General Question

PartyAnimal's avatar

Am I depressed or does life just suck?

Asked by PartyAnimal (74 points ) December 20th, 2009

Let me tell you how I see life and then you can tell me if it’s because I’m depressed and not seeing things right or just because that’s how it is and we have to deal with it until we die.

I have to work in a job I hate just to pay the bills and buy food and then spend the rest of my time eating, going to the toilet and clicking and typing at my computer. I will do this every day until I die except for various random events in between like parties, snowstorms and getting sick.

Does that sound good?

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72 Answers

delta214's avatar

life sucks then you die. : /

dpworkin's avatar

You are depressed, and life sucks.

pjanaway's avatar

No idea mate, I’m in an ultra happy mood for once today, probably the cider I’m drinking right now. LOL

Pandora's avatar

Life is what you make of it. So you are depressed.

PartyAnimal's avatar

@pdworkin Maybe I’m just unhappy because I’m seeing things the way they are?

Dog's avatar

No exercise? No outdoors? I would be depressed too.

How do you get your endorphins going? Try getting out into nature and the sun. It always works for me when I feel like you do right now.

Jack79's avatar

parties, snowstorms and getting sick? Well, that’s slightly better than most people’s life.

But yes, I know what you mean and I was once at that dead end. Millions of people lead such meaningless lives, working to survive and surviving to work. And then they grow old and die. With nothing to look forward to. No wonder you’re depressed.

But still, there is always hope. I know that maybe it’s not good enough for you right now, but the odd snowstorm could keep you busy for weeks, and you could always look forward to the next party, or that colleague you’re in love with, or find out that one of your kids got into university. There are always little joys in every life, even for people on death row or serving a life sentence, even for beggars, alcoholics, terminally ill. There is always something to look forward to, however small, and things always get better (or worse), even if it’s only relative.

PartyAnimal's avatar

@Jack79 “Things always get better or worse” I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Jacket's avatar

Oh, man, there is so much beauty in this world. Find it. It is just beyond a corner. But I guess you will believe it first when it happens.

PartyAnimal's avatar

@Dog Yeah, I should go outside more.

Axemusica's avatar

Wow. No uplifting speeches?

Look, I just went through a hell of a time during the month of my birthday and I’m not looking forward to being Alone for Xmas, but you gotta look at the better things in life. Just because things in life usually go horribly wrong and some times it could eventually get worse, but at least that little cutie at that party talked to you. Or when you get time of off work to relax. I say, not to think about the redundancies of life and try and look for the finer points. Like, “I could make myself a good meal tonight and maybe catch an hour or two on a video game.” Things don’t always have to suck, but I can’t say that sometimes they do. You’ll feel better soon and when you do, just try and hold on to that feeling, because it’ll help you through the rough parts of the road laid out before you.

Blondesjon's avatar

Welcome to adulthood.

J0E's avatar

You’re depressed which in turn makes you think life sucks.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

@PartyAnimal, before I answer, just out of curiosity, how old are you?

PartyAnimal's avatar

@Axemusica “Or when get time of off work to relax.” Feels like parole. Time off for good behavior.

I guess I’m not appreciating the little things that you appreciate at the moment. It’s good to be reminded of that. A few months ago that wasn’t the case but it is now.

Fyrius's avatar

Tell us about a few things you like about your life.
Don’t pretend there’s no such thing. Take your time to come up with something.

Blondesjon's avatar

@J0E . . . I don’t know about that. I’m a pretty happy guy but I also know that life tends to suck quite a bit.

jamielynn2328's avatar

I’m sorry that you feel this way, but wallowing around in it won’t make it any better. You need a good hobby. You need to fill your spare times with things that make you happy and smile. There are so many experiences out there, find one you feel great about. Life IS what you make of it, and with your mind frame, it will probably suck forever.

Axemusica's avatar

@PartyAnimal Catch a cup of coffee at a nice place to read a book? You could even hit up the bar and talk to the old dudes eat’n their hot wings next to you about what ever. They usually have stories that could brighten your spirits. In life there are obligations, it’s part of life. Just understand that when things that need to be done are over, it’s an open market. It’s as easy as just walking in the park and appreciating the beauty of it.

