but if I make it seem like a beginning-stages sort of thing, he’d probably back off. But the gay thing wouldn’t work, what with some of the stuff he says to me :X

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

@jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities that’s four minutes and three seconds of dick punching… it should send the message.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

And why do you have him friended on facebook?

Sanyore's avatar

@le_inferno He just might get competitive. That would be fun.

Sanyore's avatar

@PandoraBoxx People befriend people they don’t like on facebook, I think it’s the law

TheCreative's avatar

You could tell him your number changed or you could get Google Voice If you live in the U.S You could block his number and he would hear “This Number is not in Service”.

Google <3

PandoraBoxx's avatar

What law? No law says you have to be friends with people who don’t understand “Not interested.”

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

honestly, this is all you need to do, stop worrying about how many tears he’s going to drown in his pillow, guys are a bit more resilient than you give them credit for.

call him, tweet him, facebook him, meet him, whatever, and say “I, am, not, interested in you… stop talking to me…” period, end of story. there’s no need to be gentle and cute about it.

Sanyore's avatar

@PandoraBoxx http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/flippant

In seriousness, what the dude above me said. If you don’t do it now, you’re passing on the burden to some poor girl in the future. And who knows, maybe you can just about manage confrontation, but if she’s even more timid, it would be terrible. Can you live with yourself knowing you’ve let this paralinguistically unresponsive sweetiekins out into the lives of the meek?

Sarcasm's avatar

@le_inferno Single on Facebook? I see you as engaged to my other woman.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

@Sanyore, pardon me, but just who do you think you’re talking to?

Sanyore's avatar

@PandoraBoxx Someone on the internet. Calm down, seriously.

jlm11f's avatar

Haha @ “Tweet him”. I like that idea:

@fluffyhead I just don’t like you that way. Got it? #twitterbreakup

Artemicion's avatar

if you talk most of the time with the guy over text messages or online messaging then take about 7 or 10 minutes to respond, and increase the time you delay your response every 10 or 15 minutes you spend talking to him using either of this media. As much as he might be interested in you, he’ll lose interest just because you take so much time to answer. And if he asks what takes you so long to respond, then use your God given gift of lying. :] Really, it works most of the time.

teh_kvlt_liberal's avatar

Just say you’re pregnant and ask him if he wants to be the father
It was from a one night stand with a handsome 17 year old asian from Queens!

le_inferno's avatar

@Sarcasm Lmao. Oh yeah. Forgot about how I’m totally in an open relationship with my female cousin.
That translates to “Single” for everyone, cause they know that’s just a girl thing.

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

@PnL hey you do what you gotta go.

Sarcasm's avatar

I found a slightly more friendly version of @ABoyNamedBoobs03‘s suggestion.—I was just browsing the youtubes and came across it by a stroke of luck.

@le_inferno It’s your fault if they know she’s your cousin! There’s just no helping you. you could always change it to someone else. just sayiiinn

cyndyh's avatar

Why drop hints at all? “I’m not interested in you” is enough.

filmfann's avatar

@cyndyh Nothing says “I’m not interested in you” as clearly as punching him in the dick.

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

I don’t know why but just how the phrase “punch him in the dick” rolls out seems really funny to me for some reason…

cyndyh's avatar

I reserve the dick punches for serious offenses. :^>

wundayatta's avatar

You stop hinting and tell him the straight truth.

As I’ve said a hundred times before, there is no saving feelings. It’s you or him. If you don’t tell him exactly what you mean, how can he possibly understand? Don’t you get it? Guys don’t see the hints. We are totally oblivious to them (well, most of us). We don’t know when you like us, and we don’t know when you hate us, because you never tell us straight out.

Say it straight out, or just keep on being bothered. It’s up to you. If you say “no, and it will never happen” enough times, even a guy will get it.

marinelife's avatar

Don’t keep avoiding rudeness and bluntness. You have tried it that way, and it did not work. Who cares if you hurt his feelings? He has no trouble harassing you.

