Why don't my parents divorce?

It is called doing the dance.

It is that co dependancy that keeps them together. Besides, it could be their way of showing that they love one another.

I’m sorry you’re living in such a negative situation.
No matter what your parents issues are, they should not be bad-mouthing each other to you.
I truly believe that no one knows what happens in relationship aside from the people in the relationship. There are things happening between them that you don’t know, no matter how much exposure you have to their arguing. And, imho, you shouldn’t know. At your age, you need to take care of your own mental health and create a happy living space for yourself.

At age 18, why do you still live in that home if you’re so unhappy with your living situation?

It’s not showing any love. And I’ll live somewhere else, when I actually find a place to live. I’ve thought about that

I’m sorry to hear you live in such a difficult situation. You can’t control your parents’ behavior, and there are a hundred reasons why they may never divorce. If you want to know some of them PM me and I’ll explain.

But the truth isn’t all bad news: you have control over your life. You are 18, and you have the ability to be responsible for your own needs. If you can’t tolerate living there, you owe it to yourself to find a way to leave.

There are roommates, work/study programs, financial aid offices at school, a myriad of things you can try. Take courage, take control, and I wish you the best of luck. Don’t give up; you can manage.

Well, first of all I can assure you that it won’t be all roses. But you kids are both grown up now, so yes, in your case it might be the best solution. You are old enough to see whichever parent you want, as much as you want. As for them, life can only get better if they’re fighting as much as you say (and perhaps some time apart will remind them how much they need each other, and perhaps even why they got married in the first place).

Trust me, things could be a lot worse…

You can’t know what is going on between your parents on a private basis. It is obvious that they are not dealing with it well in a public way. If you are of age, you can leave. While it sounds like they should be in counseling, it is not up to you to get them there. Take care of yourself. If you need counseling, get it. Tell them you need it. That might be a wake-up call for them.

Independence after at least 21 years of co-dependency can be very scary I imagine. Especially if they’re 50. Hard step to take. Plus, they might be staying together for you kids, n’aww

Thoughts going your way, this is not a comfortable situation to be in, people who have loved each other for such a long time will be finding it difficult to give up what they have.
Have your parents got other friends they can talk too? Maybe they are using you as a
sounding board, and just need to let off steam occassionally?
Is there any one else in the family you can talk over your fears with?
Good Luck with everything, try to stay positive and I know it’s hard but your mum and dad will get through this either by finally deciding they can’t be with one another or realising they can.

I’m sorry for your situation. The sad thing is they might be thinking they’re staying together for the children.

When I was your age, I was in a similar situation except one parent was really not happy with the lifechoices s/he made and the other was so focussed on the needs of the family s/he was oblivious. As the oldest child and a girl I found myself taking on a position as a buffer, being a listening post and being the adult in the house while they worked the evening shift. The day after my 18th birthday, 6 weeks after graduation I went to the City and got my 1st full time grown up job in an insurance company. 6 weeks after that I rented my own place and 6 months after that my parents split up for good.

Without realizing it you may play some part in keeping them together. You might be the buffer or the excuse and if you’re gone they will have to face each other. They may break up, they come to some accomodation or they may just be that couple who spend their lives in mortal combat. At least you won’t be in hell full time, only on holidays (until you get a job in another state)

Those who pointed out that you can’t control their behavior are correct and their happiness or unhappiness is their own responsibility and not yours.

When they argue with each other it is undoubtedly unpleasant but you do have a choice to absent yourself from it. I know whereof I speak cuz I spent 95% of my childhood in my room with my nose in a book or engaged in every extracurricular afterschool activity or sport I could find. Had it been allowed I would have also spent my time at the dinner table with a book also

I know how much this sucks for you and I left home to work even before I was finished high school.

However, since you and your brother are 18 or over there is one more thing you can try. Either sit them down together or separately and as calmly as possible let them know how this makes you feel. It’s true that you can’t change their behavior toward each other but you certainly can change whether or not you will continue to participate. If they need someone to vent to let them find a therapist. That is not your job. You do have the right to politely as possible request that they stop badmouthing each other to
you.

Once you have made your request clear to each of them you have the option to disengage whenever the force of habit becomes too strong and they start using you to complain about the other. You have the right to calmly pause the dialogue, remind them of your specific request to cease doing this with you and just disengage. Either walk away, change the subject or whatever.

I realize that sometimes it’s easier said than done but practice makes perfect and it may help you cope until you can get out on your own.

I wish that I had been old enough to do that but I don’t think it works as well coming from a 15 hr old. :)

Anyhow it’s worth a shot for you. Good luck. Hope some of the many different bits of advice offered by the collective can help make this more bearable for you.

Probably for the same reason you and your brother don’t move out.

Have you asked either of them this question? Told them how you feel? If not, you probably should. @Buttonstc is right. You’ve got to get some personal boundaries in place to protect yourself while you’re there, and in the future too!

Some couples stay together because as much as they irritate each other, they know how far they can throw each other too, they have an amount of reliability built up even though it’s mostly negative. There are huge costs to divorce when two people have signed on leases, mortgages, loans, credit card accts., etc. Also, the idea of separating and changing the relationships with friends, family, co workers and feeling out new relationships is daunting.

Divorce at 50 is not easy, especially if you’re paying for college or paying off college for your kids. It takes a lot of money to run a family even at that stage. When you divorce, everything splits in half, both assets and debt. Paying for two places to live takes a toll on strained family finances. It’s not a happy place to find yourself.

Your parents relationship could be salvaged, Have you all sat down with either parent and explained to them how you all feel, If you have all just been bickering then you’ll get nowhere. All of you siblings need to speak to each parent separately and tell them your issues and maybe even ask them seriously if they really want to divorce or if marriage counselling could save them.