J0E's avatar

@Blondesjon True, but being depressed makes you realize it even more.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

First of all, examine your choices. You don’t have to work at a job you hate. That is, unless you hate everything, in which case you are definitely depressed, without question.

There’s so much work that needs to be done in this world. Surely there’s something you enjoy? Find that thing, and make a career around it.

Yeah, okay, you have to do some minimum maintenance for the body, including providing it with shelter, food, basic maintenance, etc. And that costs money, so of course you have to pay the bills. Is it really that bad to have to do that? (This is where I begin to suspect that it’s maybe more than just your un-optimum choice of employment that’s got you down: you may be depressed if this is all that you can see of life after you get out of the job you don’t like.)

If ‘clicking and typing at the computer’ is so boring, then find something else to do with your free time, too. I enjoy the hell out of clicking and typing at the computer—I try not to publicize this at work too much but… I enjoy doing database development work as a hobby at home, which I turn in at work and for which I’m paid more than I should be. (And that lets me fluther at work, which is a nice byproduct.)

Yeah, I think you suffer from some mild depression, and you should probably see about getting that handled. Maybe a vacation and a change of employment would help, but… I think you’re talking about some fundamental ‘self’ issues here.

Dog's avatar

The holidays do not make things better either (referring to @Blondesjon )

But if we carve out some time away from it all- taking a hike or going to the lake, beach, stream, pond it helps negate the crap.

PartyAnimal's avatar

@Fyrius I’m having a hard time answering your question. Seriously.

Fyrius's avatar

@PartyAnimal
Mull it over for a few days.

higherground's avatar

Life might deal you a bad set of cards but it is your responsibility to treat yourself better .

You are not alone .

PartyAnimal's avatar

@Axemusica I like how you focus on the small pleasures – like talking to the old guys eating hot wings. I think my head has been really stuck on this big idea – “what’s it all for?” – and I’ve been forgetting about these small pleasures. Thanks for reminding me of those. I could pay more attention to that stuff although lately I don’t get as much pleasure even from those small things as I used to. Everything kind of feels like a drag.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Somewhere, around 25 to 30, it begins to hit you that life is not going to rush up to make things happen for you; you have to put in the work. You don’t just get to be; you have to put effort into becoming. If you’re working a job that you hate, you can either put effort into changing the job and your options, finding a new job, going back to school and changing your possibilities, or accepting the fact that your real life lies outside or work, and making that more robust and rewarding.

Life is like a quilt, made up of small pieces of people and experiences. Some things happen to you, other things you choose, and make happen for yourself. Whether you sit still or do try different things, time still passes.

PartyAnimal's avatar

@jamielynn2328 “Life IS what you make of it, and with your mind frame, it will probably suck forever.” That’s what worries me.

Tomfafa's avatar

Holy sh*t… I enjoy the things that make you depressed! I am really sick! I like to eat, the computer and even go to the bathroom… I love the parties, the snowstorms and when I get sick everybody fawns over me.
......
I am going to make a real effort to hate my life… I promise!

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

Just because you are depressed doesn’t mean that life doesn’t suck. It gets worse when your sole reason for existance is removed.

Dog's avatar

You know… to find some meaning in life you could help someone else. It does not have to be time consuming or costly. Here are some suggestions:

Visit a senior center and hand out a rose to every lady you see- I have done this and you would be amazed at the way a placid face becomes full of joy.

Help at the local animal shelter

Use your area of expertise to help someone on Fluther with a problem.

Find a way to do a random act of kindness when an opportunity arises. Watch for it.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@Tomfafa, I agree with you on everything but the ‘sick’ part. Not that I wish it on anyone (most anyone), but I’d rather be the caregiver and fawner than be the fawnee. I even like going to work. Mostly.

