Social Question

madsmom1030's avatar

How do you keep the spice in your relationship/marriage?

Asked by madsmom1030 (1023 points ) November 20th, 2009

My SO and I don’t have any problems in this area just interested in what other people do because you can never have too many creative ideas. Thought this would be a fun question to lay out there. My SO might even show up and answer the question. (blushing)

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21 Answers

poofandmook's avatar

Every time I get down about being long distance, I bake and/or crochet something and send him a care package. It perks me up every time :)

Narl's avatar

oooh! Great question. My husband and I have no spice left, so hopefully you get some good answers!

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

One of the neatest most stirring things an SO did was to stop us in front of a mirror or glass window and make me look long enough to smile and be in the moment. That thing used to make me feel very wanted, appreciated and real I always got kind of turned on after, dunno. ;)

rooeytoo's avatar

It depends on what sort of spice you are think about. At our age, we are mostly sugar and maybe nutmeg, with just a dash of chili thrown in now and again!

We do most everything together, our day starts with walking the dogs for an hour or so and that is when we chat about what happened yesterday and what might happen today. I love that time of day (so do the dogs). We both work 7 days a week but we often will have a skype chat on and off during the day. In the evening we usually cook together, watch a bit of telly and fall asleep.

Hehehehe, it is a good life, but not particularly spicy!!!

PapaLeo's avatar

@rooeytoo Our life sounds like yours! At any rate, reading your post felt very comfortable.

growler's avatar

Pretend you don’t know each other and try going on a date as if it’s your first. Hilarity is sure to ensue, though that may not be the spice you’re looking for.

rooeytoo's avatar

@PapaLeo – Thank you and there is a lot to be said for comfortable!

jonsblond's avatar

My husband and I have been together for 18 years now. We have Fluthered together since last December and I must say that it has added a little spice to our marriage. It’s nice to come across a question that one of us has answered and see something loving or flirtatious that we have said about the other. It’s like finding a little love note that your SO has left to surprise you with.

ubersiren's avatar

Going on dates every few weeks definitely helps refresh us as a couple. It’s nice to be ubersiren and Justin instead of mommy and daddy. Also, I’ve learned that sacrifice is rewarding to all. For example, I might not be particularly in the mood for sex, but if he is really raring to go, then of course I’ll oblige. It makes me happy to make him happy, and often, it puts me in the mood when I least expect it. And this goes for anything- making a dinner that he likes, even though I’m not crazy about it. He will watch movies that I like, even though they’re not his kind of flick. Stuff like that. It makes the giver feel good for giving, and the receiver feel good for getting something and knowing the other cares so much.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

We’ve been together for about 2 and a half years – the spice is always there so I haven’t felt the need yet to think outside the box to ‘bring it back’ – I’m sure there will come a time, maybe

cookieman's avatar

We’ve been together twenty-one years and our “spice” tends to come unexpectedly.

We’ve tried planned dates or weekends away, and while they’re nice – they always feel forced. Not very fun.

Often we’ll be doing something mundane (putting away groceries) and just catch each other’s eye – next thing you know we’re making out against the fridge. That’s fun.

usually my daughter will walk around the corner and mutter, “uh…heLLO?!”

laureth's avatar

Married 2.5 years. Don’t lack spice yet. But I do notice that we get more jars of spice open and mixed up simply by going to a motel on vacation. It’s like, we’re away from home, there are more props, and nobody knows us. Have at!

Psychedelic_Zebra's avatar

We have been together almost thirty years, married for twenty of them. Creativity in the bedroom is always fun. Role playing and sex toys. you should see me in a black miniskirt and thigh high leather boots, with my whip, I’m HAWT!!! }:^0

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I will back up what @laureth has written about going out of town to stay in a hotel/motel. During the most positive relationship I’ve had, we did make a point to go out of town each month even if it was just for two days or overnight. Something about being away from your home, your city lifts some stress and takes you out of routine to where you can really focus on each other.

madsmom1030's avatar

We try to go to a different bed and breakfast every month. It is so nice to get away from the house for a night or two. a break from hearing mom! all the time and not seeing stuff i need to do around the house. extremely relaxing.

noraasnave's avatar

I have a very obvious answer: Deploy to Afghanistan! I would suggest this to any couple. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, Madsmom1030 and I have grown even closer during my deployment, Fluther has been a small part of that both when we first met and were getting to know each other and now that I am deployed.

This deployment has definitely addeds spice, just look at our other questions.

I agree with my soul mate as well of course: Bed and Breakfasts are perfect for romantic get-a-way. They aren’t that expensive for a nice place to sleep and a meal, the people that facilitate the B&B usually know all the attractions in the area as well, so when planning the day at breakfast they alway have helpful suggestion that we pick and choose from. B&B are setup in beautiful places as well so it appeals to the beautiful one in the group.

Another really spicy idea is to grow as a couple, not just together, but grow as individuals. It is very stimulating to share what we are learning in the different areas we are learning about, whether the source is a college class I am taking or a book that one of us is reading, the conversation never stops, and it is very stimulating for both sides.

hope this helps!

Violet's avatar

TOYS, porn, new positions, sex how-to books. Go to your local adult store together and buy at least one thing (vibrator, bondage equipment, etc)

Response moderated
MarcoNJ's avatar

Well, being married to my High School sweetheart for 14 years now…I would say the key is to talk. Talk about all kinds of things. Whatever the hell interests either of you, it doesn’t matter, just keep conversation engaging. It’s so easy to get caught up in routine, and the same ol “How was work, babe?”. Before you know it, your marriage is dull as hell.

Obviously sex, teasing, public affection, common interests, etc…all contribute to a spicier relationship as well. But I would place most of my chips on conversation. Mind sex. Try it, it works.

XYZZYtja's avatar

Im not that old yet, and I have never missed spice before, I also do not have a girlfriend, but someone special caught my eye… You knowing that about me, I will now say my thoughts about the subject.

I think a great way is talking about sex on the phone with your SO, you can do this allmost anywhere, call them at work (make sure nobody hears you though), and tell your SO what you are going to do with him/her when you get home…(sex related things ofcource) I’m sure this will spice it up, since you can’t wait to get home, and the person who is home, can’t wait when you get home, this is a thing I will do gladly when I miss the spice.

I don’t know if it was very helpfull, it was just a simple idea.

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