Why do people like to eat with other people? Why Do You like to eat with other people?

It’s not so much the act of eating with other people that I enjoy , it’s their company. Eating together is just something we can choose to do with our time. While we eat, we talk and laugh and get caught up on things. I am slightly self-conscious about eating in front of others, so I can understand how that might develop into a phobia.

If you really want to overcome it, you’ll have to do some hard work with a therapist. It can definitely be done though, and you’ll be happier for it. Good luck!

I recognise that feeling of, as @augustlan put it, self-consciousness while eating with others.
Although that only happens to me now when i’m in the company of people i don’t know (so good) yet.
I think the “trick” is to get used to it, i.e. start making company and eat with people you do know.
When that goes okay, when you feel quite comfortable with that, you could invite someone that you don’t know so well yet (let’s say, a colleague, a classmate).
Try not to be focussed on the eating/chewing bit, but on your conversation.
That could be difficult to do, so you’ld have to (certainly in the beginning) “press” yourself to keep the talking going.
I’m sure you’ll get in the flow after some time and you will, suddenly, find that your plate is empty.
Good luck with it.

@augustlan and @rebbel: I have never felt any type of self-consciousness about eating in front of others. Could you explain what this is like to me so I have a better understanding of what @rexo might be feeling on a more extreme level?

In the meantime, I will think about how to articulate exactly why I enjoy eating with others more than almost anything. It is definitely one of my top five favorite activities.

Is this a matter of feeling socially awkward in general or just during dinner? Do you feel guilty about what you put on your plate (too much or too little) or how to get it in your mouth without making a big mess (eww spaghetti)? I think this is vital information for answering your question in the correct context.

Offtopic: You have a lot of phobia’s by looking at your tags: food, school, restaurants, life, computers, friends, lunch, cooking, relationships, baking, politics, movies, eating, business, technology, psychology, environment, religion, cars, psychiatry, medicine, books, dinner, work, love, people, social, breakfast, drinking, philosophy, family, birthdays, college, celebration, fitness, happyness. People will visit your question regardless of the tags.

@girlofscience Let me try.
You remember when you had to eat vegetables that you didn’t like (bitter veg, for example)?
And that you were chewing it, untill it was mass, but you couldn’t, for the lurve of, whoever, get to swallowing it?
That happened to me when i felt this thing when in company.
When i was eating at my little friends house, i had the feeling that they were all watching me (they most probably didn’t, but i thought they did).
It comes close to how i’ld like to explain it, but not close enough.
Others?

Edit: Might i add that the last time i had this phenomena was some four months ago when i met my girlfriends father for the first time.
It lasted a mere 2 minutes.

@rebbel and @Eshayes_brahhz I always really thought I was alone on this. I do feel like being watched, which is funnily enough why I always try to sit with my back to the wall so I can make sure people aren’t watching me. I don’t consider it a phobia, it’s just something I’m insecure about. Even though I share the same feelings with @rexo I can’t say I understand where his/her phobia is coming from without more info.

@rexo In addition to whatever answers you get here, I highly recommend you go and talk to a therapist. You can find one who can offer a lot of insight into not only their perspective but delving deeper into your own perspective.

[mod says] Excessive txtspk removed.

I tell you, there are foods I AVOID when I go out on a date. There are some foods you can’t eat AND be cool (at least not ME). They include ribs, a big mac (or equivalent)...stick to things you eat with silverware. Feel free to USE silverware even when others are not. Another thing you can do is put food in your plate and eat only a little. If anyone asks you why you’re not eating, say “I’m good”.

ALSO, once the social phobia is addressed, eating in front of people will take care of itself. If it were me, I would try to think of what can go wrong (at home, with no one around) and prepare a line or two. For instance, if a piece of food falls to the floor and someone sees it, say something like “It figures!” No one is going to be paying much attention.

I first read the first word of your question as “what”. Made for a weird question. You know, like “what do people like to eat with their stake?”, only with other people… Anyway,

I take care to avoid carrots and chicken, as for one reason or another I take ages over chewing them. It’s not that I don’t like their taste, it just takes ages.

Then again, it would also help to just stop eating when everybody’s done, even though my plate isn’t empty yet. However, I have this compulsive need to empty my plate…

Furthermore I suppose it helps to be in conversation, to distract your mind. And yeah, when everybody’s done but me, eating is really uncomfortably as you really feel like everybody’s watching. I can imagine how that can be disturbing to feel the whole time.

