Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

How do you feel about your level of sexual desire?

Asked by wundayatta (58326 points ) October 13th, 2009

On your experience: Are you comfortable with your level of sexual desire? Do you wish you had more, or less? Do you mistrust it? Do you think it may lead you astray? Do you feel you have control over your sexual impulses, or do you feel they are dangerous for you? Do you miss sexual desire?

Your analysis: Why do you think you have your feelings about your level of desire? Do these feelings come from lessons you learned in childhood or in your religion, or from experience? Do you wish you felt differently from the way you feel?

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37 Answers

poofandmook's avatar

my last relationship, I had zero desire for sex. I didn’t really want a desire either. I said I did when he asked me, because it would’ve made things easier and I was scared of being alone.

Now that I know I’ve found the right person, my sex drive is through the roof. Poor guy can’t keep up with me. Why the hell does it take you guys so long to.. ahem… recharge? >.<

Capt_Bloth's avatar

I am very comfortable with my level of sexual desire, but I think my life might be easier if my drive was a little bit less.

MrBr00ks's avatar

I think my level of desire is perfectly normal, but it is waaaaaaaaaay higher than my wife’s. She doesn’t care for or desire sex since the birth of our second child. So like Capt Bloth, my life might be easier if my drive was a little bit less.

Jude's avatar

Lately, I have been dealing with personal issues and, thus, it’s affected my current relationship some (intimacy). There are times with her, though (when I let myself go), that I just want to tear her clothes off and pin her up against the wall (and, I do. It’s hot.). Solo, though, my sex drive is ridiculously high (masturbation).

Normally, I’m a very sexual person and my desire is high.

holden's avatar

Both my partner and I feel very comfortable with our sexuality and our relationship is very fullfilling in that regard. In fact, it is so natural and comfortable that I’ve never even really thought about it. We actually seem to synchronize our biological rythyms so we’re each able to meet the other’s needs. I guess we just got really lucky that way.

rangerr's avatar

I’m comfortable with mine, yet at the same time I wish mine was higher.. I’m devoted to my relationship, and love seeing him in the middle of being intimate and when we are more adventurous, but there’s a lot of times when that’s all he wants to do and I just want to relax.
It’s stressful.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

The older I get, my desires are also rising. It’s on my mind a lot & I want it a lot. Sadly, I just don’t have an outlet for it.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

no, I wish I had more, like it was in my 20s. I have my sexual desires under control 100%. Anything that is unacceptable in real life is handled through fantasy.

My recent bout of depression really lowered my sex drive. Only recently has it returned to pre-depression levels. At my age, I would prefer to be more sexually active, but I guess I wore myself out in my late 30s and early 40s.

As for feeling differently from the way I feel, yeah, there are some things that arouse me that I wish didn’t. I have some pretty unusual fetishes, and while I have no fear of performing them in real life, since I can control them with fantasies and role-playing; somedays I wish those things didn’t turn me on at all.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

@jbfletcherfan you may need to find an upscale sex toy shop online. =)

Likeradar's avatar

I wish it was higher.
I think depression and Prozac (a known libido buster), mixed with how busy I am, and weight gain have a lot to do with my low level of desire. The more I exercise, watch what i eat, and see results, the more my desire level slightly raises.
I have to kind of hype myself up to want it a lot of the time, and for me it’s one of those things that the more I get, the more I want.

Zen's avatar

Quite satidsfied, thanks. Unfortunately, not doing anything practical about it.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

@Likeradar wow, I didn’t know that about Prozac, that explains it then. I thought it was just because I am getting older. I’m staying on the Prozac though, I don’t want to face that depression monster again, that scared the hell out of me.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@evelyns_pet_zebra Oh, I have that end of it handled. But it doesn’t take the place of the human touch.

Likeradar's avatar

@evelyns_pet_zebra Yeah… It’s a major side effect. I’m surprised your doctor didn’t tell you about it! I’ve tried different meds because of it, but they don’t work nearly as well for me. I’d rather be not depressed with a low sex drive than wanting to stay in bed all day with no sex drive!

bennihan's avatar

i’m in a long distance relationship and my desire for fulfillment is at an all time high

poofandmook's avatar

@bennihan: I know your pain…

CMaz's avatar

It is off the chart.

It is controllably uncontrollable.

dpworkin's avatar

I’m grateful that unlike during my younger years I no longer yearn for every appealing woman who appears in my visual apparatus. Now I yearn for my girlfriend. It’s still constant, but more discriminate.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I guess I’ve never really thought about it – I suppose it has always been high, in every relationship – I remember in my first marriage I used to chart our sex life (for some reason that seemed perfectly normal to me, then…obviously it was a red flag) to try to figure out why we’re not having sex as often as I’d like…my ex husband used to say ‘I’m not a robot, you know’ which I always found a strange response because I was pretty sensitive about a lot of the sexual issues on his part..in my current relationship, we both have a very high sex drive, sex is very important to us…even though we have two kids, we try to have sex daily…it is a good way to reconnect and we love being on top of each other (sometimes that’s all we manage, just laying on top of each other naked, because we’re so exhausted)...we are always learning, I feel, and improving our sex life…I have expressed to him that it’s important, for me, to feel desired and often and I don’t think any of us should settle for anything other than that

Naked_Homer's avatar

It’s as high as it ever was. but satiated or not it has never led me to stray.

aprilsimnel's avatar

How do I feel? Pretty good!

