Social Question

Jude's avatar

For those of you who lived on your own, then moved in with a SO, was it a difficult transition?

Asked by Jude (31980 points ) December 14th, 2009

Did you miss having your space at first? How was it for you in the beginning?

I’ve lived on my own for 6 years. And, I love having my own space. :)

My girlfriend and I are thinking about getting a place together soon. And, I was just wondering how it was for you all. Difficult, or no?

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13 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I have never lived on my own – only when I studied abroad in London – first I lived with my parents, then my first husband moved in with me and my parents – then I moved out to live with my current husband and then we moved back to the house with my parents – so it goes…I live better with my current partner than I did with my ex

Likeradar's avatar

I lived alone for about 5 years before moving in with the boy about 2½ months ago.
Initially, it was actually easier than it is now. The thrill of finally moving in with him made it really easy to give up my space. Now that the initial thrill is gone, things are still great but there are definite moments when I just want to be home alone, and have my own space. There are enough upsides to living with him that it’s not a big deal, but I do try to schedule one night alone every week for my sanity.

Haleth's avatar

I’ve never lived completely on my own before, because I’ve always had roommates, but living with an SO is a lot harder. When you live with roommates, if you feel like being alone you can always retreat to your own room, and if you want to be messy or lazy in there nobody will really bother you. Until I moved in with my ex, I hadn’t shared a room with anybody since I was about five and my sister was four. It’s hard to be an adult and share your space with another person. A lot of people like living together and it works for them, so this is just my experience. Before we lived together, we saw a lot of each other anyway, just because we wanted to be together. Afterward, it was like we were forced to be together all the time, and I always wanted more space but couldn’t get any. It was also hard having to deal with finances together, instead of as two separate people. My ex was out of a job for a while, so I was paying the rent for both of us, which made things really strained. So you should make sure that you’re on the same page when it comes to things like that, because I believe finances are what cause most couples to break up.

Jude's avatar

Great answers! Thanks, guys.

Anon_Jihad's avatar

I’m very apathetic to certain things, I like my personal space as in my bubble, but I’m fine with sleeping on the couch and changing in the bathroom and have very few possessions to need a room for. They’re nice, and I’d prefer my own space, but I’m not at loss sharing with anyone.

But after moving out of my dads and living on my own for about a year and then jumping right into living with my girlfriend pretty much on day one due to her moving out of her ex’s I was a bit shocked. What bothered me the most was sleeping. It was strange sharing a sleeping place with someone, and my lack of intimacy in this regard as I preferred to be curled in the fetal position away from her bothered her, and her insistence that I try to get used to cuddling and snoozing made me a bit irate as I was comfortable sleeping my way and that’s how I slept, it bothered me that she came into my space and tried changing what little I needed to be happy in my space.

But other than that one detail I was fine with everything else and the transition was almost flawless, it’s not like I needed to masturbate any more.

Jude's avatar

@Anon_Jihad Ha! Thank-you!

lovemypits86's avatar

i was on my own for a long time and then i got married and it all changed and i didn’t relize how selfish i was. i miss doing what i want and saying what i want and not having to worry if my husband would be upset by it or bieng able to sleep in the bed the way i wanted to. it’s just small things like that that i miss. but my husband deployed for 3 to 6 months at a time so it doesn’t bother me that much.

lonelydragon's avatar

Cohabitation has its advantages and disadvantages. On one hand, the companionship aspect is great. Knowing that someone will miss you if you don’t come home on time is a comforting feeling. But my SO and I also had our fair share of friction because we each had different ways of doing things (i.e. housework). Make sure that you and your SO discuss your expectations for living together ahead of time. And don’t make the leap unless both of you are willing to compromise on issues.

Haleth's avatar

@Anon_Jihad I know what you mean! Cuddling is really uncomfortable. I hate when someone falls asleep with their arms around me, because it’s hot, I can’t toss and turn, and arms make really bad pillows. What’s wrong with cuddling for just a few minutes, and then falling asleep in a normal position? I feel most comfortable sleeping flat on my back with a lot of space.

Anon_Jihad's avatar

@Haleth I’m alright with cuddling, hell I love it, in fact I enjoy a night of cuddling together almost as much as sex, sometimes more, it’s more sensitive or something? Maybe I have an odd testosterone count? Either way, I do. But when it comes to sleeping, I sleep, and there is only really one way I find myself able to sleep. Please don’t ask me to stay up all night for your enjoyment.

Jude's avatar

My girl is like a space heater. She snuggles into me, and after awhile I overheat. We tend to sleep with the window open, even in the winter, but, still, it’s way too hot and can be uncomfortable. We tend to fall asleep cuddling and then I move over to my side of the bed.

@lonelydragon Thanks for you response. We definitely have a few things to work out before making the move. And. I know damn well that I’ll miss having that bit of space. Ah, well..

YCLYHO's avatar

Great question! i live alone – wll kind of, i just got myself two pups, and work full time so as you can imagine its all very hard work lols. I would find it very daunting to move in or have someone move in with me – how do i cope with the toilet seat up? how do i cope with clothes on the floor instead of in the laundry basket – ofcourse, if i do these things i dont notice…...............no but seriously, i guess if i was to meet someone i really liked, it would be great fun :)

aprilsimnel's avatar

Oh, heavens, yes. I’ve done this twice in my life. The first wasn’t too bad, adjustment-wise, but the second! Let’s just say I had to let go a lot about levels of cleanliness until I knew I was leaving him. I’d sit down with him and explain that I didn’t want to pick up his clothes; he’d literally strip out of his work clothes in the living room and drop them on the floor, not to be picked up unless I did it or he wanted to wear them again. I didn’t want to have to clean up blobs of toothpaste in the sink, or his razor shavings or wet towels on the bathroom floor. He’d just blink at me like I was from Mars.

It got so that I didn’t want to invite my friends to our flat, he was such a mess. We didn’t live together or date for long. By the end, I was calling his mom. She was the only one willing to clean up after him. So I let him go back to her.

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