Social Question

Jude's avatar

When in life have you felt most alone?

Asked by Jude (31966 points ) November 10th, 2009

Weird. I’m in the process of moving and making a few changes in my life, and, even though I have family, a girlfriend and good friends, I feel alone. More than I ever have. Not sure why.

When was your time?

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56 Answers

Jude's avatar

oh, and the beer that I’m drinking isn’t helping.

J0E's avatar

Probably will be when I move out.

reacting_acid's avatar

there have been random times in my life where I will be doing something completly ordinary like eating dinner or in the car and I will feel this gut wrenching lonliness. I hate it

DominicX's avatar

I felt pretty alone when beginning college this year. It was also coupled with a pretty severe case of homesickness. Luckily, that isn’t the case anymore, but for a week or two, it was. I didn’t know anybody, my boyfriend was now 200 miles away, I was not used to being away from my family, and it just combined to form a feeling of loneliness and homesickness.

fireinthepriory's avatar

So, I always feel the most alone when I’m moving. If I’m settled down and going home to the same place every night I feel fine, even if I only have a few friends in the place where I’m living. There’s just something about everything I own being in boxes and getting ready to switch where I’m going to be sleeping every night that is unsettling and makes me feel lonely. Maybe you, too?

eponymoushipster's avatar

it’s ‘cause we haven’t met in person. i pretty much bring joy and fulfillment to all i meet.

J0E's avatar

@DominicX I haven’t moved out yet but I hear the first couple weeks aren’t great.

Jude's avatar

@fireinthepriory That’s what I’m thinking. That, and I haven’t met epony, yet…~ ;-)

DominicX's avatar

@J0E

It was one of those things where I was excited at first to be a freshman in the dorms and all this new stuff was cool, but after that, I started feeling really homesick and it just felt so weird being here; I just wanted to be back in SF, even though I’m not too far from it and I had been here many times before. I’m totally used to it now, though, but I’m still excited about going back home for thanksgiving. :)

PretentiousArtist's avatar

When I was making fishcakes
Smash it up
Smash it up

lostinyoureyes's avatar

It’s okay to feel alone sometimes because you know that you’re actually not right?
Some people really don’t have anyone and live in loneliness constantly. Transitions are difficult but sounds like you have people that love you.

five99one's avatar

Here is when I felt most alone: 2 months prior my friend killed himself, the day before I had a big argument with my best friend, which ended with him saying he might not be able to forgive me, and that day I moved into college, away from my family and closest friends.

Iclamae's avatar

I moved to a brand new state a gajillion miles away from my family with my boyfriend. He started grad school but I didn’t have anything to start yet. His busy-ness, the lack of friends in a new environment, the lack of family support close at hand, and my own absence of work made me incredibly lonely and depressed. I had to find something to occupy my time like drawing more and biking more to get me out of it.

adri027's avatar

Once, when I was in a abusive relationship.

fireinthepriory's avatar

@jmah I bet you’ll be fine after the move. Especially if you get epony to help you unpack! :)

Ack, I’m getting moving flashbacks, I’ve done it 4 times in the past three years. All your things in boxes… your house looking all bare… begging help from friends to move it all… knowing that when you wake up you probably won’t be able to cook eggs because you packed all your frying pans and how on earth are you supposed to wake up without eggs…! I’m gonna have to do it again sometime this summer, too. But it’ll all be over soon!

hug_of_war's avatar

When I dropped out of college and moved home. No one really understood why I did it. I felt like such a disappoint, but even now I’m glad I did it, and tthe loneliness ddn’t lasst forever.

dpworkin's avatar

Now, kind of. I think it’s because my fiancee lives in a different city, as do my younger kids, and my older kids are scattered, and in school none of my classmates ever talk to me because I am so much older than they are.