KatawaGrey's avatar

My sex drive is exactly where it should be. I’m not sure if it’s higher than average, but I’m quite happy with it. I find that since I’ve been a relationship, I masturbate a lot more. I suspect this is because I’ve been “jump started” by being in a relationship. My boyfriend satisfies me quite well and we don’t even have to have sex every time we see each other, it’s just that the hormones are going pretty crazy.

hearkat's avatar

I have a high libido for a female, it’s only a minor annoyance when I’m single.

Naked_Homer's avatar

Actually, now that I think about it, right now I feel mostly about my sexual desire strictly with my hands unfortunately!

DominicX's avatar

Seems pretty moderate to me and fine for my age. I’ve never had super strong desires or anything, always been kind of middle-level and it’s been working so far.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Are you comfortable with your level of sexual desire? Yes

Do you wish you had more, or less? I wish I had a little less, I am bit demanding on my partners.

Do you mistrust it? No

Do you think it may lead you astray? No

Do you feel you have control over your sexual impulses? Yes though I like to indulge them as often as possible when coupled.

Do you feel they are dangerous for you? No

Do you miss sexual desire? No, I don’t suffer from any lack. The sexual desire I miss is if a partner becomes tired out or bored of so much sex, like that.

Why do you think you have your feelings about your level of desire? They make sense.

Do these feelings come from lessons you learned in childhood or in your religion, or from experience? They come from my childhood, I’m sure. Physical affection wasn’t encouraged between family members and I always felt like a physically needy child so I think once I became aware sexually, my physical comfort needs got rolled into what I could get out of sex and that’s why for me, sex is so incredibly bonding and mindblowing and I choose who I partner up with carefully.

Do you wish you felt differently from the way you feel? Not really, I like that I give such reverence to sex and usually pick partners who not only understand but appreciate it. I only wish I felt differently when a partner says they’re wiped out while I am bothering them at regular intervals.

filmfann's avatar

I really wish it was lower.
It’s all in my head, see. I want it lower!

benjaminlevi's avatar

I’d be better off asexual.

Fernspider's avatar

@rangerr – I’m in your boat. My partner often wants to be intimate wheras the occasional romp is sufficient for me. When I was younger and with an ex partner, I wanted to have sex all the time but now I always feel too tired or not in the mood.

rangerr's avatar

@Rachienz I’m still young [we are both in college]. I mean.. it’s fantastic and all, but everyday or even every other day is exhausting.
I think the more it happens, the less desire I have to pounce on him the next time I get in the mood.

YARNLADY's avatar

It’s a lot better with a compatible partner. In my former marriage, we were not compatable in our levels, and it caused a lot of conflict.

Now we are both “on the same page” as the saying goes.

wildpotato's avatar

I am comfortable with my level of sexual desire. I wish I had more. I am not sure how I could mistrust it. It’s not the kind of thing one can mistrust, I think – it is too much intertwined with who we are to have such a perspective. Then again, perhaps someone who has experienced such self-mistrust will tell me differently. Astray of what? My goals? Then no, as my primary goal is to satisfy my desires. I haven’t experienced a sexual impulse, but I don’t imagine it would be dangerous if I did. I’m thinking it would be nice. I can’t miss it, since it’s at it’s highest level so far.

I think I have these feelings because I have observed that different people have different levels of sexual desire, and it seems as though those people who experience it more tend to lead more fulfilled, relaxed, happy lives. I think my feelings are appropriate to the reality of the situation, so I don’t wish they were different in the face of this reality.

Jack79's avatar

I’m pretty happy with my levels. I just wish I had someone to use those urges on so they don’t get wasted ;)

I’ve generally been able to control my impulses when I need to, and also perform as much as my partner would ever need me too, even when those demands could be considered extreme (4+ times a day every day for 3 years for example). I could probably have sex twice a day if my partner wanted me to, but I’d probably only need one to be happy.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I feel pretty good about it….and so does my partner ;)))

Zen_Again's avatar

Oh – It’s there alright. It’s a comfortable level, perhaps leaning to the horny teenager level – but it’s under control. Problem is – no-one to compare levels with.

sleepdoc's avatar

I am comfortable with me level of desire. It is sometimes hard because it doesn’t match my partner’s which leads me to decide to pursue things that I other wise wouldn’t if we were engaging each other sexually as often as I would like. I don’t do anything overly crazy but when I look at it from the perspective that if sex was happening more often I don’t think I would do anything but that.

Sophief's avatar

The older I get, the more desire I get. I really want sex a lot, I think about it all the time.

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