What makes someone valued?

I think everyone is valuable is some way. However as you said we like some more than others. I think that the people who really deserve our trust and friendship are the ones who show they can be trusted and loved. If someone is really cold and angry then are we likely to befriend them? Probably not. Although I’m not saying that they can’t be loved and whatnot I just think it takes more to love them and trust them. For me anyone who is honest, open, respectful, and loving deserves my friendship and respect. Those four things are basically what makes some people more lovable then others in my opinion.

I’ve always been of the opinion that simply being makes people of value. Their words and deeds can make them lose that, though.

Memories memories memories!
Memory is like branding a cattle, whatever memories you’re left with of an individual equates their value.

For example, you may never remember Bob until one day when you remember you need a new car and some friendly guy you met named Bob 2 years ago owned a car dealership.

Nothing makes us deserving of love or trust or friendship. We love others or we don’t, and it has nothing to do with their worth in any objective sense. It has only to do with how important you are to me. If I love you, or care for you, then you are deserving.

I, on the other hand, never feel deserving. I have not learned the lesson in the above paragraph. I know this is bullshit—the way I feel. On an intellectual level, I know that there are people who love me, and the fact that they love me means I deserve that love.

But there is something in me that keeps on denying that truth. Something in me feels like a fraud—like people don’t see the real me. If they did, then surely they wouldn’t love me. So I try hard to show people how undeserving I am, while at the same trying to be the most caring and loving person I can be. I feel like I am privileged to serve others; to be allowed to love others.

My heart feels open to all, although I don’t always follow my heart. I make priorities about who I can support or love in a more active way. I do not take in every stray cat, even though I want to.

It’s pretty odd how I can have these two opinions at the same time—that others are inherently deserving of my love, and that I should try to help those with problems—but that I am some kind of fraud of a human being, and I don’t deserve a wife; two wonderful children; a house; a good job.

In the end, what I think unifies those ideas is that you are deserving of love only if you believe you are. It’s not something anyone else can place on you. It’s only something you can allow to happen if you are kind to yourself.

I know that, and yet I persistently inhabit this cage of my own creation. Which makes me even sicker of myself than I was before. I carry a burden that I wish I could escape, even though I know there is no escape. I carry this burden inside me and because I won’t let it go, I continually punish myself in a way that would shock people if I did it to anyone else.

Choose wisely. Choose to love yourself. You really don’t want to be like me.

Fact is, @daloon.. even if you’re totally right and not deserving any love or good things ever.. you can live your whole life never thinking about it. I mean, you don’t have a responsibility to think about it or post about it.

cool, huh?

what you deserve doesn’t matter. all that matters is what you have.

Deserving has nothing to do with you getting the love, trust or friendship- those are borne of choice.

I choose friendships based on the positive I feel is reciprocal between myself and others, same with trust. Love is the wild card because I can develop feelings of love even if I suspect they may not be returned, those love feelings are tougher to reason away.

@ninjacolin You are quite right about living my life without thinking about it. It would be cool indeed, if I managed to pull off that trick.

But I don’t pull off that trick, and so I get headaches when I do think about it, which tends to happen whenever there’s a question like this that I can’t resist.

I was raised on the belief of earning everything you get. I never knew if my parents loved me. To this day. I think they still find me to be some extension of themselves, despite the fact that I have failed in their expectations (which they never told me).

This idea of deserving by earning is built into my genes. I’m not using hyperbole, either. I don’t think this is just a psychological issue. I think there is something in my genes that causes me to behave this way. So there, Mr. @ninjacolin—put that in your pipe (metaphorical) and smoke it!

lol, well, how undeservedly fortunate it is for you that my beliefs about your genes are reflective of reality, while yours are not. :)

just because you are resigned to your beliefs, doesn’t mean that they hold any merit whatsoever. it doesn’t mean that it must be genetic either.

you just have a bad “habit” in my sense of the word. do we have to bet money on this or what?

All that we value brings something into our lives – that includes people.

We care for certain people because we feel a connection with them. People we love, trust, and think of as a friend are valuable to us because we feel emotionally connected to them. They have value to us, not necessarily to anyone else. Like @hungryhungryhortence stated, it does not have anything to do with being deserving.