PartyAnimal's avatar

@CyanoticWasp “I think you’re talking about some fundamental ‘self’ issues here.” If so, I have only a small idea of what they might be. I’m quite a stubborn, rigid person, definitely not the life of the party sort, as you might have guessed. I’m the last person to suggest something “fun” to do that involves “going out”. So there’s kind of a sameness to what I do – my experience – because I don’t put myself into adventurous or challenging situations much – they cause me anxiety. So my life ends up feeling kind of bland. I’m not sure if that’s what you mean by “fundamental self issues” but that’s my guess.

pouncey's avatar

People makes life suck not just life in general. I was depressed because everyone was so mean to me I thought i was worthless and wanted to kill myself for a long time. like 7 years and I didn’t do anything. People are just a bunch of superficial idiots and they have nothing better to do. I hate people.

Blondesjon's avatar

Get a pet. It has been shown to have a positive impact in cases of mild depression.

and they don’t judge you. . .ever

@pouncey . . . fluther loves you and we’re not people. we’re a collective.

Tomfafa's avatar

And BTW… with a tag like party animal… I just became suspicious of your Q.

PartyAnimal's avatar

@Blondesjon That’s actually a good idea. I’ve always thought I would enjoy having a dog but wasn’t sure I would be a responsible owner. I’m still not sure. But at least a dog can tell you when it needs something.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@pouncey You can hate people in general and still find a reason to live. Sometimes you have to look for that reason day by day. I have to look hard for that reason, too. Most days life is just barely acceptable. Look for that thread to hang onto, maybe things will get better, maybe not. Taking yourself out removes all other options though.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@Dog, yeah. I like that. If a middle-class young man with a job and an income and ability to pay bills thinks that life sucks, nothing can help to change perspective quicker than to see someone for whom one or more (maybe all) of these things is missing—if you allow your perspective to be changed by that, anyway. (For some it may just confirm that ‘life sucks, see? there’s the proof’.)

@PartyAnimal, thanks for your response. I understand the ‘anxiety’ thing perfectly. I’m kind of a stick-in-the-mud, too. I work—with the same people every day—then come home and click on the computer. (I spend the day at work on the computer, too.) But the difference is that I enjoy the hell out of all this. I’m not any kind of party guy, but I do enjoy meeting people—I like to talk to strangers at the grocery store to challenge my anxiety. And you know what? There’s nothing to be anxious about in that regard.

I would really suggest that you break out of your routine in some way that barely involves you. Go to the beach on a winter day by yourself. Definitely look into volunteering: at a senior center you can play cards and checkers with someone and totally make their day. Work at a food pantry, soup kitchen or Habitat for Humanity. Use your hands more. Make a difference in someone else’s life and watch the change that makes—all for the better—in your own life.

Turn off the computer now, go outside and do something for someone else, just because you can. (You could start by coming over to my house and finishing shoveling the front walk; I just gave out and gave up there.)

PartyAnimal's avatar

@PandoraBoxx I think you hit on something. I’m basically pretty lazy. I’ll show up to the party as long as there’s going to be some nice food on the table. But I don’t want to have to work hard to throw a good party of my own. Or to get away from the party metaphor, I don’t know if whatever changes I could make would be worth the effort. @Axemusica made a point about paying atttention to small things. But my feelinig at the moment is that overall things seem kind of pointless so those small things are just trivial. Same thing with your point about getting off your butt and putting in some elbow grease to make the kind of life you want. Maybe I would do this if I knew what kind of life would make me happy. I just think there’s this myth about changing your life – like an interiror designer – and thinking that this new environment you create is going to work better. My feeling is, unless you can be happy with whatever environment you’re in, then you’re not going to be. Maybe that’s just a justification for my laziness, I don’t know, but that’s what I believe. We gotta make do with what we got because it’s all basically the same – some people like to have some icing on the cake (a nice car, nice house) and others are ok living in a shack.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@PartyAnimal, one thing I wanted to add after I reviewed your earlier response: You won’t often find “fun” when you’re looking for it. It’s very paradoxical. I seldom have “fun” when I go to parties. I have a lot more fun fixing someone’s spreadsheet, suggesting a way to do work easier, cheaper, quicker, more efficiently, helping a stranded motorist… whatever. Don’t look for “fun”, look for a way to be useful and after the fact admit to yourself how much fun you had.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Small efforts>new habits>confidence>bigger effort>more confidence>happier.

