General Question

Brenna_o's avatar

How do you know who you are?

Asked by Brenna_o (1729 points ) November 12th, 2009

I have had three years of my life ruined by guys.. Dont really want to go into all the details it would take all day.
So I was wondering how did you find out who you are and what makes you, you? Do you just figure it out as time passes or is there something you did to find out who you are and what makes you tick? How did you get to the person you are today? What makes you yourself?
What do you suggest I do to find out the person I am and the person I should be?
I am only 16 and I would like to know who I am before I graduate..
Any suggestions would be appreciated.

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36 Answers

OutOfTheBlue's avatar

@Brenna_o If you are really interested, get ready to find out, because you are ready to find yourself it sounds like..

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

The surest way to find yourself is to stop looking so hard.

Brenna_o's avatar

@OutOfTheBlue what do you mean?

OutOfTheBlue's avatar

It’s hard to explain i guess, but i found that when i hit that stage in life and was wondering the same thing you are, i just let go and found myself. For me it was when i was single and actually needed to find myself for me not for anyone else.

eponymoushipster's avatar

my name is written on the inside of my boxers.

h3ll0kitty7990's avatar

1st i want to start by saying im 19 ive ran into these kinds of problem but hun dont worry about growing up too fast (time will go by quick) you shouldnt depend on guys to make you happy, first you need to be sure and happy with yourself before making anyone else happy(in my opinion) also youll know when youve found yourself once your completely confident and happy with yourself and can care less what other people think about you. alot of people think im weird because of my style but i like the way i am and im happy so whats it to me what someone else thinks;-) make the advice a wise women once told me

Mat74UK's avatar

Be Yourself, By Yourself, Find Yourself! Mat74UK 13/11/09

Judi's avatar

My daughters committed to doing 6 months, no boyfriends, no dating. That’s a long time in High School time. It helped them get away from that, “get a guy,” “impress a guy,” “what is he thinking” mentality and figure out what was really important to them.

ninjacolin's avatar

“you” is everything that you happen to remember.
you aren’t anything else.

need i say more?

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

It’s no great effort to find out who you are when you stop trying to be someone else.

holden's avatar

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

I “found out” who I was when I started putting myself in challenging, controversial positions.

Dog's avatar

Just as you You climb mountains by stepping forward.
You find yourself through your deeds. You define your character by looking out not in. You discover your beauty by seeing it in others.

Instead of seeking yourself, seek to make a difference around you.

That is when you will know yourself.

tinyfaery's avatar

We are in a constant state of becoming. Who do want to be?

Now go out and do it. And if that doesn’t work out then go be something else.

OutOfTheBlue's avatar

@tinyfaery There comes a time when you need to be centered regardless of what you are.

tinyfaery's avatar

Speak for yourself.

OutOfTheBlue's avatar

@tinyfaery What if dont want to?

kellylet's avatar

Read the book 20 something, 20 everything by Christine Hassler. It’s a self help book filled with difficult, self defining questions. There are also other “get to know you” style books that if you ask those questions of yourself can be revealing.

Remember YOU (or I) is always evolving with every experience.

While I am all for goals, “by the time I graduate” may not be realistic.

Try meditating and practice listening to your inner voice and follow your intuition. It’s not always easy but finding self means not looking outward for the answers. Feel confident that you have all the best answers for yourself.

shego's avatar

girly, you are too young to worry about that. I understand that this is the time, when you start the path. But you are way too young to depend on guys. I agree with @Mat74UK you need to be yourself.
You will always be finding out about yourself all the time. I am 22, and I find new things everyday. You will know who you are, and what you are about soon.

Haroot's avatar

You got a LONG road in front of you. You’re always going to be constantly changing so it’s kind of hard to define yourself. Don’t bother trying. Words can’t really define a person, only actions.

What you need to do is enjoy life. Do what you enjoy. Have fun with friends. Don’t worry about the future. As long as you do that, it will seem clear to you eventually.

The past is a big brick wall and the future is constantly changing. Life for the moment and enjoy the present.

faye's avatar

I’m 55 and still figuring it out!

wildpotato's avatar

I am impressed by this question. It’s not often that one hears such a coherent and sensitive thought from one so young.

To the answer: I think that finding out who you are is a process, because the thing that you are is a process. Selves are processes. We continually take in and incorporate everything we perceive. I imagine the self as something resembling this: a constant coming-together; a gathering-incorporation of everything that means something into my self.

I got to be the person that I am today in virtue of my experience. Nothing in particular makes me myself. I don’t believe in essences. I describe myself as being a particular way, and strive to act in that way because of my choice of that self-description.

I’d suggest reading a lot in order to find out who you are.

kerbear1786's avatar

You can’t just pick up a book and ‘find out who you are’. Life wouldn’t be worth living if it was that easy. Finding yourself comes from experiences both good and bad. Enjoying the good and learning from the bad. You’re 16, the right guy will come along when you least expect it but when you are most ready for it. Just live your life.

jonsblond's avatar

Do what is right for you without worrying about what others will think of you.

That’s when you’ll know.

Judi's avatar

My son wrote a song that addresses your question. I can’t figure out how to link you directly to the song, but here is his myspace page and look for the song, “The Road.”

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

You’re going to change so many more times in your life. You’re only 16. The experiences you have and things you have to go through will shape who you become in the future. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to find out who you are. Some people go their whole life without ever really knowing.

Psychedelic_Zebra's avatar

Smartass answer: My wife doesn’t scream when she rolls over to give me a morning kiss.

Serious answer: It took me a very long time to figure out who I am. I surely didn’t know it at 16, or 26 and by the time I was 36, I was getting close. At 49, I have a pretty good idea, and sometimes, I like that guy and sometimes, I don’t.

shego's avatar

@Brenna_o you will have an idea outline of who you are, but the details are always changing.

qashqai's avatar

Step 1: I take my armani jacket and pick my pocket.
Step 2: I look inside my credit cards holder.
Step 3: I take my Amex platinum and use it as a mirror.

rooeytoo's avatar

I am a work in progress. I am not at all the same person today that I was when I was 16, I am not even the same person today that I was yesterday.

So I would say stop worrying about defining yourself because that limits you to the definition. Just live each day of your life as fully as you can and see what happens.

PooperDood's avatar

Just BEE youself and it will all come naturally. That’s what I did. Good luck finding that inner you?!?!? :|

OutOfTheBlue's avatar

One thing to remember is, it’s always nice finding out “WHO” you are rather than what you are!

@Psychedelic_Zebra At 25 I knew it all, at 30 i still know nothing LOL

Cupcake's avatar

I agree with @tinyfaery.
You’re young. Look at people you respect – what qualities do you respect about them?
Picture yourself in the future – what good qualities do you have in the future that you want to develop?
Look at what you like, what interests you and what you’re good at.
Decide what kind of person you want to be.
Become that person.

Constantly reevaluate.
Constantly grow.
Consistently be you – don’t be different in different groups.
Be grateful.

Harp's avatar

Discovering who you are isn’t, as so many seem to think, a matter of figuring out what sets you apart from everything else. It’s the process of recognizing yourself in everything.

Psychedelic_Zebra's avatar

@OutOfTheBlue wait til you hit 45, bub, then you’ll wonder who stole your life and hijacked your brain.

Silhouette's avatar

I ask myself the hard questions and I answer myself with the ugly truth.

faye's avatar

What a 1970 question!! We spent hours, hours contemplating this! Then we had sex.

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