At what point would you get involved with someone else's personal parenting techniques in public?

No, that video does not tell the whole story. Heck, I’m sure people have wanted to say something to me when I’m dragging my temper tantrum throwing child out of a store. And being pregnant, I am having trouble carrying him so I literally have to drag him. So lovely.

Now, the leash thing just makes this look horrid, it’s one of those backpack leashes right? my kid won’t wear it, his has a monkey on it and the “monkey on my back!!!” thing freaks him out lol

Was she going into the store though? That’s what it looked like to me. I mean, if you’re that pissed off at your kid, then just leave…don’t make a spectacle out of it, and make yourself go through that stress. Yes, I do believe it’s a lot of stress on the parent.

I would only get involve if I felt the child’s safety was truly at risk, like if someone is beating their child, or verbally abusing them.

I am a mandated reporter, so I must report anything I see that rises to the level of abuse. From your description I can’t tell. It’s a little like Mr. Justice Potter’s view of pornography – I know it when I see it.

@pdworkin He provided a link to the video..

Thanks @casheroo I will go look.

If I thought I was witnessing abuse, I would either say something myself or get someone else to approach the parent with me, depending on the situation.

It’s such a hard thing to decide. The problem is that if you try to intervene, the child may get punished even more, once they are in private. If you don’t intervene, you feel like a wimp. But what is the most effective intervention? I don’t know, that’s for sure.

It’s still ambiguous. Sometimes ignoring a tantrum is a good way to handle one. I think one would have had to have been present for the whole event to make a judgment.

I don’t like the looks of that video. I have had a kid throwing a tantrum in public before. I picked him up with my two hands and left the store with him. I wouldn’t drag a dog like that, let alone a little boy. That is horrible. I don’t think I care about the rest of the story.

Sometimes you can “intervene” by distracting: “Oh, did your mommy get you that shirt?” Or, to the mom, “Gee, it’s hard sometimes, isn’t it…” and if you are lucky a conversation will ensue, drawing her attention away from the child.

@jamielynn2328 I agree it stinks. The question was, does it rise to the level of abuse, or at least that’s how I understood the question.

Hmm, that youtube had a link to an article..
The mother was arrested. Apparently the leash thing left marks, which in Georgia is a big no-no.
Also, I guess she could have hurt him with rug burn. I have a scar on my arm from being dragged on a rug from when I was a teen…so it can do damage.
Now, I’m no so sure. I’m just really curious as to why she was walking around the store like that and not leaving. I wonder how old the child is as well.

I think with that situation that I would clear my throat to get the mother’s attention, raise an eyebrow, and give a look. If she persisted, I would say something.

If a child is truly being endangered, there’s no question that I’ll say something. I’m also mandated and even if I wasn’t, I’d report things that are clearly abusive or things that look suspicious. Better safe than sorry. And if someone is mandated to a parenting class as a result of the report, all the better.

@casheroo Rome, AL.

Well if the mother was arrested, in my opinion there is no longer an issue. A responsible, trained authority analyzed the situation and made the decision that abuse was present. Now the child must be protected. Thanks for mentioning the article. That was a scary video.

I did not see abuse there and I agree there is probably more to the story. Heck, kids do worse to themselves when they throw fits and thrash to the floor, slamming themselves on things on purpose. I would not have gotten involved with this woman and unless that kid is mentally impaired or something, he’s too big to be acting that way.

@avvooooooo whoops, I thought it said GA!

I would never personally interfere, but I certainly would call the police.

I try not to get involved either, but I will admit it gets quite annoying when a parent cannot control an unruly child. Unlike the Georgia idiot that slapped a 3 year old child repeatedly because she would’t stop crying, I think the most effective method (in my personal opinion) would be to get witnesses, maybe whip out the cam phone, then call the police in private. I’ve heard stories of others getting involved in someone else’s lack of parenting in public and they didn’t all end well. Most parents became very aggressive, sometimes threatening towards the other person, then it turned into a whole new ugly scenario! But to answer the question…unless the parent is being out-right abusive, like in this video, I’d probably do just as someone else did (also as I mentioned above) and get it on tape. As far as the video telling the whole story – I think so. What more do you need to see? Even if she was playing and the child was enjoying it, why would she put herself through the unnecessary attention? I have a 10 year old and I’ve dealt with my fair share of tantrums and fits, but I also knew how to handle the situation without others feeling the need to step in.

