Modern Day Immaculate Conception (NSFW)?

I’ve actually wondered that before. Or if a guy jacks off then fingers a girl.

Sorry, I don’t have an answer. Just wanted to say this question nearly caused me to toss up my lunch, though.

@sliceswiththings Well, with the tub there is a degree of humidity to keep the zygotes alive…they can easily dry up and die on the fingers. I would thus hypothesize that the tub conception is more probably than the jack-off-and-finger episode.

@jmah Sorry, I’m just trying to collect expert testimony for an upcoming court case.

Yes, theoretically it could happen, but the chances are very, very, very slim.

First off, the likelihood of someone taking a body-temperature bath is probably low, so I’m having a hard time getting past that point. Aside from that, some bath water can/does enter the vagina, at least in the lower part (it never gets up near the cervix). Given this and the fact that the semen would be greatly diluted once the bath is full, I would say the likelihood is very low.

Was this question spawned by Glee?

@MissAnthrope But if the girl then masturbates in the bath?

@jackm and @MissAnthrope In answer to this and all future issues of probability, I testify: “It only takes one.”

@sliceswiththings – I fail to see the connection?

I thought that the sperm in semen, once it has left the man’s body, cannot survive unless it is in the vaginal canal. Or something. Is it time for me to retake sex ed?

@MissAnthrope More likelihood of water getting in her vagina.

why don’t you try it out?

@sliceswiththings And moreover, some studies have suggested that the cervix contracts several times during an orgasm and that this could aid in the “uptake” of semen.

@holden Well, since fertility clinics don’t store semen inside of their employees, I would say your theory is debunked.

I have, on occation, shot a load through my bedroom window. It is possible that my (female) masturbating neighbor could have caught a part of that discharge by accident.

But I will deny it in court. :-)

@holden – I believe as long as a temperature constant is maintained, sperm can survive for up to 72 hours. And actually, the vagina is a hostile place for sperm given its lower-than-neutral pH.

@sliceswiththings – From what I understand about the female reproductive system, I would think the effect is minimal. If anything, the swelling of the labia and whatever contractions there might be would help keep water out.

Now filed under weird things I’ve searched for – “Does bathwater enter vagina”, one site put it so eloquently: “The vagina is not a straw.”

I’m remember learning that semen can stay alive in certain liquids, so I suppose it would be plausible.

@ChazMaz But we now have you on record as confessing.

And since you might edit…

ChazMaz wrote: “I have, on occation, shot a load through my bedroom window. It is possible that my (female) masturbating neighbor could have caught a part of that discharge by accident.

But I will deny it in court.”

@MissAnthrope While certainly amusing and memorable, “the vagina is not a straw” is hardly a logical explanation for why bath water would not enter the vagina. I think of it this way: if semen are diluted in the bath water and they then become stuck to the labia, it’s possible for them to swim up the vagina and find the egg.

I have actually heard (not sure where) that one of the problems with the coitus interruptus method is that if the semen lands on the surface of the vaginal opening, pregnancy can still occur by the motility of the semen.

im·mac·u·late adjective
1 : having no stain or blemish
2 : spotlessly clean

‘nuff said

I am boggled as to why you would ejaculate out a window. Nasty.

Okay some women masturbate using the flow of water from the bathtub faucet. That definitely goes in, because a lot of it drips out afterward so I’ve heard…:).

So, if the guy were to ejaculate into the pipes, it couldn’t NOT happen!

http://pregnancy.emedtv.com/preconception/can-you-get-pregnant-without-sex.html

Possible, but just ridiculously unlikely.

Not out a window. Through it.

@ChazMaz I don’t get it!

@timothykinney – I could look up the science behind it, if you insist..

I am glad you admitted to the non scientific nature of your evidence, because it has been scientifically “proven” that the vagina is not a straw, and while some water does enter the vagina during a bath (which I personally can attest to), it does not travel beyond the lower portion, therefore is not a risk factor for uterine and neonatal infection. There is no current evidence that tub bathing after rupture of membranes increases infection risk.

@ChazMaz – What is the difference?

@sliceswiththings I think your sarcasm meter is on the fritz

The window was closed. In the process a round went off in the direction of the window.

Going through the glass across the yard into the neighbors window and landing in her soup.

If the window is open you go out it. If it is closed you go through it.

