I need a guy's POV - trying to make an old boyfriend miss me?

DRESS. Always. Hands down. Especially if you have a butt.

Also, I tend to miss all my exes. Which is no good.

You can not make anyone feel something. Superficiality is just that…superficiality.

And don’t TRY to make him miss you. If you’re trying it’s always obvious, and if you’re happy and content on your own that’s just as obvious. It has to come natural.

Independent girls are more attractive, especially the one’s I’ve dated. A girl who’s happy with herself has a certain glow – and the guy won’t take it personally that you’re happy without him (or anybody else for that matter). If he does, he’s not worth it.

And a word of advice a friend once gave me, read Emmerson’s Self Reliance. That helps.

Why on earth would you want to do this?

Also, it doesn’t matter what you wear.

Wear a Bumpits®.

@eeveegurl, what exactly are you expecting him to miss about you?

Being eye candy was not enough to stop him from dumping you in the first place. You run the risk of looking too trampy reaffirming the idea that breaking up with you was a good idea. Most secure guys want to know girls who dress like you’re describing, but don’t want to date them. Guys don’t notice what girls wear; you either look wonderful, dumpy or embarrassing to be seen with.

If you want to make him miss you, look happy and have something interesting to say.

Nothing you can say or do can make me miss you. If I miss you, I miss you. I miss what we had, what we did, how I felt. You can’t change something about yourself to make me miss you more. Any change from what you were while we were together would make me miss you less.

Keep in touch. A simple “Hi” or “Hello” now and then.

Otherwise. Ignore.

I think this would have been a better question had it been phrased – “How can I get over my ex-boyfriend?”

The backstory is that we had a good thing going, but with lots of obstacles standing in our way. I guess work got too busy for him (at least that was what I was told) and ended up with him dumping me on my birthday, even though I was visiting him from 7000 miles across the world. Recently found out he’s coming into town, and I’ll have to see him. We’re supposed to be just “friends” (he’s genuinely an interesting person, so I do want to stay friends) but I’m definitely still hung up, and just wanted an opinion on how I should look when I see him again.

Why would you want to be friends with someone who dumped you after you traveled 7000 miles to see them? I would say screw it and not see him. thank god I’m out of the dating scene, I don’t know how you guys do it

Turn on the seduction and really sex it up, certain parts of him will miss you.

@eeveegurl – Wow, there really is nothing new under the sun. That happened to me, too, some years back, but I’d gone 10,000 miles. Except I never saw him again after I flew home. Frankly, in your shoes, for my own peace of mind, I’d be in his presence for absolutely no longer than I had to.

Just be polite and remember – he dumped you. On your birthday. After you traveled 7,000 miles to see him. There is no need to get all nervous and flustered about seeing someone who treated you in such an immature way. Don’t give him that kind of power over you.

mmm… easy!!! you don’t need to be dressed like that… just text him something like “hey how are you! u know, I was watching (a memorable movie that you two watched together) and mademe think of you, hope you are fine :)”
But just out of curiosity, why do you want your ex to miss you??? sorry I just read your longer post Don’t you want to get over him, best you can do, block, delete him from everywhere, the first 3 days are weird, just like when you quit smoking, by the fourth day you will start feeling better, and out of nowhere, he will be out of your system…
I’m going to tell you something, I had someone who used to come once a year to mess up my life after traveling 8000 miles and always wanted to see me because she though that I was a genuinely interesting and good person and that of course I was good for her… like prozac…
One day I decided that it was not good for me, that her presence disturbs me, and by the end of the summer I would feel sad and angry with myself… It’s been three years now and what I do is hide whenever she comes, I know, I’m a coward, but I’d rather be a coward than a sad fool…

You don’t have to see him. Be too busy and unavailable. He needs to look you up if he’s interested, otherwise he needs to be someone in your rearview mirror.

ADD: Make him do the work to maintain the relationship. He dumped you. On your birthday. After you traveled 7,000. Because he was “too busy for you.” Anything else, you might as well wear a green doormat, with the little plastic daisy on it, that says “Welcome”.

@aprilsimnel – I think I’d be all right with myself (and him) if I could just better understand the reasons he chose to dump me when he did, and precisely why he doesn’t think we could work out. It was a completely role reversal, wherein he was the one that pursued me, and wanted me to give up my life to be with him (which I was actually finally prepared to do).

We actually have to work together (I’m doing a hosting gig, and the guy that employed me works with my ex – it’s actually how we met) so I wouldn’t be able to avoid him. I’m hoping that time and cynicism will work its magic on me and I’ll be able to get over the situation soon enough.

Then if it’s a work event, wear expensive, classic tasteful business clothes. If it’s a cocktail party, buy yourself a nice black dress, good shoes. Look elegant. And be too busy with your work hosting duties to spend more than 2 minutes with him.

This all seems kind of damning for no reason. If the girl misses somebody you can’t really help that. Miss away, just don’t let yourself be down in that hole for too long. It’s not healthy (not to mention that 7000 miles thing is pretty questionable).

And there’s nothing wrong with looking fantastic – if anything it’s good for your self esteem. If he notices, thats a good thing as long as that makes YOU feel better. If deep down you know that’s not really what you want him to notice, then don’t plan that much for this.

