Social Question

SmellyBoy's avatar

How soon is too soon to say I love you?

Asked by SmellyBoy (242 points ) December 4th, 2009

So I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 months, and I was thinking about this the other day. In the past I feel that I’ve dropped the “L-Bomb” a little too early with previous girlfriends. It’s not that they seemed to mind, I just feel like maybe I said it before it was really true. Now, I’m all about the love, and I feel like there’s nothing wrong with expressing that. I think it’s important to in relationships, but I’m a little hesitant to say it this time. I was thinking about waiting for her to say it to me. The thought process would be that if she’s ready to say it to me, then that’s all I need to jump into it. Is it the guy’s job to say it first though? What do you guys think, wait for her to say it or say it when I feel like it?

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23 Answers

J0E's avatar

Before you know their name.

beautifulbobby193's avatar

It depends on much time you spend together and how you feel together. Personally any time I have said it, it has been met with a big sigh of relief from the other person, so don’t leave it too long. A lot of women will hold back until the guy says it first.

Likeradar's avatar

It’s no one’s job to say it first.

If you think you’ve said it before it was true before, how do you know it’s different this time? I agree that people should express love when they feel it, but it’s not fair to you or to her to express love when what you’re really feeling is lust, deep like, or infatuation.

deni's avatar

say it when you feel its true. if that happens to be after she says it, then so be it, but if she hasn’t said it yet and you feel like you love her, then just say it.

poofandmook's avatar

I said it after a few weeks, before we dated… and we’ve been saying it ever since lol

CMaz's avatar

@deni has it right.

Say it when you feel it.

ModernEpicurian's avatar

Say it when you have spent an entire day without her, but in your head every single thing you have done has been about her.

Say it when you know that she has to leave you at the end of the day but you wish that you never had to let go.

Say it when every song seems to have something to say about her.

Say it when you know.

beautifulbobby193's avatar

@ModernEpicurian I would actually classify that as an unhealthy obsession and would most likely leave the person for behaving in such a manner.

seeing_red's avatar

Doesn’t matter when you say it as long as you mean it.

ModernEpicurian's avatar

@beautifulbobby193 I love you too ;-)

I was just trying to put forward taht you should say it when you know that the time is right. Don’t worry, I’m not about to be arrested.

beautifulbobby193's avatar

@ModernEpicurian Just having a laugh, no offence intended.

SmellyBoy's avatar

Thanks for the input chums, we’ve been apart for this entire semester as she is studying abroad in Belgium… I will most likely tell her soon after she comes home that I love her, because I have wanted to already, but I want to make sure I feel it, and I want to say it in person. Then if all goes well, we’ll still be going strong in January when we head to Belgium together for semester 2 :D

justme1's avatar

It is only too soon if you don’t mean it yet. Say it when you feel like you love her, that is what I did, he was telling me before we got together he was inlove with me and at the time I would just say I thought of him as a friend for that time being. When I finally admitted that I was inlove with him it was like one of the best moments ever.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

If you’re comfortable you feel love for her beyond infatuation and you believe in going forward in life with her as part of it with you then tell her you love her when you next see her in person. I’ve always felt between (men and women) that the man should declare first.

Zen_Again's avatar

On the first throught ninth dates. After ten dates, within a span of about 3–4 months, it is acceptable. I just made that up.

JONESGH's avatar

Before you mean it.

dogkittycat's avatar

I think you should go ahead and say it first, because she might be afraid to say it because some guys hear the “L” word and freak.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

You could start by saying why you like spending time with her, and what you find attractive about her. Especially if that’s probably more semantically accurate than “love.” Say what you mean.

Corey_D's avatar

Generally I would say you should wait a few months to say it. I didn’t follow that rule with my girlfriend though. I just couldn’t contain it. There is no absolute rule, it depends on the situation.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

Why don’t you say it when she says something that really endears you to her? Instead of taking a breath and blurting it out as she is about to leave your car?

“Oh Smelly Boy….look a the stars….don’t they look like someone pierced the heavens and is holding a torch behind the bowl of sky?”
“Oh, Smelly Girl….what a lovely thought…those are the kinds of things that make me love you so much.”
“You_love_me, Smelly Boy?”
I love you Smelly Girl….come here and let me kiss you.”

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

@hungryhungryhortence…...I lurve you, too….;)

bean's avatar

When you feel it, then you say it!

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