:-( This was funny. lol

Aha. @MrItty It seems that it is. Still waking up:)

Wow. Even if you’re simply repeating the joke and don’t believe it, that’s not cool or funny.

@MissAnthrope I would challenge you to find any peer-reviewed journal article which provides any data whatsoever that supports the hypothesis that the vagina is not a straw.

That said, I’d like to point out that I do not need to prove that the vagina is a straw to maintain my contention. My contention stands: if the semen and water solution enters even the lower region of the vagina, the motility of the semen can do the rest.

Btw, you are MVP for this discussion (IMO).

@Zen_Again (below) ...but not very convincingly.

<<<Is avoiding this thread.

As far as the bath tub thing, I supposed by a stretch of the imagination, it COULD happen, but I’m 99% sure it’d never work. My vote is no.

@ChazMaz That’s just a very….disturbing visual. LOL

@timothykinney – Awww, thanks. Okay, how about this or this? Same study, but the last one is the official journal article.

@Zen_Again – Obviously not.

I don’t see how it would be possible. You’re saying he masturbates in the shower, is the water running? or is he just standing in there masturbating and leaving his semen in the tub? And then a woman comes in and gets a bath?
Well, I think unless she sits directly on the semen without turning the water on, then it’s impossible. Semen doesn’t float around water looking for a vagina to enter. I’m pretty sure it’d die.

ugh, why am I putting any thought into this? Trying to avoid my exam leads to this.

Haha @casheroo saaaaame. So much more interesting than my actual schoolwork.

It would be something as close to impossible as my brain can handle.

Take amount of sperm in ejaculate (varies from man to man and time of day, etc), determine how many sperm are viable (not all are), dilute in a bathtub full of water, add soap (she is bathing right?), add female who may not be ovulating (3 day window average?), she bathes (not masterbating, which wouldn’t make a difference) which would distribute soap throughout bathwater, sperm take a long time to swim even just through the water let alone up inside the female and into her upper reproductive tract.

And there is question that she could get pregnant?

my brain esploded

Sperm can apparently live outside the body for an hour so it being on a finger then going inside a woman would potentially get her pregnant. More so than this tub scenario.

“so it being on a finger”

Preferably not going into the nose.

@gemiwing I think you’re right. This is all too far-fetched to think it’d take.

@ChazMaz LOLLLLL…again, you made me laugh.

Better yet, the man and woman are racing. They need some one to operate the timer, so they can’t masturbate at the same time. First the woman times the man, then the man times the woman. After the man finishes, the woman offers him a congratulatory high five, which he accepts, thus spreading the semen to her hand. Then it’s her turn. Bam.

you know you think it’s a stupid question but I gotta tell you I had this exact problem when I was 13 – I thought I was pregnant and by my brother’s sperm, no less…I sat on the bathtub floor and I thought there was sperm (I knew he masturbated in the shower and he took the shower before me) and I got up and got freaked out…then I actually told my mom to take me to the gynecologist…I told them I’m pregnant that my period is late…so they gave me a pregnancy test…in the meantime the doctor asked me ‘when was your last sexual intercourse’ and I was like ‘um, never’ and he was like ‘you don’t have to lie to me’ and I was like ” I“m not!” (side note: this was during the Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinski fiasco and that was on tv in the waiting room…) anyway, needless to say I was not pregnant…but to this day I wonder if it’s possible…I’m pretty sure the chances are slim as sperm are killed by exposure to air but hey, who knows…

The odds are stacked against it happening. There probably isn’t enough sperm in the ejaculate residue to get it done. And what little is there would have to survive being exposed to oxygen and bathtub chemicals. The woman would have to be ovulating. Then, that sperm would have to squeeze its way past the labia, through the vaginal canal, through the cervix, and into the uterus and meet up with the ovum. Once fertilized, the egg would have to implant successfully to be a pregnancy.

In older days, people used to re-use bathwater. Is it possible that Joseph spanked the monkey while washing and then Mary went in for sloppy soapy seconds when Joseph was all done?

I’m sure it’s possible, but so incredibly unlikely it’s probably not worth investigating.

A) When you say it’s for a court case and looking for expert testimony… why are you using the internet? You should be talking to a scientist or doctor in person. In the end, if it’s a matter of “who’s the daddy?” it doesn’t matter how it happened. Just do a DNA test on the kid.

