How do I learn to let go of finding love?

Try to concentrate on your career or something? It’s very cliche and I hate saying them, but you can’t really ‘look’ for love, it’s going to come to you when it happens. Besides….men can tell when women act really desperate like that, and it turns us off. I use to be in that position as well, but I realized that women will always be there, if I take time off to do what I want, I can still jump back into the dating pool. And you may just find someone while you’re off by yourself, going to college or something, or at work etc.

Sounds like you have some codependency issues and they are very treatable. Find a good therapist and get to work. There are loads of great self-help books as well.

I used to have the same feelings- there is hope and you can eventually be happy without needing someone else.

Trying too hard seems to be the problem. Stop tyring so hard, start with not trying to change this basic part of yourself. Use some relaxation techniques. Spend the energy you use hunting the next big romance on something else.

Yes! But how do you keep your mind off of it? It seems like everywhere I go someone is happy because they get to hold someone’s hand or they get to just lay in the crook of their special someone’s arm. I know I want that but right now I’m at a stage in my life that I know I need to be able to content with being single and just letting things go.

I cannot help it. I am a big craver for love. I spend my sundays watching those classic black and white movies with James Stewart or Fred Astaire et cetera et cetera. They fill your heads with these timeless ideas and you (you being me) just want that so much for yourself.

But I do not wish to stop watching these movies because they have kind of become a part of me. I like to reference to them frequently :)

Do you know any good relaxing techniques? I was thinking yoga. I tried running but when it gets cold out side I find I never want to go!

“How do I learn to let go of finding love?”

Find a hobby.

Before I answer I’d like to know how old the asker is. I don’t think it’s the same for a 19 year old as it is for a 39 year old.

You say not for any specific reason, but I think it might be worthwhile to figure out what the reason really is.

I have never felt as you do. When I don’t have a boyfriend (I have been married for years, but going back in time) I never felt like I wanted a boyfriend, or was searching for love. I love being in a good relationship, but am fine alone also.

Just how you worded it, searching for love. Searching for someone who will love you, want to be with you, spend time with you? Can’t you get some of that from friends? Also, I am not sure how old you are, but if you are younger it is very common to not feel comfortable doing things alone, like seeing a movie, travel, eating out, etc. This usually comes with age.

Maybe you can focus on the goods thing of not having an SO, like not having to compromise, watching whatever you want on TV, having plenty of time for friends. The irony is the more esteem you gain from being happy with yourself alone, and the more self-assured you are, the more likely you will attract someone.

Lurve will find a way…

It would help to treat yourself the way you would want a lover to treat you.

Take yourself out to dinner and a movie. Hug yourself often. Be positive and say all the positive things to yourself about yourself that you would expect a lover to say, like, “I think you’re wonderful, honey!” I know it sounds corny, but after all, you are the only person who’s going to be there for you for the rest of your life, so you may as well love yourself.

I feel for you. I am right with you. It is not easy.
No one wants to be alone.

Sometimes it is a right of passage. Sometimes we need to go into the desert alone.
Like I said, find a hobby.
Make sure it is a social hobby. Myself, I fly R/C aircraft. I find myself shooting the shit more often then I am flying my helicopter.

Ok, not a great place to find women. But that is the point.
It keeps your mind occupied, and keeps you connected with the outside world. You might even have fun. :-)

Then you never know, and you will find yourself not giving it much thought.
That is usually when people start to fall out of the sky.

This sounds exactly like my great aunt. she never married and she never had a male companion. i cannot imagine how lonely her life must have been. i remember how dull and dreary her life was. she would only wear black and dark grey clothing. it was if she was just a zombie on earth, wondering around with no specific purpose. she finally passed away and she had a beautiful casket with many friends that came to pay their respects. i feel sorry for you. only you can make a change in your life. try this: look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, what am i doing wrong with my life? if the answer hits you, then make those changes. its like being baptized in church. the hardest step is that first step, to take and walk down the aisle.

You need to like yourself enough that you are all that you need for happiness. It all starts with your self-esteem. if you have it, you will not be spending your time thinking about couples you see on the sidewalk having an elusive happiness that you cannot have.

A therapist is your best bet for working through these issues.

If you want to do some work on your own, start with the book Self-Parenting.

Study the Four Noble Truths and understand your unwillingness to let go of your attachments to your desires is the source of your suffering. Suffering? Yes, suffering. For it is the desire to love or be loved that you are really talking about. Or could you be mistaking being alone for being lonely? Regardless, these are desires you have an attachment to. Break your attachments to your desires and be free from suffering. Unfortunately, for most, they’d rather hang on to their attachments.

When you find that remedy, please share. It’s hard at any age.

One must have some desires in order to be in harmony with himself. (as said by Plato in his Republic) granted that ones desires should not control ones decisions. There is nothing wrong with desiring love for everyone needs a little love in their life in order to be happy. This ‘love’ can take many forms and not just with your ‘companion’. Humans are given the capability to have strong emotions and love is one of them. We do not act on animal instinct or because we have to. We can love.

I agree with all of you that have said to find something to take my mind off of it and to learn to be oneself and not worry about the factors of love. A new question I would ask, what kind of activities would you do to distract yourself? Basic ideas, something simple that you can do on an everyday basis.

How does one like who they are?

Isn’t everyone their worst critic? I find myself looking for all the faults I have, blaming myself for anything that goes wrong in my misfortune. Whether it be from harassment or the losing of a boyfriend to who knows what. I am unsure of how to phrase this but, how can anyone like who they are after years and years of being the one who has been the brunt end of any ‘bully’s’ torment or the years and years of being left behind as loved ones go off and do other things? You blame yourself and are thus always looking for love, someone who can care for you. Right?