Oh, and perhaps an alcoholic beverage in advance might help? ;-)

And another thing…People like to eat with other people, that’s true but, more then that, people DON’T like to eat ALONE. Sure, food falling off one’s fork is embarrassing in front of some people but there is probably no situation you can invent at the dinner table that hasn’t happened to EVERYONE at one time or another.

I WILL tell you…at school, if you go off and eat alone while friends are at another table and they see you alone and invite you over, they might think you a snob if you don’t come. IN ADDITION, they will only go so far with the invites. Then they’ll get annoyed and give up. Sometimes, in some situations, phobia or not, failure is not an option.

Order food that is easy to eat and not messy. Spaghetti is out.
Don’t be the first to start eating and certainly don’t be the last to finish.
Don’t drink too much.
Try to add positively to the conversation.
(You always learn something when with other people. It keeps your brain flexible.)

man is a social animal.

This is a phobia that is interfering with your life.

Breaking bread together is as old as mankind. You are missing out on the joys of shared warmth and laughter.

Your issue can be cured easily, but it takes a professional. Please find someone who is expert with phobias.

Take care.

So much of our social life is revolved around food. I don’t have any great answers for you, but I can only imagine how dificult this is.
Hopefully you can find a good therapist who can help you get through this.

Relax. you can do meditation to get out of this type of phobia.you can try it daily for half an hour.there are several cds available to do the meditation.(osho’s cds are full of meditative music) best of luck.

I like to eat with other people because I don’t wanna be bored.It’s fun to talk to someone while your eating and time will fly by quickly! If you want to go on a date with somebody then you can go to dinner while your eating and talking.:)

I don’t like eating with other people.

Part of this is less to do with the “social phobia” that others are talking about and more from pressure “to be thin” (both societal and familial pressure).

But I also suffer from “social phobia” but mine is more a direct result of claustrophobia + ochlophobia (fear of crowds).

I also like to eat “weird” food, so the fear that someone’s going to call me on it also prevents me from eating with other people.

I don’t mind eating with family, or friends, but I avoid eating in groups with my mother, who is the source of some of my “eating paranoia.”

Something else to think about: if you’re feeling uncomfortable about eating with other people, I find that if everyone is eating, that’s different than if there’s only one person (you) eating. (Maybe it soothes the inner paranoid beast?)

I can somewhat relate to you and your social anxiety. As weird as this may sound I found a trick to deal with extreme social anxiety. Pretend you’re a little person setting inside your head looking out of your eyes like windows pretending your body, voice,etc… are that of a machine or robot, safe at the controls looking out you can watch people as if you are watching a movie (realizing these people are human too with insecurities, emotions, etc…), interact with these people through your machine/robot, give a command to say something and say it. It takes some practice but after awhile this becomes rather easy. The more you do this the more you won’t need to do this.

There are two other factors that will make this easier, strong emotional relationships and confidence. The closer to those you go out to eat with or socialize with the more comfortable you can become. Greater than that learning or earning confidence is the quickest way to comfort with socializing. Small example is this: if you are starting a new career in programming you will be less likely to be comfortable with conversing with expert programmers because you may look stupid by asking dumb questions or not understanding concepts that the experts already know. But if you can buckle down, learn as much as possible gain/earn/learn confidence than you will be more likely to discuss and be comfortable with other programmers. I guess this comes back to having things in common with others and maybe that’s why the above statement of realizing other people are individuals with “insecurities, emotions, etc…” helps because it gives you some common ground with other people.

Hope this helps, the more exposure you get the easier it will get. It’s difficult but will make life much easier in the long run. Good luck!

Public mastication is the bees knees.

It means getting out of the normal places you are in to go to somewhere new. It means getting to know someone… with a convenient and delectable distraction for those awkward quiet moments. It means being able to go on a date with your s/o again without the kids bothering you. It means so many things.

People (as a whole) are such magnificent and unique beings with so much to offer other people that it’s amazing that many were born with or developed a certain trepidation towards interacting with other people.

i forgot to tell you that you can even do the “pranayam”(indian word). well it is a beathing exercise which claims to remove almost all sicknesses in human body, even the cancer.there are several books printed on pranayam by indian as well as foreign authers.

@limeaide Your technique is a good one. You have on your own stumbled upon the NPL technique for curing phobias. This paper shows why that works.