B) Sperm are cells. They need a certain temperature to live in, food, and moisture (among some other things). I would say that the longer they are outside the body on that shower floor, the less viable they would be. Once they leave the penis, they have to swim like a bitch to get to the ovary (if they aren’t destroyed by the vaginal canal). The longer they live in an unfavorable environment, the more likely that swimming ability is going to be destroyed, if not the other important aspects of the cell itself.

C) It’s a simple matter of pressure in terms of “does water go up into the vagina.” Water may get into the vaginal canal but it’s not going all the way to the uterus. The cervix is generally tightly closed and if nothing else, think of putting a cup upside down into a tub of water. The air bubble inside keeps water out. If a girl is masturbating in the tub, water might get up into her canal, but it’s certainly not going up into her uterus. That would probably be dangerous anyway.

D) The semen on the finger is a legit way of getting pregnant. It’s much more likely to happen than this bathtub thing. It has lower chances than full intercourse, but it’s still doable. I put it on the same probability as the “pull out” method of getting you pregnant.

E) While it does technically only take 1 sperm to make a baby, it requires a hell of a lot more to get someone pregnant. Getting through the acidic vaginal canal, requires the death of a bunch of sperm to let the others through. Getting pregnant after exposing your vaginal to 1 sperm cell is near impossible. I won’t say it is impossible because we haven’t tried it, but it’s pretty damn near impossible.

F) Women do have a “flow”. The uterus contracts to help the sperm get up into the Fallopian tubes.

G) I have not actually worked in a fertility clinic, but in a science laboratory, if you store the cells in a medium with the proper nutrients and a few other chemicals (including anti-freeze), you can freeze cells and then thaw them later. They will live on as normal cells after that. I would assume the fertility clinic uses something similar to that.

In the end, possible but super incredibly unlikely. The sperm being outside of the vaginal canal to start really really decreases the chances. They would be diluted, they would need to know which way to go (and there are chemical trackers to help that normally, but they are likewise diluted in a tub masturbation), and they’d need to survive long enough to somehow make it to the uterus.

What @Parrappa said.

this thread was hilarious to read…and I have nothing to add

@casheroo “Semen doesn’t float around water looking for a vagina to enter.”

Evolution would seem to state otherwise. I think the sole purpose of semen is to find a vagina to enter and most of the male brain seems to function for this goal.

Romantic, isn’t it?

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I have to say, as stupid as this question is I’m glad I asked it. That was one of the best not-pregnancy stories I’ve ever heard.

@ubersiren “that sperm would have to squeeze its way past the labia”... I’m pretty sure this is not a problem, no matter how…tight…she is.

@Iclamae “they are likewise diluted in a tub masturbation”...Can I quote you on this in the courtroom?

It sure is!

@timothykinney well I didn’t mean it was stupid – but I felt stupid after asking it of myself

Regardless of whether there would be a pregnancy or not, you wouldn’t have an “Immaculate Conception.” It’s a misconception that that was the virginal conception of Jesus when in fact it refers to Anne’s conception of Mary, free of original sin.
But I digress…

It actually takes more than one sperm. The egg has a fairly tough coating that has to be worn down by enzymes from the heads of lots of little sperm before the lucky winner is able to penetrate and fertilize. In your theoretical situation, a lot of the sperm would be deactivated by soap and the rest would be so dilute in the bathwater that not enough would make the journey up the vagina to do the job.

Had to share this little animation demonstrating the process. Woo hoo!

Learning through cartoons!

This reminds me of the urban legend that Allen Iverson is the result of an immaculate conception. According to the legend, which my very intelligent and rational brother swears is true, Allen Iverson’s mom was dancing at a club and happened to be grinding up on a guy. He ejaculated, and she got pregnant and gave birth to a son while still a virgin. He grew up and then sacrificed himself for basketball.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – Best Story Ever.

@Cupcake oh no I have lots more, lol

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – I have a similar story about thinking I had herpes… I could just picture the two of us defending ourselves to our doctors… lol

@timothykinney what the hell kind of courtroom allows internet “testimony”

@Cupcake omg, I had the herpes scare as well – when I was 15 and it was really just a blister from…ahem…too much friction…

Stay out of my shower, or you’ll have one in the oven fer sure! LOL :)