Jude's avatar

@fireinthepriory Yeah, the place is looking rather bare. I’ve left the essentials (muchly needed items) ‘til the last, though. Check out my avatar. I’ve got a kitteh who’s helping with the moving process. I really do want to get this over with and feel settled again. You’re right.

fireinthepriory's avatar

@jmah Kittyyyy!! Too frigging cute. My kitty is yelling at me for not spending enough time with her right now. She’s very needy. But on the plus side, I always get greeted by excited meowing when I come home! :)

nxknxk's avatar

The first few weeks of college. The fortunate part of feeling alone at this time, though, is that everyone else feels the same way. For this reason it is very easy to attach to other people and vice versa. A dependency is formed radpily, especially by those farther from home. At least that’s how it was here.

I also feel lonely when I return home for the summer. I don’t talk to anyone from high school and I don’t ‘get out’ much and there are young kids all up and down my street and it kind of highlights the loneliness, you know.

But that’s about it.

MacBean's avatar

@pdworkin: Aww. I’d be your friend if I had classes with you. My best college friend was more than twice my age. I love older people who are going to school because you know they’re not there just because it’s the next step they’re “supposed” to take.

____________________________________

I feel alone most of the time and I think I have since my grandmother died when I was nine years old. I think the most alone I’ve ever felt, though, is ,,, now, I guess. Pretty soon I have to have a second brain surgery and it’s making me feel so isolated. There are a few people who are trying to be supportive but… honestly? They kind of make me feel even worse because no matter how hard they try, they still just don’t quite get it.

dpworkin's avatar

(I’m around 40 years older than they are. I can see their point.)

Facade's avatar

Now, for several reasons. Hopefully that will be changing soon.

filmfann's avatar

I moved into my own apartment in March, 1979. In December, I put up a Christmas tree, and heavily decorated it. In January, I took it down, and realized that I was the only person who saw it.

Jude's avatar

Would love it if the MacBean would make it to 10K. Almost there. :)

Blondesjon's avatar

Friday. November 6, 2009. 3:37 am.

holden's avatar

@pdworkin you should start bringing candy to school in your trenchcoat pockets, and offer them some between classes. That’s a good way to make friends.

aprilsimnel's avatar

The summer I turned 12. I felt trapped where I was living at the time; I felt I had no one to turn to for help in the situation I was in and I had no friends.

wundayatta's avatar

Oddly, I feel quite alone at the moment. There are things I desperately need to talk about, but none of my friends is available to talk about it. If I can’t vent about it… I have no idea what might happen. Sometimes I can’t believe how stupid I am, falling into the same trap, over and over again. They should take away my license to step outside da loon bin.

Blondesjon's avatar

@daloon . . . you can pm me. dig?

holden's avatar

Jests aside, the time I felt most alone in my life was the night of December 1, 2008.

wildpotato's avatar

Middle school. My friends didn’t really get me, they were just the people I sat with at lunch while I read my book. I was glad to move away from that place. High school was much better.

@J0E The first few weeks of dorm life were paradise for me. But then, I hated living at my parents’ house, so that makes sense in my case. I imagine it would have been hard if I had enjoyed my pre-college life at all.

@pdworkin Maybe your school is way different, but here at the NS I have always thought that the older adults in class are intriguing, and wanted to chat with them. If only because if they’re here now, they must have some pretty interesting reasons for it. I’ve never talked to most of them only because they tend to vanish at the end of class much more quickly than everyone else. I really don’t think the age difference need be a bar to friendship – the only good friend the captain and I have made here in the city, since I moved in last year, is a 60-year old man and his 50ish wife. It’s about shared interests – we all like partying, cooking, and tv. All of which is to say, maybe put yourself out there a bit more (if you’re not already – sorry if I’m making an unwarranted assumption here). I’d totally go for a drink and some psych chat with you!

ubersiren's avatar

I was in a pretty depressed state for a year after “The worst day ever” as I call it. I came home from a trip with some friends (which was a horror in itself) to find that I was being kicked out by my boyfriend and that my grandmother had died (which the boyfriend was instructed to tell me but chose not to and instead just broke up with me, gave me a deadline to get my stuff out, and drove away). It wasn’t until I showed up at my mom’s door with all my stuff that I was told she died.

