How can I help my friend spiraling out of control?

Drugs change people, so therefore to being with she is NOT the same person, its her but changed.

The best I can tell you is to have SERIOUS talk with her DO NOT baby her or feed her cycle and try your best to get her into a drug rehab a program anything of that nature, once you get addicted thats it, your in the cycle and addicted for life.

This battle will now go on for the rest of her life, its one big cycle.

Remember you can TRY to HELP her, but you can not change at the end of day she has to do this.

I have family who I loved dear who have gone down paths that I would not have believed if I had not experienced myself.

I am not saying its hopeless, but you need to approach this realistic and see it for what it is.

Also just to add I don’t know what area you live in but Iam sure there are some hotline numbers or the such to help you out or least offer more advice.

There is a show called Loveline with Dr.Drew you might even give the radio show a call he was did Celebrity Rehab and is a drug addiction specialist , even give it a listen for yourself you will learn some things.

anyways…good luck, if anything if she has kids try to help them out there going to need it.

She needs help you can’t give her, i.e. rehab. But maybe you could get and family involved and have an intervention for her. Something must be troubling her.

Based on watching many, many episodes of “Intervention,” my understanding is that the unfortunate reality is that she is going to have to hit some kind of bottom that is painful enough to make her want to seek sobriety. That bottom can be created by her circumstances as her addiction progresses naturally, or it can be created via a structured and guided confrontation between her and her most significant loved ones and friends (with an interventionist present).

You have to understand that her behavior toward you is now passing through the filter of her addiction. She’s lying to you and will continue to lie until you are able to break through her denial and defensiveness. So, one step is you learning to see those behaviors as the addiction talking. Another step is not getting sucked in by those crazymaking behaviors.

Heroin is a godawful drug to leave and most addicts fail numerous times before they get clean for good. Before you do anything to try and help her, do your best to learn the difference between helping and enabling. If you give her money, take her in, feed her, etc, she will continue to use, and she will continue so long as anyone gives her handouts.

I’m very sorry to hear about this happening to you and to your friend. I do hope she gets better.

Something is making her do this, and only by going at the heart of the problem will you make her stop. If she knows that drugs are not healthy, then there is no reason why she would take it. Involve your family in this, and ask her to try rehab. Rehab is hard to stomach, but I think the rewards you reap in the end (having a life completely free of drugs) is worth it

How well do you know her family and other close friends of hers?

As suggested above, an organized intervention wiith as many of those closest to her as possible is your best shot.

The confrontation is not hostile. It is done in a loving but very firm manner. I’m sure there are other people in her life have also spoken to her about her addiction, but there is a powerful wall of denial that addicts build up. But there is a difference about a whole roomful of people who love the addict all joined together in a common purpose that may be what it takes to get am addict to the place where they are willing to seek treatment.

But I did say “may”. If she is of legal age, no one (other than the court system) can force her.

Do as much research as you possibly can on the net and library on the subject of intervention. You could even try going to some Al-Anon or Narc-Anon meetings and pick peoples brains a little on treatment centers, reputable interventionists, and ways to finance treatment available on your area.

Then see who else among her friends and family are willing to get on board with this.

That would be the best way of hopefully getting a positive result. Or, you can just decide to cease contact with her because until she goes through rehab and begins living a sober lifestyle, the plain fact is that you are no longer dealing with the friend you knew. You are dealing with the drug. HER priorities have changed. Getting her drug(s) is the only thing that matters and she will lie and use anyone to accomplish this.

I wish the best for you. It’s not an easy thing to deal with.

BTW. The two groups I mentioned are not for addicts but rather for friends and family of addicts, just so you don’t feel hesitant to go. To find out the closest location of a group for yourself, you can just find a local number for AA.
They will have a complete listing of all groups (not just the ones for addicts) in the area.

There you will find many understanding folks who are all going through the same thing as you are with their own friend or family member.

This is really sad. All those intervention shows are sad because they show greater failures and destroyed relationships than positive outcomes. Addicts lie. And lie. And lie. No matter how much you care and how much they care about you, the addiction will come first. She’ll break your heart, she’ll let you down countless times. Every time you think she wants to try or appears to be doing well, chances are she’s high and maybe believes herself… for a short while. Even if she hits bottom and seeks help on her own, the chances are slim much will come of it.

With an addict, the lights are on but no one is home. They change. They lie. They hide everything. (I should know)

What to do? There’s not an easy answer to this. There never is. They have to want to change- and they have to be the one to do it. You cannot ‘change’ them. This isn’t about you- it’s about them so don’t own their pain, lies or what they do.

Tell them you are worried. Leave judgement at the door. Leave their friends out of it (it will just make them shut down). Keep the discussion about how you love them, know they are a good person but just struggling. Offer to help them get into a program or NA.

If they refuse- then let it go. They will change when they hit bottom. They may never hit bottom and may never change. You cannot own their choice so be careful to keep your emotions guarded. Don’t support their habits by loaning them money, letting them live with you or giving them rides. Take them out for dinner but don’t buy groceries- they can be used to barter for drugs (and they will be).

Get help for yourself. This isn’t your problem yet you’re going to probably want help dealing with the emotional pain of watching a loved one go through drug addiction. Find your emotional/spiritual base and cling tight to it.

At the end of the day, it’s their choice to change. All you can do is choose how you will react to it.

Ten years of therapy in one night… so they say. I recommend you learn about Ibogaine at http://ibogaine-therapy.net/ and at least you know what might most probably save your friend. The establishment (traditional clinics) have no interest in this. Really caring people just might. My three cents. All the best!

@rexpresso: a friend of mine sent me an ibogaine link and I’ve been very curious about it, I’d love to hear if anyone has gone to a country that offers this treatment and has been successful. I showed the link to an addict I know, even bookmarked it on their computer for a rainy day if they ever want to look into it and give it a go. Watching people you care about and love crash & burn is gutwrenching and there’s no way around not feeling like some days they just don’t give a damn about you.

Does anyone know of any long term follow up studies on this method?

I’m not sure if it’s the exact same drug or not, but there are rapid detox places here in the US.

I have no doubt that this could handle the PHYSICAL symptoms of detox. But detox and rehabilitation/sobriety are vastly different. It would be nice to think that such a shortcut would do the trick, but that’s not usually the way real life works.

This is a difficult, sad situation. Go to Narc-Anon to learn about what not to do and how to separate yourself from your friend’s problem while being supportive in a positive way.

Also, tell her that you will be there for her if she wants to get off drugs.

Tak care of yourself too. This is stressful.

just a side note.. don’t believe any of the “you can’t change them” stuff. the people in her life are the ones that she’s going to eventually want to change for. just by following all the good advice here and the good advice you’re about to learn.. you will contribute to changing her.

interventions don’t work on the principal that others can’t change a person. they work because others get very involved in an intelligent way to effect changes in the victim of addiction.

i think people want to remove “guilt” feelings from friends and family who aren’t able to coerce positive change but it sends a mixed message. and it’s true, if you are unable to coerce a person to change positively, it really isn’t your fault. why? because you were “unable”.. like anything, you simply have to do your best. Eventually, either one or a combination of your efforts, we don’t know which one or how many it will take.. but eventually, your efforts will have an impact and change will happen in her as a result.

Getting her to really believe that she never has to lie to you and that you are available to her as a friend (not for money or senseless drama) seems like an important milestone to reach.