I need some advice. How do I get back into the dating world, without drawing attention to all the crazies?

Attending meetups in things that interest you is a great way to meet people without the baggage of it being “a date” or in a “lets get it on” kind of setting (going to a club/bar, online dating, etc).

The one, Do:look for strong and true Christian men.
And the one, Don’t:settle for boys who do not believe in God

If you want me to explain further because your confused as to why I’m saying this, alone. Then right now is not the time for you to be dating. You should be focusing more on yourself and what your life means. Relationships tend to be more of a distraction from our realities or problems than positive growth and influence on both persons involved. Therefore they become coping mechanisms and we start to feel like we need them. When reality is you do not need a (great, charming, healthy) person to keep you safe and happy. You really need, Jesus. Focus on him and he will guide you to wherever it is you need to go.

I guess I am looking for more of a companionship. I don’t know very many guys that want to date me cause I am a very independent person.
“A woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself. ”
-Susan B. Anthony
My parents taught me that I don’t need a guy to make me happy.

Dating services are artificial and weird. The best way to meet people is to drop the idea of going out and looking for a mate. This is how you find the crazies.

Just do the things you like doing. Then you’ll meet people with similar interests.

I don’t know what kind of back-lash i might possibly get from this but I am a proud supporter of Online Dating. My boyfriend and I met on a site called DatingDNA and we are nothing short of a match made in heaven. Of course this is not always the case!

My roomate was married for 4 years to a “crazy” and has been divorced for about a year now. I suggested he try some online dating sites to slowly wiggle his way back into the dating scene without having a ton of pressure on himself. He has been doing smashingly and recently met a wonderful woman from the eHarmony website.

Some tips I’d have for you would be:
– Be yourself and never ever compromise who you are
– Baby-steps are key to re-entering the “love-scene”, you don’t want to over-whelm yourself ;)
– Listen to that little voice in your head and trust your gut!
– slow and steady, there is no need to rush anything

and of course, have fun! Dating, relationships and love are supposed to be a very enjoyable and fun experience!

I wish you all the best of luck and success in your future relationship(s)! – LB

@HLRE Christianity maybe be a good dating trait for some people but not all.

My grandpa and step grandma met on a dating site. I am young, and I just know that I would be denied on E-Harmony. I know, I tried it once. LOL! I guess my personality is just not “normal.”

What do you do that is so independent? Is it something that can be done with other people? My constant advice is that you should find people doing things you love instead of dating for dating’s sake.

If you are doing something important to you, it is likely that the other people there also think it is important. Perhaps equally important, anyone you meet there will share this same interest.

When you meet someone doing something you love, you have a chance to get to know them first. It is easier to figure out who is crazy and who you want to stay away from that way.

I also don’t know how old you are, but I find it a little strange that you think you want to “get noticed.” It seems to me that an independent woman would be doing the noticing, not sitting there like a flower and hoping someone will see you and like you instead of stepping on you.

The other thing to do is to let your friends set you up. People love to be matchmakers, and you can ask them if they know anyone you might get along with, and then they can invite you both to dinner, and see if something happens.

You need people who come well-recommended, not strangers. You need to have some way of knowing them before you start thinking about dating. If you must meet someone online, use fluther or another social networking site that allows you to have serious discussions before you move on to the stage of expressing a personal interest. There are a lot of interesting people here. Surely some of them have characteristics you are looking for and are also looking?

@daloon I understand what you are saying, but I’ve only been with one person. I guess you could say that I don’t necessarily know how to act. I know that I need to be myself. And I figured out that being myself, scares people at times, don’t know why. Because I am a very interesting person or to me I am. I know that it’s time for me to move on.

@shego being “not normal” is a wonderful thing! My boyfriend and I are two very odd people who found each other and now fuel an even odder relationship! Being “denied” on a dating-site is not necessarily the right way to think about it, being denied by different people jsut means that you are not for them and vice versa.

Put your “feelers” out there and look at this experience from every angle, eventually you will find another person who is not “normal” and as unique as you are in the ways that truly count! – LB

Be less crazy yourself. We’re hardwired to attract and be attracted to the same type of people repeatedly. Figure out — with the help of a professional perhaps — what it is inside you that makes you attractive to the crazies; merely being aware of that quality will enable you to present less of it.

HLRE is right about focusing on yourself, but the Jesus stuff is nonsense. Jesus was the third Alou brother in the Giants outfield.

