How can I make my dad understand that I am not a small kid anymore?"?

Is he the only family member you have?

No we are a 5 member family

just keep learning boxing and then he will have to answer to you!

But then he will kick me out again!!!

What did your family members do when they’d found you’d slept outside?

Did he kick you out because of the boxing or because you didn’t tell him where you were going and had an argument with him about it?

both

Really both? Would he kick you out just for taking boxing?

I just understand why

cant*

To have a two way discussion with your parents, you first have to ask for a good time (get an appointment) to discuss your concerns.

It sounds like you have already missed a couple of times, so be more careful in the future. To be treated like an adult, you do not act like a child and go against their rules. Even adults have to follow the rules.

Your question isn’t too clear, since you mention being kicked out, so I’m not sure what you are asking.

@dimitris Welcome to fluther. Lurve.
Your dad was the youngest child, so he was always told what to do, and no one listened to him. He has issues around that, so it’s best not to push those buttons.
There are a lot of good reasons why he doesn’t want you to box. I love the sport, but I know the damage it does.
If you want to impress on your father that you are grown, listen to him.

I’m so sorry…it’s hard to understand that parents are so much the product of their own childhood. They’re only human. He only knows what he’s been taught. BTW, I’m proud of your attempts to reason with him, and for keeping up your grades in the face of all of that. You only have a couple more years of it (and two years really isn’t that much time) then you’ll be free to make your own decisions. Also, be very careful no to carry the negative parenting traits over into your own parenting when the time comes! It’s scary when, 15 years down the road you’re hollering at your kids and you suddenly realize “OMG! I sound just like my mother!

you first have to understand why you’re father doesn’t want you to box, it’s an insanely dangerous sport, I have a couple buddies that have been boxing since they were 14, one now has a stuttering problem and the other is pretty slow, both nice guys, but boxing really takes a tole on you after a while.
I suggest jujitsu instead, plenty of contact, plenty of fighting, plus it’ll actually teach you something valuable to your life like self control and respect, and it’s not nearly as dangerous. Suggest that to your father, bring some pamphlets from your local center, if he still says no, perhaps it’s time to suggest some father son counseling.

Does your mother really put up with that? When my husband becomes over bearing I put an end to it and would NEVER let him kick my children out! Have you tried asking him why he’s that way with you? Try talking to your mom.

if my dad wants something,no1 can stop him my mother begged him let me inside but with no result. I was really cold and today i am kinda sick. And when I try to talk to him he never hears or just tells me to shut up

@dimitris Do you have any outside family (aunts/uncles) you could move in with or talk to?

@SpatzieLover Good question….

@Val123 Sounds to me like this kid’s dad may like to use this one as his very own punching bag (even if the abuse is non-violent for now)

I know. I know. :(

i already did that without any results

@dimitris Have you tried talking to a school counselor?

Sigh. Parents are a jumble of their own experiences. They are often too stuck in their own issues to see how they are affecting their children.

My answer is always the same to these types of questions. You have 2 options. 1. You can do as you please, alienate yourself from your family (not that that is necessarily bad) or 2. learn to deal with it. You only have 2 more years.

Also, you can choose not to do what he says (diskus), but you don’t have to lie about what you do. There is a big difference.

I had a tyrant as a father. I decided to choose my own path at an early age (14), but there were a lot of consequences.

Choose wisely. Good luck.

@tinyfaery Good answer. I agree. I think he needs to go along, keep the peace, until he can get out.

From the ages of about 15 to 18, I did not get along with the Father at all. We fought about everything and we fought constantly. He was often unreasonable in the same way that your Dad is unreasonable with you. I am twice that age now and looking back I don’t fault him for it. Raising a teenager is scary. He’s probably afraid to screw up or knows that he already has done some things wrong. He covers up his feelings of inadequacy by being a bully and ultra-controlling.

You can’t overpower him to get your way. Anything that makes him feel like he is losing control of you will make things worse (in my experience).

To be honest, the only thing that worked was when I turned 18 and moved out. We continued arguing on the phone and whenever I saw him. At some point, at around 25 or 26, I started thanking him for everything he had done for me (which isn’t much, really) because I was afraid he was going to die soon and I didn’t want him to die with regrets (I’m Buddhist; we think dying with a peaceful mind is very important). Well, this more or less changed everything.

Now, I make an effort to listen to him, even though I still disagree. I try to understand what he’s saying and I don’t tell him he’s wrong or that I disagree. I do say that I prefer to do things a different way but I thank him for his advice and for caring enough to tell me what he thought.

We get along very well now. He has grown to respect the things that I choose to do and I have grown to accept that he was doing his best and didn’t really mean to hurt me.

I am lucky. I’m lucky that I was able to move out before things got really bad. I’m lucky he lived long enough for us to reconcile. I’m lucky we were both of the disposition to get along at the same time. Not everyone is lucky.

But remember that he wouldn’t try so hard to control you if he wasn’t afraid of something bad happening to you. Despite how difficult he makes your life, he really thinks he is helping you.

If you can find a way to show him that he is helping you and that you appreciate it, it might make your relationship better.

I should point out that I’m not saying your Father is not an asshole or mean or selfish. I don’t know if he is or not. Mine was all of those things. But despite being all of those things he managed to still want good things for me, and I think this is generally true. In short, even if my Dad was selfish, he only tried to control me because he loved me. If he didn’t love me he would have left me alone and not cared what I did (except for how it affected him).

Good luck, my friend. And don’t lose heart. Life does get better.