@Marina Wow, thank you. I read enough of the paper to confirm your point. I will read the rest of the paper once I get a chance. Thank you very much for bringing this to my attention!

@Marina BTW I’m not sure it’s 100% the same but close. When I say like watching a movie, my “movies” are in real-time and real situations not imagined situations like stated in the paper. But I haven’t read all of the paper yet either, I’ll do soon. Thanks again!

I hate eating with other people. I like to eat in a hurry, and they always want to talk. I mean c;mon! shut up! can’t you see i’m eating?????

Difficulty eating in front of other people is one symptom of Social Anxiety Disorder. The link goes to a site that describes symptoms, and treatment options. If this sounds like you, it would be good to go to a doctor or psychiatrist to get a diagnosis, and a recommendation for treatment.

There are lifestyle changes you can make:

While lifestyle changes alone aren’t enough to overcome social anxiety disorder, they can support your overall treatment progress. The following lifestyle tips will help you reduce your overall anxiety levels and set the stage for successful treatment:

* Avoid or limit caffeine. Coffee, tea, caffeinated soda, energy drinks, and chocolate act as stimulants that increase anxiety symptoms.
* Drink only in moderation. You may be tempted to drink before a party or other social situation in order to calm your nerves, but alcohol increases your risk of having an anxiety attack.
* Quit smoking. Nicotine is a powerful stimulant. Smoking leads to higher, not lower, levels of anxiety.
* Get adequate sleep. When you’re sleep deprived, you’re more vulnerable to anxiety. Being well rested will help you stay calm in social situations.

And therapeutic options:
Therapy for social anxiety disorder (social phobia)

Of all the treatments available, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has been shown to work the best for treating social anxiety disorder, or social phobia. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is based on the premise that what you think affects how you feel, and your feelings affect your behavior. So if you change the way you think about social situations that give you anxiety, you’ll feel and function better.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy for social phobia typically involves:

* Learning how to control the physical symptoms of anxiety through relaxation techniques and breathing exercises.
* Challenging negative, unhelpful thoughts that trigger and fuel social anxiety, replacing them with more balanced views.
* Facing the social situations you fear in a gradual, systematic way, rather than avoiding them.

Other cognitive-behavioral techniques for social anxiety disorder include role-playing and social skills training, often as part of a therapy group.

Group therapy for social anxiety disorder uses acting, videotaping and observing, mock interviews, and other exercises to work on situations that make you anxious in the real world. As you practice and prepare for situations you’re afraid of, you will become more and more comfortable and confident in your social abilities, and your anxiety will lessen.”

There are also medications that can help. If you have social phobia, get a diagnosis and get treated.

I agree with @augustlan : “It’s not so much the act of eating with other people that I enjoy , it’s their company. Eating together is just something we can choose to do with our time. While we eat, we talk and laugh and get caught up on things. I am slightly self-conscious about eating in front of others, so I can understand how that might develop into a phobia.”

There are a lot of foods I suck at eating (I have a small mouth). I look stupid eating a hot dog because it’ll take a a second to get my mouth all the way around it (I know that sounds dirty but I don’t know how else to put it). Pasta is pretty bad too, because it takes forever for me to get it on the fork and then make sure it all gets in my mouth.

I overcome that by making fun of myself. I know how silly I look, and if I notice someone watching me or looking at me funny, I’ll laugh and say something about how I always said in high school that if lunch was a class I’d fail it.

Usually eating food at social gatherings is part of the process of greasing the social wheels. People have to sit down next to each other, and people usually start talking, instead of being silent. It’s the friendly thing to do, and most people are curious about others. We’re tribal animals, after all.

It’s harder to have a fight when you are eating good food. It’s harder to be mean when you are satiated. It’s harder to be awkward when everyone is stuffing their faces. It’s a great way to bring people together, like families at Thanksgiving or family reunions.

@daloon, Bear with me while I make the oldest and most un-original joke: You must have not met my family! Thank you, thank you everyone, I will be in the back for autographs.

Unfortunately it’s true :(

@markyy It is true that some people should never sit down at the same table! But then, that’s why I used the qualifier “usually” at the beginning of that comment.

I’ve already offered some advice to @rexo in other places, but wanted to add a couple of things that have helped me.

1. Practice eating alone in places where lots of people gather. I’m thinking the food court at a mall or really busy diner might be a good place. Instead of finding a seat/table far from other people, try to find one close by, even close enough to listen to their conversations. There’s no pressure because if at any point you are not feeling comfortable, you can get up and leave without offending anyone.