Anyway, I slept on my sister’s bedroom floor for almost a month while my two best friends fixed up a room for me to sleep in at their house. That was probably the loneliest month. It got better after I moved in with my besties, but I was still far from ok. It actually wasn’t until this last year or two (5 years later) that I’ve felt like I belonged in the world again. Now, it’s a different world, though. I think I’m in a different place, and not just because I was dumped and lost a family member, but I think I’ve been let down by the world in many ways. I often feel lonely, bitter and sad. I’m so thankful that I have the best husband in the world to keep me sane.

That ended up being longer than expected. Feels nice to say it sometimes.

holden's avatar

@ubersiren wow, your boyfriend was a scumbag. :(

ubersiren's avatar

@holden : Yes. Yes, he was. It took me a long time to realize that he was the one with the problem.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

When my mom died I felt alone. I’m an only child & I was just kind of left alone, I felt. That’s silly, but I did. I had my family, of course, but it didn’t seem to be enough.

ratboy's avatar

When I was medicated and all the voices in my head were silent.

smack's avatar

standing in the shower, one month after my ex had broken up with me. the water was pouring down, and i realized that this was the only time i could cry, now. (i had been crying at least twice every day, sometimes even during class.) everyone else expected me to be moved-on by that point. so i cried. i cried because everyone had stopped wanting to help me, i cried because i couldn’t help myself, i cried because the only person in the entire world that i had ever trusted enough to help me was gone, forever, and would never come back.

yeah, that’s probably when i felt most alone.

EDIT:
wow, can’t believe i forgot this. definitely when a huge rumor went around my middle school that i was in a relationship with a teacher. i literally had no friends, spent most of my time crying in my room, never had a partner when we picked them in class. i’d say the best part was when i walked into my homeroom and literally every single conversation stopped because they were all about me. aaand nothing i could do could convince anyone of the truth. to this day, people still talk about it. (i’m in college now!)

loser's avatar

Right now.

smack's avatar

@DominicX i felt the exact same way! the first five days were so exciting, but then homesickness hit me like a brick to the stomach. i go to school in virginia and i live in massachusetts, so it was really hard at first. i loveee it here now, but i am very excited to go home for thanksgiving too :)

rangerr's avatar

@loser me too.

Right now.
The only other time I’ve been so out of it was when my best friend committed suicide my 10th grade year.. but that pain isn’t as bad as this.

Lorenita's avatar

Right now too..

YARNLADY's avatar

My entire K – 12 school experience. I felt so alone in school, and even the support of my loving, extended family did not help.

augustlan's avatar

In the most serious way, during all of my childhood. I literally had no one to turn to for protection and comfort. Once I moved past that, though, it’s been just about every time I’ve had a major depression. It’s just so hard sometimes to see that things are not as bleak as we think, and we are not as alone as we feel. @everyone who is feeling alone right now… we care. {hugs}

MacBean's avatar

@jmah: I’m getting scared. <hides!>

Jude's avatar

@MacBean, itsa comin’ =D

Psychedelic_Zebra's avatar

@MacBean I want to watch you get to 10K.

MacBean's avatar

@Psychedelic_Zebra omfg, there it is…

ubersiren's avatar

Ahhhh, look at all the lonely people… :(

MacBean's avatar

@ubersiren Where do they all come from? D:

Christian95's avatar

when I walk in rain to school because that’s the time when I think to all the bad things that happened to me

Grisaille's avatar

When my pops was diagnosed with a rather serious medical condition. Didn’t really have people to talk to, was sent to live with my very strict and orderly ret. USMC Grandpa and had no contact with my immediate family. Friends were no where in sight (miles and miles away), life was forced to begin anew – a reboot I was not at all prepared to handle. The loneliness and anguish led to anger, however. From that anger came a sense of purpose and strength.

I’ve lost that sense of purpose, strength and general direction in the past few months. Put me on the lonely boat with all you miserable jerks.

Irishmar's avatar

This Christmas.

CaRbOnPrOdUcTwo's avatar

@Irishmar I feel ya. Me too. ;+

Zen_Again's avatar

Towards the end of my marriage.

SABOTEUR's avatar

The day I was released from the psych ward, I returned home to find that while I was gone, the wife had backed the U-Haul up, taken everything (but a few dishes and a note), and vamoosed with the kids to our hometown, 583 miles away. The note read:

“Send money when you can.”

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