@eeveegurl, there is absolutely nothing to understand from his end. He is, apparently, no longer interested. That is all that matters right now. Focus on doing your job that night and nothing more. You’ll be all right.

Anything else, like constantly wondering “Why did you dump me?” or dressing or doing anything to get him to reconsider his decision and you’re just going in circles like a hamster. If he’s not over it or feels that he made a hasty decision, then let him show you that on his own. I know you’re not a hamster. Don’t be a sad hamster.

Rumination on what happened will not help you move on. Just focus on emotionally breaking from him in your mind. Ask yourself what you wanted from this that he didn’t share with you and what you want from your next relationship.

You’ll figure out what your part in how things went down later on, ironically after you’re completely over him. And then it will be clearer to you than it would be now, since you’re still enamoured with this guy.

@RedMosquitoMM, we’ve been through this, men and women, and when you let someone have that kind of emotional power over you like that, it just makes you depressed for no good reason. She’s not just missing him, she’s deeply hurt by what happened and we can see it.

We want her to know that she has more agency over her emotions than she thinks she might right now, and that she doesn’t have to do anything to appeal to him any more. She can be civil to him and do her job and start letting go of the worry about how she’ll come across to him. Yup, with him right there, and everything! What he thinks no longer matters.

I’m not a guy, but the most attractive way to get him to miss you is to really be over him (or be as close to being over him as possible) In other words, stop rotating around him…Give yourself a break and do things for yourself, make yourself look nice to feel good. If he broke up with you, chances are you’ll never be able to please HIM, but you can please yourself….
The Holiday’s a good movie. Let me think of another one that matches your situation even more.
I think it’s a good idea to decide that if he didn’t want you (even if it was only once) that you deserve better…(someone who is head over heels over you from the beginning and who is sure of what he’s looking for) definitely don’t try to get in touch. If it happens, be cool,natural, and wary (without showing it) at the same time… And if he does miss you just remember, he might be missing you just because he can’t have you, not because you’re right for each other…Unfortunately, things that we can’t have are attractive even if we don’t want them… (!)

@eeveegurl How did you meet, exactly? Was he visiting from somewhere else, and your employer introduced you?

He might have thought that it would be a cool thing to see if you would fall in love with him and come live with him. Then, when it started actually happening that you might do this, he might have had second thoughts. Before that, it was pretty much all fantasy. But when reality hits, people often change their minds. It’s no longer the chase. It’s actual living together, and making compromises and dealing with someone on a daily basis and maybe even taking care of her, financially (if you didn’t have a job).

Up until then, it was theoretical, and you could have a few meetings, and it would be very intense and the sex would be fantabulous. But faced with the real you, not the fantasy fun you, he may have found he had other feelings. He would never admit to any of this, if it’s true. It would make him look like a player, which he may not necessarily be.

Of course, I’m also making this all up, since I have little to go on, and the facts of your case may be completely different. I doubt if you’ll tell us enough about your relationship for us to really help you understand.

@aprilsimnel – Rationally, I understand all this. It just feels like there’s a part of my brain that just won’t listen to ration, and I can’t make it listen either. I don’t have the privilege/wisdom of experience to go on this, and I think it’d be much easier on myself if I did. And you’re also spot on about me being deeply hurt. I came to realize this about two days after he dumped me, and think that I’d have more control over my emotions if I didn’t feel like he somehow managed to bruise my ego and detract some of me!confidence from myself.

@daloon – I’ve asked him this, and I would’ve respected him 10 times more if he had given that as the reason.

Dress sexy (not slutty) and keep your confidence levels high. Men love independent, confident women. And never try too hard to win him back. Being obsessed is never a turn on. It shows you’re needy. And most importantly, always smile. If you look happy, he’ll start to notice. Most likely it’ll bother him. He secretly doesn’t want you to be happy. Not without him ;)

Am I the only one who’s a little appalled by this question?

I think it all comes down to what did he like the most about you ? your smell your hair your legs ? your eyes ?

hard to give an answer without knowing exactly what it is he misses I know for me it would be the smell and the cuddling I would miss the most

@master_mind413 At first I thought you said “your hairy legs”. Thanks for the unintended laugh.

The best thing you can do is become unavailable. I have a motto. Attraction is unattractive.

Whenever you show any kind of attraction to someone, it is unattractive to them. Why? People want what they cant have.

It’s true. It is the mystery of “why doesnt she care anymore?” That is bothersome to a guy.

The very best thing you can do, is be happy. Ignore him if he calls or texts. The ideal situation, would be for you to like a new guy so much, the next time you see the old one, you keep accidentally calling him the other guys name. I don’t mean do it on purpose, I mean genuinely make the mistake, because guys will hate that.

Oh and no matter what, dont take him back.

@aprilsimnel Well said. We’ve all been there and know how painful it can be. My point is – I believe – exactly what you’re trying to say. Eeveegurl, you should feel empowered here – you have an opportunity to find happiness and confidence independent of someone else even if that is very hard to do. Maybe “He” is worth your concern, maybe he isn’t, but you’re not going to have a clear, accurate, and wise perspective on him and your relationship (or lack there-of) until you focus on your own personal happiness.

Remember, you’re not shooting to forget the past here, but to embrace the present. The future will work itself out.

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1918771

@RedMosquitoMM – Cool! Embrace the present. Exactly.