2. Order meals with small portions. It goes without saying that it’s easier to get less food down.

I enjoy it because it’s a good way to spend time with people and catch up. To go for a meal for a friend I find much more satisfying than going out drinking or to a night club in order to perform social duties.
But if its not something that pushes your buttons then thats simply the way it is, I’m sure there are things you do with friends that gives you a similar sense of pleasure.

When I am with a social group, I really prefer not to eat, because it interferes with the conversation.

When I eat at a restaurant, I go with family, because it is a more convenient way to feed a large group of people, without all the hard work. Some of the family members participate in the socializing more than others, and no one has to be “put on the spot” at these gatherings.

I have that too! I hate it. People either think you’re on a diet, anorexic, or they know you’re just so self conscious. Ha it totally sucks so I know where you’re coming from!

Our genes turn us into social creatures. We have to be with other people to stay healthy.

I suggest going Ethiopian, and while at home, eat with your hands.

@mattbrowne
-This issue may or may not be connected with being social. I am an extremely social person, however I still deal with this. In my opinion, it could be the result of former eating issues or some type of paranoia.

I enjoy the company while eating a good meal. I love to catch up with friends or family and it relaxes me to be eating with someone.

Eating together is a very intimate thing

Try having a food orgy with a few close personal friends, or if your puritanical, sucks for you because my last food orgy, kicked ass!

Because I’m most comfortable with food in front of me. It’s just makes you feel at home.

My girlfriend and I go out to eat all of the time. It’s crazy and unique because we talk the whole time until the food comes out then we just eat in silence.

Did we find out how old you are? If you are less than 20 I think this is VERY normal and most peolple grow out of it. When I started dating I worried about chasing peas around my plate or my fork slipping and food winding up on my lap. I kid on got over this in my teens, but I kind of remember feeling awkward the first few times I ate with new friends in the cafeteria at college. Now, I don’t think twice about eating with other people. For me it was I love spending time with other people, I just worried about doing something to embarras myself while eating. Well, I should not say I don’t think about it at all, I do modify the food I might order at a restaurant if I am with people…I tend to eat slowly and some foods take longer than others, so I avoid certain things if I know people are in a hurry, or I might avoid something if I know it will be very messy, but it does not worry me to eat with other people because there is always something on the menu I feel comfortable ordering.

Would it help if you looked up a menu on line before going out, so you already know what you are going to eat? Or, would that just exaggerate the anxiety because you might obsess about the specific meal? Also, do you feel comfortable in your table etiquette, you know what fork to use, how to cut your food? Am I stressing you out more? I don’t want to give you new things to worry about.

I eat with other people most of the time because it gives me a chance to interact socially when I’m already unable to do work. This is probably because I spend far too much time working and not nearly enough time not working. When I’m not at school and therefore busy, eating with other people is a chance to interact with others on my own time. I can make that time whatever I want it to be and simply enjoy the conversations.

i don’t like eating in front of people either.
i think all of high school, i never once joined the cafeteria line to get lunch.
even now, i don’t like eating in front of people unless they are eating with me.
my “logic”: if they’re eating also, they’ll be too busy to look at ME while i eat.
my boyfriend never eats. but i’m always hungry. so sometimes he’ll just sit with me while i eat but it makes me uncomfortable.
i think he’s the same way though. he’s self conscious about eating in front of ppl too. it’s just something one has to get over, i guess.
how? i have no idea

Edit: ok, i hadn’t read the details of the question…
i guess what you have to think about is WHY do you have a phobia of eating in front of ppl?
mine is because i’m afraid i’ll have food hanging off the side of my mouth or have it stuck in my teeth.
what i’ve done to try and minimize that scenario: take smaller bites. chew slowly. basic common sense stuff that wasn’t so common to me before.
just doing what my mom taught me i suppose, wipe your mouth after chewing /before taking a drink.
simple things like that.

I first read this as “eat other people”, so I have to revise my answer…

When I was 16 I ate a RedVine out of a strippers woohoo in front of a room full of people. And yeah I was as nervous as hell, I kept thinking “ok salad fork dinner fork, no elbows on the table, napkin on lap, damn, which side of the plate does the wine go on?”