Seriously, get a dog. The people that own dogs are usually into them, and love talking about them. You have the whole conversation/research around what kind of dog to own. Then there’s the whole train the dog thing, which is a project that must be mastered in order to peacefully coexist with the dog. People love to talk about training dogs, and there’s even tv shows about it. Once you train the dog, you walk the dog. People talk to people who walk dogs, and when people talk to you, you develop a better sense of community, and get to know new people. And the dog is always thrilled to death to see you when you walk in the door after work.

PartyAnimal's avatar

@PandoraBoxx Makes sense.

Yes having a dog would involve quite a lot of changes now that you point that out.

PartyAnimal's avatar

@CyanoticWasp “I would really suggest that you break out of your routine in some way that barely involves you.” I think even without helping others, this idea of breaking out of a routine is a good idea. Definitely applies to me. Thanks.

Yeah, I’ll be right over :)

sliceswiththings's avatar

Why not try to find something to do other than work, going to the toilet, and typing on the computer? Find a hobby! You can read books, do crossowords, play guitar, and so much more while on the toilet!

janbb's avatar

Sometimes life sucks and sometimes life’s just great! When you’re depressed, you think it’s always going to suck. As others have said, the thing is to find a way to break out of the cycle through exercise, a different routine, etc. Failing that, there’s therapay and medication if necessary. But recognizing the depression is a good beginning.

HungryGuy's avatar

@PartyAnimal – You get invited to parties?!?! W00t!

janbb's avatar

Combining this with your other question and following on what @HungryGuy said, maybe there’s someone from that party that would be worth hanging out with? I find one of the things that helps me the most with depression is talking to my close friends. It’s worth trying to cultivate some if you don’t have any.

nebule's avatar

Yes..I am depressed too….life doesn’t suck sometimes…but I don’t know how to see that right now… pfft…I feel the monotony

gailcalled's avatar

@lynneblundell: After that stellar success on your exams? Your Fluther family is thrilled for you, you do know.

nebule's avatar

yes I do thank you x

veronasgirl's avatar

You could be depressed, but depression has many symptoms and the only person qualified to tell you if you are depressed is your doctor. You hate your job obviously, but that does not necessarily mean you are depressed. As a person who has been diagnosed with Depression I can tell you that your outlook of the world wouldn’t be too optimistic. But the biggest thing with depression is that you avoid or lose interest in the things and people you used to love the most. I think that is the biggest sign.
So if you really think you have a problem, I would start by going to webmd.com and taking their depression test, then if you need to, I would see your doctor.
If you don’t believe you are depressed and you can’t change your job situation, change other things. When you aren’t at work, spend that time doing the things or being with the people that you love. Getting more exercise would help also. You need to fill your life with things that make you happy, then your life will be worth living.
I wish you luck, and I hope you can help yourself out of this rut.

Tomfafa's avatar

@veronasgirl By veronasgirl… do you mean juliette?

veronasgirl's avatar

@Tomfafa, your the first person to ask me that. It is a reference to Juliet, and also to Italy as a whole.

gailcalled's avatar

Whew; I thought you were going to say the nurse.

galileogirl's avatar

@PartyAnimal Interesting user name for a person with your attitude. Life is what you make it. If you settle for a sucky job and sit around complaining about how sucky your life is, then your experience will be sucky.

If on the other hand if you get up off your ass (and I suspect put down the weed) get out and do something positive to change your existence at the very least the view will be different and probably better.

SirGoofy's avatar

Sounds to me like you just haven’t found your “thing”. Of course, you’d have to be looking to find out what your “thing” is. I think everybody has hidden talents, but you just have to decide how to search yourself and find them. I’d been working for others “as an employee”, then one day I just walked out the door, said to hell with all this making other people wealthy from my efforts. I found my true thing and now I do that thing every day. Yes, life can suck…and blow, too. Jump out of your present skin, chuck all the crap you don’t like and start over.

