Is the way our children turn out, more to do with the subliminal messages we send them through our actions rather than what we say to them and tell them?

This question is based on the fundamental premise that determinism is true and that all actions have an effect and consequently, specifically on our children.

After having got frustrated with Theo this morning for not being satisfied with one chocolate out of the advent calendar, I began thinking about why he was ‘ungrateful’ (as I called him silently in my mind) and why he got mad when he couldn’t have more and more to the point why I expect different behaviour from him and got angry like I did.

I came to the conclusion that it’s not unreasonable to expect him to learn to be grateful for sufficiency and that we can’t just go eating loads and loads of chocolate, and also that one chocolate a day will ensure he can look forward to a treat every day for the next month.

However, in all my wisdom I realised that I too often want to eat lots of chocolate and do (at weekends) munch my way through 3 or 4 (and the rest) chocolates at one sitting and that I too am not always grateful and cannot always see the beauty of sufficiency. So I don’t wholly hold and act out this belief. What I SAY really isn’t some of the time what I do.

Therefore (and rather a long winded way of saying it) I wondered how much of what we say has any affect at all on our children in comparison to what we do? Are we fighting a losing battle trying to lecture them? Should we always look at our own behaviour and practise a little more compassion and understanding when our little angels start to “kick off”?