If my kids become a victim of another kid’s abnormal behavior.

As for the video, I think it is unquestionable abuse. I think that this mother may be overwhelmed, over-worked, depressed, or many other possible causes for such lack of respect for her child. Hopefully, she will get counseling, but my faith in the rehabilitation of the justice system in not strong.

I would try to intervene in a positive or neutral manner. For example, if I hear a very small baby crying that cringing cry that tells me he is hungry or hurting or just needs holding, I will often walk up to the mom quietly and ask if I can talk to the child. I always acknowledge that parenting is so hard and that I went through the same kinds of things. I try to comment on something positive about the child or something positive about children in general. I even ask to hold the baby sometimes, or I ask if he might be hungry or need a diaper change. I might look for a place for her to sit down with the child or ‘entertain’ her other child so that she can attend to the crying one.

The part of this situation that made me nervous was that she wasn’t watching what she was doing. When she rounded that corner that kid came really close to bonking his head. In a situation like this I would probably catch the kid’s eye and say “what a ride” or something along those lines. It might help snap him out of it to realize his shenanigans are being noticed yet he still isn’t getting his way. I’m pretty sure that mom was not trying to abuse him, she was trying to ignore a tantrum.

Anyway, I would step in if a child is being hit or verbally abused. The thing is that when a parent is that out of control in public they need someone to break the spell and help bring them back to reality. Another thing I do is when I see a mom struggling with a tantrum, staying calm, and slogging through with patience, I always stop and say something like “been there, done that, you are doing great.” It is almost always greeted by an exhausted smile and lots of appreciation.

I have gotten involved 4 times, in public….when parents were physically hurting their children.. Once I offered to help the parent that seemed too stressed to deal with her toddler, twice I asked the parent to stop what they were doing to their children, and another time I went up to a home and knocked on a door when I heard a child screaming… (come to find out that the child just did not want to take a bath, and after having my own child, years later, I understood this one) needless to say..I will not hesitate to get involved with any situation that does not seem right….

In this video, I’m not sure I would’ve done anything myself. I think it was handled correctly by someone calling the authorities. I wouldn’t personally get involved unless the adult struck the child or was verbally attacking him. My take on the video is that the mom may have been a little rough, and a little stupid, but not abusive. What she did was possibly deserving of a probationary period and social services investigation, but nothing more at this point.

@ubersiren She’ll probably get probation and parenting classes.

I love parenting classes. I think they’re a great way for people who are doing things wrong to find out what they’re supposed to do and how to handle situations better.

I taught one (non-mandated) at a homeless shelter and did it as more of a group discussion. I had handouts and the applicable laws and that kind of thing, but they were more of a jumping off point than me lecturing about things. I was fortunate that I had women there who had a whole lot of kids, the older ones doing well for themselves, that could weigh in on what they had done in the many situations that parents faced. There were enough people there that someone had either gone through it themselves as kids or had parented in that situation. This was the only “class” that the residents enjoyed and wanted to go to. Major victory for me!

Hopefully she has to go to a group where she learns more effective techniques than dragging a kid through a store rather than just throwing the book at her.

@avvooooooo : A class would be a great idea… maybe that will be all it takes for her to learn better ways of handling her child. I hope so, anyway. I know a lot of people, including myself could use pointers from experts often on parenting. It’s not an easy job sometimes! I commend you for teaching it.

@ubersiren I would enjoy a class as well. The temper tantrum phase has got to be the most frustrating and exhausting. It would be nice to just have some people who could help guide…I read books and stuff online, but not everyone can afford those resources.

@ubersiren @casheroo When you have one lady that’s raised 5 of her 10 kids successfully who is in the class (who was told she had to come as per shelter rules but was approached as a consultant by me) and who’s seen everything under the sun, you get a lot of good information on how to deal with kids in all stages.

Maybe parenting support groups need to be formed so that people have someone to talk to about how to deal with the various issues that arise. I’m always for good resources that help people learn to do whatever it is that they’re doing better (or easier/with less trouble).

There are a lot of things I think we could have used some coaching in, but that one never turned out to be a problem.

My older son had exactly two screaming, flailing, kicking temper tantrums. Both times, we laughed aloud and applauded at the display. The second time, which occurred right after we’d watched the Olympics with him, we spontaneously gave him scores. I think they were 9.8 and 9.6. He simply never bothered again.