General Question

seVen's avatar

Are there women out there today that wouldn't mind their husband to work for whole family and them just being a stay at home mom?

Asked by seVen (3448 points ) September 4th, 2009 from iPhone

I for one wouldn’t mind being that husband to be a sole provider .

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33 Answers

hug_of_war's avatar

I’m sure there are lots of women but I can think of few fates as horrible for me.

bluu's avatar

My husband and I have this arrangement. Even though I’m in my 20’s, I feel somewhat old-fashioned by today’s standards.

I don’t see staying at home as a hindrance to my dreams, or success. Nor do I see it as a purgatory. Rather, I view working in the home as a joy – and when we have children, I will love the fact that I am there for them regularly.

Mind you, I double majored in Bio/Pre-Grad [research] and Secondary Education. I plan to return to school to attain a Architectural degree, my one true love. But staying at home is not a hindrance to this goal; many of my peers believe it is.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I know lots of families like this. Some of the women don’t work in order to spend more time contributing to the kid’s/kids’ schooling and out of school activities and some others don’t work because the husband makes enough money for them to be comfortable to their standards and she pretty much runs the household and entertaining. I don’t know any households yet where the woman is the sole provider though. One thing I will say is the women I know get put upon a lot to do extra things because everyone around them seems to think they have endless time and energy and they’re made to feel like since they don’t have outside jobs then they shouldn’t say no to helping others.

hex's avatar

My wife would love to stay home and fry up the bacon and spend the bacon, but every year or so she gets stir crazy and hires on somewhere (she’s a Hospital Admin). Then the pendulum swings the other way, she gets tired of the rat race and longs to be on the nest. It’s quite a ride, man.

casheroo's avatar

I’m currently a part time student, but do not bring in any income so I consider myself a “stay at home mom.” I’ve been home since my son was born, and didn’t get my first job until he was 15 months old..and it was out of necessity.
I’d love to be able to stay at home during the week, and work weekends. But, once I get my degree I’ll be supporting the family…either while my husband goes to school or works as well.
I love being at home, I think it’s essential for me to be home during the first years, so I’m glad I’m in school because I can do the work during naptime and bedtime. It’s hard, but worth it.

DominicX's avatar

My mom is and always has been a stay-at-home mom and doesn’t mind it. It’s what she wanted to do for a long time. Doesn’t mean that she has no other interests, hobbies, or activities. She does tons of stuff with her friends and she was always very involved in the school and the PTA, being a room parent and PTA president and got to know a lot of teachers and the school board that way.

My view is that it’s up to the husband and wife to work out something. I don’t think anyone has to do anything in that regard. I don’t think less of a woman who wants to be a stay-at-home mom or wants to work, but I think they should be doing what’s best for the children.

Some women simply do want to be a stay-at-home mom. I bet there are even some men who want to be stay-at-home dads. It’s an individual choice and I would hate that people would be judged for their decision or feel like they have to do something because of societal pressure.

ubersiren's avatar

I would be ok with this if my husband really could afford it and would want to do it. I love keeping house and being with my son, and will soon have another to enjoy. But, the past 2 years of living this way have made me feel guilty because I know we could use the income. At the same time, paying for someone to watch the kid(s) while I work would be non-beneficial if I were to work.

Luckily, we’re getting by and my husband loves his job and coming home to a home cooked meal and clean. Also, during this time, I was able to go to school and consequently will be working part time in the next year or so to help earn my keep (hahaha). It’ll just make me feel better, and relieve some of the financial stress.

It just works for us. Sometimes I itch to get out and earn money for myself, but overall we’re comfortable and it’s working for now. It’s a great, valid, practical option for those who have little ones at home.

Buttonstc's avatar

Here’s what I don’t get about this whole issue.

The basic raison d’ĂȘtre of the feminist movement was to enable women to have a choice rather than just the assumption that she was going to be the one to stay at home.

The operative word being CHOICE. Yet when some women CHOOSE to stay at home and raise the kids, it’s the most ardently proclaimed liberals who look down their noses at these women simply because the made a now-unpopular decision.

I thought it was supposed to be truly about choice in whatever direction it goes.

So what’s up with that?

