Social Question

espressoyourself's avatar

Are we really just friends?

Asked by espressoyourself (5 points ) August 30th, 2009

Hope I put this in the right place but I have known a guy that I talk to long distance (Phone/Internet) for about 5 yrs and over the past few yrs I have pretty much fallen for him. I have told him how I feel and he always replies with “we are just friends”. The thing is he keeps giving me signs that he likes me as more than a friend. He calls me very often, flirts every time we talk. We have also been trying to meet up for the last two yrs but it never seems to happen due to money issues :( . Ok so now I’m wondering is it possible that hes just saying the friends thing due to us living so far apart from each other?

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10 Answers

dpworkin's avatar

You’ve never met. There is no way you can really be anything but friends, if that.

irocktheworld's avatar

Yeah I agree with @pdworkin,you’ve never met and you never know if what he is saying is just lies.You should stay friends and nothing more.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Listen to what the man is telling you. He has told you repeatedly that you two are just friends.

Believe him and start going to places in your town where you can meet men, if a boyfriend is what you want.

hearkat's avatar

I get the strong impression that regardless of what feelings he may or may not have for you, he is unavailable to you as anything more than a friend.

Jeruba's avatar

Sounds like he enjoys keeping you on the string and testing his power over you, but he has no intention of following through. His words and his behavior do not match up. He is not someone you should trust.

cwilbur's avatar

I’m not sure he’s being intentionally evil, as @Jeruba suggests.

But I think he’s being pretty clear to you that you’re just friends. There is no ambiguity there. If you decide that, despite what he’s telling you very clearly and straightforwardly, that he does have feelings for you, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment.

Beyond that, what is the best case scenario here? You’ve never managed to meet in person. If you did, and hit it off in person, would you be willing and able to move to him to continue the relationship? If the answer to that is anything but an unqualified “yes,” then this is not the relationship for you, and you should look for romantic love closer to home.

Jeruba's avatar

Intentionally evil? Did I say that? I thought I was just speaking about someone who doesn’t act consistently with his words but does enjoy leading someone on.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

A guy keeps up a long distance relationship with a girl for 5 years? That’s a long time. It sounds like he’s a realist. You live in different cities. In order to date, most people like to be in the same city with the person they’re dating, so they can actually, um, date.

Lacroix's avatar

There are different types of friendships. It’s possible that while he does think you’re “cute”, “charming”, or however else he may put it…he knows that the two of you are unlikely to meet, and that’s just fine. Seems like he likes things the way they are.

While flirting with one another may give you an ego boost, or a bit of a smile as you go about your day, when the computer/phone is off, or you really have an emergency, he can’t be there. And there’s just no point in getting emotionally invested in a person that can’t be there for you.

cwilbur's avatar

@Jeruba: sorry, “evil” might have been too strong a word, but intentionally leading someone on is not behavior I’d count as good.

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