Be clear: “Leave me alone. Do not text me. Do not call me. I am not interested in you.”

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

is he being serious with the fluffy and golden hair comment? that just sounds stupid…not gay, like others think, just stupid

Nially_Bob's avatar

I would suggest that you be blunt with him while mentioning an incidental or indirect compliment that he can reflect on while coming to terms with being rejected i.e. “hey _______, you seem like a nice enough guy but i’m really not attracted to you. I’m sure there are other girls who are but i’m really not and doubt I ever will be”
While on the subject the person in question has clearly stolen my primary pick-up line! Do you know how difficult it is to get your hair this golden and fluffy just to use that line?

kheredia's avatar

Some guys just don’t pick up on hints. You’re going to have to just tell him you’re not interested and to please stop insisting. I’ve been in the same situation and I know it won’t be easy for you, but you just have to do it! Otherwise, he’ll be even more hurt if you let him continue to believe that there might be a chance.

aprilsimnel's avatar

It’s got to be straight out telling him. There’s no other way. It’ll hurt his feelings more if you let this drag out.

Sampson's avatar

without reading the above responses

You have to take control of the situation. Be assertive and if called for, rude.

It is not his right to keep annoying people. You should put him in his place.

Saturated_Brain's avatar

You could always just combine all the above suggestions. I recommend them in this order.

1. Tell him via any communication channel what @Tink1113 said.
2. Tell him that you’re a dude.
3. After that, tell him that you’re gay.
4. Then send him pictures of you and Sarcasm and Lib as your boyfriends.
5. Then when you meet him, punch him in the dick.

He should get the message.

Tink's avatar

I’d punch him in the dick in between each of those suggestions.^^

Sampson's avatar

@Saturated_Brain Then she would be a gay dude, which would put her back in the same place as she’s in now.

Saturated_Brain's avatar

@Sampson Ah.. But she’s already attached…

@le_inferno Hmm… Of course.. if that guy’s also gay and into foursomes and pain then I’m sorry but I can’t help you there darling.

Sarcasm's avatar

Disco, I never asked.
Is this someone you’re uninterested in completely, or uninterested in romantically?
Is it someone you want to tell “Stop flirting with me”? Or someone you want to tell “Stop talking to me”?

dynamicduo's avatar

Time to stand up for yourself and resolve this situation to your liking. I would not recommend feigning being gay or anything juvenile, I would instead send him one last message saying “This ends now. Stop sending me messages.” if you don’t want to hear from him ever again. If you want him to stop flirting with you, tell him plain and clear, “I have no romantic interest in you. Stop flirting with me.” You need to be direct and to the point in what will happen from this point out. You are not asking, you are telling him what you expect from him. This is appropriate in this case as you have tried to be more sensitive in your rejection but he apparently has not noticed or has chosen to ignore the signals. Thus it is time to step it up a level.

You cannot control whether his feelings are hurt or not. You can only control your own feelings and actions. You have the right to be secure and safe and not be anxious in checking your text messages in case it’s a message from him, et cetera. Of course this will affect your relationship a bit, even if you talked to him in person in a real kind voice, you are crushing his dreams of ever being with you romantically, and that’s going to sting. But your comfort is worth more than his is, because this is you we are talking about.

No one deserves to be smothered by a crush they have no interest in.

Saturated_Brain's avatar

@le_inferno or you could always just do what @dynamicduo told you to do (GA by the way).

But @Sarcasm did raise an interesting point.

le_inferno's avatar

@Sarcasm I’d prefer to end all contact.

jeanna's avatar

If you want to end all contact, then it’s pretty simple; delete him from your life. It’s called “remove friend”. By only hinting at shit and still talking to him, keeping him as a friend on facebook and the like, you’re totally leading him on. “Time to put your money where your mouth is.”

Problem solved.

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