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

@Buttonstc: It’s simple really, extremism of any ilk is undermining.

sunshine123's avatar

I love being a stay at home wife, mom, dog walker…. Don’t get me wrong, I have a career and work at home, but we do not rely on my income…and I have had the big career
but I really enjoy seeing the guys off the work and school….

tinyfaery's avatar

I’m a woman with a wife not a husband, and I would love to be a stay at home wife, not mom. I hate working! If I had kids, never. I like my alone time and kids are sooo needy.

Likeradar's avatar

I would love it.
My guy and I have talked about the possibility of doing this one day (in the future, as we’re childless and unmarried). He makes a good living, and I think I have strong talents in being a child care provider and homemaker and I would find it rewarding.
It’s a decision that the couple needs to make together.
It’s also important to remember that a stay-at-home mom isn’t hanging out and playing with happy kids all day. It’s exhausting to keep up with children. It means being there when they’re sick, and when you’re sick. It means keeping house, cooking, running errands with child/ren in tow, and sometimes the person staying at home can become very, very isolated feeling.

jonsblond's avatar

I’ve been a stay at home mom for ten years now and wouldn’t want it any other way. I think that my children benefit from having a parent home to take care of their needs without having to take time off from work. If they are sick they know that I am here for them . They can also be involved in after school activities because I am able to be there to taxi them around.

I’m sure I will work again some day but right now I enjoy being the maid, chef, chauffeur, dog walker, grocery shopper, pool girl, landscaper and parent volunteer at school.

YARNLADY's avatar

Census Bureau statistics show a 15% increase in stay at home (sah) in the last ten years, and the newest census is predicted to show and even higher %. I became a full time homemaker when my youngest son was born.

casheroo's avatar

@YARNLADY I suspect those statistics are rising in part to the fact that childcare is very expensive, sometimes it makes more sense to stay at home. It does for my family. If I worked, we wouldn’t bring much of anything in because it’d all go to childcare.
I do wish I could work part time though, for my sanity’s sake. haha

MissAusten's avatar

Around here, it’s pretty common for moms to stay home with the kids, at least until they are in school. Most of my kids’ friends’ moms stay home, or work part-time so they are home when the kids get out of school. I don’t know how to describe this area—upper middle class mainly, with a generous sprinkling of “rich” people. It seems like a lot of the families around here can have only one working parent but still afford a very nice home, good cars, family vacations, etc. And oh, what I wouldn’t give to go on vacation sometime or have a cleaning lady!

I’m home with the kids full-time, which for us is working well right now. Up until a few years ago, we couldn’t afford it. When we had our third child, the timing was right in terms of income. It also didn’t make sense for me to work full time when my paycheck would only cover daycare expenses.

When my youngest is in school, I will probably look for a part-time job. I don’t really relish the idea of working again, just because I have some really bad memories of juggling work responsibilities with my priorities as a parent. Kids have the worst timing with illnesses. I kind of hope that my mother-in-law retires soon so I can have a back-up if I’m working but one of the kids gets sick. However, it would be nice to be around other adults during the day, get a lunch break, and maybe do something more challenging than sort laundry or build a Lego airplane (not that I’m actually capable of building a Lego airplane).

I do enjoy being here for the kids, especially now that my youngest is in preschool. I’m glad they can come home after school instead of going to a babysitter or an after-school program. I also didn’t really mind being a working mom, other than when each of my kids were very little and caught all the germs going around the daycare center. I don’t believe there is a “right” choice or a “wrong” choice. Whatever works for the family just plain works. I know moms who work full time and are outstanding parents. I know moms who stay home and are clueless. If anyone noticed how long I was composing this, it’s because my mother-in-law stopped by, and then I had to do story time and bedtime with the kids!

YARNLADY's avatar

@MissAusten When my son was old enough for pre-school, I took a part-time job at the Academy we chose for him, and that put me there with him, and paid the tuition.

MissAusten's avatar

@YARNLADY I think something with the schools would be ideal. I don’t like the idea of having to arrange childcare for the summer, or during all those school breaks. It would be perfect to always have the same days off as the kids! I still have two years before my little guy is in school for a full day, so right now I’m not too worried about it.

kheredia's avatar

If I had a husband who had a really good job and didn’t have any trouble providing for me and my family then I would love to be a stay at home mom and take care of my little ones. In fact, when we do start having children I would love to be able to give them my undivided attention at least until they start going to preschool. Then maybe work a little part time job so I can still have enough time for them. I know it doesn’t always work out that way but I sure hope it does in my case.