Start doing new things, that’s how you meet people. For example, you could join a yoga class! (Ok, maybe that’s not the best place to meet straight men, but… you know maybe a community sports team or a book club…). If you do something you really enjoy doing, then the people you meet are more likely to be compatible with you. I always find that the less I’m looking for someone, the more likely I am to have opportunities arise, so don’t freak out about it – just do activities that will enable you to meet more people in general, be open to everyone to you meet (aka, make new friends!) and keep romance the back of your mind. I think it’s intense partner seeking that brings out the crazies. If you take it slow, you’ll be able to figure out who should be avoided before you’re in too deep!

I enjoy going to the theatre, but I think I was born in the wrong century. I love going to balls,(Like the Marine Corps Ball), I love to dress. Yet, I also love watching cartoons, playing, dancing my ass off no matter who sees me. There’s so much more to me than saying that I love long walks on the beach, and I love to cuddle. Don’t get me wrong here, but I love being outgoing, having fun, helping others, I do what I do because I love it.

This may sound awful, but you could peruse the craigslist personals in your area. That’s how I met my SO.
Also, if you are in college or in highschool, you can take engineering or computer science classes (if you are in highschool, take one at the local CC). Those tend to be male-dominant fields and you’re sure turn heads just by setting foot in the classroom.

@holden lol, I tried Craigslist once, and the guy sent me a fake picture. When I went to go and meet him, I thought I was gonna puke. It was my old gym teacher from high school. Thank goodness I had a friend with me.

@shego that is exactly the opposite of a good first date. So sorry. However, don’t let one bad experience ruin the whole idea for you.

Follow your interests. Volunteer with a cause that interests you; lots of charitable organizations have balls as fundraisers, and it takes an army of volunteers to pull those things off.

…...........from my personal experience, whatever you do , don’t use the internet to meet people to date. I had to change my phone number and my job. It was a good arguement for celibacy.

I met my spouse in person at a shop I frequented and he asked me out. still together over a decade later.:)

@shego obviously your parents said something which sounds generally true, but isn’t. From your other post it is apparent that you do need a man to make you happy. And as you rightly described it, companionship. And guess what? Nothing wrong with that, because we all need that special someone.

Which is not to say you cannot survive without a boyfriend. I’ve been without a girlfriend for many months now, and even though it would be nice to have someone around, what I miss about my last girlfriend is not the sex, or the time we spent together, but the ability to talk to her, and the moral support she gave me (and she kept giving even after we broke up for a while). My last girlfriend was more of a friend than a girlfriend. And I think that’s the sort of thing you also need. Not the sex, which I am sure you can get fairly easily. Or the “date time”. But the knowledge that there’s someone there for you. The thought of the guy, more than the guy himself. Though of course physical presence is also important.

Pandora’s advice is the best I can think of when looking for a real companion. It will also help you find someone with good chances of survival, rather than a guy you’ll keep fighting with and split up a couple of months later. And it will also help you meet friends in general, which you should never underestimate, whether you have a boyfriend or not.

5 years is a long time. Whoever you meet now will always be compared to your last (and one and only) boyfriend. Assuming there’s no going back to that relationship, you ought to move on. And rather than looking for the next guy, who I am sure you’ll probably unload a lot of baggage on, you should concentrate on getting closure on the last one. I know this is not the right time, and you have to deal with this depression phase first. No hurries then. You don’t have to replace the old bf straightaway. There’s plenty of guys out there, and thousands that would date you. There’s plenty of time for all that. But get better first.

Dating sites are a good idea for now, not so much to meet people, but to look at different guys and think about what you want. Maybe strike a couple of internet chats for now (from the safety of your own home). I have met several people online, and most of them were wonderful. Not always what I expected, but so far only 2 have been freaks, and one of those was not really that bad if you think about it. Many of the guys you meet online might be fat or bald, but overall there are many who could talk to you and make you feel better for the time being, before you’re ready for a real date with a real guy in your neighbourhood.

Anyway, sorry if this was too long. Good luck, and take it easy. It will all work out in the end :)

Go back to school and take classes in subjects that interest you. That way you will meet with other people who have similar interests to yours.

datingDNA is a good site. users are the screeners for members, and the creators are very involved in maintaining its quality overall. as to meeting in real life, much great advice here. mostly: simply do the things you like to do, with others who like to do them too, and also consider taking some classes at school or whatever. that’s the best, no pressure way to meet people. you’re almost garenteed to meet those who share your interests, you (and they) have time to see who each other is so you don’t have to wonder (so much).