@rexo My friend, trust me when I say that I know when you’re coming from. I grew up with Asperger’s Syndrome and I know that it can be as nerve racking as hell eating out and trying to socialize with other people.
But I’ve learned to just have fun with it. If you’re having a good time and being friendly, then they’ll have a good time with you.
And don’t focus all your thoughts on how the others perceive you. It takes time, meditation, and experience to not give a damn.
Teach yourself to relax.
It’s ganna be hard as hell to defeat your phobia, I know. But the end result is worth it. I suggest eating out a lot with your friends, and make sure your friends invite friends!
And remember that self-confidence is gained through small acts of courage!

mainly because people like company…

I keep reading this question “eat other people”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amhUURR6y2o
how about some random, I don’t care this rocks.

I love eating with others. I have a social phobia myself, but the ice is thin. If I somehow find myself eating and talking with others, it won’t be long before I enjoy it. The trouble I have is the initiation, which is usually a problem.

Eating out has become less enjoyable since I got my job in fast food. Being reminded of the terrible hours spent at my job requires the distraction of someone talking to me to make eating out an enjoyable experience. But as long as I am somewhat acquainted with the person the fun of talking to them outweighs the disturbance from being in such a terribly associated place.

Have you ever lived in a world, where you feel you can’t move? A world that felt you can’t go back and yet can’t go foward? I’m loosing the capacity to care, or anything to look foward too. Mainly because I have this fear. The fear that I’ve dreaded all this time. The fear that had hold me back of what I could have become. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want this. All I know it’s getting ridiculious having it and I don’t know what to do. I can’t bare what others might think, or what others will say about me. I just want to enjoy my life without this to worry about. All I want is acceptance. All I want is to conquer it. I’ve lost a lot of good times because of having this. All I want is to live and to be happy.

@Rexo,
You really need to see a doctor. You are one of those peole who could probably be helped instantly with medication. There’s no shame in it, and a whol life waiting for you to embrace. Good luck!!

@rexo I agree with Judi, get yourself to a doctor right away. You will be soooo glad you did. Best wishes!

I guess people like eating with other people so they wouldn’t be alone. That would suck, eating by yourself while everybody else it talking with a partner/spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/friend.

I like to grab my MP3, sometimes a book and go to the back and just chill and eat.

I love to think, I think too much for my own good to be honest.

‘Cause I like talking to and laughing with them and just enjoying their company. Well, that’s assuming I actually like everyone I’m eating with.

For conversation. Some people believe that sharing a meal together brings you closer. I like that idea.

I generally eat with others because they have the food and I am very poor. Perhaps appreciating the meal in a deep way could help your fear abate.

actually i don’t like eating out with other people. Certain people actually.It’s just that the majority of the people I am around (family, random people) I just don’t like them. But when I am around friends I do enjoy, like at school. It just comes naturally. We all decide what to eat, we all go together, get the same thing and let natural process of…um feeding go on from their, along with talking, making jokes, etc. It’s a social experience really so just treat it like any other,( making conversation and stuff) and make eating a secondary thing as you go with the flow.

We are taught that eating and socializing together is appropriate from our youth.
Humans have always socialized while eating.

If my lunch break is only 30 minutes, then I prefer to eat alone. Its much quicker.

I like to do crossword puzzles when I eat lunch. Re – focuses me for the rest of the day. I don’t mind eating with other people, I just prefer to eat alone on stressed out days.

I think as far as answering your question, that it’s because this act of eating with other people has a historical root to it. Almost like it’s natural, but in today’s set of time it seems like there are many factors that could have led you to have this phobia.
I like to eat with other people, well because like everyone else has been saying it’s a way for people to socialize.
I can see where your coming from because my family will criticize how I eat, but I simply just don’t care. & with all these rules about how to eat while your in a “social” setting. (aka table manners & etiquette) it’s just crazy.
In your case, I would take it slowly. Start eating out with a really close friend who won’t judge you by the way you eat or someone that you think you might be comfortable with while eating & go from there. I would start at home, and if that goes well, gradually move towards eating out with your friend elsewhere.
But yeah idk if this helped any, but good luck!

A shared meal is one of the most basic and probably the earliest method of building a human relationship. I travel a great deal, mostly by myself. I really appreciate the company and conversation during a meal. You can both relax, enjoy the food and get to know a person above just a business level. When a customer comes to lunch with me, we almost never discuss business and it is a great way to get to know what your customers or friend needs and if you can help.