Darwin's avatar

I have a number of friends, mostly active duty military and some who are strongly religious, where the husband earns the income and the wife manages everything else. It means fewer disruptions for the kids when daddy gets shipped out or transferred, and most of these women also home school. Thus, even though only one person is bringing in cash, both work very hard.

For a while we did things the other way around. My husband had to stop working due to health problems, so he stayed home with the kids, taking them to school, doing the shopping, and so on, and I worked and earned the money. Eventually, though, when he could no longer drive, I took early retirement so I could be a stay-at-home mom and caregiver. However, I started a home-based business so I still work and earn something.

I wouldn’t mind at all if someone else brought in income to the house, but then I have had a career, which I enjoyed, and now I am busy doing things for my kids and husband. Soon I will also be taking care of my parents, too.

Someday I will have the free time to go back to painting or ceramics, or simply to volunteer somewhere, but until then I have too much to do.

tiffyandthewall's avatar

right now, i can’t think of a job i’d like to have. so i sure wouldn’t argue against staying home and cleaning, (learning how to) cook, and doing whatever.
and maybe i’d even start working from home, like making things to sell.

augustlan's avatar

I worked for 14 years before I had children, worked from home with the first child until the second was born 15 months later, and have now been a stay-at-home mother for 14 years. Now that the youngest (third, and last!) is in middle school, I’m looking for work again (without much success).

I wouldn’t say I didn’t mind being a SAH… it was by far the most difficult ‘job’ I’ve ever had! The rewards are pretty damn terrific, though. I did it because I thought it was in my childrens’ best interest. If I had made more money than their father, I’d have been quite happy to support the family while he stayed home. These days, I know of several families where the at-home parent is the father. I think it’s great that we all have choices.

mzgator's avatar

I have been a Stay at home wife and mother for sixteen years. My husband and I agreed on this before we married. It has been my honor to do this. I am amazed at all of things I have accomplished doing so. I am free to travel when he is off. I enjoy taking care of him and our daughter. I have many interests, friends and hobbies. My husband lives and appreciates all I do, and I appreciate him working hard so that we can have the lifestyle we do. I have never regretted our decision.

mattbrowne's avatar

Managing a complex household requires more skills than many jobs. But the industry is tired of hiring below average men and they are keen not to lose the potential and talents of the female population.

ShanEnri's avatar

Doing that now! I have been a “domestic engineer” now for about 12 years straight! I love it, but there are a few downfalls. The main one is boredom!

JLeslie's avatar

I barely work and I love it. I worked for years, did well in my career, and then the last move we made for my husband’s job I never seriously searched for a job. I have several friends who don’t work or wish they could stop and have their husband be the bread winner. I would not recommend never holding down a full time job. I think it is good know how the job market works, have the experience, and feel confident you can be independent and financially secure without your husband if the situation were to arise.

wundayatta's avatar

The number of women who want to be SAHMs surprises me. Of course, this question only asks about them, but it makes me wonder what attitudes in the general population are.

I also wonder if there are any Dads out there that wouldn’t mind being SAHDs. Is this a matter of identity, or what? I.e., is playing out traditional gender roles seen as the best way to do what is appropriate for you, or is this just an issue of individual preferences? And even if it is a preference, does that preference have anything to do with social conventions, or is it purely decisions made by individuals?

JLeslie's avatar

@daloon I don’t have children, I probably should clarify that for the group actually. Just home and able to do all of the errands and have weekends completely free to be with my husband or take long weekends. I work as needed at a hospital, but for the last 6 weeks they have not needed me. If I had children I would want to be home with them (I think I would, I guess you don’t really know until you have them). Maybe have a part time job if I had children?

augustlan's avatar

@daloon I know my ex would have loved to be a SAHD, and we both would have been perfectly happy with that arrangement. The only thing stopping us was a huge gap in our earning abilities. Like a 3 to 1 spread, in his favor.

Darwin's avatar

My husband very much enjoyed being a SAHD for as long as he was able. However, once he could no longer drive it got difficult.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@hungryhungryhortence I’m the sole provider for my household.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I wouldn’t mind being a stay at home parent – I’ve done it before. I’d have to do something else though, where I go to school or whatever in the evening.

pinkparaluies's avatar

Haha bring it on. Are you single? ;)

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