Facade's avatar

Probably both.

Tomfafa's avatar

@veronasgirl I spent a few days in verona… riding around on a vespa scooter… looking for your balcony, I mean juliets’. I had a great time in the allyways and the pasticcerias… I love italy! ... and I love italian cars!

HungryGuy's avatar

@PartyAnimal – Y’know, jobs suck. That’s a fact of life. You gotta pay the rent and eat. Unless you win the lottery, we’re all in that predicament, unless you haven’t noticed. Few of us have the luxury to choose what company we work for and do what we want to do. Most of us have to spam every company in creation with our resume until someone, finally, calls us in for an interview and, possibly, offers us a job. Unless you’re an executive with a golden parachute who can pick and choose what company they work for, you gotta take whatever job you can get. That’s just the way it is.

So, to answer your question, what you gotta do is make the most of your time outside of your job. Parties are always a good choice :-)

flameboi's avatar

you are depressed, have a soda w/oreos what you need is some sugar… life does not suck, you just make poor decisions and then you live with the outcome

YARNLADY's avatar

You don’t really have to work at a job you don’t like or buy food or pay rent. If you don’t like it, don’t do it. There are thousands of people in this country who do none of those things.

HungryGuy's avatar

@YARNLADY – Ah, but do they live well? Or in poverty?

YARNLADY's avatar

@HungryGuy Depends on where they go. I have read a lot of people are quite satisfied with the life they have. We have hundreds of people who grow food in the community garden, fish in the lakes and rivers, hunt in the near-by forests, and sleep under the bushes or in tents. They have no bills to pay, and no responsibilities to anyone else but themselves.

One example is my adult grandson, who quit the job he didn’t like and now is my “live-in” and does odd jobs. He doesn’t pay rent or buy food and he only does the work he wants to do. He stays up all night playing computer games, sleeps until midday, and then helps me around the house and yard.

I’ve had many live-ins over the years who earn room and board for work. It is a time honored arrangement.

veronasgirl's avatar

@Tomfafa I completely agree, Italy is the most amazing place. I hope I can return someday, one visit is simply not enough, you would need a lifetime to fully appreciate it’s beauty and opportunities.

loser's avatar

Well, now at least I know I’m not alone…

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Whether or not you meet the diagnostic criteria for Depression, it would seem a good idea to seek a qualified therapist e.g. a clinical Psychologist or a licensed Master of Social Work. Either can help you evaluate where you are at and what you need to do to get closer to where you want to be. If necessary, either can make a referral to any other help you may need.

The worst thing you can do is to do nothing and stay discouraged, miserable and hurting.
Nothing will change until you take some action and seek out some qualified help. Get going, you can have a more satisfying life!

Thedrumms's avatar

Well I don’t know how old this thread is, but disregard that. This is to you party animal if you still follow, this to any one else who is bummed about life as I am some times. A helpful hint. There is a video on YouTube called Where the Hell is Matt, it is a great pick me up after a day at work thinking there is no good left in the world. This video touches my heart and when I watch it gives me hope that the world is not full of suck. Also I know the tittle could sound as if it is a little off from an inspiring video, but trust me it does wonders.

Tomfafa's avatar

Life does suck… so what? There are so many great philosophers whose sayings fit here but I ride with an outlaw club and they have a saying… ‘DO YOU!’ Damn if I know what it means but it sounds good right here.

nebule's avatar

@Tomfafa nice to see you around!

gailcalled's avatar

I am sorry that you are so droopy. Try to find a more agreeable job and try to determine whether you could do with a little therapy.

Remember that if life were fair, you’d be living in Kandahar and eating garbage. This is an easy country in which to get depressed, isn’t it?

You have a job, you can pay your bills, you have food, indoor plumbing, you own a computer and can afford the power, you go to parties and you enjoy the snow. That’s a pretty good foundation for a modicum of contentment. If you’re really down, find a solution. They are available.

Tomfafa's avatar

@nebule nice to be seen… maybe I remember you under a different tag? It seems to be on the edge of my mind… I’ll keep searching.

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